My Fairy
by Themulchmeister
Summary: Season 3 Summary: It's now been seven years(ish) since the Tenrou Tragedy and Benny is in worse shape than ever. No longer a member of Fairy Tail, he spends his days decaying in the Blue Pegasus guild whilst everyone else works their butts off and earns an honest Jewel. But when the Rune Knights come knocking, it seems Benny's past deeds (or misdeeds) are about to catch up to him.
1. Unfortunate Beginnings

On the 18th February X784, one madman decided to encroach himself upon the universe of Fairy Tail. Let it be known that the following events depicted in this story are (unfortunately) fiction only but (hopefully) quite hilarious. The characters, places and arcs of Fairy Tail are not owned by this madman either but he does own himself and his OC...And maybe a few other places and names not otherwise mentioned in the original canon...

So yes, it's an OC fic, but please do stay and give it a chance, you might have a laugh or even a cry I don't know your individual temperaments so I'll leave it up to you. I hope I can make it a long series depending on popularity and such so let's see how far I can take this one. Bon Appetite and enjoy the first chapter of my Fairy Tail OC-fic.

**~My Fairy~**

Unfortunate Beginnings

Ah...Magnolia...

The scenery is even better than the brochure. I can't believe I finally took the plunge and moved here! Now I can hopefully set myself up with a nice career and find a beautiful-

I'm in the middle of a hold-up...

"NOBODY DO ANYTHING FUNNY!" A bunch of banana shaped nose thugs are holding hand-shaped rifles at our heads. I probably would have laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of this image before my eyes but I'm really not sure what those things might shoot out – and I'd rather not try and find out.

"KYAH!" One woman is lifted roughly by one of the robbers.

"Alright give us all your jewel now or she gets it." One of the ugly robbers barks out to the rest of us.

I scan my eyes across the crowd of terrified citizens. It's clear that these guys mean (monkey) business. I heard rumours that a famous wizard guild resides within this town. Maybe they will come and save us.

No...I can't simply wait for others to hopefully come. Besides Wizards? I mean sure I've done some Googling about the uses of Magic around this place but a Wizard is supposed to be an old man with a beard rolling down his legs like a long carpet and a huge wooden staff to shoot lighting and other epic stuff out.

Good thing I have a special talent of my own.

Oh yeah...Did I forget to mention. I can use magic too. Yeah I'm totally gonna mess up these thugs – you watch!

"UNHAND THAT GIRL YOU VILE FIENDS!" I thrust my arm forward as I make a heroic pose with my foot forward and my hips leaning to one side.

"Get a load of this guy!" A bunch of the snot-nosed morons snigger amongst themselves. "So you wanna be a hero pal? Go ahead and see what happens to idiots who mess with us from the Bananaramafrittatahata Dark Guild! HAHAHA!"

Yeah, I'll show you guys. Just wait and see...You'll be shitting bricks when I'm done with you. "No one has ever lived after I've used this power...Perhaps if you repent now, I'll offer you my mercy."

"Tch. This guy's clearly bananas" One of the monkey-men whispered to another.

"Please don't do it young man." An older man from the town tugs the hem of my jeans. "These guys are from the Bananaramafrittatahata Dark Guild – it's not worth fighting these dangerous people!"

"Heh! Don't worry Gramps, I'll get rid of these pricks!" I gave the old man a thumbs up and a cheesy grin with extra sheen.

"Well go on boy! Show us what you're 'deadly power' is..." The Bananaramafrittatahatians start jumping up and down howling like crazy – oh well you get the picture.

"Yeah give us your worst!"

"GO ON!"

"Hurry up you loser!"

I curl my fingers and breath out slowly as I focus in my warrior stance. "Alright guys, you asked for it, prepare to enter a world of pain..."

The air slows to a halt as time slows to a tense strain. A falling leaf cuts our vision as I pounce on my prey. They won't even see me coming! The leaf cuts in half as I dash past, I can see the hope and anticipation rising in the hostages faces. They're relying on me...I can save them and receive medals and accolades for my efforts...

/?/?/?/

"_So how were you feeling at that point" The horde of reporters crowd around the stage as bright camera flashes assault my eyes._

"_Well you see..." I maintain an air of confidence as I rib the tips of my fingers together. "Obviously I was quite annoyed that these men were ruining my day. I had to wait an extra ten minutes before I could find a place to have coffee."_

"_HAHAHAHA! That's so hilarious, you should do stand-up"_

"_I know eh? Well I better go back out onto the streets and fight for justice and such."_

"_YAY!" The journos begin chatting amongst themselves with huge flapping grins. "We can always rely on that man!"_

/?/?/?/

"HAHHHHH!" Their faces have hardly any time to react as I am about to unleash my fatal technique on these weaklings.

The energy builds up in my hands as I can no longer hold the burning fury dwelling inside of me, I must release – I must destroy...

"TAKE THIS!"

…

…

…

"What was that?" One of the men turns to the other.

"Yeah it felt like he might have scratched me or something." The other one says quite confused.

"Ow I think he might have left marks on me." One of the Bananaramafittatahatians looks down at the four diagonal scars lining his chest.

"Is it bleeding?" One of the men asks him.

"Um...NO I don't think so."

My whole body loses colour as my jaw drops. They were completely unaffected by my special ability...

...My ability to sharpen my fingernails at will that is...

"UNGH!" I feel a hard whack from the butt end (or possibly elbow) of one the rifles as my face grinds against the hard ground.

Crap.

"If that's all, then I think we'll take your life first now buddy!" The lead gang member lifts me by the hair as he inserts the barrel (well finger) of the rifle into my mouth.

Tears suddenly sting the corner of my eyes as I finally come to the realisation. I'm actually gonna die. I always thought I was gonna die holding down my pee in one of those water drinking contests, but this was not how I planned my end.

I really would like to live. Come on God, Buddha, Shiva, Allah (err well maybe not that one)! Can't you give a guy a second chance? I would have loved to at least seen a few things around here for a while, maybe get to know the people, they seem friendly enough when they're not pointing a gun in your mouth.

"So long kid, maybe next time you'll realise it doesn't pay to be a hero – oh wait HAHAHA!" The curly nosed man's cruel joke tore my heart even further as he began gripping his index finger around the trigger.

This is it Benny, such is life I guess...Oh dammit and I didn't even get a few good lines in for my final words. I think 'ungh' was the last word I uttered; a loud grunting noise – so that's how people will remember me.

Goodbye Laura (awww great I don't have one of them either!)...

...

"SKY DRAGON'S ROAR!"

"WHA! WAGH!" Suddenly just as I was about to fare-thee-well to this fantasy world, a powerful gust of wind picks up the menacing thieves and sends them flying away, far away over the mountains never to step foot in Magnolia again one would hope.

I take a few precautionary blinks to make sure I'm not dreaming or haven't reached heaven (or hell for that matter). Nope, definitely still alive, I can feel the fluid swimming around my legs right now.

"I ...was...saved..." I have to utter out each word individually just for extra emphasis. Then as a crunching footstep makes its way towards me I see the silhouette of my saviour blocking out the sun in its tremendous and domineering form.

The amazing warrior who literally blew away these thugs and did the job I was not powerful enough to do. Long blue locks cast over the warriors face as he leans down with his thin legs and small framed body.

The hostages suddenly burst into applause, grateful of the blue-haired hero's arrival "Thank you for saving us Wendy Marvell."

Yes thanks for-WHA-WHA-WAIT WHO WHERE WHY-HOW WHAAAAAT!

My hero's tiny little face is finally revealed as the wind weakens, the blue curtain pulling back to reveal large, round brown eyes and a wide gaping smile. "Hello friend...I hope those mean guys didn't hurt you?"

つづく

* * *

><p><span>Next episode I meet the mysterious girl who has saved my life. What other cruel and unusual predicaments will I find myself in? Don't miss the next exciting chapter!<span>


	2. Meet and Greets

_Meet Benny Makaren: 19 years old and a newbie to the whole world of Wizardry and Magic. With his amazing ability of sharpening his fingernails, he fails in an heroic attempt to foil a robbery. Now he meets a girl named Wendy Marvell, who just so happened to have saved his sorry little arse. Enjoy the Second chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

Meet and Greets

-AUGH!-

-AGH!-

-EEEGHH!-

-WAAAHH!-

A G-G-G-Girl? My life was nearly snatched by the claws of fate that is the grim Reapers scythe, sowing its seeds of despair and retribution along a desolate plain of-oh screw it!

"Um..." Now what should one guy who's already dropped their bladder contents say to someone – let alone a cute little girl, after they saved your miserable life?

Oh I know. "Hehe, I wish I brought that spare pair of underwear with me."

Well done...give yourself a clap young man...

"My name's Wendy, it's a pleasure to meet you." She leans forward and offers a hand to help me get back on my feet.

"Wendy! Wendy!" I hear a tiny voice coming over. If I didn't know better I was looking at a flying cat. Well why not, after all I've been though today I guess this is to be expected.

"Charles!" Wendy turned back towards her flying feline companion.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to rush into dangerous situations?" The little cat thing was actually scolding the girl.

"Pfft!" I suddenly found myself holding in a laugh.

The flying cat put her hands on her hips as she gave me a glare. "Oh and _who_ is this..." Her large eyes trailed down my body. "Person?"

Hey cut me some slack I nearly had my brains blown out into banana smoothie (we still running with those monkey puns?)! "Um, I'm sorry but do you know somewhere I can change my clothes."

"Oh brother..." The winged cat grabbed mine and her subordinate's hand and took us away from the middle of the busy street. I've only spent a few hours in Magnolia but it seems my first impressions have already been wasted.

/?/?/?/

"Don't you guys have public toilets or showers?" I keep prodding the stroppy cat thing because it's getting kind of fun now.

"Look you simpleton just go and get changed behind this tree." Charles releases her cactus claws from my hand as she shows me over to a conveniently placed tree on the edge of a quieter street.

"Um...We'll keep guard for you mister." Wendy shouts over to me as I scour through my small bag of belongings – only now realising that I should've brought some more stuff along with me.

/?/?/?/

SOME TIME LATER...

"Thanks guys." I blush after realising how childish I must have looked changing into a new pair of jeans.

"You should come back to the guild and have something to drink!" The kind blue haired girl chirped.

"Wendy!" Charles wasn't to keen on having me over though.

"Come on Charles, I'm sure the others won't mind." Wendy tried convincing the bossy cat demon.

"Well...I guess he can have one drink." Charles sighed as she conceded defeat at the hands of a human.

Take that stupid cat HAHA but I digress..."Thanks heaps for covering me back there, oh and saving my life too."

Wendy tilted her head to one side and gave another cheerful smile. "That's okay, by the way my name's Wendy; Wendy Marvell."

"Oh hi Wendy." I shyly wave to the girl – possibly only about eleven or twelve years old. "My names Benny; Benny Makaren."

"This is my best friend Charles." Wendy held her hands out indicating the name of the flying white cat.

"Hmph." Charles turned away revealing her coiling tail as we headed off towards this guild they speak of...I never really liked cats much anyway...

/?/?/?/

"WHAAAAA!" My eyes bulge out of their sockets as I come across the magnificent building.

"Here's our guild." Wendy spoke quite casually. "Fairy Tail."

"_The_ Fairy Tail?" So this must have been the famous guild I read about on Wikipedia earlier. The most powerful bunch of wizards in Magnolia are said to reside here. Also according to the article, a gorrila and a robot named Mechazawa run the table tennis club in here (well I guess they got the wizard part right at least...)

I send a gulp of saliva deep down my throat as I open the doors and enter the legendary-

"GRAY YOU BASTARD!"

"GET BACK HERE NATSU!"

"WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!"

"WHO'S THE MAN NOW?"

"AGH! KNOCK IT OFF I'M TRYIN' TA 'AVE A DRINK 'ERE"

"GRAY-SAMA!"

My eyebrows twitch as a nervous smile draws across my lips. It seems I've entered into the middle of a huge drunken brawl. Beneath the giant dust cloud I of fists and stars I see a few angry faces, all with the expression of an intent to possibly kill or at least seriously injure their opponent.

"Is this meant to be the guild?" I refer to my trusted guide of so far.

"Well hehe, this is kinda the norm around here." Wendy explains as she scratches her head.

"WOULD YOU LOT KNOCK IT OFF!" A very powerful voice arrives somewhere behind the bar. I don't see anyone but whoever shouted must be a real bad-ass because everyone suddenly stood still and squeezed their fingers together sheepishly.

"Sorry Master." The whole guild twist a hell into the ground as they apologise.

"You damn kids, you wonder why we keep getting noise complaints from the neighbours." A little old man hops onto the bar. I'm somewhat surprised to find that the eminent, almost godly voice came from such a small person.

"Sorry Gramps, but it was just...I mean Gray started it." Whined one of the more colourful guild members; an older teenager possibly close to my age with spiky pink hair.

"I don't care who started it, you'll all be grounded from taking on any new jobs if you keep up this ruckus." And with that the scary old midget hopped back under the bar, now everyone could turn their attention to yours truly.

"Hey Wendy who's this jerk?" The pink haired teen stabbed a finger in my direction as he walked over. I notice how he likes to expose most of his upper flesh, wearing a strange, black vest.

Wendy politely explained. "Oh Hi Natsu, this is my new friend Benny Makaren."

"Hey Benny-boy!" Please don't call me that. "Nice to meet'cha!" He offers a hand and I reluctantly go and shake it, only to quickly pull back in searing hot pain.

"AGH what the-"

"HAHAHA! I've always wanted to do that to someone." Natsu holds his sides in laughter as I notice fire building around his hand.

"Grrr..." My fingernails suddenly start sharpening in rage. Soon my pets, soon mwhaha...

"Yo!" Another overconfident upper-body exposing male (only much worse), now comes over.

"This is Gray." Wendy continues introducing the guild members.

Gray also holds out his hand. When I hesitate his expression hardens. "Don't worry I won't do anything like that blockhead."

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING NUDIST!" Natsu literally breathed flames out of his mouth as he grew enraged.

"Hi Gray." I shake his hand but suddenly find it won't come off. I look down and find my hand encased in a huge block of ice. "AGH!"

"HAHAHA! Sorry but I couldn't help it either."

"Elfman." I turn towards a deep-voiced person, I shriek again when I notice his hand takes an beastly form, complete with scales and deadly claws.

"Okay guys the jokes getting old now." An assertive looking woman walks over, clad in armour on her upper body and...well a nice frilly blue skirt for the lower half...

Wendy continues her tutorial. "This is Erza, she's one of the most feared wizards in the Fairy Tail guild."

"Aww don't say that you'll scare the little guy." Erza cocked her head and smiled warmly. "**But I swear if you touch my stuff I'll rip out your-**"

"AHEM!" Wendy coughed over the redhead. "Well anyway I think our guest would like a drink."

"Yeah, come and sit with us Benny-boy!" Again enough with that, oh what can I do?

/?/?/?/

Everyone in the guild sat down to a round of drinks. I was hoping they'd have a café menu but unfortunately the only drinks here started with b and ended with r – give up? Boar- no but I digress...

"So Benny-boy, what brings ya' all the way to this dump?" Natsu crudely wipes his mouth of beer froth.

"Natsu!" Wendy scolds the older boy while she enjoys a soft drink.

"Well honestly who in their right mind would come and live here after all the trouble we've had?" Natsu opens out his arms as he defends his point.

"I have to agree." The shirtless Gray takes a swig of his own drink. "I mean the Phantom Guild invasion, Laxus' coup, Nirvana and the Giant Mecha-Igneel would put any property investor off this town."

"Yeah, and the insurance kaw!" Natsu rolled his eyes as he lay back in his stool.

"Well, if I could explain." I raise a hand as I bring myself into the conversation. "I heard there was lots of employment opportunities in this city, and I could do wish some fast money so I-"

"Don't bother taking one of them boring ordinary jobs." Natsu snorted as he lifted his head. "Be a Wizard, you can bludge pretty much all day and then kick some arse later for a few jewel."

"A Wizard eh?" I rubbed by chin in consideration. "So you guys all have special abilities too?"

"Sure." Natsu nodded as he showed off his flame again. "I'm a Fire Dragons Slayer; Gray's an Ice Maker; and Erza is a Requipper." Natsu looked over towards Erza who was balancing three swords precariously on her nose for some reason.

"Huh?" Erza looked over as the swords began falling down. Needless to say we would never see her for the rest of this fic...

...That is if she hadn't dissolved the swords in the last second (Phew).

Natsu pointed towards an angry looking ruffian sitting by another table. "That's Gajeel, he's a dick."

"OI!" Gajeel turned around, chewing a mouthful of iron nails.

"And we have some other guys here but they aren't really important." Natsu explained with brutal honesty. "So wait did you say you had some sort of ability?"

"Um yeah..." Suddenly my confidence from the last chapter seemed to have faded.

Gray crossed his arms in impatience "Well...What is it?"

I clasp my hands together then form them into a pyramid as I answer. "Well I can make my fingernails sharper."

I looked up, prepared to meet their reactions. It was as if they were waiting for a punchline or something as Natsu showed a wide-eyed expression. "But what can you do with them?"

"Well I can cut some things that I otherwise couldn't cut with my normal fingernails."

"But could you say, cut off a guys arm or head with them?" Gray rolled his head to one side.

"Well I don't think so...But they're very useful for opening tins and peeling off labels." I say with a proud smile.

Erza's expression was the plainest of them all. "So that's it?"

"Yeah, well isn't it pretty cool?" I whiz my head around for answers. "I mean no ordinary human can just grow their nails at will.

Erza continues her bland speech. "Can you grow your toenails too?"

"No just my fingernails." I bluntly answer.

"Hmm..." Natsu tapped a finger against his lips, pondering something. "I think you and Lucy would make a perfect team."

Not sure where that last statement came from, I just nodded in agreement, completely unaware of the trials ahead of me with this mob.

つづく

* * *

><p><span>Next episode Benny comes face to chest-I mean face with the Celestial Wizard Lucy. Now what could Natsu have been inferring with that last sentence? Don't miss the next exciting chapter!<span>


	3. Teaming Up

_Meet Benny Makaren: 19 years old and a newbie to the whole world of Wizardry and Magic. After feeling the close shave of death, Benny goes back to the famous Wizard's guild of Fairy Tail with the young girl who saved him. Now he's found a place to live and is ready to spend his first night in true fantasia...Or so he thinks. Please enjoy the Third chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

Teaming Up

I breathe out a breath of fresh air, relieved that I had finally survived to reach my home for the time being. I sling off my back-pack and stretch my shoulders as I stand outside the small row of buildings which line this street.

Oh you wanna know how I found a place to live in Magnolia? Do you really need another flashback? Okay here it goes...

/?/?/?/

"_So anyway Benny-boy, have you got a place set up while you're here?" Natsu slaps my back as he pushes his buttocks onto the edge of my stool._

"_Well actually I was hoping I'd find a place for cheap rent around here...But no I haven't got somewhere to stay just yet."_

"_Hee-hee," Natsu makes a fanged smile as his body language indicates something less than trustworthy. "There's a nice spot in town going real cheap at the moment, they'll let you move in straight away."_

"_Isn't that great Ben-san?" Wendy said in her soft-spoken manner. "And if you become a Mage then everything will work out for you!"_

"_Yeah...Awesome..." I could already feel the sweat dropping down the side of my brow at that point._

"_Hell yeah! I'm gonna tell that Gramps you're gonna be our newest Guild Member by tomorrow!"_

/?/?/?/

As I continue studying the surrounds, I must say that the architecture here is fantastic; heritage style brick housing. The streets are lined with cobblestones. And with a riverside view, it seems I've scored a neat little patch of paradise here.

Of course I'll definitely need that job so I can keep up the living expenses. I would have liked some time to shop around and check the classifieds first but since that's my first and only offer I might as well go with it. I mean to be honest, I thought I'd be better suited to an office job, but I guess I can stretch some muscle fighting some bad guys for a little while.

At least until I'm entitled to workers-comp maybe...

"Whew, what a view!" I say to myself as I unpack my things on the upstairs floor. "I could definitely fall in love with this place..."

/?/?/?/

"I freaking hate this place..."

It just so happens as the great adage goes, you can't pick your neighbours. And I've been driving myself crazy having to listen to this stupid woman's music from the room next door.

Her annoying high pitched pop music keeps screeching through the walls and violating my precious eardrums. Normally I'd prefer to avoid a confrontation – being the coward that I am, plus I've always been a little cautious of the highly volatile and unpredictable opposite sex.

But this has been going on for ninety percent of the entire evening and night. I'll give her some credit that she did take a break from her popfest to talk to one of (I assume) her five boyfriends (all named Timothy perhaps) loudly on the phone just so I could hear all about her amazing day of looking at the same eight pink tube tops for three hours. I think I could hear the faint sound of running water as she turned the so called 'music' down when she had her shower – only so she could hear herself singing horribly off-tune to her (similarly off-tune) music..

But now I've can't take it any more. I'm going to have to speak up and save my brain from being infested with any more memories of those infective, parasitic songs.

I bash the wall adjoining our two rooms and cup my hand as I shout into the wall. "HEY! Can you turn it down!"

I couldn't hear any response. Her music was still at a decibel range far beyond my acceptable level of zero. So I decided to bite the bullet and knock on her door to tell her face to face.

It was easy enough storming out of my house and across the little corridor towards her doorway. But once I reached the portal bordering pop princess land I actually started to freak out. What if she's a real feral chick with a voice that can knock a man down ten metres away? Or what if she might have a huge tank of a boyfriend she summons on her mobile phone for reinforcements? Hell she may even be one of those uptight feminists who unleashes a can of mace and whoop-arse to any y-chromosomal advances.

But I could very well die of a brain aneurysm if I have to listen to this crap any longer. No Benny, you're going to be a Mage starting tomorrow, we have to confront our enemies head on.

Just in case, I better sharpen my claws in case I need to counter-attack.

Ready.

One step; two step; red step; blue step...

KNOCK-KNOCK.

"Hello? Hey I live next door, can you turn your music down?"

'Oh why sure sorry about that how foolish of me to play such uncouth music...'

...Is what I was hoping to hear her say but of course the real answer was silence...

"HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME! I SAID TURN IT DOWN!" My voice doesn't seem to get through to the annoying girl.

Now the first lesson of all stalkers: check the door is unlocked before barging into her house.

"Hey it's unlocked." Surprisingly the woman had left her door unlocked. Maybe she's a ditzy blonde afterall.

Okay I'll just open the door and tell her nicely to turn down her music.

"Hello? Could you please just-" As I weave my head through the ajar door, I notice I've come into the middle of a satanic ritual sacrifice of some sort. Well to be more accurate the female occupant of the house was indeed in the room, standing on a table with the pink speakers of her CD player nearby.

Well she was blonde alright, and judging by the small white towel barely wrapping over her huge assets I'd say she's a bit of a '3xConcentrate' type as well. When she noticed me peering out of the door. Her jaw literally dropped down to her breasts as her eyes grew into giant egg yolks of surprise.

Not surprisingly, I screamed first.

"AGGGGGGHHH!"

"AGGGGHHHHHH!"

"AAAAAGGGGHHHH!

"KKKYYYAAAAHHH!"

Now here's where you guys playing at home need to pay attention: the blonde naked girl _threw_ (that's the key word here _THREW_) herself towards the door. If she could actually grab her entire body like a giant chair or rock, she would have picked herself up and lobbed her 50 kilo frame like a bag of explosive potatoes. She literally defied gravity as she slipped off the table and like a magnet, made her torso pull towards the doorway. Her towel said its goodbyes as it joined the list of other dumped items on this girl's list. Then, with her arms and legs fanned out, she charged towards my position, tears shooting out of her eyes like high pressured jets of water.

Now at this point my only source of protection came from the wooden shield that was the door. Realising this human meteorite was on a crash course to Me-ville I bolted behind the door and began to slam it shut. But the wild Amazonian blonde's momentum wasn't going to stop now, at least not until she confronts Newton's Third Law.

With a loud thud the bare blonde's entire mass crashed into the door pushing me out into the hallway and sending me tumbling into the other wall as the door was forced shut. Needless to say my head hurt at that point.

But then again...I wasn't sure if that blonde was still even alive after that logic defying display...

I thought I should knock on the door and check if she was alright – I mean that's the least a man can do to help a poor injured woman. But then again, if she is still alive, common sense would indicate she's clearly pissed right now.

Yeah, I think I better just head back inside my comfy abode...

...At least the music was turned down by now...

/?/?/?/

THE NEXT DAY:

"Hey Benny-boy!" I'm greeted under that awful nickname (no aren't nicknames meant to be shorter?) by the fiery Natsu.

"Hi Benny." Gray calls over sitting on a table.

"Oh it's that kid from the other day." A couple of the minor characters from this Anime murmur in the background.

"**Hey Mr. Makaren, how're you going?**" Erza hovers over me speaking in the most settling manner possible for the female knight.

"Uh hey everyone!" I give a shy wave.

"Hi kitty-kat!" The iron consuming Gajeel barks over in another corner.

"Shut up dick!" Thankfully Natsu stands up for me for once...Then again I've only know him for barely a day...

"So what do I have to do?" I chirp in my strong work ethic mode.

"Oh well uh..." Natsu scratches his face as he looks towards an attractive young woman behind the bar. "Yo Mirajane, d'ya remember if Gramps accepted Benny-boy here as a Fairy Tail Mage?"

The beautiful white haired lady, who I suspect must do modelling because she is H-O-T with and extra 'tuh' sound at the end, tilts her head and makes a million dollar smile. "Master says he will see how he goes with a minor job first."

"Oh yeah that's right." Natsu clicked his fingers as he began sneering. "You're going on a little mission with two other Mages, since we normally work in teams of three."

I clench my fists as I feel my career chances rising. "Alrighty, so am I going with you and Gray?"

"Hell no!" Natsu fired back. "I'm already in the strongest team with Gray and Erza."

"-And Happy, don't forget Happy." A blue winged cat hovers down next to the Dragon slayer.

"I was wondering where you were Happy." Natsu rubs the flying cat's chin, acknowledging his first appearance in the story.

"Well, anyway, who am I teaming up with then if it isn't you two."

"I'm going with you Ben-san." A familiar little voice tugs the sleeve of my shirt. Wendy looks up at me with a gorgeous smile.

"Oh-h-h that's...cool..." I smile nervously, somewhat disheartened at who I've been teamed up with. Well she did save my life so I guess I can rely on her. "So who's the other guy?"

Erza, Grey Natsu and the Dick (I mean Gajeel) all group around me as they began laughing amongst themselves. "Only the greatest, most reliable Celestial Wizard in all of Magnolia." They all hold out their hands, pointing towards the huge wooden doorway as a lone shadow stretches across the carpet making their way into the tavern.

When the glare disappears and I study the features of my other team member I instantly coil up, recognising one of the many nemesis I had made yesterday.

And the busty blonde (who carries a whip whoo-hoo) leaps back on one leg, lifting her arms up to her face as some sort of defence mechanism as her jaw drops again. "I-i-i-it's _y-y-y-you_! The p-p-pervert from yesterday!"

"And it's _you_!" I point back equally dismayed. "The crazy woman next door who dances naked on the table."

Needless to day, a giant sweatdrop hung over the entire guild.

Thankfully, Wendy's innocent young mind was far too naïve to take in all the awkwardness as she hopped over to the blonde with a cheery smile. "So Ben-san, have you met Lucy-san before?"

つづく

* * *

><p><span>Next chapter Benny finds out how truly a gruelling and painstaking job being a Fairy Tail wizard is when he goes forth on my first job. So is Lucy more than just a prepubescent male's eye-candy and is Wendy a real tough-nut under that cute little face? Find out in the next epic chapter!<span>


	4. Clawing into Business

_Meet Benny Makaren: 19 years old and a newbie to the whole world of Wizardry and Magic. After an unforgettable night in his new home, Benny returns to the Fairy Tail Guild with a job ready to go. Unfortunately, he didn't expect who he'd be teamed up with, or what kind of 'job' he'd find himself getting into...It's been a while, so please enjoy the Fourth Chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

Clawing into Business

How did it end up like this...

My first big trial in the killer awesome Magic Industry and what would know, my job is to go and give a booster shot to some old geezer's pet who lives on the edge of town.

Worse still, I'm teamed up with a little girl and a dumb bimbo with possible dominatrix fetishes.

"You know we could hear all of that." Lucy grumbles as we embark on the long winding road to Magnolia's outskirts.

"And I meant every word of it." I snort back to the annoying barbie girl.

"Please Lucy-san, Ben-san, stop fighting." The young child brought herself in as peacekeeper for the 71st dispute on this entire trip.

"If you don't like doing boring jobs then don't be a Wizard." Lucy murmured as she looked away from me in disgust. It seems she still hasn't gotten over our first encounter – even though it was her own fault...right?

"I just thought we'd be slaying dragons or meeting some hot elves or something." I try to explain my angst.

"What games have you been playing Benny? Being a Wizard is a serious occupation for us." Lucy continues lecturing me even though I'm probably older than her (though all that makeup must suppress her age by at least ten years). "It's not supposed to be fun...Besides there's almost always some good Jewel out of each job."

"Mmmm...Well I guess I have to start at the bottom digging up horse shit anyway..." I grumble. Thankfully all of my whinnying and whining seems to have made the travelling time fly by as we have already reached our destination.

{VICKS VORACIOUS VULCAN VARM}

"What? Oh come on that last part isn't even a word!" I cross my arms in protest.

"Are you the three lovely girls from Fairy Tail?" a husky old man suddenly pops out of nowhere behind the front gate.

"Well hehe, I'm actually a-"

"Splendid! I'm glad you came as soon as soon as I put up the job offer." The old man seems quite faint of hearing and possibly even seeing as he hobbles back into his cottage on the large ranch like property.

Well we could go through the time spent chatting with this feeble old geezer but that would be too boring so here's a time skippage:

/?/?/?/

"WAH!" I nearly dodge another fatal hammer fist as we play life sized whack-a-mole with a bunch of white, furry ape-monsters (incidentally, me, Lucy and Wendy are the moles). "You know when the sign says Vulcans I was expecting something more bird-like and harmless!"

"That's Vultures you idi-AGGGHHH!" Lucy squeals like a blonde haired schoolgirl as one of the giant ape creatures flips up the back of her skirt. The Vulcan sniggers as even mutant primates can gain an appreciation of the odd panty-shot or two.

"Hehe! Looks like _all_ the males in the animal kingdom are after you Lucy!" I comment as I jump over another bulky Vulcan forearm.

"SHUT-UP-SHUT-UP-SHUT-UUUWAAAAGGHH!" Lucy literally somersaults about three times as she evades a meteorite fist crashing into the earth.

"Lucy-san! Ben-san!" Wendy calls back to us from a distance watching on helplessly as we are being tormented by half a dozen of these snow-white beasts. She holds a hypodermic needle as tall and wide as herself

"Wendy! Now's your chance! Give 'em the needle!" I call out as one of the Vulcans swipes along my back, just avoiding my soft flesh but tearing off a chunk of my clothing in the process. "_A~re_!"

"That's it!" Lucy gains enough distance from her fanclub of gawking gorillas as she slides on her feet, spreading her legs out wide (almost can see...) as she holds out a set of fancy golden keys.

"OPEN...THE GATE OF THE GOLDEN BULL...TAURUS!" Suddenly, as if she were using her key to open a dimension into – oh I dunno possibly some sort of mystical celestial world, a large bull-like creature with dairy cow patches sprouts up from the ground. The cow (well bull) stands on his two hind legs and twirls around what appears to be a giant double-bladed axe.

"MMMmmmmmmOOOOOOoooooo!" The bullish cow makes his battle cry as he shields Lucy from the perverted ape-monsters. "Lucy-san, I will protect you and your milky melons! Don't you worry-AGGH!" But soon enough the bull warrior was overpowered by the multiple Vulcans as they tackled him to the ground like a rugby team.

"TAURUS!" Lucy cried as her celestial henchman was being pwned by the beasts. "KYAH!" And before I could blink she was being harassed by another one of the cheeky primates.

"BEN-SAN! _TASUKETE~_!" The shrill screams of an innocent girl in distress spark me into action. Now Wendy is being held captive by one of the conehead freaks. Sniggering as he plays with her long dress.

I close my eyes clench my fists. The air cuts into deathly silence as a white beam channels through my ears and little flames appear behind me in deep mental thought.

_~Come on Benny, these girls are counting on us now...We've gotta save them...We gotta be the hero this time~_

Yes! I reach up and grab the moon with my declaration. Hark all you who have ever mocked me! Hark as I smite my enemies with one fell-

"AGHH CRAP!" Where did that giant Vulcan hand come from? Now I've been swatted into a pile of hay. Perhaps I shouldn't have spent so long with my eyes closed and actually gauged my surroundings a little better.

Now I'm too stunned by the blow to stand any chance of rescuing these damsels. With Lucy now being ogled by three horny apes, and with Wendy crying her tears of shame as one of the Vulcans keeps pretending her dress is a matador's cape; and, well I really don't know what they're trying to put into that Bull of Lucy's. But all the while, I'm just wallowing here in a pile of hay, useless and weak.

Wendy-san, Lucy-san..._Gomenosai_...

And now one of the Vulcans leaps across my vision, cutting out the sunlight as it turns, facing its rear end towards me, preparing to sit down on my 54 kilo frame. So this is how it will end, being squashed between a giant monkey's arse-cheeks...I'm sure they've made a cliché for that somewhere by now. I guess the funeral will be a bit of a laugh though.

/?/?/?

_Priest Dude: And today we're here to pay our respects to this...man...who has sadly been taken away from us...Snatched by the baboon buttocks of fate..."_

_Natsu (wait who invited him to my funeral?): Pffffttt-WHAT?_

_Lucy (and for that matter why's this ditz here?): Benny...I'm sorry I ever thought you were just some perverted teenager (damn straight!)._

_Some random guy: I never even had a chance to appear in this stupid story... _

_Gajeel: Good thing we're outside and not enclosed in four walls now (shut up Dick!)_

_Wendy: *sob* *sob* *sniff* Ben-san..._

/?/?/?/

No Dammit! I won't let Wendy shed tears! I must live! I must at least make it through the first arc! Damn Vulcan-Ape-Baboon monster thingy! Screw you and your big arse! I'll show you!

Suddenly as my spirit reawakens I feel a strange sensation accumulating around the ends of my fingers. I'm nearly blinded by the dim glow of ten tiny circles ringing around my fingers like, like um...Fingerless gloves? And As the Vulcan's two blackish red globes engulf my entire vision I realise there's not much time left until impact. This is my only trump card – if this fails, then it's game over Benny-boy.

As the moons of Uranus settle onto my position I raise my hands and poke out all my digits, ready for some really painful jarring at least. I notice the ivory whites of my claws emerging just as the Vulcan anchors himself on top of me. The claws skewer his soft flesh quite easily, but it takes a few seconds for anything to really happen. As I'm being suffocated by all kinds of gases and elements that chemists are probably yet to discover, the Vulcan finally makes a weird grunting noise (and I'm just praying it's not for THAT either!). After a few more seconds of whining and grunting he finally yelps in sheer pain, sliding himself out of my non-stick claws as he rampages around the pen, smacking down anything in his path including - you guessed it, the other offending Vulcans.

"WAAUUUGGHHUUUGGHHH!" The beast grips his gluteus maximus muscles as he dances with each stride, kicking and barging down the remaining Vulcans. The three who were playing Barbie with Lucy were knocked down like bowling pins and the perverted one tormenting Wendy was given a clean kick to the lower jaw as he spun around four times before slamming into the ground. Finally that stupid cow of Lucy's actually got back up and did something useful, cleaning up the final few Vulcans before colliding into the berserker one – knocking both of themselves out unsurprisingly.

The dust finally fades away as we pick ourselves up onto our feet again. "'Kay so do we remember which one needed the booster shot?"

"Ahh, you finally managed to tire my preciouses out." The old ranch owner reappears outside the pen. "Bessy's the one who needs the Booster shot."

Of course Mr Old Man I knew who you meant by Bessy – she the freaking smelly, perverted one with white fur like all the others!

"I think this one's Bessy." Wendy went over and petted one of the disgusting monsters. She didn't seem to mind them though. Children must see beauty in everything these days _~ aww..._

I notice this one's sobbing like an injured kitten as Wendy scratches _'her'_ ear. "That's a good girl!" She coos to the ugly ape. I notice it's rubbing its rear end. So that's the S.O.B we've been running for our dear lives over!

Wendy holds the giant needle like a large barrel over her head as she stabs it deep into her shoulder "Ay!". I notice that she's really struggling to handle the cumbersome needle, so in my chivalrous nature I walk over and push the rest of the vaccine into the Vulcan. "There we are." I say with a cheerful smile matched only by Wendy's sunny grimace.

"_Unn~_...Wasn't that fun?"

"_Wasn't that fun?" ..."Wasn't that fun?" ..."Wasn't that fun?"... "Wasn't that fun?" ..."Wasn't that fun?"_

Completely terrified at the implications of this little blue-haired girl's words, I force another smile. "Hehehe, it sure was Wendy...It _suuure _was."

...What in God's name have I signed away my life to now...?

つづく

* * *

><p><span>Next chapter our unfortunate protagonist cops the aftermath of his first job. Well can he at least expect a decent paycheck in the end of the day? Will Benny-boy get a cooler job next time perhaps? Find out in the next exciting chapter!<span>


	5. That's Just Sad

_Meet Benny Makaren: 19 years old and a newbie to the whole world of Wizardry and Magic. Our unfortunate protagonist got out of his first mission with but a fingernail of his life and dignity intact. But how will he cope with the kind of pain that hurts your chest - you know the one I'm talking about? No - not quite in that way but anyway enjoy the Fifth chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

That's Just Sad

Well at least they gave me the job...

"Benny Makaren, welcome to the Fairy Tail Wizards Guild!" The boss (i.e. an old midget) said as he held a large stamp in his prune-sized hand. "Now with this crest you will officially be a Fairy Tail Wizard."

With everyone else in the entire guild swarming around me as if I were a guest at a fraternity party I awkwardly bent down as I called back to the little Magic Master. "Um...I understand but...Is it really necessary to put it on my butt-cheek."

"Hey man we all had to get branded when we joined up as well." Gray calls out from the crowd, with his entire upper body exposed as usual, I can see his crest was clearly not put anywhere near _his _own derrieres.

"Aright, ready Makaren?"

I gulp nervously as I nod. But instead of feeling the sensation of a soft stamp pressing against my cheek I feel a burning sensation as if flames were licking my, "AAAARRGGGHHHH!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Needless to say, everyone else in the guild thought it was funny to see Natsu light my arse on fire.

"HAHA! Ha-Hang on Benny, Juvia will save you." One of the female guild members raises her arms in the air as she summons a bucket-load of divine water sending it gushing onto my entire body.

"Yay, thanks..." I murmur to what appears to be another blue-haired girl in the guild. But I snap into anger as I look for the prankster. "Natsu, you're a real arse y'know that?"

By now he's in stitches on the floor, kicking his feet in the air as he holds onto his sides in sheer hilarity. "HAHAHA! That's a freakin' classic!"

I pan across to see the rest of the Wizard bystanders. They all seem to be in on the joke to, with all of them sniggering or chuckling or giggling in some form.

"Alright Makaren, sorry about that." Short-stuff slaps the back of my thighs since he can't reach my shoulder. "As you can see we're a fairly laid back bunch around here."

"If it makes you feel any better. We've all been pranked at least once by now." Gray assures me. "Even Lucy's copped a few nasty ones."

"Oh shit yeah!" Natsu rose back to his feet, slapping his thighs as he began laughing again. "Remember when we blew up her hair-dryer? HAHAHA, her hair was like 'this' for an entire week!" Natsu holds the flat of his hands on the top and bottom of his head as he pulls the face of a goldfish or something of their equivalent in this country. "Or what about when we put her hand in that bowl of warm water when she was asleep to see if it'd work – and it totally did haha!"

Actually, that does sound kind of funny.

"Would you guys quit bringing that up!" Lucy stormed over in a huff. She appeared to be holding another flyer in her arms. "We're about to go out in search of a new job."

"Actually Lucy," The Master handed her another sheet of paper. "Since Makaren is still a rookie Wizard, I'd like you to go on this job instead."

"Oh I don't mind doing something challenging." I turn back to the old master.

"Well this will surely test your endurance and team-work skills young Benny." The Master explains. "Don't let me down young Wizard."

"A-alright I won't sir."

"YAAAY! Ben-san is a Fairy Tail Wizard now!" Wendy runs over and clings her arm around my neck, the momentum of this Genki girl sending me coathanger-style to the ground.

"Okay have fun you children." The old man says. "Oh and I nearly forgot..."

Yep, I still needed that ol' stamp of approval.

/?/?/?/

SOME TIME LATER:

"Right, we're almost there I think." I report to my two reliable team-mates as we stride along a cobblestone road somewhere east of somewhere else. As I manipulate a crudely drawn map in my fingers, turning it and viewing it from a number of angles I conclude that, "If we take this street on the right we should be there!"

"Ben-san! You're so reliable!" Wendy chirps out a complement as her sandals kick against a stone.

"Watch out Wendy! Don't drop that box." I stress to the sweet talking Wizard. "That box could contain something very precious for all we know."

"HmmHmm!" Wendy nods to me with a very determined expression. "I'll protect this box without fail."

Oh and I guess you're wondering why we're carrying a box? Well if you hadn't judged from the context of the last scene; Wendy, Lucy and myself were designated from the little Gramps himself the vital task of delivering the contents of this box to a particular address.

"So we're delivering this thing to an Abe Ray Ham and Lynn Colin huh?" Lucy grumbled as she held a scrunched up piece of note pad paper.

"_Yes!_" I moan. "I've answered that question for the fifty-third time now, what's the big deal?" Honestly women never listen do they?

"Thank goodness! We made it." Wendy sighed with relief as we reached the door. It appeared to be some sort of small tavern.

"Looks like they run a cute little business." I say with my hands by my sides, satisfied with another successful job. And this time I didn't feel any pain or suffer any unnecessary (and potentially precedented!) closet damage.

"_PMFFHH!"_

"What the hell was that!" I whirl on my feet with my 'claws' already drawn out.

"It sounded like some people laughing." Wendy's brilliant young mind suggested.

"Well should we just go on in already?" Lucy grumbled again. For some reason the blonde was in a bad mood, but she was wearing a blue skirt so I should've seen some of it by now if it was for 'that'.

"Fine Miss Heiress." I snort back to her as I tap my knuckles against the heritage oak door. "Hello? Mr. Ray Ham and Ms. Colin, we have your package! Hello?"

"_We didn't order a damn pizza!_" A nasally senile sounding voice comes from behind the thick door.

"Huh? I didn't say anything about a pizza! Excuse me-"

"_Damn kids, we don't want your cookies we already donated to them last week!"_

"What the fudge is up with these old farts?" I turn to my two fledglings.

Lucy shook her head as she knocked in her feminine manner (you know the way with the back of your hand on the door). And as if the blonde had actually seen through the door from the very beginning she called out to the tavern residents. "Oi Natsu! Grey! Open up already. I know it's you pair."

Hang on! I snatch the small note from Lucy's slender hands. "'Abe Ray Ham'? 'Lynn Colin'? Abe-ray-ham Lin-co - oh for f&$* sake!"

"HAHAHAHAH!" Needless to say, a hail of laughter came from the other side of the door when we opened up to find Natsu, Gray and a few other prank conspirators inside. "I can't believe that actually worked!"

"Me too." Gray said with slightly more controlled laughter. "I'm surprised they didn't see through Natsu's stupid prank too!"

"Actually I knew from the very beginning." Lucy huffed as she blew out a small cloud of air.

"Son of a..." Now that I realise that I've been had, a nasty feeling begins churning in my stomach, and this time it's _not_ constipation! No – it's the feeling of shame...embarrassment...bitterness...

"Wendy didn't know it was a prank." And I swear I could smell the salted tear tricking down Wendy's left eye at that point. And as the tiny tear-drop splashed against the hard wooden floor, sending its multiple rippling shockwaves across the area like glowing blue halos of sadness and sorrow, I knew that their little 'prank' had gone one centimetre too far.

They were all laughing and slapping each other's backs – even the old boss could be seen wetting himself in laughter in the background. But none of them saw what I just saw – a sole tear...A sole Wendy tear dammit!

Nay! None of them in their boisterous arrogance would even have the decency to notice a poor little girl's tear dropping onto the floor! It is one thing to play a joke on the new guy yeah, but to make an innocent child be branded the fool as well...Well that just grinds my fingernails!

"Here Wendy." I offer the child of now lost innocence a handkerchief for her to wipe away that sole tear that has stained her gentle skin.

"Oh thank you very much Ben-san." Wendy forced a weak smile as she dabbed underneath her eyelids with the cloth.

"I'm sorry they made you cry Wendy." I reassure her. And as I turn back to see them all drown themselves into a round of drinks I clench a fist.

"-Agh shit!" But I forgot to retract my fingernails and cut my palms. "Damn that hurt – I mean where was I?" Yeah that's right! I bunch my fists properly this time as I turn back to those thugs with their smug grimaces. Laugh while you can Natsu and Gray...I'm going to make you pay for making Wendy shed a tear...And for making an idiot out of me!

つづく

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode, Benny-boy is going to carve up an ingenious plan of revenge against those mean co-workers of his. So what kind of diabolical scheme will he cook up for them? Find out in the next painful chapter! <span>


	6. Scarlet Burns

_Meet Benny Makaren: 19 years old and a newbie to the whole world of Wizardry and Magic. It seems our trusted new Mage hasn't won the praise of all his co-workers yet - instead becoming the arse-cushion for a number of practical jokes. But will Wendy's tears spark him into achieving vengeance? Enjoy the Sixth chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

Scarlet Burns

Sorry, I really didn't want to bring this up with you but...The last few days I keep finding this weird guy picking through my garbage. I'm not sure if there's a law here against that, but I kind of feel violated – I mean that was my used crap that he's looking through – _MINE_ DAMMIT!

"HEY! GET OUT OF HERE!" This time I decide to give the little bastard a fright and bash my hand loudly against the window. The human rat scurries off as soon as he notices his cover's been blown. "Yeah run away you little rodent!" I wish people would stop foreshadowing themselves around my home all the time.

Now I can't focus on my brilliant scheme of getting back at those Fairy Tail bullies. I even drew up blueprints and got a few leads from - 'ahem', certain sources. I don't think I could pull half this stuff off for another forty-two and a half years.

Screw it. Maybe I should just put a thumb-tack on his chair or something.

/?/?/?/

_Natsu: [Yelps as he spews out a huge fireball] GUAAAAGGHHH!_

_Me: HAHAHA! My genius prank worked!_

_Lucy: ~Oh Benny, you're my hero, won't you go out with me?_

_Me: [Literally holds back the blonde with a large wooden pole] Sorry girl, but you're waaaaay out of my league!_

_Erza: Ben-san, it seems I have underestimated your skills as a Wizard. May you teach me how to become a legendary Mage as well?_

_Me: Yeah sure why not..._

_/?/?/?/_

Hey that reminds me. I forgot about how hot that redhead chick Erza was. She seemed pretty close to Natsu and Gray though.

Hehehe...I know. I should get more involved with Erza – that'd totally mess around with their minds!

/?/?/?/

NEXT DAY:

Phew. Finally our trio comes back from a legitimate job for once. Would you like to know our harrowing tale of how Wendy, Lucy and myself embarked upon a quest to find an old lady's lost cat? Yeah you sure do dontcha?

Aww, psyche. Anyway, we're back at the guild now, with my face looking more polished with success than ever before (well actually this is the _only_ time I've ever really succeeded at anything!). "Erza's by herself. Now's my chance!"

"What chance?" Lucy scratches her head. "Benny what're you-"

I roll my head back 180 degrees. "**Don't ruin this for me...**"

"_Okay_." Lucy hides somewhere in the corner of the room as I head over to the redhead knight.

"Hey Erza." I call over to the armour-clad female who appeared to be reading a book. "Where's Natsu and Gray?"

Erza put down her book and looked over at me with a smile. "I sent them off to polish my sword collection."

"Heh, you must work them like slaves." I add a little more small talk. She giggles a little, holding her hand in front her mouth. "I think the guild's Trade Union should be knocking on your door with placards by now."

"Haha, well I didn't get that last bit, but you're pretty funny Ben." Erza shuffles back from her seat and pats her hand on the adjacent seat. "Wanna drink?"

_Yessss...I'm totally in! _"Oh yes thank you!" I sit down next to her, gazing into her brown eyes. "Heh, I don't know how they ended up lining you with them two idiots."

"You mean Natsu and Gray?" Erza lowers her glass as she cocks an eyebrow.

"Oh well what I mean is, you seem like the more capable out of the three of you – definitely."

Erza holds that expression for a moment before she loosens up again. "Yeah I know what you mean. But they're really nice guys once you get to know them for as long as I have."

"I've been working here for about a week now..." I say as the model-class barmaid Mirajane places my drink on the table. "Thanks – yeah so anyway I've been here for a week or so now, enough to acquaint myself with most of the characters off screen at least; and out of everyone in this guild, those two seem to wrack up the highest insurance bills, are credited for the most noise complaints and have done nothing but damage our business reputation across the land."

Erza leans away from me with some displeasure. "I don't really appreciate the way you're talking about my friends."

Get a hold of yourself Benny-boy before we lose the catch. "Oh sorry." I laugh sheepishly. "I did get a bit carried away there. I've just been wracking my brain all day you know?" I pathetically try and excuse my out-of-line behaviour.

"Well you're still a new fella so I'll let you off this time." Erza says as she takes another gulp of lager. "Why don't you have a beer?" She changes the topic, finally noticing my Chai Latte. "What's with that sissy drink?"

"Huh? Oh this? Well I don't like to drink alcohol you see." Great now I've blown it. "I value my keen intellect far too much to risk compromising it with that toxic elixir."

"Oh..." Erza nods without taking that thread any further. "Well I like beer so to each his or her own I guess." She states before guzzling the rest of her beverage. "PWAAAGH! Well I guess you're heading back home now?"

"Yeah well I like to get back before it gets dark so-"

/?/?/?/

_My Conscious: [Facepalms]_

/?/?/?/

"GAH UM YEAH DAMN RIGHT I'M GOING HOME! WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME HOME WITH ME?" I say very loud, blowing back Erza's scarlet locks.

"Uhh, yeah alright." She says after recovering from my supersonic voice.

/?/?/?/

_Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Omagod-Erza'scomingbacktomyhouse-Erza'scomingbacktomyhouse-Erza'scomingbacktomyhouse-Erza'scomingbacktomyhouse-Erza'scomingbacktomyhouse-Erza'scomingbacktomyhouse-_

Needless to say, I was very excited.

"Well THIS IS IT!" I shouted unnecessarily again. "_Please come-_PLEASE COME IN!"

If my creepy fluctuating voice volume and my abstinence from anything starting with 'a' and ending in 'cohol' hadn't frightened this hardy woman, then she must really like me now.

It's all going so well – perhaps too well...

Well anyway, I can't wait to see the look on those two bozo's faces when they see their best friend wrapped around my arms.

"This is a cute little place." Erza regards my pad as her armour clatters when she makes her way inside.

I walk over to the middle of the room between my coffee table and lounge. "So did you wanna talk about work or-WAAAGGHH" I'm shocked to feel my body being dragged onto the lounge by a pair of cold steel hands. A scarlet veil brushes across my face when I finally discover Erza on top of me with the two of us on the lounge. "E-e-e-e-Erza?"

_"Shhhhh.._." She lets out a long seductive hush. "_We don't want to bother the neighbours._"

"Hehehehehehehehe THAT'S FUN_ny_ – I mean -" Gulp. "I had no idea you felt this way about me."

"I couldn't hide it any longer." Erza confesses as she clutches her armour chest in pain. "When I first cast my eyes on you, I believed you must have been sent to me by God himself to become my one true love."

Aww, sounds like something out of a Fairy Tail. "Well I'm really grateful, b-but I think we should just chat and maybe hug each other for a while first."

"But I want to have you _now _Benny-boy!" She sways across the lounge, sulking as she holds my wrists. "Why must we wait when we can satisfy each others innermost desires at this very moment."

Gulp...

Gulp...

GULP...

GULP!

"Well, um, Erza...I think-" Now I felt something crawling in an M Rated spot. "Whoah! Okay I think I should come clean now." But she ignores me as she lowers her body weight onto mine, resting her head against my chest.

Man...I really only wanted to flirt around with her a bit just to stir up those two guys. Maybe at the most I would have liked to have felt her chest-plates but I hadn't written any blueprints for this point...I never – _ever –_ would have foreseen reaching this far in the baseball run.

And as Erza slowly lifts her head, her eyes half closing with pursed lips, I can honestly say I was feeling a little scared now. "Be-nny-Bo-y..." she whispers my name, her warm breath tickling my throat.

"Y~es?"

"There's...just...one more thing...I need...to tell you..." But just as I'm about to feel scarlet lips fuse with mine, I notice her face scrunches up and she snorts quote abruptly. "PFFFFFHAAAAGGGHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Wait I'm confused now...Is this the part where I pay now?

"OH-MY-FRIGGING-GOD! HAHAHAHAHA!" No this isn't right. We didn't invite those two guys over. Wait what the hell are they doing-

"NATSU?" I roll onto my belly as Erza falls off the lounge, laughing hysterically. "DON'T TELL ME YOU AND GRAY WERE-"

"OH GOD NO I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING HAHAHAHA!" Erza is soaking her face in tears as she holds her sides. "NO! NO! HAHAHAHA! I CAN'T STOP MYSELF NOW!"

"Erza no..." I look down at the one who I had seriously believed had feelings for me.

"Benny-boy you're a real crack-up." Natsu slaps me so hard I find my face planting itself onto the floor.

"I can't believe how well he went along with it too." The shirtless Ice Wizard had to note.

"Ohhh...Sorry Benny." Erza wiped away her remaining tears. "But Natsu and Gray convinced me to play along with this one."

"So all those things you said before were-"

"Hey come on, we're all buds at the guild anyway." She said quite light-heartedly. "See ya tomorrow." She offers a light slap on the shoulder as the three plotters make their way out of the door.

Hey, what's this...? Why can't I get up? Why can't I move for that matter? My body feels so heavy at the moment. It's like someone's holding all my limbs. My stomach feels a little empty as well. And why does my chest suddenly hurt so much? I'm not having a heart attack am I?

"_When I first cast my eyes on you, I believed you must have been sent to me by God himself to become my one true love."_

Hehe...That was a good joke Erza. So you just wanted to play a little joke is all right? I can understand, we all like jokes. I thought it was hilarious too!

Strange...Now my eyes are burning up too. Why do they feel so tender and wet? Now I can't even breathe properly, it's like someone's squeezing all the air out of my lungs. I'm panting and heaving now. I don't understand why but I think their joke might have done a number on my entire spirit.

Or was it more the fact that I was played by none other than Erza. I mean come on, I wasn't even trying to take things any further with her anyway right? I never intended on actually having feelings for her myself...right?

Geez, why can't I stop crying now? Shut up Benny-boy or that girl next door will hear us soon! Oh great now I'm really bawling and my fists are bashing the floor as well. Okay maybe if a bite my bottom lip I'll-

"_**ERZAAAAAAAAA**_!" I've been brought to my knees, my face buried in the carpet as I soak the floor with my own tears of hurt. "_GNGH! GEGH!_"

But just before my entire carpet needs replacing, I'm wrapped in a blanket of warmth. "Those guys are really mean aren't they." Suddenly I lift my head from the pits of despair and turn back to see a blonde girl in a pink nightie holding two cups of steaming hot chocolate.

When I recognise the girl I sniff up my tears and wipe away the snot underneath my nose. "Lucy?"

つづく

* * *

><p><span>Next episode will see Benny-boy rise from the ashes and overcome his bullies (well he might need some help at least). Have he lost Erza forever? Could our unfortunate excuse for a hero have been wrong to judge Lucy as all boobs and no brains? Find out in the next heart-warming chapter! <span>


	7. The Vanilla Sting: Part I

_Meet Benny Makaren: 19 years old and a newbie to the whole world of Wizardry and Magic. After finding himself at the tail end of his own practical joke, Benny now seeks to reclaim his dignity and gain some credibility in the guild by taking one of the self-titled 'strongest team' of Fairy Tail's job. But could our hopeless hero find himself in a sharp bind? Read on and find out in the Seventh chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

The Vanilla Sting: Part I

"LUCY DON'T LET GO OF MY HAND!"

"BEN-SAN!"

"HANG ON WENDY! I'M COMING!"

_This is bad! This is bad! This is bad! This is bad! This is bad! This is bad! This is bad! This is bad! How the hell did it end up like this?_

Well, I suppose a flashback is in order then...

…

/?/?/?/

12 HOURS EARLIER:

"So Elfmeister, can ya tell us what job, Natsu, Gray and Erza went on?" I call out to the pale-haired pillar of might.

He seems a bit agitated when he walks over to our table. "Firstly, you can't give any of us nicknames yet. Secondly, no I won't since it's not any other Man's business."

"The three of them went on a job to arrest a group of fugitives who've been spotted in Magnolia lately." Mirajane – the Elfmeister's cute older sister suddenly came over and chirped out the answer.

"Nee-chan why'd you have to undermine my Manliness in front of the newbie?" Elfman whines like a very unmanly kid.

"You three aren't thinkin' about stealin' Erza's credit for a job are ye?" A weird middle aged man with a wooden pipe came over with a couple of other lesser known wizards.

"_Nooooo..._" I draw out my denial. "Well maybe."

"Wakaba, we just want those three to take us a little more seriously." Lucy backs me up. Wait – this bloke's name's Wakaba? Sound's like the sound a frog makes when it wants to vomit.

"Well Benny-boy, you should know that we Wizards at Fairy Tail don't tend to hijack other team's jobs." One of the guys next to Wakaba, a man with rough facial hair who I had also not bothered to remember the name of, exclaims.

"Got that right Macao." Frog vomit adds (and conveniently placing the guy's name in his dialogue too!).

"But aren't you all sick of those three taking all the good jobs anyway?" Lucy adds a good point to the argument.

Wakaba pulls out his pipe as he scratches his chin. "Well, yeah but..."

"Exactly!" I find myself shouting. The only problem was I didn't really have anything prepared to say afterwards. So I just stood up awkwardly for a few more silent seconds before returning to my seated position.

"No, as a Man with honour, I won't allow you to tread on my comrade's job." The Elfman crosses his bulging arms just to show how serious he was.

"You can't tell us what to do!" Dammit I've just spat out another flammable comment. "Um-you're not our mother!"

Elfman's eyes burn with rage as he towers over my feeble body. "I'm getting tired of your attitude squirt!"

"Guys please stop fighting!" Wendy (oh hi there you are!) steps in and prevents a possible Sixth World War (the last three happened here just yesterday).

"Elfman please calm down." Elfman's much more placid sister hugs his arm. "It's not like you to bully the weak."

"Yeah...Ungh~." The Elfman hiccups as he seems to display tears coming out of his tiny eyes. "You're the best sis'-Uhughugh~..." The more gentle giant sinks his teary head onto his sister's shoulder.

"There-there! Come on I'll read to you your favourite story?" Mirajane says comforting the overgrown juvenile by patting his back.

"Unnmm...okay..." And so the one giant that may have proven to be a barrier to my plans has now been taken away from the picture. The other guys don't seem as bothered by it now and shrug their shoulders before they leave.

Turning back to my two trusted teammates, I declare, "Well, shall we nab these bastard crooks before those other bastards do?"

Now you're probably still wondering how we got from crying on our apartment floor and hot chocolate in the last episode to planning a job heist? Well I suppose this calls for a flashback within this flashback...

…

/?/?/?/

ANOTHER 12 HOURS EARLIER:

"Those guys are so mean?" I poke my head out of the pits of despair and face my (fairly) hot neighbour from next door.

"Lucy?" I see she's holding two cups of hot chocolate, and I'm guessing the other one wasn't for her toes to dip in.

"Here you go..." She says gingerly as she sits next to me on the floor.

"Thanks." I sniff up my unmanly tears. "It's quite sad really...I mean, here I was trying to play the joke on them – yet I was the fool all along." A sole Sue-ish tear drops into my mug of cocoa. "Worse still, I really had some feelings for Erza; I seriously believed I had a chance with her too!" Suddenly I find myself on the verge of tears again.

"Aww come and cry your heart out into my breasts." Lucy coos as she lets my teary head land softly in her womanly cushions. My tears form a river in her cleavage and – you know what I better stop here and let the mothers cover their children's eyes.

"It would just be nice if I could show those jocks how capable a Wizard I can be." I say as a pull my face away from her birthday hampers (see if you can come up with a creative breast innuendo kids! You can win a prize!).

"Hmm." Lucy enters thinking mode. Better get away...but I'm trapped in her squishy web. "I think I know just the way to show those smug guys up!"

/?/?/?/

SOME TIME LATER – WELL NOT QUITE AT THE PRESENT BUT AFTER THE FIRST FLASHBACK (LETS JUST SAY I DUNNO AN HOUR OR SO BEFORE THE PRESENT):

"I hope we find these crooks soon." I say shivering. "I'm freezing my nads off here."

"It's nearly 8.30." Wendy mentions with worry. "I should be in bed by now."

Aww...She's such a kid.

As we continue down the dark streets, Charles comes flying back towards us. "Natsu, Gray and Erza are searching the Western districts."

"Thanks Charles." I mention. "That's the first useful thing you've done for the last four episodes!"

"Humph." The retarded cat-bird thing pouts as she lands by Wendy's side.

"Well we've already searched the West so it looks like we're ahead of them already!" I say with a confident grin. "Let's try this insignificant corner street next." I declare as we head into the narrow alley.

Needless to say of course, it was anything _but _insignificant, for as soon as we ventured into the street a suspicious scene was already unfolding.

"_Come on, we're already running behind schedule here!"_ I hear one of the blokes saying as he almost throws a large cardboard box to another bloke, who then transfers it to another dude, who is half leaning outside a small white truck.

"Ooh, could these be the fugitives we're after?" I ask my teammates as I stroke the microscopic tuft of hair on my chin.

"_Boss is gonna be mad if we don't get our asses in gear." _One of the scrawny fella's says in a 1920s New Yorker accent for some strange reason.

"Well, Benny, should we make our move?" Lucy whispers.

"What are you asking me for, I was waiting for you to decide whether we stick 'em or not?"

"But you're the one who wanted to show up Natsu and the others!" Lucy argues back a little more loudly this time.

"But this whole thing was _your _idea!" I snap, possibly too loud as well.

"Shhhhhh!" Thankfully Wendy takes over as the only one of us with enough sense to shut the two of us up.

Thankfully, our cover hadn't been blown, and the shady guys continue packing the truck up with boxes. After a few minutes of watching some nice box passing, one of the men in the chain fumbles and drops the mysterious box, spilling the contents out for the three (well four but I don't know why that stupid cat is still hanging around us) of us to see.

"Wow!" I say with astonishment.

"So pretty." Wendy adds.

"My God..." Lucy says with a more shocked look on her face.

"That's-" Charles was about to say something before I cut her off.

"Crystal meth! So these guys must be part of Magnolia's filthy drug cartel." I say with a clenched fist.

"What are you talking about?" Lucy says quite annoyed. "That's Lacrima they're smuggling."

Lacrima eh?...Sounds yummy..."What do they want to use that for then?" I say in my complete obliviousness to this 'Lacrima' substance.

Charles hovers over and explains. "Perhaps they wish to sell it on the black market." Thanks, now we both look like complete idiots in front of the flying cat.

"So they're jewel thieves..." I surmise.

"No they're Lacrima thieves." Charles corrects me.

I'd love to have a slanging match with the feline but something's going on back with the gangster or fugitives or whatever we call them at this point. The other three guys now rush over and scoop up the shiny stuff.

"Okay guys..." I rear onto my legs, ready for the sting. "Get ready to-"

"The jig's up boys!" Suddenly a number of swords land at the men's feet, causing them to spill the box again and run around like panicking gazelles.

"Freeze dirtbags!" Suddenly their feet are stuck to the ground as chink of ice encases their shins.

"Crap! It's the Fairy Tail wizards! They're onto us!" They all shakes their heads in fear.

"Now you'll feel the hot hand...of justice...burning like the fires of-"

"Stop Natsu, just stop right there." A deep-voiced woman appears from the shadows of the other side of the alley, followed by a half naked man and a pink-haired punk. The armoured woman scoops up a handful of the powdered crystalline substance. "Humph, what a shameful avenue of business you guys have found yourselves in." The stern redhead woman steps forth, summoning a chain and wrapping it around the bundle of crooks. "Tell us who you work for, and the courts might take your sentence down to only a hundred years."

_Damn! It's them three!_

"Yo, we'll never spill the beans on boss – kapeesh?" The Yorky guy barks behind his chained restraints.

"Natsu, Gray, seize everything from the truck. We have enough evidence to keep these guys locked up for a long time."

"Yes Ma'am" Her two henchmen give a salute as they begin to unload the boxes from the truck.

"Shit...how did they beat us all of a sudden?" I bite a fingernail in frustration. "Dammit I'm not losing out to them this time!" And so I find myself (and so too my unfortunate comrades) storming out of the shadows and into the fray. "Hey, we'll take over from here if you don't mind." I grab the collar of one of the men's jackets.

"Benny what in all of Magnolia do you think you're doing?" Erza clangs her armoured feet on the ground.

"You guys think I'm just a wimp right? So I'm taking them in and getting the reward this time!" I say quite assertively.

"**Benny-boy!**" Natsu fires up as he forms ball of flames on his two hands.

"Guys, can't you just let us have this job, just this once okay." Lucy winks as she begins her sweet talking.

"Lucy, you of all people should know how wrong it is to steal another team's job." Erza shakes her head much the same way a teacher would for a failed student.

"Yeah but-" Lucy finds no way of defending her actions and lowers her head.

"We're sorry Erza-san, Natsu-san, Gray-san." Wendy digs a sandal into the ground, looking quite guilty on our behalf. "It's my fault, please don't get angry at Ben-san and Lucy-san."

Wendy taking one for the team...Wait – no that ain't right! I'm the one in the wrong here, and I'm letting this poor girl shoulder all the guilt...Have I become so malicious in my attempt to seek revenge on Natsu and Erza that I've forgotten about this pure-hearted child? My God! I'm the _real_ crook here!

"GUNS MAGIC: VANILLA BULLET!" Our little tiff is suddenly interrupted by a small explosion. I'm overcome by white smoke with quite a pleasant smelling aroma actually – in fact I wouldn't mind inhaling a bit more of this sweet smell.

"Mmmm...It's like I'm eight years old again." I comment as my other Fairy Tail wizards equally confused by the small cloud of flavoured smoke.

"Hey wait they're getting away!" Erza suddenly swipes away most of the smoke as the truck's engine warms up. I catch but a tiny glimpse of the driver, who's still hanging out of the window with an old revolver in his arm. He doesn't seem very special at first until I get a lightning bolt revelation.

"HEY THAT'S THE PRICK WHO'S BEEN SWIMMING THROUGH MY GARBAGE!" In my anger at being confronted with the Freegan face-to-face. I begin sprinting after the truck just as it begins to accelerate away.

"Benny no!" Erza's voice trails away as I find myself in hot pursuit of the human sized garbage rat (oh and some Lacrima thieves as well).

"BENNY...YOU...IDIOT!" Lucy manages to catch up to me in my mad sprint, puffing heavily as she runs my my side.

"STOP BEN-SAN!" Wendy pleads as she flies overhead.

I find the remaining crooks sticking their tongues out as they reside inside the back of the truck cabin. The back doors of the truck flap open as they turn a sharp corner. "RIGHT! NOW I'VE GOT YOU!" And at the risk of copyright liability, I take a giant leap of faith as I snag my sharpened fingernails onto the moving truck, leaving sparks as my shoes grind against the road.

"AGH BENNY!" I feel my weight suddenly double as Lucy trips and grabs my torso. Now we're both being towed on the back of a fast moving vehicle whilst the crooks lob handfuls of the crystals at us.

"BEN-SAN! LUCY-SAN!" Charles drops Wendy inside the truck. Great, now she can help us onto the truck! But no! Those guys behind her will-

"KYAH!" Yep they got her.

"YOU BASTARDS!" I scream as I try and claw my way further onto the truck. The scrawniest of the bozos stomps on my hand and I find it flailing against my side.

"BENNY I'M SLIPPING!" Lucy screams at a slightly higher tone than myself.

"HERE GRAB MY FINGERNAILS!" I muster some strength to grow my claws a few centimetres longer enough for Lucy to grab on. "AGH SHIT THEY"RE GONNA BREAK." And just as they snap off from Lucy's weight I lunge my arm out and grab her wrist just before she flies onto the tarmac, saving her from having to scrape most of her face off the road.

"KYAH!" Lucy continues her shrill screams as she swings along the end of my body.

"LUCY DON'T LET GO OF MY HAND!" I shout back with great urgency.

"BEN-SAN!" Wendy cries out as the creepy gangsters hold her back with a box-cutting knife at her throat.

"HANG ON WENDY! I'M COMING!" I grit my teeth as I try to pull my own and Lucy's entire weight onto the vehicle.

But they continue to taunt me. With one of the thugs walking over and eyeing my fingers. "DAMNIT NO!" But the oafish bald thug just chuckles to himself as he tickles my fingers one by one. "AHAHAHA! NO STOP IT I'M BEGGING OHOHOHOHAHA PL~EHEHEASE NOHOHO" But two of my fingernails have already broken off the truck. "SHIIIIT!" And now is seems the driver is swerving to shake me off quicker. He proceeds to the third finger and it slips away just like the last two.

"BENNY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T LET GO!" Lucy cries from her monkey grip behind me.

"LIKE YOU'RE HELPING THE SITUATION AT ALL!" I find myself arguing at a very inappropriate time. "WHY DON'T YOU USE ONE OF YOUR KEYS OR THAT WHIP OF YOURS!" But now I feel another fingernail break off as I'm literally hanging onto the truck by an overgrown fingernail.

"GAAGGGGHHH WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Lucy reminds me (and I thank her for the much needed reminder).

"BEN-SAN, LUCY-SAN!" Wendy continues to cry out for us behind the wall of thugs.

"WENDY!" Charles flies into the truck in an effort to save Wendy (she couldn't have saved us by any chance first huh?). But one of the more solid built thugs with a white tanktop lifts a hand and creates a small explosion around the flying feline.

"CHARLES!" Wendy cries out to her little friend as she rolls off the trailer floor. By some miracle she lands in Lucy's fleshy chest net.

But now the extra weight has made it unbearable for my final nail to hang on any longer. And the fat guy kneels down as he takes a quick nibble of my finger.

"AGH!" And so with that, I release my latch onto the truck and find myself, along with a crazy blonde and alien cat, in freefall about to hit the stone cobbled road at high speed.

Needless to say, I was about to have an involuntary bowel propulsion.

"AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

_**~To be continued~**_

* * *

><p><span>Next episode, Benny will - wait, will there even be a next episode? It looks like the poor boy's fate may have already be sealed over by a new layer of tarmac at this point! Will this be the end of our hopeless hero's misadventures already? Find out in the next painful chapter!<span>


	8. The Vanilla Sting: Part II

_Meet Benny Makaren: 19 years old and a newbie to the whole world of Wizardry and Magic. In an attempt to one-up Natsu, Erza and Gray that ends up going horribly, horribly wrong...Benny has let Wendy get kidnapped by a bunch of Larcima drug syndicates. And if that isn't the worst of our poor hero's worries, he is now free-falling off the edge of a fast moving truck and about to find out what happens when the human body mixes with a fast moving road surface - a great science lesson for you kids at home so enjoy the Eighth Chapter!-!-!_

**~My Fairy~**

The Vanilla Sting Part II

"ICE MAKE: SLIPPERY SLIDE!"

My precious skin is spared from the ravages of asphalt as my body glides along a frozen carpet of ice. The slide is more insane than any ride in Disneyland (®TM©) and I nearly throw up over the edge. Thankfully the ride comes to an end where three pairs of feet meet me.

"They got away..." The shirtless Gray regards as he crosses his arms.

But I don't share his cool calm head as I find myself turning back to try and chase after the long gone truck. "WEEENNNDDYY! They took Wendy dammit!"

"Hey get a hold of yourself Benny-boy!" I'm held back as Natsu yanks the back of my collar, pulling me down to the ground. What am I kidding? If I can't even get away from Natsu like this, what hope would I have been in saving the girl? I can't even look up at them anymore, I'd rather see my reflection in my own pool of sole tears as they individually form a pool of grief and sorrow and some other sad things.

"They won't get far..." I hear Erza. "That vehicle uses Magical energy for fuel, but we cut through the tank earlier."

"You mean _I _had to go under that dirty magic guzzler and cut it with my Ice Pocket Knife (®2012 Not for Sale in New Zealand)! Never mind that you could have used one of your thousands of weapons though!" The stupid whiner named Gray went over to a wall to cry some icy tears.

"Well, that's bit of a relief then." I sigh, knowing that we can still save Wendy from those disgusting men. To be honest, I don't know if they made laws against kidnapping young girls in this country yet. Maybe I should've gone to Law School afterall...'But no Mr Makaren! I won't have no son of mine wasting five years in some college! You gotta go and get married and have eight children for the _family!'..._Those bastards...And they weren't even my real parents in the end!

Wait where was I?

"Wow...Just wow..." Natsu shakes his head for some reason. "You have issues man!"

"Hey stop reading my inner thoughts!" I snap as I draw my broken nails.

"We should probably go after those guys hey..." Erza brought some sanity back into the scene.

"Yeah you're right!" I clench my clawed fist in confidence. "AGH tsssssssk not again!"

"Yeah let's go and get our Wendy back!" Natsu and Gray (who finally drained himself of his icy tears) roar in enthusiasm.

"By the way guys..." I brief cut off our pep talk. "Wasn't there a blonde chick and flying cat with us?"

"YRRPH SFFNDNG NN TPPHH FFVVV MMPPH!" Whoah since when did we start speaking Yugoslavian in this fanfic?

"Yo...Underneath your arse Benny-boy." Natsu pointed down with his finger.

As I pull my derrieres away there is a loud popping noise before Lucy's pancake face appears. "FWAAAAHHHH! Ooooh dear gooood!"

"Hey Lucy."

"YOU JERK! WERE YOU PLANNING ON SITTING ON MY FACE ALL DAY!-?" Lucy began spitting flames out of her throat.

"Well..." _Yes actually... _"Nooooo..."

"And you didn't have to fart eight times either ya dick!" She adds covering her nose which has flattened over to one side like a _good_ Picasso painting.

"Well I had only done 6 today so I was getting worried." I whimper as I rub my tender region. **[Fun fact kids: the Average human farts 14-23 times a day! 'The Internet': The Most Wonderful Magic of All!] **

"Could you all just hurry up and save Wendy!" Charles flies over, thankfully Lucy's grand canyon managed to save the little cat from a cruel fate.

"Yeah let's go!" I gee up our little gang.

/?/?/?/

"Okay...there's the van. So they must be in that warehouse over there."

"Thank for stating the bleedin' obvious Benny-boy!"

"Well I was just making sure we were all on the same page here _Summer-boy_!"

Natsu pulls up his sleeve. "Ooh them's is fightin' words Benny-boy!"

"Dammit Natsu stop acting like an idiot!" Gray pulls back the fire breather before he gives me an early cremation.

"You wanna go too Gray! You're named after a colour – a lame one too so-"

"Hey punk! I'll kick your arse too then!" Fire and Ice now clash their heads as lightning and earth shatters before their feet.

"**I'll render you both unable to have children in a minute...**" Erza Scarlet (definitely not a name you can rip off...or risk attempting to at least) finally stands over the two of them with a demonic glare in her snake eyes.

"*Gulp*" They both said loudly before silencing their tongues.

"Thanks Erza." I smiled as she gave me a thumbs up (nice but she's still megas scary nyoron!).

"What should we do?" Lucy said because she wanted to be part of the team too. "Should we just rush in there or stake it out?"

Charles hovered over as she considered a plan. "Perhaps if we sneak in via the air ducts then disguise ourselves before obtaining the-"

"Charging in sounds good to me!" The Dragon Slayer charged forward, generating as much fire and noise as possible.

"Dammit Natsu! Wait for me!" Gray, with probably only a few more brain cells than his flaming counterpart, ran in too.

"Why don't those blockheads ever listen?" Charles sighed as she crossed her paws.

"REQUIP: FLIGHT ARMOUR!" Erza's outfit suddenly disappears as her body is wrapped in light. After a brief transform action sequence she reveals something that can hardly be called armour, she looks more like a cosplaying cheetah, with a furry breastplate and hairpieces. "Sorry but we better get going too!" She turns back briefly before vanishing with her rapier.

"So fast..." I say in astonishment, though I probably meant to say another adjective at that point.

"C'mon we better go in there and help them too." Lucy seemed less than enthusiastic about charging in after a bunch of bloodthirsty Wizards.

By the time we went inside Natsu's team had already stormed the entire warehouse; throwing people across the room, emptying boxes of powdered Lacrima or (as in Natsu's case) starting up fires whilst giving two people wedgies simultaneously (who ever said idiots couldn't multitask?).

"Where's Wendy?" I search the various doorways. The place is poorly lit but I can make out the shadow of a man's long trench-coat as he holds something blue.

"WENDY!" I call out towards the other side of the room. I think that bundle of blue-hair must've belonged to her because I hear her crying out my name.

"BEN-SAN _Tasukete_!" And with that gratuitous Japanese, I knew I...Benny Makaren, would have to become the hero for today!

"WENDY!" I went straight for the door, with Charles flying by my side.

"I'll protect Wendy while you take care of that man." Charles says in a huffing tone.

Since when was I taking orders from a flying cat? Well this is a land of magic I guess...But no time for arguing! I gotta save the girl! I gotta save the damsel in distress!

"GUNS MAGIC: WINTER PINE BULLET!" With a loud bang a cloud of grey smoke blocks our path. I don't cover my nose in time and end up inhaling some of the pleasant aroma.

"Now I could use this product for deodorising my apartment."

"Tch. Benny! Stop smelling the smoke and keep going!" Charles nagging seemed to work this time as I continued on through the dark corridor.

"GUNS MAGIC: LAVENDER FIELDS BULLET!" This time a light purple haze cast over my vision, I was brought back to those times at the primary school mother's day stall.

/?/?/?/

_Young Benny: I'm gonna get ma mum! 'Dis one!_

_Stall Lady: Oh how sweet...But do you think your mother would really want a crushed snail and pile of dirt for Mother's Day?_

_Young Benny: Umm...Yah-yah can you wap it up pwease!-?_

/?/?/?/

Mum was in hospital for four months after that...

"Benny!" Charles scratched my nose with her deadly claws, replacing my happy childhood nostalgia with pain.

"Agh what the hell did you do that for?"

"That man took Wendy in there!" She pointed with with her arm and tail towards a doorway at the end of the hall.

Right...Here I come.

Wait for me Wendy...

/?/?/?/

I burst through the doorway revealing a larger room with some moonlight coming down from the high windows. Empty wooden crates take up most of this room. A man cloaked in darkness would be well camouflaged in this room, but Wendy's muffled screams help me track down their location.

"Wendy!" I see her mouth being covered by a gloved hand I grit my teeth as I call out to the man. "Hey, give Wendy back okay...and uh..._there-won't-be-any-trouble-and-such_."

Crap...I just realised...I'm utterly hopeless in confrontational situations...

"_Go in there Benny!_" The flying cat hisses as she gives me a push forward.

"GAGH!" I blurt out a strange howl as I come within two metres of this gun-toting enemy. But he has Wendy...

...And he was the bastard who went through my garbage...

_**...That's right Benny you didn't forget did you?...**_

"YOU TRASH SNIFFING SONOFABITCH!" Suddenly I enter a rage as I rake my nails at the wall of boxes blocking me from reaching him. He might have looked a little frightened, or maybe just surprised that I would suddenly flip out. But whatever it was, it seemed to make him react, as he let go of Wendy and bolted towards the exit.

Wendy was safe now, but I still had a bone to pick through using my fingernails with him. I went for the door, but he turned his back away from me, holding his gun underneath his arm Wild West style as he muttered...

"FATAL ANISEED BULLET!"

"Kah-kah!" The black cloud of liquorice poison choked my lungs. As I grasped my throat, I fell to one knee as I reached out, extending my broken nails to try and reach him. He was so close but just out of my reach. I called out to him with a wheezing voice. "Who...who are you?"

The shady garbage scrounging, fragrant gun wielding, girl snatching crook half turned his face, half of which was hidden behind his collar already mind you. But I managed to catch his slick brown hair against the moon's glare just as he hung outside the doorway.

~"I'm not big on labels. I'm just a Layman, nothing more..."~

And with that, the man darted away, vanishing into the moonlight like a mysterious fog. I was left confused, mesmerised and bewildered (though I think the aniseed was having its fair share of an effect on me too)...

"Benny are you alright?" I hear Lucy and others coming into the room. But I'm still kinda spaced out at the moment. I have a feeling that this won't be the last time I'll see that man again...

つづく

* * *

><p><span>Next episode the gang are back in the Guild, licking their gravel rash and smoothing out their broken nails all for the sake of for some minor filler perhaps...But what of this mysterious man? Who is he and will he ever reappear in another arc? Don't miss the next exciting chapter!<span>


	9. Eggs Bennydict: EASTER SPECIAL!

_Meet Benny Makaren: 19 years old and a newbie to the whole world of Wizardry and Magic. After a not so glorious stakeout against some powdered lacrima smugglers, it seems a special event has cast over the land of magic and adventure today...Yep it's a My Fairy Easter Special Episode (*cough*Filler*cough*). So enjoy the Ninth Chapter in moderation kids...you wouldn't want to get sick at the end of the day!_

**~My Fairy~**

Eggs Benny-dict

YAWN...Well last night was pretty hectic. I wake up to the morning sun shining down on my skin. "Ahh, Vitamin D!" I pull open the curtains and say 'good morning' to another fantastic and peaceful day. The birds are chirping out their songs and the flowers are eating each other just like any other day in this fantasy kingdom (or principality). "Yep...I think I'm off to a great day today!"

"AGH!"

"Oh dear lord!"

"My eyes! Oh for the love of god my precious eyes."

"Mummy, what's th-"

"STACY DON'T LOOK!"

CRSSHHH...

"Crap someone call an ambulance."

"My spleen...Ugh!"

"George! Sweetheart please stay with me George nooooo!"

.

.

.

… "Uh-oh."

Guess I should've put some pants on first eh...

/?/?/?/

I whistle a fine ol' tune to myself as I skip down the cobblestone road on my way to work.

"You're looking cheerful today." Lucy calls out to me as she finally catches up. "I was held back for a while, there was a huge pile up outside my apartment and the police kept asking me all these questions...Poor George, he shaped my whole life."

"I _see_..." I say, looking in the opposite direction without a hint of suspicion in my expression. "Well I guess I'm just glad we all got out of last night's mission without too many worries."

"Yeah, looks like the Magic Council was real pleased." Lucy added as she kicked her boots with each stride. "They confiscated about 8 million jewel worth of Lacrima Cocaine that night. Natsu, Gray and Erza are sure to be bragging about their award by the time we get in there." She groaned at the thought of Natsu's egotistical pride.

"Hey, well by all fairness me, you and Wendy (but not Charles, I don't care if she can fly she ain't got no use for people money!) should get a cut of the reward too right?"

"Well technically it wasn't our job to claim." Lucy explains with another sigh. "If anything, we probably put the whole operation in jeopardy for them."

"But...that's...shouldn't...Gerald Ford...ugh forget about it." I defeat my own rebuke as we finally reach the large doors which divide us from sanity to complete and utter chaos: the Fairy Tail guild.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to suck it up then." I take in a huge breath as I push open the doors.

-MASSIVE UBER-MEGA NOSEBLEED!-

"Whoah what the hell is this?" I hang onto the door as I'm nearly cast away in a tsunami of crimson ecchi fluid.

"SHHHHHH!" All the guys in the Guild push me back with a heavy shockwave of hushing. With the water still dripping from their face taps they give me a horrid owl stare before slowly creeping their heads back towards what looks like an improvised stage over by the bar.

"Oh-ma-god-I-nearly-forgot-hwup!" Lucy gasps out a bunch of words as I turn back.

"Hey Lucy what the hell is-huh? Lucy?" There was only a cloud shaped clone of the blonde remaining next to me as I inadvertently found her clothes neatly folded in a pile in my arms. "Wait how did they-"

"_#Now lads, I hope you're all ready for our next contestant!#" _The little old Makarov was acting as MC on the barstool stage as the crowd of horny men began hooting and stamping their feet in unison like some sort of mad (English) Football match.

Finding a spiky shrub of pink hair in the crowd, I squeeze in between Natsu and a green-haired douchebag in a red blazer get-up. "Hey Natsu..." I loudly whisper between intervals of sweaty men standing up from their chairs and wolf whistling quite unashamedly. "Is this another one of Fairy Tail's customs I'm yet to acquaint myself with?' Yeah I could have just said 'what the f-?' but let's pad things out.

Instead the green haired pretty-boy I'm sitting on answers for me in a very patronising tone. "Humph, you would have to be a real fool not to realise what day it is today..."

"Well I didn't think we were counting dates in this fanfic." I think I heard a small blacksmith's burning down at that point.

"_Sampson! Noo! Oh God! How horrible...Somebody please he's just aww geez...This is too horrible to even describe...I would never wish such a thing on anybody."_

Gajeel grabbed my collar from the row behind. "Oi stop breaking down houses kiddo!"

"Okay..." I mumble innocently..._Dick..._

"Ahem..." The other guy next to me, let's just call him – oh I dunno Freed or something, clears his throat. "Well today is Easter."

"Oh Easter! Hey where's my egg then?"

Freed gave me a cock-eye of complete confusion at that point. "Why on earth would one want an...'egg'...on Easter."

"Well, you guys do Easter right? So aren't we dishing up chocolate eggs and such lik-"

"SHUT UP YOU PAIR!" Natsu spits out a few embers on my shirt. "We're trying to watch the Miss Easter Beauty and Talent Contest!"

"Beauty and Talent contest"?

"WHOO-HOO GO LEVY-CHAN!" The top-hat wearing dude and the dude with a weird phallic thing going on his hair (Jet and Droy) cheer on their teammate and next contestant.

A young girl, though older than Wendy, with medium blue hair trots out onto the stage with a cute little smile and winks. She wears a tiny brown two piece which covers all the important areas and a cloth around her waist. But there's seems to be something peculiar about her clothing, something I could probably put my finger on if I was tempted too...

She wrote something in the air with a magical pen then blew a kiss to the crowd before returning behind a curtain leading to the storeroom.

All the guys began scrawling down number on their little cards, though Freed didn't look like he was playing along...And I don't think it's because I'm sitting on his hands either!

"#_How did our beautiful young Levy rate?#_" Makarov came back on and made everyone salivate for the next act. "_#Now she's our strongest and most capable Wizard in Fairy Tail, but does she pass your test, here's our one and only Erza Scarlet!#_"

Wakaba and Macao were nearly having heart attacks when the redhead was due to come out on stage. But all I could see as a foot poke out and a few locks of red hair from the curtains.

"Erza?"

"Go on Erza..." And with a gentle push from an equally attractive Mirajane, Erza finally arrived on stage, albeit in a sobbing wreck with her revealing brown armour in a soaking mess.

"I c-c-c-c-c-caaaaan't!" And with that odd moment the Knight of Titania ran back behind the curtains wailing like a girl who came second in a beauty pageant.

"What's with Erza?" I ask Natsu.

"Oh, Erza-san's always had a bad case of stage fright." He explained whilst locking his flaming pupils onto Mirajane's slowly melting attire.

And now I really begin to find something suspicious about these outfits. But it wasn't until after Mirajane's song, Bisca's gun fireworks and laser extravaganza and Juvia's five hour poem to a certain 'Gray-sama' which made us all evacuate for a further hour after her tears flooded the place too literally that I worked it out.

"They all wear chocolate dresses!-!-!-!" I say with my fist pressing down like a gavel on my palm.

"Of course they do!" Gray says sarcastically with a Juvia latched around his waist. "It's frigging Easter, what else would they wear?"

_Real clothes I guess but whatever, we can do with the fan-service. _"So I wonder who's on next."

"Hmmm..." Natsu put on some tiny reading glasses and unfolded a large piece of cardboard which revealed a massive itinerary for the event. He scrolled down the tiny text with his finger until he reached somewhere near the end. "Wohoah! Wendy's up next!"

A silence cast over the crowd as a little girl dressed in a chocolate furry bunny outfit hopped onto the bar/stage. She waved her paws as a white flying cat handed out what looked very much like decorated chocolate eggs to the crowd.

"Awww..." Everyone cooed at Wendy's adorable outfit, she was dressed far more respectable than any of the other contestants and when the final contestant appeared, well, everyone else seemed to be wearing a choco-freaking burqua!

A blonde bunny girl (and this time she was more 'girl' than 'bunny' for one thing!) with chocolate stockings which rose nearly up to the top of her thighs, and a corset which barely held back those eggstra Easter surprises. Oh and she had a bow tie and bunny ears made of (you guessed it didn't you...).

"Lucy!" My strangely long tongue suddenly rolled out of my mouth and down on the floor like a roll of tape. "Atth sthhtt!" I quickly bundled it back inside my mouth after people stopped trodding on it.

She held out one arm and tilted her hips in a striking hot pose before she pulled a set of keys from underneath her right breast. "Come on out everyone!" She summoned a whole bunch of weird critters using the magical keys: A horny bull; a horny guy in a suit; a horny dude with a scorpion tail; a horny maid with cuffs; and some others. "Now dance my children dance mwahahaha!" And with that out of character (though not by too much) laugh, the whole lot of insane asylum inmates started doing the Can-can. And let me remind you that such a dance involves a _looooot_ of leg raising and chocolate likes to melt in the warmest places first.

Needless to say...Mirajane was going to be paid overtime for the clean-up afterwards...

/?/?/?/

"Well, that was an uneventful Easter then." I sigh as I crash onto my lounge. I'm feeling puckish now, in fact I can't even remember the the last time I ate anything with calories and nutrient necessary for human survival. So I dug through my cupboard and found a packet of two minute noodles, a packet of flat Thai noodles, and a frozen bag of peas and corn. "Hmm, maybe if I learn alchemy, I can turn any crap into something edible." But for now these ingredients will have to do.

Unfortunately I can't summon fire from my hands or mouth like Natsu so I have to use a gas stove to heat my water. I boil the flat noodles until they roll up and go soft before adding the frozen peas a and corn after-which I add the broken 2 minute noodles (its double the noodley goodness!). When its all ready to be dished up I inhale the steamy goodness frothing from the pot before draining and serving in a plain white bowl.

"Oh man these are some dynamite noodles!" I beam as I slurp them up. I study the empty packet of 2min noodles which is labelled as interestingly enough:

'Shuda's Explosion Flavoured Instant Noodles...Packed with over 250 000kCal in every serve.'

"Hmm...Guess these'd be good in a survival situation." But it seems I might finally have someone other than myself to talk to as I hear a knock coming from the door.

"Oh hey Lucy." My next door neighbour is outside the doorway, thankfully for my nose's sake in a green shirt and jeans.

"Hi Benny." She says with a blushing smile. For some reason she has her hands behind her back, which is only poking her chest out more so please...just- "Happy Easter Benny."

_Haz?_ She swings her hands away from her back and extends them forward, holding a small basket with several shiny wrapped chocolate eggs and a white-choc bunny (my personal favourite too ~aww how did she know?) arranged inside. She even went to the trouble of putting little baby chicks made of yellow and orange pipe-cleaners inside and shredded paper for hay just for extra decoration.

"Did you get all this...for me?" I say quite humbly. "But I thought you guys don't give out eggs for Easter."

"What?" Lucy tilted her head. "Of course we do. We hand out lots of gifts and chocolate to our friends for Easter, but you wouldn't expect just a regular chicken egg if that's what you meant."

"Hehe, well I guess not." I say scratching my head, still confused. "Well I guess I should say thanks but..." But now I realise, I haven't bought a damn thing for anyone. What a slack bastard I'm gonna look like when she expects me to give her a gift in return. I suppose I could offer her the remaining half of my 10 days worth calories noodles but she might not appreciate the sentiment there either.

"What's the matter?" Lucy leans her head forward, blinking rapidly.

"Oh well you see, I kinda, didn't get anything for you for Easter and so I-"

SWOON. I think I may have just travelled the speed of light for a second there but somehow my lips ended up connected to Lucy's. Also my hands seem to have gotten hooked around her waist as did her own. I try to fix up this error in the space time continuum but she seems to want to remain in this moment of physiological anomaly for a while longer.

She finally releases her lips from mine and lowers her head with a bashful smile. "I saw the way you went after that man yesterday. That was really brave of you Benny Makaren, well done."

Well to be honest, it was more that the guy gave us Wendy back anyway but still... "Well, I guess my power must be getting stronger every day." I suddenly burst into nervous laughter and Lucy giggles along as well. "Hahahaha-Owfgh!"

Then I suddenly realised where the 'Explosion' part in them noodles was meant to come from. We may not have had our mouths connected anymore but we might as well, you see with the two of us facing each other and her mouth wide open in casual laughter...

BLUERGH.

Well, let's just say I don't think we'll be getting Easter eggs off her again anytime soon...

* * *

><p><span>And on that icky wonderful note, hope you all had a Happy Easter (especially for The Layman who put up my guest chapter of <span>_Cold Fuzz_ today - go read _Cold Fuzz_ now! There's still time before the next _My Fairy_ update!) and make sure to look out for the next instalment of Mr. Makaren's unpredictable adventures! Bye-nii!


	10. Fill'er Up!

_Meet Benny Makaren: 19 years old and a newbie to the whole world of Wizardry and Magic. With our obligatory Easter special wrapped up nicely in colourful foil, Benny's now gotta go through a brief filler episode whilst things have been a bit average in Guild activity lately. But can he triumph over this adversity of limbo? Please enjoy the Tenth chapter!_

_**~My Fairy~**_

Fill'er up!

Well it has been over a month since I wound up working for these ragtag bunch of Wizards and Wizardesses but things have been been pretty calm and slow lately. In fact it's been a little...how should I put it...boring...

"GRAY YOU BASTARD!"

"I'LL FREEZE YOUR ARSE NATSU!"

"I WON'T LET YOU HURT MY GRAY-SAMA"

"WHO STOLE MY PAINTBRUSHES?"

"I CAN'T DRINK WITH ALL THIS RACKET!"

"WHOSE PAINTBRUSHES DID I JUST CRAP OUT?"

"SHUT UP DICK!"

**"IF YOU _ALL_ DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP IN THREE SECONDS I'LL SEND A SWORD SO FAR UP EACH OF YOUR ENDS THAT YOU'LL BE SHITTING BLOOD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!"**

That last one was Erza, nobody ignored it...Not unless they wanted to continue peeing unassisted for the rest of their lives.

When the ceasefire was finally brought through and I could hear my whining, I crashed my aching head over towards the bar. "Hey when will there be a nice exciting job for us?" I go and nag Mirajane behind the bar because I figured she was more approachable than the Gramps - the short centurion (and plus, she is kinda cute eh?).

"Funny that you might ask..." The pale haired barmaid beams as she reaches for a piece of paper underneath the bar-table. "Well Benny, there is an important errand you can go and do for me." She showed me some sort of document with frilly borders and numbers. "My car is in town getting serviced, could you please go pick it up for me?" And she even hold her hands in a faux pyramid and gives me the Moe frown and wink to top it off.

Mirajane, you're such a soft spoken beauty, but I'm afraid although your intentions to sooth my boredom were admirable, they are highly misguided.

"Sure I'd love to!" I say anyway. I know I'm pathetic...

But it beats fermenting inside this giant brawl club...

/?/?/?/

I decide to go on this harrowing journey alone. I wouldn't want poor Wendy to undergo such brutal trials for her tender age. And Lucy must still want to kill me after I served my Explosion noodles all over her face last night.

FIST CLENCH. That's right! Sometimes a guy's gotta go it alone...But I shall hopefully return more glorious than ever before!

Don't worry Mirajane, I shall fulfil your wish...

I will get your serviced car back to the Fairy Tail Guild.

Now I've been waiting outside 'Marrow's Magical Motoroid Mechanical Mending Mart' (try saying that fast five times!) for about an hour now. There's a shop that serves fried Tenrou Quail and Chicken Kebabs across the road, but I know this guy should be finished anytime now. It would be rude to me half digesting some sort of food when he comes out.

But I'm so hungry...Maybe I should just eat that green looking cake thing on the ground.

"You 'ere for dee car boyo?" Before I can take a chance of some food poisoning, I hear a man walking out of the garage, speaking a number of odd and possibly politically incorrect accents. "Och vell den daire she ecsh!" The frizzy haired mechanic shows me into the garage where another obtuse looking fellow is doing some last minute inspections underneath the car body.

"Plez telleth Miri-pie aye says Konnichihao!" The other mechanic, a big eyed apprentice it seems (and I mean literally like even the Anime storyboard guys must have been putting too many pills in their coffee when they drew up this dude!) says as he slides on a board.

"Um...Okay I'll try and remember then." I say, hoping that I won't end up laughing at their ridiculous voices. I'm beginning to suspect that this supposed world of magic was in fact more of a magic mushroom world of crack – but then the walls were looking pretty unstable here so I kept those thoughts tucked away with all the other unwanted items of my conciousness.

The more senior mechanic pushed out the vintage model car outside the garage. "Okey dokey, well laddie *click* pleaze be taking your automobile noow OI GET owwt *sniff* *snort*!"

"Alright thanks guys." And with that horrible comedic torture over I jumped into the right seat where the driver occupied "thank god they at least drive on the _right _side of the road!" I say referring to the left side of course! "What a cute little car, can't wait to hear this girl purr." So needless to say when I tried starting the car I was a little perplexed. "Where the heck is the ignition?"

"Ugeck! Yesch steel 'ere maaaaate?" The wonky mechanic came out from the garage again. "Lek ye kne noth knyu how to start zee carrrrr?"

"Ummm...Sorry can I get a translator here?"

"Is that you Benny-san?" I thought either Wendy had grown twice her size overnight or Gray's stalker had just shrunk in breadth but it was in fact the third of the blue-haired maidens in our guild; Levy who was calling out to me. "I thought I recognised the newbie here...Isn't that Mira-chan's car?" She peeks her head into the driver's cabin like a curious schoolgirl.

"Yeah, but the stupid thing doesn't have an ignition key or anything." I curse as I strangle the steering wheel. "What kind of cheap-arse country manufactures such vehicles anyway?"

"Girlo, plaise essplain tew de bey thit thith thin requires midge-lickal peewoor!" The Rainbowstanian mechanic communicates something to the young blue haired girl.

"Hang on." She pulls out a pen and starts pretending to write something in the air (aww that's cute she thinks she's people.) but soon the words come flying literally towards me as a holographic message appears on the windshield.

_~ALL MECHANICAL OBJECTS IN MAGNOLIA – INCLUDING AUTO-VEHICLES REQUIRE THE INPUT OF MAGIC ENERGY IN ORDER TO FUNCTION~_

"Oh..." I say feeling quite embarrassed. "So this thing here isn't just to take my blood pressure?" I hold a cord with a Velcro strap attached to the end.

"No silly, this is an SE-plug." Levy explains as she puts the strap onto my arm. "The car runs on your magical energy so just pour some energy into your arm and it should go." She beams as if it were so simple.

Well here goes the old college try then...

…

…

…

…

I could really go for some quail or something right now...

…

…

…

"I don't get it! Why won't it go for me?" I vent my frustration.

"It's probably because you're not Manly enough!" A white haired giant now comes over towards us. "Since you were taking so long I told my sister that a real Man should have picked up your car instead!"

"Elfman? Well here you better take it back then..." Since I'm such a hopeless excuse for a Mage that I can't even muster enough Mana points to propel a wheeled carriage.

"Well hang on let's give Benny a chance Elfman." Levy quickly whispers something in the Goliath's ear before he nods and walks away. "I'll give you something to help you drive Benny." Levy hops into the passenger side before scrawls something on my left arm where the straps is still attached. "There, now try and start the car this time." She says in a sing-song voice.

"Okay but don't expect any...what's this?" I soon light up like a child on Christmas Day. Like some sort of miracle, the chunk of metal actually started rolling slowly down the road. "Wow! I'm driving a car using my own energy?" I'm ecstatic now, swerving the steering wheel and making car noises as we continued cruising down the stone-cobbled boulevard "So how did you do that Levy?"

Levy smiles bashfully as she twirls around her mystical pen. "I wrote a spell on your arm so you could channel your magical energy more effectively."

"Wow!" I say, still awe inspired by this technology. "So does that mean I actually have some magical potential locked inside of me after all?"

"You sure do kid~!" She says with a nervous chuckle. I'm not sure why she called me kid just now...Sounded kinda patronising but who cares I'm having fun wheeeeee!

Speeding down the winding streets at a breakneck speed of 15 kilometres per hour, I feel the soft breeze pushing down my arm hairs as we blaze ever closer to the guild. "So Benny-san, how's your first few weeks been at Fairy Tail?" Levy brings out the road trip talk.

"Well it's been pretty good I guess." I say, now putting on the macho one hand on the wheel shtick. "Y'know, fighting baddies, feeding giant farm animals and delivering sugar and flour to Mrs. Hobbs down the road. I mean overall it's been a real hectic job...but I feel it's all worth it knowing I'm keeping the streets safe at night."

"Hehe, you're quite funny Benny." The less endowed girl, probably close to Lucy's age giggles with her hand covering her mouth. "I know Natsu and some of the guys like to pick on you but I think you're actually quite nice to talk to."

"R-r-really?' I stammer, still pumping my magical strength into an oncoming incline. "Well golly gee, thanks Levy, I don't normally get compliments from girls but thanks."

"Well, I think you'll make a lot of friends in our guild one day, you seem really humble which a lot of the other guys don't even know the meaning of."

"I dunno...I have some deadly claws if you wanna try them out haha!" I try and pull of some light hearted banter. I guess this girl seems alright too, but why the hell am I speaking like this to her? I almost feel like I'm trying to flirt with her – if not encourage her to flirt with me? I feel like I'm in a harem even though I don't have a relationship with anyone yet!

"My friends Jet and Droy are always wondering what you're up to so I thought I'd look for you..." Oh she has fiends – male friends, well that's...probably a relief...

"Yeah, I should really try and get to know a few of the minor characters of this guild too." I say with the confidence of being in an unwalled environment. "Well looks like this chariot is nearly reaching its end." The colourful parapets and logos of the guild are now visible.

"Yay, that was fun wasn't it~?" Levy scruffs my hair like a mother probably would to her child after getting the 'participation award' in the soapbox derby. "Mirajane will be so happy now."

"Yeah, that was a pretty awesome ride." I shake my fists cheering silently.

"UGH!" I hear a loud groan followed by a thud outside the car.

"What the-Elfman?" I find the big fella collapsed on the ground just behind the vehicle.

"Man...should not...perform physical labour..." Elfman pants out in sheer exhaustion.

"Whah? Was he pushing us the whole time?" I say quite shocked.

Levy twists her sandals into the ground as she looks down in shame. "Sorry Benny, I just wanted to make you feel better, I didn't really write any spell on your arm, I'm terribly sorry."

"Levs...But I-"

SMOOCH. Suddenly I feel a wet mass contacting itself onto my cheek as I find Mirajane by my side. "Well done Benny, that was your reward for picking up my car!" Well I guess I can get used to this sort of treatment.

"I'm dying here Nee-chan!" Elfman sobs down below. "Give a man a break!"

"Humph. So this is what our so-called teammate is up to." A flying feline femme flies over with her arms crossed and her head cocked up in a sign of indifference.

"Ben-san!" At least Wendy seems happy enough to see me again. "Lucy-san, Chalres-san and I went on an exciting mission today...I wish you could've come."

"Oh what was it?" I say feeling a little concerned.

Lucy walks over and explains (looks like she blow-dried the crap out of her hair after last night). "We went on a day long quest to find these five rings which could destroy the balance of the world if placed in the wrong hands." Lucy looks away as she continues. "But we found them and gave them back to the owner for safe keeping so every-thing's good now!"

Needless to say there was only one word to say in response to that. "Awwww!"

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode, Benny is sure to expect a special surprise...Afterall it's nearly his birthday! So what will the guild treat him with for his milestone? Don't miss the next happy chapter!<span>


	11. Birthday Blues: Part I

**On the 21****st**** April in the year X784, Benny committed one of the cardinal sins in OC-fics - let alone fanfics in general...In a cheap attempt to acquire a few laughs from a small section of the otaku community, the following three chapters are bound to annoy just about everyone else. So in order to preserve your sanity and whatever integrity Mr Makaren still possesses, we highly recommend you skip the next three chapters to chapter 15!**

_Meet Benny Makaren: now 20 years old(!) and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. Well with such a special day awaiting our hero, what kind of fun filled adventures and surprises can he look forward to today? Please enjoy a special Birthday Chapter!_

_**~My Fairy~**_

Birthday Blues (Endless 3): Part I

"~_Oh what a beautiful mooooorrrning oh what a beaaauuutifuul daaaaaay...The air is sweet and the birds a' tweet for I'm feeling rather gaaaay~_!" That was how I woke up this morning. And yes your probably wondering why I would wake up with a melody meal?

Well Timmy, the answer is...Today is a very special day for me today...

No I wasn't getting my molars removed...Today is much more pleasant and worth looking forward to...

Today is my birthday...

"~And, I'll open the windows and breath in the sunlight of another perfectly wonderful, stupendiful and fanstasticial day!~"

CRASH.

BANG.

SWHOOO!

"ARGH GOD!"

"JANICE NOO!-!-! PLEASE JANICE WAKE UP! COME ON I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO CONFESS MY TRUE FEELINGS TO YOU! PLEASE GOD NO!"

Whoops...

/?/?/?/

"~_Tralalalala...doodeedoodeedoo...~_" Rejuvenated in my morning spirit, I danced and pranced my way to work, causing many a stares and hissing snarls but I was in too good a mood to bother what anyone else though – nor even pay attention to where I was walking either. "~_badapabada-PAGH!~_" I swiped out my hand on that last note, trying to pull off a jazzy dance move, but some stupid idiot's body had to hit the back of my hand.

"OW! That hurt man!" A very female sounding voice winced on the ground as she rubbed her cheek and tailbone.

Crap – the person whose body connected with my hand was a girl!-?

A GIRL!-!-!-?-?-?

/?/?/?/

_Big judge dude: Benny 'Benny-boy' Makaren, for striking a woman I hereby sentence you to three thousand years in Magnolia's Maximum Security Hellspawn Den Dungeon...Penitentiary!_

_Me: [Crying ironically like a schoolgirl] But your honour I swear she ran into my hand! If anything _she _hit _me! _Please Jack! I won't make it in the docks...I have eight kids to feed back home...Ya just gotta believe me your honour!_

_Hit girl: [Wipes away a single tear] I have eight children as well. I was unable to buy food for them that day thanks to that horrible red mark you left on my cheek. How was I supposed to explain to my little Stacy that we won't be having Air Elemental Stew (®_TM X754 Now with 34.8% extra Air!) _for dinner that night?_

_Jury: [Starts bawling down in a flood of tears]_

_Judge: In light of these additional events, I'm going to have to add another three years to your sentence..._

_[BANG]_

_Me: [Squeezing my head into the Scream painting] NOOOOOoooooooo!-!-!-!-!-!-..._

…_..._

/?/?/?/

"Fudgsicles and Hamburgers! I can't allow that to happen!" So in great haste I lean down and stretch out a chivalrous hand (ironically the same one that decided to go on a dance of it's own just now) "I'm so sorry! Are you alright?"

The (quite attractive actually) young girl moaned in a little more pain as she held out a hand with a spiky wristband on it (owch). "Yeah I'm fine, to be honest I was kinda trying to run into your hand anyway..."

Oh...well that all works out then (phew!)

When I lift her to her feet, I notice she stands out quite a bit in this airy fairy kingdom of sparkles and magic. In fact, she seems like the rotten prune in a bouquet of succulent fruits. Maybe this would seem the norm in Norway but over here she strikes me out as quite odd looking (no scrap that! Everyone here's a fruit loop anyway so let's just say 'aberrant'). Dark clothing and black hair – except for a thin strip of pink on the right side.

Oh and I think she might be Asian...That's kinda hot too!

"Um...Excuse me sir, could you please stop drooling on my foot." I look down and notice the pool of saliva congealing around her little black boots.

"Wagh! Gomen-gomen! Ano...Watashi no namae wa, Benni Makaren desu...Watashi wa binkan hodo kimi wa kirei desu yo!"

"Excuse me?" She flicks me a glaring eye.

"Oh sorry, I thought you were Japanese."

"I am Japanese." She cuts back bluntly.

"Oh..." Awkward...Last time I ever try my cross-cultural flirtations. "Well I better head off to work now-HAHAHAHAHA!" I shrug off, laughing much too loudly than appropriate.

"'Kay, see you later I guess." And with that, the Japanese gem resumed her normal path into dayhood, back on the railtracks of life.

Well with that taken of... " _Whoo-pidi-whoo-do-doo-do-di-do-doo Whoo-pidi-whoo-do-doo-do-di-do-doo Whoo-pidi-whoo-do-doo-do-di-do-doo Whoo-pidi-doo-dopidopi-doopi-doo-doo..._ "

I shouldn't be expecting it, but I'm kinda hoping that there'll be huge surprise waiting for me inside the guild today. I mean the old boss and Mira-chan should now it's my b-day since I gave them all my personal details for the job application – including age, weight, height, sexual preferences, species preferences, potion allergies, blood samples, urine samples, skin samples, eyelash samples, navel hair samples, tinea samples...

…

/?/?/?/

…

...Left ring toe cuticle sample, then they wanted me to see if I could carry a Cheerio on a musk stick between my teeth whilst walking on hot coal...

Oh wait I'm here now...Anyway, I suppose I can't help but expect a big magical affair. Maybe Gray will build me a big fancy ice sculpture and Natsu will stop being a jack-arse towards me for a day.

*Inhale deeply*...Well here goes nothing (_geehehehehe!_)

PRESS.

CREAK.

FWOOSH.

CAWK.

Hang on that last one doesn't sound right. Why is there a vulture and tumble weed rolling past?

Everyone in Fairy Tail is...just acting normal...Well, before they've drank at least...

"Hey everyone!" The door creaks even louder as it slams shut. Everyone's down at their respective tables, buried in a lager or some sort of ale-ment (geddit?). The atmosphere is anything but celebratory, in fact it's more like someone's died than had a birthday.

I walk over to Natsu, Gray and Erza's table. "Hey guys-"

"Hissssssss!" They snarl at me with dagger like nails as I approach.

"Whoah sorry...Um..." I had over to some other guys I'm slightly familiar with. "Levy, Jet, Dr-"

"Hey, this is our table Benny-boy!" Droy and Jet seem just as hostile. Levy doesn't seem like she's gonna speak up for me either.

"Juvia, Elfman,"

"GRAGH! Only Men and Nee-chan can sit here!"

"Freed, Bisca, Alzack...Gaj-no wait scrap that...why is everyone acting so strange?"

With all my options out I sink my body over towards the bar with a slightly more comforting Mirajane behind the counter. "Warm Sake please, and make it warm."

"~Okay..." The helpful barmaid would at least provide me with some birthday hospitality.

"So Mirajane, what's gotten up everyone else's tooshie today?"

"~Hmph?" She hums as she digs through the cupboards for my drink.

"Well, I kinda thought, y'know there'd be a slightly better reception than _this _today, seen as it's my birthday and all-"

"What's that Benny-boy?" I feel Natsu's open palm slapping hard against my back as he plants his but on the stool next to me. "Your birthday is it?" He asks quite drunkenly as he takes another swig at his mug. "PWAGH! Lemme tell you shumshing Benny-boy, nobody here ain't gonna give no crap about no-onez birzday, eschpechailly a nobody like _YOUUU!_ *Belch*" And as he burped out a small flame, nearly scorching my hand, I realised something...

...These guys are a bunch of slack c#&s!

"Haha! Good one Natsu you rip into 'im" Gray, ever the follower and not the leader, backed up his fire buddy.

"What about you Erza? I thought a mature and responsible woman like yourself would-HEY get your hands out of my wallet!"

Erza peeped up her tiny pupils as she held a wad of cash in her armoured hand. "Uh...I was just gonna buy some things downtown-Ahem...for you of course..." She cleared her throat as she stood back into a proper and elegant posture. Then she gave a warm smile as she petted my hair. "Happy Birthday Bessie..."

Yeah...Thanks Erza...

/?/?/?/

Well if drinking warm sake warm and having Natsu and Gray call you names for the better half of three hours, then perhaps going on a job with Wendy and Lucy would perk up my spirits...

...It didn't (did that surprise you? _Really?_)...

We had to run around and do a whole bunch of mundane errands for a bunch of suspicious individuals for the rest of the day. Let's see we could probably put them down as a few lines in a poem:

* * *

><p><em>Washing Gary Greenear's dog,<em>

_Cleaning Miss Shinford's spoons._

_Going with Baker Fred on a jog,_

_Carrying Larry the lyre's tune._

_Getting Danny the Shoeshiner's biscuits,_

_Feeding Vicks Vulcans some Vood._

_Building little Harry's helicopter hobbie kits,_

_And then Sally's when she was in the mood._

_It was a hell of day,_

_And we'd have gotten through it alright._

_If Wendy hadn't fallen into some dismay,_

_And Lucy hadn't ended up in a fight._

_Yep, I was the mediator,_

_And I was the nurse._

_When Lucy had taken offence from an Alligator (wearing glasses and lipstick),_

_And Wendy was stricken with an old hag's curse._

_So Wendy was crying,_

_And Lucy ended up second best._

_By the end I was dying,_

_And I couldn't be half f*%^ed explaining the rest..._

* * *

><p>?/?/?/

"Take care Wendy..." I gave my regards as the three of us (and I suppose there was a flying cat somewhere in it too) went on our merry little ways back home.

Since Lucy was practically on my same walking route, I was fortunate enough to trudge alongside her with my arm around her shoulder and my other hand holding a bunch of crimson soaked tissues to her nose. "Yeah, just keep your head up Lucy that'll do."

"She said I had no style...I wasn't gonna let her get away with that Benny." Lucy explains with a nasally voice, you know the kind when half your nose has been bitten off?

"Yeah...yeah...Let's just get you back home and forget about it eh?"

Then in a rather intriguing twist of events, Lucy rolled her eyes towards me with a hint of empathy. "What's the matter Benny? You seem kinda, blue..."

I let out a long overdue sigh. "Well it's just, today was meant to be my birthday and-"

"Oh, I had no idea..." Lucy said sounding quite genuine. "I'm sure Wendy and I could've bought you a little something."

"Yeah, I dunno..." I slump my other shoulder still supporting Lucy. "I suppose I shouldn't ask for too much here, I'm the new kid, the outsider, the mediocre one, the beige wall, the loose strand of thread in a jumper, I'm the nobody Mage who grows claws for his power."

"Well that's all true but..." Lucy found herself struggling to shed any positive light on those metaphors. "Well uh...Oh I know! You're a good teammate! At least you can feel proud about that!"

"Yeah I suppose that's one thing I can be relied upon for." I elaborate in my Melancholy. "Well thanks for trying to cheer me up again Lucy, you're more than just a nice walking pair of cans...You're actually...you're a pretty good friend..."

"Um..._Thank you_?" Lucy took the compliment of sorts with some doubtful appreciation as we headed towards the front door outside our apartment block.

"Will you be right up the stair or..."

"No thank you...I'm a pretty tough girl here too y'know!" Lucy gave me a wink and a gap toothed smile as she hopped up the stairs with her leg cast off the ground.

"Um..._You're welcome_?" I end up saying to myself as Lucy now disappears up the dark stairwell.

Christ...That was a friggin' effort towing Lucy back here. She must be a whole few kilos heavier than me. And after such a strenuous and unforgiving day it seems the only birthday treat I can offer myself is a well deserved nap...

I haul my own self up the flight of stairs, each step I creak against reminds me of just another one of those Mage's scorns and comments. Now I see my door, barely visible in the darkness. Gripping my hand, I almost fall through the doorway itself. But I swear, as soon as I open that door, I'm just gonna crash on the floor for the next eight hours. If anyone wants to break in they can steal the half empty box of crystal gemmy-'O'es and stale bismuth pancakes I left on the table...I just can't be bothered at this point...

I just want to shut my eyes and never have to worry about this day again...

Ever...

* * *

><p><span>In the next episode, Benny will be in for a bit of a surprise...Don't miss it!<span>

**Remember there's still time to leave now. Skip straight to episode 15 or don't say I didn't warn you!**


	12. Birthday Blues: Part II

_Meet Benny Makaren: now 20 years old(!) and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. Benny might have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today, but there's something quite deja vu-ey about today... Please enjoy another special Birthday Chapter!_

_**~My Fairy~**_

Birthday Blues (Endless 3): Part II

"~_Oh what a beautiful mooooorrrning oh what a beaaauuutifuul daaaaaay...The air is sweet and the birds a' tweet for I'm feeling rather gaaaay~_!" That was how I woke up this morning. And yes your probably wondering why I would wake up with a melody meal?

Well Timmy, the answer is...Today is a very special day for me today...

No I wasn't getting my molars removed...Today is much more pleasant and worth looking forward to...

Today is my birthday...

_"~And, I'll open the windows and breath in the sunlight of another perfectly wonderful, stupendiful and fanstasticial day!~"_

CRASH.

BANG.

SWHOOO!

"ARGH GOD!"

"JANICE NOO!-!-! PLEASE DON'T DIE JANICE ! Oh wait hang on I think you might be ALRIGHT OH GOD WHAT'S THIS BLACK STUFF COMING OUT YOUR HEAD! OH GOD NO!"

Whoops...I really should remember that this window looks outside a public road.

/?/?/?/

"~_Tralalalala...doodeedoodeedoo...~_" Rejuvenated in my morning spirit, I danced and pranced my way to work, causing many a stares and hissing snarls. But I was in too good a mood to bother what anyone else though – nor even pay attention to where I was walking either. "~_Baboo-pidi-doopidoodidoo-PAGH!~_" I swiped out my hand on that last note, trying to pull off a jazzy dance move, but some stupid idiot's body had to hit the back of my hand.

"OW! That hurt man!" A very female sounding voice winced on the ground as she rubbed her cheek and tailbone.

Crap – the person whose body connected with my hand was a girl!-? A GIRL!-?

"I'm so sorry! Are you alright?"

The (quite attractive actually) young girl moaned in a little more pain as she held out a hand with a spiky wristband on it (owch). "Yeah I'm fine, to be honest I was kinda trying to run into your hand anyway..."

Oh...well that all works out then (phew!)

When I lift her to her feet, I notice she stands out quite a bit in this airy fairy kingdom of sparkles and magic. In fact, she seems like the rotten prune in a bouquet of succulent fruits. Maybe this would seem the norm in Norway but over here she strikes me out as quite odd looking (no scrap that! Everyone here's a fruit loop anyway so let's just say 'anomalous'). Dark clothing and black hair – except for a thin strip of purple on the right side.

Oh and I think she might be Asian...That's kinda hot too!

"Um...Excuse me sir, could you please stop drooling on my foot." I look down and notice the pool of saliva congealing around her little black boots.

"Wagh! Gomen-gomen! Ano...Watashi no namae wa, Benni Makaren desu...Kimi-no-ke wa kuroi desu yo!"

"Uh...Yes thanks for noticing." She flicks me a glaring eye.

"Oh hey, let me try another one." Now that I seem to have made a small connection with my cross-cultural flirtations I try and impress the girl (who I had inadvertently knocked over to the ground just moments ago) with another piece Benny brilliance. "Ahem, watashi wa hana de sundeimasu."

She didn't seem as impressed as I was gambling on. "_O...Ka-y_, well good for you champ...I'm just gonna go this way now."

"Oh..." Awkward...Last time I ever try my magi-lingual tongue on another woman. "Well I better head off to work too now-HAHAHAHAHA!" I shrug off, laughing much too loudly than appropriate.

"'Kay, see you later I guess." And with that, the Japanese gem resumed her normal path into dayhood, back on the railtracks of life.

Well with that taken of... "~_Whoo-pidi-whoo-do-doo-do-di-do-doo Whoo-pidi-whoo-do-doo-do-di-do-doo Whoo-pidi-whoo-do-doo-do-di-do-doo Whoo-pidi-doo-dopidopi-doopi-doo-doo...~_"

I shouldn't be expecting it, but I'm kinda hoping that there'll be huge surprise wanting for me inside the guild today. I mean the old boss and Mira-chan should now it's my b-day since I gave them all my personal details for the job application – including age, weight, height, sexual preferences, species preferences, potion allergies, blood samples, urine samples, skin samples, eyelash samples, navel hair samples, tinea samples...

…

/?/?/?/

…

...Left ring toe cuticle sample, then they wanted me to sneak through the Magical Council with five bags of 'Fairy Dust' up my-

Oh wait I'm here now...Anyway, I suppose I can't help but expect a big magical affair. Maybe Gray will build me a big fancy ice sculpture and Natsu will stop being a jack-arse towards me for a day.

*Inhale deeply*...Well here goes nothing (_geehehehehe!_)

PRESS.

CREAK.

FWOOSH.

CAWK.

Hang on that last one doesn't sound right. Why is there a vulture and tumble weed rolling past.

Everyone in Fairy Tail is...just acting normal...Well, before they've drank at least...

"Hey everyone!" The door creaks even louder as it slams shut. Everyone's down at their respective tables, buried in a lager or some sort of ale-ment (geddit?). The atmosphere is anything but celebratory, in fact it's more like someone's died than had a birthday.

I walk over to Natsu, Gray and Erza's table. "Hey guys-"

"Hissssssss!" They snarl at me with dagger like nails as I approach.

"Whoah sorry...Um..." I had over to some other guys I'm slightly familiar with. "Levy, Jet, Dr-"

"Hey, this is our table Benny-boy!" Droy and Jet seem just as hostile. Levy doesn't seem like she's gonna speak up for me either.

"Juvia, Elfman,"

"GRAGH! Only men and Nee-chan can sit here!"

"Cana-"

"Nope, this spot's for my kid here." Slamming a giant keg of some sort of alcohol. "and this spot's reserved for my half digested breakfast later."

"Wakaba, Macao..."

"Eh? Sorry kid," Wakaka mumbled with his pipe between his teeth. "Only grown ups can sit here."

"Freed, Bisca, Alzack...Gaj-no wait scrap that...why is everyone acting so strange?"

With all my options out I sink my body over towards the bar with a slightly more comforting Mirajane behind the counter. "Warm Sake please, and make it warm."

"~Okay..." The helpful barmaid would at least provide me with some birthday hospitality.

"So Mirajane, what's gotten up everyone else's tooshie today?"

"~Hmph?" She hums as she digs through the cupboards for my drink.

"Well, I kinda thought, y'know there'd be a slightly better reception than _this _today, seen as it's my birthday and all-"

"What's that Benny-boy?" I feel Natsu's open palm slapping hard against my back as he plants his but on the stool next to me. "Your birthday is it?" He asks quite drunkenly as he takes another swig at his mug. "PWAGH! Lemme tell you shumshing Benny-boy, nobody here ain't gonna give no crap about no-onez birzday, eschpechailly a nobody like _YOUUU!_ *Belch*" And as he burped out a small flame, nearly scorching my hand, I realised something...

...These guys are a bunch of slack c#&s!

"Haha! Good one Natsu you rip into 'im" Gray, ever the follower and not the leader, backed up his fire buddy.

"What about you Erza? I thought a mature and responsible woman like yourself would-HEY get your hands out of my wallet!"

Erza peeped up her tiny pupils as she held a wad of cash in her armoured hand. "Uh...me no comprende senor..." She cleared her throat as she stood back into a proper and elegant posture. Then she gave a warm smile as she petted my hair. "Happy Birthday Bessie..."

Yeah...Thanks Erza...

/?/?/?/

Well if drinking warm sake warm and having Natsu and Grey call you names for the better half of three hours, then perhaps going on a job with Wendy and Lucy would perk up my spirits...

...It didn't (did that surprise you? _Really?_)...

We had to run around and do a whole bunch of mundane errands for a bunch of suspicious individuals for the rest of the day. Let's see we could probably put them down as a few lines in a poem:

* * *

><p><em>Washing Gary Greenear's dog,<em>

_Cleaning Miss Shinford's spoons._

_Going with Baker Fred on a jog,_

_Carrying Larry the lyre's tune._

_Getting Danny the Shoeshiner's biscuits,_

_Feeding Vicks Vulcans some Vood._

_Building little Harry's helicopter hobby kits,_

_And then Sally's when she was in the mood._

_It was a hell of day,_

_And we'd have gotten through it alright._

_If Wendy hadn't fallen into some dismay,_

_And Lucy hadn't ended up in a fight._

_Yep, I was the mediator,_

_And I was the nurse._

_When Lucy had taken offence from an Alligator (wearing glasses and lipstick),_

_And Wendy was stricken with an old hag's curse._

_So Wendy was crying,_

_And Lucy ended up second best._

_By the end I was dying,_

_And I couldn't be half f*$^ed explaining the rest..._

* * *

><p>?/?/?/

"Take care Wendy..." I gave my regards as the three of us (and I suppose there was a flying cat somewhere in it too...seriously I should probably start paying more attention to that thing) went on our merry little ways back home.

Since Lucy was practically on my same walking route, I was fortunate enough to trudge alongside her with my arm around her shoulder and my other hand holding a bunch of crimson soaked tissues to her nose. "Yeah just keep your head up Lucy that'll do."

"She said I had no style...I wasn't gonna let her get away with that Benny." Lucy explains with a nasally voice, you know the kind when half your nose has been bitten off?

"Yeah...yeah...Let's just get you back home and forget about it eh?"

Then in a rather intriguing twist of events, Lucy rolled her eyes towards me with a hint of empathy. "What's the matter Benny? You seem kinda, blue..."

I let out a long overdue sigh. "Well it's just, today was meant to be my birthday and-"

"Oh, I had no idea..." Lucy said sounding quite genuine. "I'm sure Wendy and I could've bought you a little something."

"Yeah, I dunno..." I slump my other shoulder still supporting Lucy. "I suppose I shouldn't ask for too much here, I'm the new kid, the outsider, the mediocre one, the beige wall, the loose strand of thread in a jumper, I'm the nobody Mage who grows claws for his power."

"Well that's all true but..." Lucy found herself struggling to shed any positive light on those metaphors. "Well uh...Oh I know! You're a good teammate! At least you can feel proud about that!"

"Yeah I suppose that's one thing I can be relied upon for." I elaborate in my Melancholy. "Well thanks for trying to cheer me up again Lucy, you're more than just a walking pair of cans...You're actually...a pretty good friend..."

"Um...Thank you?" Lucy took the compliment of sorts with some doubtful appreciation as we headed towards the front door outside our apartment block.

"Will you be right up the stair or..."

"No thank you...I'm a pretty tough girl here too y'know!" Lucy gave me a wink and a gap toothed smile as she hopped up the stairs with her leg cast off the ground.

"Um...You're welcome?" I end up saying to myself as Lucy now disappears up the dark stairwell.

Christ...That was a friggin' effort hauling Lucy back here. She must be a few kilos heavier than me. And after such a strenuous and unforgiving day it seems the only birthday treat I can offer myself is a well deserved nap...

I haul my own self up the flight of stairs, each step I creak against reminds me of just another one of those Mage's scorns and comments. Now I see my door, barely visible in the darkness. Gripping my hand, I almost fall through the doorway itself. But I swear, as soon as I open that door, I'm just gonna crash on the floor for the next eight hours. If anyone wants to break in they can steal the half empty box of crystal gemmy-'O'es and stale bismuth pancakes I left on the table...I just can't be bothered at this point...

I just want to shut my eyes and never have to worry about this day again...

Ever...

Again...

* * *

><p><span>In the next episode, Benny will be in for another bit of a surprise...Don't miss it!<span>

**Well you wanted to read it didn't you?...May as well keep going then...**


	13. Birthday Blues: Part III

_Meet Benny Makaren: now 20 years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. It seems something really odd is going on in Benny's world...Whatever it is, he better sort it out soon though...In the meantime it looks like we're stuck with another birthday chapter..._

_**~My Fairy~**_

Birthday Blues (Endless 3): Part III

"~_Ohwhat a beautiful..._Hrrr..." Ugh, what was that feeling just now? Something kind of- oh screw it nevermind. "-_Daaaaaay,..The air is sweet and the birds a' tweet for I'm feeling rather gaaaay_~!" That was how I woke up this morning. And yes your probably wondering why I would wake up with a melody meal?

Well Jessy, the answer is...Today is a very special day for me today...

No I wasn't getting my molars removed...Today is much more pleasant and worth looking forward to...

Today is my birthday...

"~_And, I'll open the windows and breath in the sunlight of another perfectly wonderful, stupendiful and fantastcial day!_~"

CRASH.

BANG.

SWHOOO!

"ARGH GOD!"

"JANICE NOO!-!-! Please Janice hang on, I'll get help right away...Why oh why did such an horrible accident have to happen to her?"

That's a bit of an overeaction...At least I've got underwear on this time...

/?/?/?/

"~_Tralalalala...doodeedoodeedoo..._~" Rejuvenated in my morning spirit, I danced and pranced my way to work, causing many a stares and hissing snarls but I was in too good a mood to bother what anyone else though – nor even pay attention to where I was walking either. "~_baboo-pidi-doopidoodidoo-PAGH!_~" I swiped out my hand on that last note, trying to pull off a jazzy dance move, but some stupid idiot's body had to hit the back of my hand.

Come to think of it...it feels like this has been happening a lot lately...

"OW! That hurt man!" A very female sounding voice winced on the ground as she rubbed her cheek and tailbone.

Crap – the person whose body connected with my hand was a girl!-? A GIRL!-?

"I'm so sorry! Are you alright?"

The attractive young girl moaned in a little more pain as she held out a hand with a spiky wristband on it. "Yeah I'm fine, to be honest I was kinda trying to run into your hand anyway..."

Oh...well that all works out then (phew!)

When I lift her to her feet, I notice she stands out quite a bit in this airy fairy kingdom of sparkles and magic. In fact, she seems like the rotten prune in a bouquet of succulent fruits. Maybe this would seem the norm in Norway but over here she strikes me out as quite odd looking (no scrap that! Everyone here's a fruit loop anyway so let's just say 'heteroclite'). Dark clothing and black hair – except for a thin strip of lime green on the right side.

Funny but...she seems kinda familiar...

Oh and I think she might be Asian...That's kinda hot too!

"Um...Excuse me sir, could you please stop drooling on my foot." I look down and notice the pool of saliva congealing around her little black boots.

"Wagh! Gomen-gomen! Ano...Watashi no namae wa, Benni Makaren desu...Watashi ga anata ni neko o negetai desu."

"Oh...Well, good for trying anyway." She didn't seem impressed with my magi-lingual tongue. I thought she'd like having cats thrown at her anyway – I mean she's Japanese isn't she? "...I'm just gonna go this way now."

"Oh...Well I better head off to work too now-HAHAHAHAHA!" I shrug off, laughing much too loudly than appropriate.

"'Kay, see you later I guess." And with that, the Japanese gem resumed her normal path into dayhood, back on the railtracks of life.

No wait seriously why do I feel that thing you feel when you do those things which seem kinda like you done them before...oh gee what's it called again...Ugh...Well with that taken of... "~_Whoo-pidi-whoo-do-doo-do-di-do-doo Whoo-pidi-whoo-do-doo-do-di-do-doo Whoo-pidi-whoo-do-doo-do-di-do-doo Whoo-pidi-doo-dopidopi-doopi-doo-doo..._~"

I shouldn't be expecting it, but I'm kinda hoping that there'll be huge surprise wanting for me inside the guild today. I mean the old boss and Mira-chan should now it's my b-day since I gave them all my personal details for the job application – including age, weight, height, sexual preferences, species preferences, potion allergies, blood samples, urine samples, skin samples, eyelash samples, navel hair samples, tinea samples...

…

/?/?/?/

…

...Left ring toe cuticle sample, then they made me recite the Magna Carta backwards.

Oh wait I'm here now...Anyway, I suppose I can't help but expect a big magical affair. Maybe Gray will build me a big fancy ice sculpture and Natsu will stop being a jack-arse towards me for a day.

*Inhale deeply*...Well here goes nothing...

PRESS.

CREAK.

FWOOSH.

CAWK.

Hang on that last one doesn't sound right. Why is there a vulture and tumble weed rolling past.

Everyone in Fairy Tail is...just acting normal...Well, before they've drank at least...

"Hey everyone!" The door creaks even louder as it slams shut. Everyone's down at their respective tables, buried in a lager or some sort of ale-ment (geddit?). The atmosphere is anything but celebratory, in fact it's more like someone's died than had a birthday.

I walk over to Natsu, Gray and Erza's table. "Hey guys-"

"Hissssssss!"

"Whoah sorry...Um..." I had over to some other guys I'm slightly familiar with. "Levy, Jet, Dr-"

"Hey, this is our table Benny-boy!"

"Juvia, Elfman,"

"GRAGH! Only men and Nee-chan can sit here!"

"Freed, Bisca, Alzack...Gaj-no wait scrap that...why is everyone acting so strange?"

With all my options out I sink my body over towards the bar with a slightly more comforting Mirajane behind the counter. "Warm Sake please, and make it warm."

"~Okay..." The helpful barmaid would at least provide me with some birthday hospitality.

"So Mirajane, what's gotten up everyone else's tooshie today?"

"~Hmph?" She hums as she digs through the cupboards for my drink.

"Well, I kinda thought, y'know there'd be a slightly better reception than _this _today, seen as it's my birthday and all-"

"What's that Benny-boy?" I feel Natsu's open palm slapping hard against my back as he plants his but on the stool next to me. "Your birthday is it?" He asks quite drunkenly as he takes another swig at his mug. "PWAGH! Lemme tell you shumshing Benny-boy, nobody here ain't gonna give no crap about no-onez birzday, eschpechailly a nobody like _YOUUU!_ *Belch*" And as he burped out a small flame, nearly scorching my hand, I realised something...

...These guys are a bunch of slack c*^%s!

"Haha! Good one Natsu you rip into 'im" Gray, ever the follower and not the leader, (hang on why does he have his clothes on this time?) backed up his fire buddy.

"What about you Erza? I thought a mature and responsible woman like yourself would-HEY get your hands out of my wallet!"

Erza peeped up her tiny pupils as she held a wad of cash in her armoured hand. "Uh...I was just gonna give your gluts a massage..." She cleared her throat as she stood back into a proper and elegant posture. Then she gave a warm smile as she petted my hair. "Happy Birthday Bessie..."

Yeah...Thanks Erza...

/?/?/?/

After that ordeal, I had to go through a whole days work with Lucy and Wendy. It was more like we were the town's errand boy (and girls) for the entire day. Cleaning dogs, going for jogs, Veeding more Vulcans and such. Then Lucy had to get into a brawl with an Alligator and some old Witch gave Wendy a curse (because apparently she didn't like cute little girls).

I was hoping I could write down all my grievances in a little poem but that stupid flying cat kept pestering me about something all day.

Other than that...I suppose you could call it a non-event really...

/?/?/?/

"Take care Wendy..." I gave my regards as the three of us (oh go away Charles you're not a real animal anyway!) went on our merry little ways back home.

Since Lucy was practically on my same walking route, I was fortunate enough to trudge alongside her with my arm around her shoulder and my other hand holding a bunch of crimson soaked tissues to her nose. "Yeah just keep your head up Lucy that'll do."

"She said I had no style...I wasn't gonna let her get away with that Benny."

"Yeah...yeah...Let's just get you back home and forget about it eh?"

Lucy rolled her eyes towards me with a hint of empathy. "What's the matter Benny? You seem kinda, blue..."

"Well it's just, today was meant to be my birthday and-"

"Oh, I had no idea..." Lucy said sounding quite genuine. "I'm sure Wendy and I could've bought you a little something."

"Yeah, I dunno...I suppose I shouldn't ask for too much here, I'm the new kid, the outsider, the mediocre one, the beige wall, the loose strand of thread in a jumper, I'm the nobody Mage who grows claws for his power."

"Well that's all true but...Oh I know! You're a good teammate! At least you can feel proud about that!"

"Yeah I suppose that's one thing I can be relied upon for." I elaborate in my Melancholy. "Well thanks for trying to cheer me up again Lucy, you're more than just a walking pair of cans...You're actually...a pretty good friend..."

"Um...Thank you?" Lucy took the compliment of sorts with some doubtful appreciation as we headed towards the front door outside our apartment block.

"Will you be right up the stairs or..."

"No thank you...I'm a pretty tough girl here too y'know!" Lucy gave me a wink and a gap toothed smile as she hopped up the stairs with her leg cast off the ground.

"Um...You're welcome?" I end up saying to myself as Lucy now disappears up the dark stairwell.

Christ...That was a friggin' effort hauling Lucy back here. She must be a few kilos heavier than me. And after such a strenuous and unforgiving day it seems the only birthday treat I can offer myself is a well deserved nap...

I haul my own self up the flight of stairs, each step I creak against reminds me of just another one of those Mage's scorns and comments. Now I see my door, barely visible in the darkness. Gripping my hand, I almost fall through the doorway itself. But I swear, as soon as I open that door, I'm just gonna crash on the floor for the next eight hours. If anyone wants to break in they can steal the half empty box of crystal gemmy-'O'es and stale bismuth pancakes I left on the table...I just can't be bothered at this point...

I just want to shut my eyes and never have to worry about this day again...

Ever...

Again...

…

"..._aaaaaaaAAAA-"_

Hang on, what the hell is-

"AAAAAHHHHH!"

"Charles!-? What the-OOOMMMPH."

SMASH. The flying white cannonball literally sent me packing through a glass window, I felt several bones break and a few vital organs get crushed as my back hit the hard ground with a thud.

"Oooooh _shit_..." I groan as I try and pick my sorry self off the ground. "What the hell did you do that for you crazy cat."

"Hah...hah...hah...hah..." The dressed up cat was heaving her shoulders, panting like a mad beast as she glared at me with eyes that could kill (and probably scratch too). "Stop...stop doing it already!"

"Well I'd like it if you stopped cannonballing me out of buildings too kitty!" I retort.

"No I'm serious Makaren...Stop making us all go through it again and again!"

I slide onto my knees and face the pissed off cat. "Go through what exactly?"

"Hah...hah...hah..." After a few more deep breaths she gave me the answer. "Stop making us go back through time again!"

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode Benny establishes a bond with a flying cat in clothes as he works out what he's done to piss of the space-time continuum this time...Can he get out? And will we all be free from having to go through his boring day over and over again? Don't miss the next perplexing chapter!<span>

**Well thankfully Charles came to rescue for your sake and mine...Nearly there buddy you did great getting through those last few eps!**


	14. Birthday Blues: Part IV

_Meet Benny Makaren: now 20 years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. Thinking he could just walk through that door and enter another Groundhog Loop, Benny is tackled by Charles (who is a cat - just remember that) and lands outside, with a shocking revelation revealed by the flying feline. What will Benny do now faced with this cruel and horrible news? Please enjoy the Eleventh chapter!_

_**~My Fairy~**_

Birthday Blues: Part IV

"Stop making us go back through time again!"

For once, that little puss in skirt and boots said something quite shocking...

"Total Recall!" I blurt out with a flick of my hands. "Now _that_ was a good movie, sorry what were saying?"

"I was _TRYING _to _tell _you to stop repeating the same day over and over again!" She said with clenched teeth and a zig-zagged tail.

"Well that would explain why I've been feeling funny all day." I rub my stomach. "Though it might just be constipation."

"Are you even taking me seriously?" The stroppy cat levitates over behind my head. "If you don't listen to me you're gonna..."

"_~Whoa...Livin' on a prayer...take my hand and I'll take you some-"_

"AH Fax Machine!" I cover the bleeding scratch marks on my ear after Charles thought she'd use her own claws against me. "Look Charles, I understand you animals want more rights and such, but I just can't take a walking talking flying cat seriously." I try and explain. "I mean to me, you're just like some retarded creature drawn up in the last minute for a weird Anime or something."

"Great...So not only are you breaking the space-time continuum but you're breaking the fourth wall again as well."

"You don't even know what a wall is!"

"YOU'VE GONE THROUGH THE SAME F&^#$%ING DAY TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND EIGHT SIX TIMES ALREADY!"

…

*Gribbit*

*Chirp*

…

Wow...this kitty can _sceeerratch_...

I find myself speaking to the cat on a more even level now (but it helps when she hovers up to my eye level anyway) "How...How the heck do you know I've been replaying the day over again anyway?"

"Because..." She pouts with her paws by her waist before she starts blushing. "I'm not sure why actually, I just know."

"Yeah right _that's_ convincing me..." I groan in disbelief. "And how is time travel even scientifically possible in a world of magic anyway?"

"You really are the biggest idiot I know." Charles huffs as she turns her head away.

"Screw this...I'm going back home to pick the glass out of my butt cheeks." I storm back inside ready to crash through that door and never have to worry about this stupid encounter again...

EVER...

"Graaaaagghh!" suddenly I felt the sharp piercing of feline talons into my eyes

"F^%$ MY EYES! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU STUPID CAT?"

"Nooooooo!" She shrieks with a high snare. "I'm not going through all that again."

Damn Charles! Two can play at that game! I produce my own set of claws and try and pry the wild cat from my face. "Gngh! Get! Off! Of! Me! You! Frigging! Caaaaat!"

Through our little catty melee, we both ended up crashing through the door.

Everything was eerily silent, as if we had just entered some sort of twilight zone (but not the sparkly gay vampire kind of one).

Charles and I both looked towards the endless plain of darkness. "Um...hello? Anyone?"

"Please don't tell me you've made things worse." Charles added with a fearful tone.

Whatever the hell was going on, I don't think I was in my room anymore...It felt so cold and silent...like someone had shut me in a big dark freezer room. Also the floor felt too hard and expansive to be of my own little pad.

Now I could hear some noises. They sounded really far away but it seemed like a heavy flowing sound, getting closer and closer, more and more tense and slowly rising in pitch. My body was now completely frozen, my heart had literally stopped in fear.

God dammit come here Charles! If I'm gonna die let me at least hold something in my arms for these last few seconds.

Then the final noise...Coming in a giant explosion of light...

BANG!

"SURPRISE!"

Contrary to what I had imagined, I was suddenly showered in streamers and sparkles as light re-entered the world – revealing a giant party hall with tables full of all sorts of food and drinks set up. On each table was a familiar face – in fact they all were...

Every single member of the Fairy Tail Guild...Was inside my frigging apartment!

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode, all the nonsensical answers are to be revealed in what we all hope will be the conclusion to this selfish arc...Don't miss the next relieving chapter!<span>

**Well, it wasn't so bad in the end was it? If I haven't turned you off this fic forever, by all means please enjoy the rest of it from now on!**


	15. End of All Birthdays

_Meet Benny Makaren: now 20 years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. After ignoring Charle's pleas not to reenter another time loop, Benny opens the door the his crummy apartment - only to find his entire guild has set up a party hall inside. Has Benny finally gotten the break he's been waiting for? Read on and find out in the Fifteenth chapter...Enjoy!_

_**~My Fairy~**_

End of All Birthdays

"You guys...did all this for _me_?" After expecting a surprise in the morning, I was actually quite shocked to see everyone somehow cramping themselves in my entire apartment.

"What kind'a shtupid question iz that Benny-boy!" I feel a good whack on my back by the eccentric fire-eater as he grasps a plastic cup of something with enough alcoholic content to knock out a rhino. "Of courshe thish iz all fa _you_!" He slurs as he gulps down the rest of his drink. "PWAAAHHH!" He crumples his cup before turning giving a shout to someone else from the guild. "Oi Cana! You better start catching up or I'll be the new booze belt champion!"

"It must have been hard fitting this entire hall in my room." I comment with amazement at the physical space anomaly that has been pulled off here.

"It's magic Benny-boy!" Gray pats me on my other shoulder - at least he brought a tie (and I mean only!) with him to the party. "You can do whatever the hell you want with magic!"

"Like go back through time?" I suggest.

"Now _that _is impossible!" Gray answers as he takes a swig at his own beverage. "Everyone know's time travel is a load of baloney – just ask professor baloney over there!"

"Hmmm...Quite impossible yesssss!" The professor answers as he adjusts his monacle, sitting in an out of place chair and fireplace.

"Well there ya go Charles!" I shift a condescending glare over to my favourite animal (which I love to loathe). "So you made me eat glass candy for nothing!"

"What?" Charles seemed shocked at this revelation. "B-but it has to be true...I have already been through 25 386 cycles of this day!"

"Hah! Well it only felt like three and a half chapters to me!" I say just as I look out for a collapsing chunk of wall nearby.

"I guess nobody else here remembers ever repeating this day countless times already..." Charles sighed as she lowered her ears and frowned.

"There you are Charles!" Wendy skipped over towards us with a bright green dress on. "Do you like what we've done for you Ben-san?" She asks me with a ruby blush in her cheeks.

"Yeah, it's quite impressive." I admit. "Do you guys normally pull this move when somebody has a birthday or something?"

"Of course we do Manly things like that!" Elfman suddenly gives me the back slap, only a bit too much harder than the others, sending me on a face-plant to the ground. "You're one of us now! Of course we ain't just gonna be Unmanly and ditch your birthday!"

I push myself off the ground and face everyone with a single tear (brought to you by Ebony Darkness). "So this means...I'm really a part of Fairy Tail now?"

"When did we ever suggest otherwise Benny?" I turn and find Lucy, who somehow managed to slip herself into a sexy panda outfit (ironically with much less fur coverage than a real panda would require) with most of her battle scars from the alligator visible across her belly, arms and legs. She gives me a wink and a wave of her fluffy panda claws. "We always thought of you as one of our own." And with that the panda-girl limped over and gave me a big bear hug which inevitably generated a chorus of 'awwwwwws' from the crowd.

"So, you were all just pretending to forget my birthday today?" I wipe My Immortal tear away.

"Didn't you know Benny Makaren..." Everyone turned towards the stage where a pair of spotlights shone down upon the old master Makarov. "We're not just a guild of Wizards here in Fairy Tail...We're a giant family...we look out for each other, no matter how independent or incompetent."

"Wow...I...am touched..." I walk over to the stage and decide to give the crowd a soppy little speech. "Well thanks guys...I know you've been giving me all the cheap pissy jobs which nobody else would even want to wipe there arse with, but I guess this all makes up for it...I hope I can prove myself more to you guys in the future!"

And with that, the entire guild raised their cups/glasses and kegs in cheers. "YEAH!"

"Okay everyone~!" A lovely looking Mirajane walked out onto the stage in a nice little hot pink number. "Now it's time for the special cake!"

As though we had reached the bridge point of a play, all the lights went off save for a small spotlight next to me on the centre of the stage.

"Hell yeah can't wait for this!" Natsu heckled out from the back of the crowd.

"Can't wait for what?" It must be some big freaking cake with firecracker candles or something...Everybody seems to either have big grins on their faces or (in the case of most of the guys) preparing themselves for a cacophony of wolf whistling.

Everyone that is...except a noticeable person missing from the crowd.

"_~Happy Bi~rth~daaay tooo yoouu...Happy Bi~rth~daaay tooo yoouu!" Singing in a very seductive voice, Erza swings on out of the back of the stage with a layered creamy cake draped across her entire body. "Happy Birth~day dear Be~nnyyy~..." She wiggles her hips forward, dripping bits of icing and cream onto the floor as she leans towards me with very pursing lips. "Happy birthday...to...you...~"_

Silence...

The 'special cake alright!' summons one of her bladed weapons in front of me. "Go on Benny-boy..._Why don't you cut the cake?_"

GULP... "Okay here goes..."

"EVERYONE STOP!" Just as I was about to cut out a piece of Erza, a blue haired man (seriously what's going on in Magnolia?) with a bunch of staffs burst in.

"Mystogan?" A couple of Fairy Tail members call out. "What is the matter."

"I just realised something..." "He says with heaving shoulders and panting breaths. "We haven't had our Edolas Arc yet!"

Edolas Arc? Screw that what about my Erza ca-

…

…

…

…

…

I was stuck in a giant crystal for the next two months...

…

…

…

…

…

"-Now how about some cake everyone-" When I finally wake up out of the crystal prison, I find everyone's back in the guild, just going about their daily business of brawling, drinking and looking for some jobs.

"You caught up yet Benny-boy?" Natsu walks past holding a bunch of fresh job adverts. "We had a freaking epic time in Edolas. Lucy, Wendy, Erza, Gray and I nearly died! HAH! You should've seen it!"

"Hey I was helpin' you guys out too." Gajeel called out from over in a corner – now with a new feline buddy of his own.

"Shut up dick!" Natsu added...Good on him - but now I'm spewing the fact I missed out on another cool arc... "Aww...Why didn't anyone get me out of the crystal then? Lucy, Wendy?"

"Sorry Ben-san." Wendy apologised looking sincere enough. "We promise to let you go on a fun mission next time."

"Oh, thanks Wendy." I the little tiger a scruff of her hair. "So who's the new cat and chick over there." I point my thumb over to the white-haired newbie who seems to be enjoying an exciting chat with Mirajane and Elfman.

"Oh that's Lisanna." Natsu explained. "She came back to life."

Oh, well I guess that makes sense...

"...The black cat over there is Pantherlily – Dick over there dragged him back here from Edolas too."

Oh...Well at least he looks more badass than Wendy's annoying feline.

"And we also seem to have got ourselves another new member during the time skip." Erza walked over with another teenager. With her loud gothic/punk-style clothing and slanted eyes – I instantly recognised the masochistic girl from the (many ago) other day.

And much like her Asian schoolgirl archetype suggests, she kinked her head to one side and gave a small bow as she greeted me. "I'm Yoshi Takimora, pleased to meet you Mr Makaren!"

つづく

* * *

><p>On the next episode, Benny discovers a bit more about this intriguing new character (<strong>brought to you especially thanks to The Layman...Go on Sir please take a bow!<strong>) and some of the problems due to face himself and the Guild soon enough...What will you do Benny? Find out in the next exciting chapter!


	16. The Geriatrics' Guild: Part I

______Meet Benny Makaren: 20 years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. After his wonderful contribution to the Edolas arc, Benny-boy has now noticed a few new faces in the Guild. Today he's going to get a chance to know one of them a little better when Benny's Team take her on one of their typical exciting jobs. How will this new member fare against the likes of Lucy and Wendy? Please find out in the Sixteenth Chapter!______

**~My Fairy~**

The Geriatrics' Guild Part I

"_~And When the mountain bloooows...Oh you can kiss my ass goodbyyeee!~" _As I woke up from my slumber, I remembered how refreshing it felt to wake up to a new day that wasn't recycled over and over again in a stupid shout out to some other show.

"Oh yeah. It's great to wake up to a new day." I tell myself as I sit down to bowl of Chocolate Mah'o's with milky milk and toasty toast. "Hmm nom-nom." I rhythmically eat my food as I get myself charged up for another day in the office.

The magical office that is...

Today the boss had assigned our team to give our new recruit a bit of the tutorial on Wizardry. Kind of like her internship or something – we would show her around on a typical day of our work and explain all the important duties of a magical guardian of the Kingdom of Magnolia.

Yes! It's a badge I hold proudly to my chest. Why how else would the masses cope if we hadn't rescued Tibby the cat from the tree the other day? Or how on earth would society hold itself together had we not rerouted the entire underground sewerage system using (mostly) Lucy's key servants (but I gave her some encouraging nagging though).

Yep...I was definitely keen to play the role of tutor to our new Guild Girl today...I mean, sure, maybe I was somewhat motivated by the fact she was an attractive young Japanese Goth...And sure, I'm hopelessly desperate to find a girl before I turn 20 (oh crap!)...And okay, I kinda have a childish need for attention and praise...

…

…

…

...Plus there was that one time we were all playing on our Tonka trucks and-

Oh wait where were we? Yeah but most of all, I was compelled to help her our because finally I was no longer the Fairy Noob. She and I could probably vouch for each pother when Natsu decides to char the legs of our seats or Erza makes me put on one of her dresses again...

I think she might be able to vouch for that...I think...

"Um...Benny?"

"Are?"

"Are you alright?" Suddenly I bring my attention to Ms. Takimora as she appears to be blinking with her head tilted in confusion. "You've been talking to yourself for about twenty minutes now."

"Oh ahahaha! Yeah I kinda get sidetracked sometimes." I stick out my tongue only it's not as cute as when the schoolgirls do it.

"Darn right you do Benny." Lucy comes tapping along in her boots behind us. "One time we had to host Bingo night at the old Mage's home and he wouldn't shut up about his day for the entire show!"

"Hey! They really enjoyed my anecdotes!" I retorted! "Besides...I figured those old duds would give me their life story so I went first."

"So shall we go out and do our job today everyone!" Wendy (aww~) finally met up with the rest of us as we loitered just beyond the bustling town.

"Yeah!" We all raised our hands.

…

"So this is what we call a road." I explained every fine detail of the town to our rookie Wizard.

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me." She nodded as she took a mental note of everything I said.

"And over there, if you pay them money they give you food or items of your desire." I pointed towards the cosy corner shop in the middle of a busy street.

"Benny," Lucy lowered her brow. "I think there are at least six things that are completely inappropriate with how you're speaking to Yoshi."

"Well fine Lucy, why don't _you _teach her all the ways of Magnolia?" I pout as I throw my hands in the air.

"Okay Yoshi, well you see-"

"NO NO PLEASE LET ME DO IT! I'LL BE GOOD NOW!" I begin weeping at my blonde teammate's knees.

"Jeez fine Benny just get up already people are staring."

"Yay~" I squeak. So now as we approach the destination of our job I start explaining things in a bit more of an intermediate level.

"So for our job today, we have to pack all these Noise Boxes neatly on Uncle Matty's garage shelf." I tap one of the wooden crates as it begins screeching in a high pitched voice. "But we have to be careful because they are very sensitive."

/?/?/?/

"So wait..." Yoshi started asking as she hauled another wooden box onto the shelf. "What does this job have to do with Magic?"

"Well I guess our Guild is like an odd job service...In that our team does all the really odd and pointless jobs." I explain just as I slide another box into the shelf.

"Careful Charles." Wendy warned the future seeing cat as it struggled to lift a wooden crate.

"Hah! I wonder if she can see herself dropping the box and crying in a few seconds." I take the piss out on the little cat because she's the only one small enough for me to bully at the guild.

"Oh shut up!" Charles grunts as she flaps her wings to lift the box to shelf level, only for her claws to lose grip and drop the crate.

PACOW. The box makes a strange bird noise as it hits the floor. And needless to say it made me laugh. "HAHAHA!"

"Oh you!" Suddenly Charles lifts another box with much less effort, before throwing said object in the direction of yours truly's face.

"AH!" That was the box talking...Now me.

"OH F[BLEEP]ING [BLEEP] What the [BLEEP] did you do that for?"

"Please stop fighting you guys." Wendy steps in as peacekeeper, fulfilling her daily quota of breaking up Benny vs flying cat tiffs.

"She started it." I pout at the smaller girl.

"Now Benny..." Wendy scolds me with her hands by her hips. "I don't care who started it...You were both misbehaving."

"But Wendy I-"

"Ah-ah-ahh!" She waves her finger sternly like a strict mother. "And you Charles...Throwing that box in retaliation was only stooping to Benny's level."

"But Wendy's he's a completely incompetent-"

"Ah-ah-ahh no 'ifs', 'ands' or 'buts' from you either." Suddenly in a completely strange scene (though it's kinda the norm now), Wendy grabs our hands and brings us closer together...With our heads still looking down she looks at both of us. "Now what do you say to each other?"

Charles slightly lifts up her eyes when she speaks. "Well I guess I shouldn't have thrown that box at you Benny...I'm...I'm sorry..."

"And what would you like to say Benny?" Wendy hums.

"_'ry."_

"Hmm?"

"L'd m 'ry." I mumble again.

"**Benny.**" The little blue haired girl squeezes my hand until it crushes my bones.

"AH! AH! OKAY-OKAY I'm sorry dammit! Christ you're stronger than I thought Wendy..." I say shaking and massaging my mangled hand.

"Hehe...You guys certainly get along don't you?" Yoshi laughed as she observed our little episode.

"Sorry 'bout that...Normally she stays out of scene and lets the rest of us do our thing." I explain just as I drop the Box with the number 4 labelled on it. "But yeah at least the rest of us get along pretty good."

Yoshi leans a little closer when she whispers. "I think I could get along quite well with you Benny."

BOING. "Sorry let me pick that Noise Box up." I scramble to pick up the spilled sound contents. "I'm sorry what did you say again?"

"Oh nothing." Yoshi turned away as she lifted one of the last Onomatopoeias onto the shelf. "Looks like we're done!"

"What about all these ones you left me!" Lucy suddenly yelled out as she hauled a stack of three boxes (each with hilariously ironic sounds labelled on them) off the ground.

"Hey now we divided them all up earlier, so we've finished our share." I explained.

"But you friggin' gave me half the entire garage full!" Lucy whined as she dropped the boxes onto the shelf. "Meanwhile you only got a dozen!" She wiped the sweat off her brow.

"You could always summon those spirits to help you know." I tell her. "Right we're off! Catch ya tomorrow Lucy~"

"FREAKING JERKS!" We hear Lucy scream as we head out of the garage.

/?/?/?/

LATER THAT EVENING:

"Well it was really nice working with you Yoshi-san!" Wendy bowed as she and Charles went on their separate quest back home.

"Take care on your way home Wendy!" I wave back until she leaves our sight. "So now you should be pretty well caught up to how we do things in Fairy Tail." I chat with our new Guild member as we walk down the dusky street.

"It sure looks like hard work." Yoshi rolls her eyes. I notice the stripe in her black hair has changed colour again (a neon green). "But I'll try my best." She forces a smile.

"Yeah...Seriously, you'll fit right in with our mob in no time." I reassure her. "I can't imagine they'd give a girl the same initiation trials I went through..." I say with my eyes sunken, now recalling all those traumatic trials:

/?/?/?/

_Me: [gulps heavily] Um...What specific ability is this going to test?_

_Master Makarov: Oh I already told you! It's your durability and perseverance we're testing._

_Me: [gulps even heavier] Um...Isn't this illegal in many countries?_

_Gray; [lowers another firecracker into position.] Probably, but who cares!_

_Me: [Shivers as another firecracker slows into my butt-crack] Guys I really don't think this is-_

_Natsu: [Ignites firecrackers] HERE WE GO BENNY-BOY!_

_Me: GAAAAAAAAGGHHHHH!-!-!-!-!-!_

_Everyone else in the guild; [Laughs hysterically]_

/?/?/?/

"...And I was still crapping out charcoal eight days later..." I said as I continued my horrible flashback.

"Gee, they all sound pretty mean." Yoshi says with some sympathy.

"But I know it can only get better for me ahead now!" I chuckle weakly. "Hahahha-oh..."

As the conversation dies down and we turn into a darker alley, Yoshi brings up a more serious topic. "Say Benny...Did you end up going through the same day over and over again?"

"Huh?" Suddenly I'm a little startled. _Does she now about my apparent Groundhog Loop?_

She looks down at her dark clothing. "I didn't mean to make you go through all that, it's just-"

"HEY B[BLEEP]! Where the hell have you been all day!"

We're rudely interrupted by a rough speaking man. The lanky figure storms over and grabs Yoshi's wrist. Though it's dark, I can tell his entire body is covered in white corpse paint. "Who's this pussy you've been seeing for the last few days?"

"Back off Vidaldus." She swats away his wrist. "I've told you we're through already!"

The aggressive man with spiked shoulder pads and spiked wristbands lifts me by the scruff of my shirt. "I see you with my girl again and I'll make you drink foetal blood whilst you're squatting over wooden stakes!" Before he throws me down and walks away into the darkness.

"What a brutal bastard." I sigh with disbelief as Yoshi helps me up.

"I'm so sorry about that." She apologises repeatedly. "That man is such a jerk, I've been trying to dump him like a million times already but he just doesn't get a clue you know."

"Yeah, you and him are like totally different genres anyway." I comment just as I redo the top button of my shirt.

"I swear I'll make him pay if he tries to bother us again." Yoshi vowed as she clenched her fists. "Anyway I think I better get home now."

"Wait are you okay getting home by yourself? I mean what just happened-"

"I'm be okay." Yoshi chirped showing off her cute Asian-ness. "Besides, I think he roughed up you a lot more than me anyway."

That's true I suppose. "Okay...Um...See you tomorrow then." I nervously see her off as she jogs down the dark alley.

Now I'm all alone in the cold dark night. "I was actually hoping she'd stick around for my sake..." I say just as I hear a couple of angry wolves howling in the distance. "Oh boy..."

つづく

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode...A major tragedy will shake the Guild...But will Benny be rocked by this latest event? What could possibly be in store for Fairy Tail in this latest arc? Find out in the next exciting chapter!<span>


	17. The Geriatrics' Guild: Part II

_______Meet Benny Makaren: 20 years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. After a rather unfortunate encounter with a certain guild member's ex, Benny hopes that at least the worst of his problems have already past...But oh how wrong he shall be...Please enjoy the Seventeenth Chapter!_______

**~My Fairy~**

The Geriatrics' Guild: Part II_  
><em>

Rocking and stirring on my mattress (three gym mats wrapped in electrical tape), I find myself struggling to sleep as a dark premonition keeps creeping into my dreams. I swat and moan to myself in my half-sleep, hoping to eliminate the pesky thought which has been hovering in my mind since I was rough-handled by that man in the alley that night.

_~Why's he back in the show?~_

"NOOOO!"

BBBRRRRIIIIINNNGGGG. My alarm clock (a woodpecker taped to a chunk of lacrima I found lying somewhere – but don't tell PETA!) snaps me out of my nightmare as I find myself entering into a new morning. As the small slit of sunlight through my window reveals the aether of dust and small hairs swirling around the room, I throw myself out of bed and make myself at least 71.5% decent for entering public today.

/?/?/?/

"And you were there...And you were there..." I continued explaining my dream to Lucy and our new guild member as we strolled along the river side promenade.

"That's great Benny but you still haven't actually explained anything about your dream." Lucy cynically responded. "You just started by saying 'and you were there, and you were there.'"

"Oh I thought we were cutting back – Oh never mind I'll tell you then." And so the climate surrounding us suddenly darkened and a source of light switched on from the ground as my face was lit up from below, creating that haunted face look perfect for telling ghost stories.

"_**~It was blood-curdling, terrifying, mortifying...All around me were the voices of the past life, remnants of a bygone era wailing in an eerie chorus of pain and vengeance...They wanted blood and some airtime too but I was dammed if I was going to give them a single page worth of credit!...**_

_**And then the door opened...**_

_**All around me were my friends and colleagues, draped in black hoods, crawling towards me and calling out my name...'Benny-boy' Beeeeny-Boooy' they would moan...And when I answered, one of them pulled off their hood – this is where you come in Lucy – the hooded person was in fact you...But something truly devastating had occurred to your appearance...**_

_**...You had the exact same features and hairstyle as Erza...~"**_

"KYAAAH!" Lucy shot up a nearby tree and clung tightly to it's trunk with her teeth chattering. "How scary."

"Couldn't it have just been Erza?' Yoshi explained, somehow withstanding my frightful tale into dreamland.

"No it had to be Lucy!" I explained. "There was one key difference which told me that she was NOT Erza." And with my index finger raised proudly I explained the vital difference. "For you see this person had shorter hair than Erza - and she looked a little meaner - so that's why I concluded it was Lucy."

"GAAAGH! I hope that's just sap between my legs." Lucy shuddered still wrapped around the tree.

"It's okay Lucy, it was only a dream after all." I try and call down the scared blonde. "Besides when do things that happen in dreams ever come true eh?"

/?/?/?/

Just a few long drawn out paces later a certain blue haired child came running down the street, the sparkling tears trailing behind her eyes indicating something terrible had befallen her.

"You guys...hah...hah...terrible...it's terrible..." Wendy panted as she stopped before us.

"Wendy what happened?" I express my chivalric concern. "Did Charles finally run away?" If so then _YES!_

She shook her head then wiped away her tears. "Something far worse has happened...You better come to Fairy Tail right away."

/?/?/?/

As we entered a brisk pace towards the guild, I was beginning to wonder what possible calamity might have struck our guild. I mean how could anything bad possibly happen in Fairy Ta(i)les? Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood, Sleeping Beauty...Nothing bad ever happened in those childhood classics right? Nothing bad _AT ALL_! That's why I chose to work for these guys...Because with a name like Fairy Tail – nothing can possibly go wrong...

Ever...

But I was soon to learn how wrong that naïve ideology of mine was. As we entered through the main doors to Fairy Tail, we seemingly entered through a guard of honour. Wizards were aligned in two columns facing each other as the entire room was cloaked in darkness. The only light came from the other end of the room with a few candles burning weakly around a small wooden cradle. All the colour, joy and much loved comic-relief of the wizards was gone, their faces uniform in solemn grief. With their heads bowed and their eyes closed – I had a really bad feeling about the definition of Wendy's 'terrible' news.

And just as you were thinking it...I _did _ask that very inappropriate question. "What's going on here?...It's like somebody's just died or something."

Needless to say, I got whipped by one of Erza's swords.

"You shameless excuse for a Wizard!" The steel-hearted warrior scolded me, clearly struggling to hold back a flood of tears. "How dare you show such disrespect for our Master's honour!"

"Oww. Sorry I just-" Then I flexed my head around to the end of the room where the little shrine of candles was set up. "Oh...fiddlesticks..."

"*Sniff* He was like a Father to me." Erza sniffed back a large goblet of snot up her nose (but it was hardly a laughing matter now). "He was a Father to all of us..."

"GRAMPS!" Suddenly Natsu broke down and fell to his knees, spewing out his flames of grief as he wailed hysterically.

"Master." The Elfmeister reached for his two sisters, soaking them with his own torrent of manly tears.

"Master!"

"Master!"

"Why!-?"

"No!"

Sobs and cries of anguish filled the room as I tried to piece together what exactly had happened. After connecting some of the dots, I knew that the dreadful news had something to do with that little old man who hands over the paychecks in the end of the day.

Then I crawled closer towards the shrine at the end of the room. The little cradle was not just put there for a spontaneous nativity exhibition. But there was a little baby – a little _old _baby sleeping in there quite peacefully...

Quite silently...

Quite cold and pale looking...

And quite dead alright!

"HOLY F[BLEEP]ING SHIT MAN! He's carked it!" I stumbled back holding down my stomach contents.

"Master has..." Now realising herself, Lucy falls onto her knees, her eyes widened with shock.

"He went peacefully last night..." Erza explained as she tried to maintain a strong composure. "Mirajane was the first to discover his body when she delivered his breakfast this morning."

"Whoah! Whoah! Whoah!" Suddenly I find myself shaking uncontrollably, I stumble back from the others as I take a few deep breaths. "I still don't understand...Are you trying to say that someone in the Fairy Tail cast actually-"

"Yes..." Erza interjected before a broken wall could make this tragedy even worse. "Master Makarov has died from a heart attack."

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode, our insignificant little Original Character is going to realise he is not so well obscured afterall...But what does the first Main Character Death in Fairy Tail Folkore have to do with this blunt-clawed wonder? Find out in the next dramatic chapter!<span>


	18. The Geriatrics' Guild: Part III

________Meet Benny Makaren: 20 years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. Thinking he could just ride this out as a crack fic forever, little Benny boy arrives at his guild to find out his fun (though often humiliating) days of Fairy Tail have suddenly reached a complication. How will he and the others cope when someone has been Killed Off For Real this time? Find out when you read the Eighteenth Chapter!________

**~My Fairy~**

The Geriatrics' Guild: Part III (Arrival)

Not so long ago, I used to believe in magic and fairy tales and unicorns and Jesus...

...But not anymore...

To think I would ever see another man die, especially in the land of Fairy Tail...

Now a dozen of us are upstairs in the old bosses office, standing around like a bunch of rotting vegetables as we try and comprehend our new reality.

"Gramps is gone." Natsu sighed. "He's really gone."

"Master." Erza wiped back the tears with her forearm, as one of the strongest wizards left in the guild, she was now burdened with the task of keeping our guild together. Naturally, I had to sympathise for her the most.

"If only I could have taken us back in time again." Yoshi murmured within earshot of me.

"You can go back in time?" I whisper loudly.

"When I kept bumping in to you that day, I was trying out a new upgrade called 'Playback', but I could never get it to work properly..." Yoshi explained.

"Well whilst that's a convenient way to explain the last arc, you still have it right? Maybe we can go back and stop Makky from dying right?" I say with rising hope.

"No we can't." Yoshi shakes her head. "I took it back for a refund so I could buy some hair extensions instead." The Asian Wizard pokes out her tongue in a sort of cheeky but regrettable way. "Besides, time travel is too dangerous and annoying to use - especially in Self-inserts."

"Yeah you're right." I turn back to see the missing wall and the defeated look on everyone's faces. "I suppose you just have to move forward and face every new day head on." As silence continues to ravage the room, I feel the urge to break the awkward atmosphere. "So anyway, what are we doing up here?"

"He'll be here soon." Erza answered as she pulled back the curtain to see outside.

"Who the undertaker?"

POOF! Suddenly in a perfect way to break the sullen mood, a tiny explosion of pink cloud enters the room, "*Cough* *cough* what the hell was that?"

"Please forgive my intrusion." A short egg-shaped man wearing a suit and chain-glasses waddles over to the boss's desk. "I am Delifuretrough Gaeuighoubourresdierre II, and I have been entrusted to read out Master Makarov's will in the event of his passing."

"He had a will?" I shout out quite inappropriately. "Oh yeah I suppose even Wizards need those."

Mr...Screw it let's call him D.G cleared his throat as he flicked his gloved hand, causing a large envelope to appear out of a puff of smoke again. The envelope had a red ribbon tied around it so I gathered the contents inside must have been pretty important to keep under wraps. "Makarov never informed me specifically who should be the witnesses for his will, so I shall allow all of you currently in the room to stay behind if you wish.

I take a quick scan of the room. There's obviously Natsu, Erza and Gray. Wiping her snot and tears onto Grays pants is Juvia. Dick's in here too and then there's me and Yoshi. I don't feel like I should remain in here since I was never really close to the old guy. "Excuse me, but I think I should leave."

"Benny Makaren is it?" D.G calls me out with a lift of his spectacles. "I think you should stay behind."

"Huh?" I half turn. "Uh, um okay..."

"Good." D.G grumbles huskily as he looks back to the sealed will. "I shall now open Master Makarov's"

"DO NOT OPEN THAT!" A voice bellows out to us from downstairs.

"That voice." Natsu growled under his breath before storming out of the room.

"Natsu!" Erza followed after him.

"Oi wait up!" Gray tagged along too.

"Wait for me my Gray-sama." Juvia dragged behind after snagging herself on Gray's belt.

"We better go check this out too Benny." Yoshi suggested as we followed everyone else downstairs.

"What do you want with us?" Mirajane stood in front of everyone holding a frying pan to protect our guild.

"That's not a nice way to address an old friend Mirajane." The voice sounded quite patronising as small arcs of electricity cackled around his body. The strange man crossed his arms as he geld his sleeves outside of his long black fur coat.

"What a jackarse." I growled under my breath as the crude looking man stepped around my favourite barmaid.

"I have reservations to contest that will!" The lightning man stated as he looked up at our group on the balcony.

"GHH." I turn to Natsu whose veins are now popping, underneath his darkened fringe, he grinds his teeth before roaring down at the strange visitor. "LAXUS!"

_Lexus_? No Laxus was it? Never mind...

"Natsu, how's everything been going?" Laxus holds out his hands, feigning a warm greeting.

Natsu is already climbing onto the balcony railing. "Laxus, you bastard! How dare you show your face here again!"

"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk." He tusks mockingly at the Fire Dragon Slayer. "Why it was perfectly appropriate for me to come and visit the Master's funeral...I mean I am his Grandson after all."

"Grandson?" I gasp; nobody else seems as surprised though.

"LAXUS!" Natsu doesn't seem interested in family ties as he already leaps of the balcony, a fist of flames charging in his hand ready to be served to this rude intruder.

SLASH. But a blur suddenly whirs past the Dragon Slayer just as he was about to take out Laxus. Everyone else gasps and clears the floor just as Natsu hits the ground with a long gash across his torso.

"Natsu!" Erza leans over the railing about to help her comrade when.

"It's been a while Scarlet." The blur who had taken down the Dragon Slayer himself stood by Laxus side, wielding a long and cumbersome spear. When, she pulled down the thick black scarf covering her face I noticed she looked uncannily familiar to someone, but I just couldn't quite put my finger on it until...

"Erza Knightwalker?" Erza - wait there are two Erzas now? "What are you doing here?"

"I serve my new Guild master now." The other Erza answered as she bowed before the wearing-a-jacket-as-a-cape guy.

"WE'RE CLAIMING THIS GUILD NOW!" Several more voices shout out from the Guild's Entrance, their shadows stretch right into the guild, possibly signifying how badass these guys were.

All up I counted ten of them, including Lightning bolt dude and Erza's I suspect, evil twin clone or something. The rest of them took a simultaneous stride into the building when they shouted in unison. "WE ARE THE GERIATRICS' GUILD!"

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode, Benny and his pals (well guild associates) find out who exaclty these so called Geriatrics are and why they wish to take over their guild. And why is Laxus so determined not to let anyone else see his Grandfather's will? Find out in the next revealing (but unfortunately not that kind) chapter!<span>


	19. The Geriatrics' Guild: Part IV

______Meet Benny Makaren: 20 years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. ___________If the Master's death wasn't bad enough for Benny and the Guild, they are now facing a bunch of strange people who seem intent on stirring more trouble. Who are these people and what is it they are after with Fairy Tail? Read on the Nineteenth Chapter to find out!_____**  
><strong>

**~My Fairy~**

The Geriatrics' Guild: Part IV (Confrontation)

There were ten of them lined up before our guild. Aside from their Master and a certain twin of Erza's, the rest were all hidden under ragged dark cloaks...Their presence spelt fear and uncertainty for the already greif-stricken souls in Fairy Tail

_Geriatric's Guild? _"You guys are from the...Geriatrics pffffhawhawhaw...WHAT A STUPID NAME-"

That was me by the way – and I was about to regret in five...four...three...two...

"SILFARION!" With Erza's evil (more evil) twin flashing towards me with a blade pressing nicely against my throat I had to eat those words and flush 'em down with water. **"Don't you dare mock our guild!" **

"Come on Knightwalker ease up..." Laxus waved for her to come back down. "We're not here to wage war...Just yet at least."

"So you're all planning to challenge this guild?" Erza (our one) called down from the second floor, seemingly taking on a de facto role of the master.

"Hell yeah Ooooww!" One of the cloaked dudes on the end howled out in a very odd voice.

"This will be our new base of operations _non-non-non_." Another cloaked guy declared, sounding even weirder than the other guy and making some strange pose on one leg and leaning on one side at a virtual ninety degree angle.

"Kakakaka! You young whippersnappers don't stand a chance!" Another one, who seemed very slim with that cloak around him (and I mean _really _thin, almost like a stick!) cackled in a croaky old voice.

"I'll restore my dignity once this guild is in our hands." One really scary looking cloaked wizard, who could pass off as the Grim Reaper with that scythe in his hand, said.

"All the Fairy Tail women shall serve me." Raising his hand into the air as if holding a chalice, a man who spoke more out of his arse than his mouth made his intentions clear.

"And if you plan on defying us, we'll make you into Chop Suey!" Another guy laughed sinisterly.

"Why are you doing this Laxus?" Mirajane showed more disappointment than fear in the Lightning-bolt-scarred man. "Don't you have any consideration for your Grandfather's passing?"

"Cheh...Why should I care if that old fart wants to kick the bucket." The insensitive bastard crossed his arms and showed no sign of any real emotions towards the Master's death.

"What kind of Man are you Laxus!-?" Elfman suddenly breaks free of the crowd his right arm encased in thick armour much like that Mexican from – no never mind...

But just as the Elfmeister's mutated fist is about to connect with the Lightning prick's jaw, his fist meets a wall of strange symbols and codes.

"Freed!" Everyone shouted out in shock.

"I'm afraid I can't allow you to hurt Laxus." The greenhead declared as two other guild members stood by his side.

"Bickslow! Evergreen! You two?"

"Though we are Mages of Fairy Tail, we are still devoted to Laxus." Seems these three guys are stuck in the biggest pickle of us all...I'm not sure if they just betrayed us yet or not though.

As a thick storm developed and lightning crashed down from outside, the Geriatrics' master addressed us all with crossed arms. "We will give you guys twenty-four hours to decide whether you will stay here, and serve me as your new Guild Master, or leave and be considered a rogue Wizard and an enemy of the new Guild."

Shit...That's a tough call. I mean sure his hair looks kinda nice but other than that, this guy's just a big meanie who doesn't know how to wear a jacket properly. "H-hey!" Oh no I'm going to say something...why am I... "What if you guys just share one half of the guild and we can keep the other?"

That's it, I should get Lucy to slap me right now...

The Lightning man produced a smirking grimace as he looked up at me. "Oh, I didn't notice you there...Benny Makaren."

Yikes...He knows my name! So he's one of them too!

"H-how do you know my name?" I say all flustered up.

He half turns his back as he rolls an eye back up at me. "You, little man, are my biggest problem of all..."

"Benny-boy is?" Gray and the others shout out. "But why? I mean what about Natsu or someone who's important?" Screw you Gray!

"Well, I'll give you poor saps your last day of freedom now." Laxus turns his back to us as his jacket-cape lifts up in the stormy breeze. "But just to make sure you guys focus on your decision we'll take a few of your members under our care for the night." Nodding towards one of his subordinates "Bora..."

_Doesn't that mean – hey wait! _Suddenly I notice one of the cloaked guys throw of his dark veil and reveal his rather ordinary identity below...Seriously, he looks really ordinary but- "Hey Lucy what are you doing?"

"No! No he's so disgusting but-" As much as she tried to defy it, it seemed Lucy's heart was overpowering her head as she shuffled down the stairs. Like a fish being reeled in to shore, the blonde Mage found herself being literally attracted towards the Mage – as though he was pulling a charm manoeuvre onto her.

"Lucy!" Before the others could react I leap off the stairs, my claws ready to be sharpened by the taste of blood. But I miscalculate just how far the drop to the second level is and land on the ground twisting my ankle. "AGGHH F*&^king S&^t my ankle, AARGH!"

"I'm takin you back too bitch!" Another Geriatric pulls off his cloak, covered in corpse paint - he is none other than that hateful Metalhead from the other night.

"Vidaldus!" Yoshi braces herself as the most metal character in Anime pulls out an Axe (or an electric guitar to translate for non-Metalheads) and starts ripping out a tune which rocks the entire guild. Everyone screams as they cover their ears in pain at the heavy shredding this ungodly man is producing.

"Yoshi..." I reach out my hand from my position below, unable to help her or Lucy now.

Thankfully, Yoshi doesn't seem to need my help – in fact she seems to be able to handle her vengeful ex pretty well as she whips out an Axe of her own, countering his Blackened tune with a more gentle Gothic melody. If only I could see soundwaves I would be able to tell you how epic this battle was right now. As cracks started to appear in the walls and the wooden floors began splintering the battle of the bands was soon left to a truce.

"Don't worry about it Vidaldus." Laxus signalled his subordinate to stop. "We already have Lucy, she should do for now."

"Wagh lemme go you creep!" Lucy was now bashing her fists against the charmer's back as he carried her outside.

"Wouldn't you love to catch up on old times with the 'real' Salamander?" Bora said in a hopelessly seductive manner.

"WAIT!" As the Geriatrics turned their backs to us and made their departure, I desperately extend my claws across the room, hoping I can snare back the damsel. But just as my claws are about to snag Lucy's clothes, one of the final Mages who hadn't made the reveal or said anything turned back and stopped my extended fingernails with a cloud of bullets.

As the edge of his cloak descended to the ground, he held one hand over his hood as he aimed his gun at everyone with the other much like a Western hold-up. "SUNDAY BREAKFAST – STUN BULLET!"

_Wait a minute, this guy must be- _BANG. And with one shot, the cloud of nostalgic and pleasantly stunning aromas cast across the room, effectively preventing anyone else from making the heroic chase after Lucy. All I could do as the final Mage left with a wave was recall a flashback before shouting out something to my fleeing enemy.

"_I'm not big on labels. I'm just a Layman, nothing more..."_

"COME BACK YOU TRASH SNIFFING BASTARD!" And that was all I could come up with for my despairing curse before I succumbed to the double combination of pain in my ankle and pleasured aromas and slammed my head onto the ground, signing off into a world of darkness.

つづく

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode, Benny and the others have to work out how they're gonna respond to Laxus' ultimatum and how to get Lucy back. Will they give in to these Geriatrics' from the past? Or will they uphold their Guild's honour and fight these rejects back? Find out in the next exciting chapter!<span>


	20. The Geriatrics' Guild: Part V

_Meet Benny Makaren: 20 years old and a rookie to the world of Wizardry and Magic. Recovering from his spectacular failure to perform a heroic balcony leap, Benny recovers as the other Guild members contemplate their next move against Laxus' reject Geriatrics. Has this recent confrontation, compounded with the Master's death finally knocked all the crazy fighting spirit out of these Wizards? Find out as you enjoy the Twentieth (yay that's a score!) Chapter!  
><em>

**~My Fairy~**

Geriatrics' Guild: Part V (Assembling)

_~"Kyaaah! Somebody! Anybody!...TASUKETE!-!-!"~_

_~"Hang on Lucy, I'm coming! I'll save you...I'll~_

/?/?/?/

"KYAAAAAH!" I squeal out of what was just a dream. I half rise with a start, shaking my head in all sorts of directions around the room to gather my surroundings. "Oh-ma-god-oh-ma-god-oh-ma-god! They-took-Lucy-an-I-dinna-do-anything-to-stop-em-and-now-were-all-gonna-die-and-I-forgot-I-left-my-clothes-at-the-drycleaners-and-"

SMACK! A guiding punch to the sternum took me back down to bed as Mirajane smiled. "Now you really must settle down mister, you had quite a nasty fall before."

"But I...Lucy's-"

"**I insist that you lay down and rest okay~?**" And judging by the purple flaming aura and demonic shadow underneath her eyes, I think I'll have to take Nurse Mira's advice.

"*Gulp* O-kay."

"I couldn't gain any leads about this Geriatrics' guild or their location." Gray stood by the doorway as Mirajane got up from her granny stool.

"Well we've all had a real tough day as it is...I think it's best if we all rest and prepare ourselves tomorrow."

"So anyway," I add into the conversation. "If this Laxus dude's the Master's grandson, then why is he such a friggin bigass douchebag?"

The shirtless Ice Maker sighed as he kicked his leg off the doorway. "Laxus used to be an S-class member of Fairy Tail until one day he decided to wage war on our guild by starting his own Battle Royale tournament with everyone."

"So now he's back for revenge." I surmise.

"And it looks like he's rounded up enemies from previous story arcs to do his dirty work." Gray rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Okay, Gray, can we wait till my ankle's better before we break any walls here." I say irritated.

"You guys." Levy suddenly came rushing in panting. "Freed, Bickslow and Evergreen just left the guild."

"I feared they would join up Laxus." Gray shook his head.

"They didn't say anything along those lines." Levy frowned as she sat in the corner of the room. "They must be very confused as to who they should fight for now."

"Well if Freed, Tonguey and Stone-eyes chick wanna give us a hard time then BAM!" Natsu suddenly burst into the room, breathing out a healthy flame as bandages hung loosely around his wounded torso.

"Natsu-san! Come back so I can heal you!" Wendy came crying over too.

"We ain't gonna let Laxus tread on our turf again and take over!" Natsu pounded his fists together. "We're gonna protect Gramp's guild OUR GUILD!"

"Yeah!" Gray leapt up thinking everyone was all pumped up for battle now. "Oh..."

Instead, it seemed everyone else's face was buried in the metaphorical sand, overwhelmed by the loss of their Master and this subsequent threat to their very livelihoods. Not even the peace loving Mirajane could muster up the kind of fighting spirit that burned through the Fire Dragon Slayer.

An awkward sense of despair cast across the tiny room. Now Natsu even was scratching head, doubting his own intentions.

I just couldn't stand these once colourful characters being so immersed in blue...I had to use my claws to cut through the thick dead vines strangling their hearts.

"Guys..." I called out. "Hey...now that the Master is gone, have you decided what to do next?"

The fairly ordinary question seemed to raise a few eyebrows amongst the small group. "Well I mean have you thought, maybe there's no need for a Guild anymore...have you thought about using your talents elsewhere for a different purpose?"

"Well..." Gray started scratching the ice shavings from his hair. "I could go back into sculpting."

"I could be a waitress," Mirajane chirped.

"I could be a teacher," Levy suggested.

"And I could..." Natsu paused. "Wait I don't have any other employable skills- HEY!"

"Well I'm just saying, if it only takes one small crisis to bring self-doubt to everyone in the guild, then I guess we really should just give these Geriatric guys what they want."

"Benny-boy!" Natsu growled in disbelief. "How dare you encourage us to throw in the towel."

"Let me finish eh, Natsu." I smirk as I rise, standing one foot on the bed. "I think you guys would know a hell of a lot more about courage and bravery and strength and all those fluffy things like that...But it seems you all got a harsh little lesson today: that all those heroic things won't stop the sad times from ever coming." Now I'm ranting but I seem to have their attention so I throw off my blanket and continue. "Sure, shit's gonna come flying at you when you least expect it, but once you wipe it away, your path ahead is clear again! So you can stay here, sulking in the smouldering manure pile about the doomsday...OR YOU CAN PICK YOURSELF OUT OF THE HORSESHIT AND KICK THESE F%ERS RIGHT IN THE [BLEEP] WHEN THEY LEAST EXPECT IT!-!-!"

A ball of tumbleweed just bounced across the room as everyone remained jaw dropped.

"Benny..." They all stare gobsmacked at me.

"Huh...? Did I say something wrong?"

Gray walked over and cupped his hand over his mouth to whisper something. "_Your Southern Pole is-"_

"WAGH CRAP!" Now all my Braveheart strategy has been ruined by my embarrassing reveal.

"I still say it's funnier when Gray does it." Natsu commented. "But yeah I guess you made a good point about horse manure or something there - wait what was it again?"

"I know what it was." The Asian rockwiz(ard) stumbled into our room after she must have listened in on the whole thing. Personally I'm glad I hid away my PB 'n' J just before she arrived. "Benny wants us to defy those old codgers, right?"

"NO HE WANTS US TO BE MEN AND PUMMEL THEM!" Now Elfman squeezes through.

"I believe I'll use my Seduction Armour for this battle." Erza arrives in late too.

"Um hang on..." I try and get a word in.

"We can have a good old bar brawl smash KEGH!" Cana shouts as she dances into the room.

"You guys-"

"Bisca's gonna stop them right?" Alkzack turned his back against his effective partner.

"N-no you are Alkzack?" Bisca blushes likewise.

"Guy seriously-"

"JUVIA WILL DO WHATEVER GRAY-SAMA DECIDES!" Like a sponge, Gray suddenly attracted the Water Mage herself as she slid quite like a leech or some sort of amoeboid creature up his body.

"WAGH JUVIA!" Gray tried to push the love parasite off him.

"Hey!-"

"I'll make them poo Iron filings for eight weeks." That was Gajeel, the dick.

That was the last straw as I finally let my cuticles unleash stabbing through the plaster ceiling. "WOULD YOU ALL SHUT THE HELL UP FOR TWO FAIRY FREAKING SECONDS!-!-!-!"

Needless to say, my squealing brought everyone to my attention for now at least. "Aww damn now look there all stuck in the ceiling and *Ahem*... I was hoping we could send a a few of us over to put the old offensive on these guys and take the war to their front doorstep sort'a thing." Trying to yank out my claws from the ceiling. "Where's that cat of yours Wendy? She can tell us which side's gonna win already."

Wendy didn't even need to whistle before the highly strung female feline flew in. "I can't read the future voluntarily, it only comes naturally."

"_Great_, some use you were kitty." I grumble. "Well anyway, I reckon me, Natsu, Gray, Erza, Juvia, Yoshi, Wendy, Levy, Alkzack, Bisca and Dick should go and pay these so called Geriatrics' a little visit in the old people's home!"

"Yeah!" Natsu lit up a bonfire from his mouth, punching his fists in the air.

"You hear that Gray-sama? Juvia will fight by your tender side my dear!" As Gray and Juvia made some friction, the two shy lovebirds leant against each other's backs twiddling their pointy fingers together.

"Hey can Charles come along too?" Wendy suddenly asks through the jubilation.

"Hey yeah I should bring my awesome new cat too." The Iron Dick suggested.

"_kaaaaaaa_aaaaaaAAAAAGGGHHH!-!-!-!-!-!-!" Flying through like a blue torpedo, Natsu's own flying cat makes a barrelling kamikaze assault straight into my gut.

"OOOF!" Well at least my claws managed to slip out of the ceiling.

"DAMMIT BENNY LET ME APPEAR IN JUST ONE DAMN CHAPTER SHEEESH!" With eyes more like a devilish tiger, Happy bolls his fists as he stands on my chest with shoulders heaving.

Still unsure how I actually ended up as the decision maker, I concede with a long sigh. "Okay the flying cats can come too..."

"AYE!" Happy now returns to his normal cheery self.

"Hell yeah!" Dick procures a steel sharp grin. "Pantherlily un-freaking-leashed baby!"

"Isn't that great Charles?" Wendy chirped more humbly.

"Humph, whatever." But Charles is far from thankful (hey I could've kept you out for another eight chapters if I wanted to!).

"What should the rest of us do?" One of the more mature (relatively speaking) Mages Wakaba inquires.

"You guys can just hang around here and wait for any ambushes I guess." Hey this is kinda fun bossing people around. I should see if I can get Natsu to do something silly. "Hey Natsu! Stand on one hand and say_ 'I am Lord of the Chicken Kingdom!'_ eight times!"

"No." The pink haired Dragonslayer answered quite bluntly.

"Oh _damn_..." I feel a little defeated now. "Okay well are all set?" Riling up the crowd which amazingly fitted inside this 5x3 metre bedroom.

"YEAH!"

Leaping into the air with my fists pumping I roar to my Spartans. "THEN LET'S SHOW THEM OUR- OUCH!" Seemingly throughout my battle spiel I forgot about my wounded ankle, crashing to the ground and seething in new pain. "Damn oww! Shit that hurts."

Wendy and Mirajane share an uneasy expression. "Maybe Wendy should heal your ankle first."

/?/?/?/

TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER: SOMETIME AFTER MIDNIGHT...

With my ankle nice and healthy again and the squad assembled, we set off from the guild at the crack of morning (or really late at night your mileage may vary here), walking side by side in one hugely badass line with the moonlight at our backs. We set off ready to uphold the name of Fairy Tail and save the girl (i.e. Lucy).

Natsu Dragneel..

Gray Fullbuster...

Erza Scarlet...

Juvia Lockser...

Wendy Marvell...

Gajeel 'Dick' Redfox...

Levy McGarden...

Alkzack...

Bisca...

Happy, Charles, Pantherlily...

Yoshi Takimora

and of course...

Benny 'Benny-boy' Makaren...

Eleven Mages (and three flying cats)...Eleven hearts beating for the glory of Fairy Tail...Ready to kick some of the story's rejects back into history!

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode, eleven Fairy Tail mages set out to take on the ten idiots who dare step on their Fairy-uh...Tails yeah! But with Charles unable to give us an early taste of the result, we'll just have to wait and see what happens next. Can little Benny-boy finally prove himself useful to his comrades? Don't miss the next epic chapter!<span>


	21. The Geriatrics' Guild: Part VI

_Meet Benny Makaren: 20_ _years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. With ten of the strongest (well, most relevant) Fairy Tail mages by his side, Benny and the gang set off to face Laxus and his new threat Tail on. But will they actually find who they're after - or will they just lose themselves in a search for some pointless filler? Please enjoy the Twenty-first Chapter!**  
><strong>_

**~My Fairy~**

The Geriatrics' Guild: Part VI (Happy Prelude)

There I was, walking alongside some of the top guns of the Magic business. I felt like I was one of the guys in Oceans Eleven (only there were thirteen – no wait fourteen if we count the argh!). As the crisp night air blew gently against the white hairs of our necks we strode down Fairy Lane, our destination...

Our destination...

"Hang on a minute, where exactly are we going?"

We all share puzzled glances at each other for about three minutes before Pantherlily (he's the black cat, I'm giving him some airtime today as well) mused. "They claim to be from the Geriatrics' Guild, but how can we be sure such a guild even exists?"

"He's right my awesome little cat he is." Dick nuzzled his fellow cat companion making me lose even more confidence in the wild-haired wonder.

"They must be a Dark Guild then." Erza surmised. "In that case, we don't even know if they have recruited other members or not."

"Just more losers to build my knocked out fortress with! GHAHAHA!" Natsu roared quite loudly, causing some of the local residents to open their windows and complain.

"You Fairy Tail young'uns should be in bed by now!" One old resident with a pom-hat croaked out from a window. "Why are you up so late?"

Natsu waved back, "Oh Mr. Fawkins, we are just out trying to beat up some bad guys."

"Oh okay, well try and do it quietly okay." The old Mr. Fawkins grumbled before he retreated back to his peaceful slumber for the night.

All this late night atmosphere has suddenly gotten me all giddy as I shake my hands and whisper a squeal. "Wow! I've never stayed out so late in my life! I feel like such a young rebel!"

"Dude." Gray pulls me back. "Just, don't dude..."

"It is pretty exciting though isn't it Ben-san?" Wendy walks closer by me now with her cat performing overtime for bodyguard duty.

"Yeah, I can't wait to sink my claws into some hooded thugs." I bash my fists together, then wince after I hurt my hand. "Oww, Natsu makes it look painless..."

"We're gonna rip into 'em aren't we Happy?"

The always-happy aptly named cat chants out another. "Aye!"

"Um, Benny." Yoshi tugs my sleeve, "Should we get back to working out where we're actually meant to be going?"

"Hmm...Good idea," I nod. "But let's see what Levy has to say..."

The small chested girl looks up at Dick then speaks deadpan. "Yes, I agree."

Good, now we just need to cover Juvia and the two normies and we're all set.

"Gray-sama~!" Juvia demonstrates her osmosis by fusing onto Gray's body.

"I'll back you up Alkzack."

"N-no you won't, I'll cover your back Bisca."

Too easy!

…

After about twenty minutes of me talking about cheese, followed by another fifty minutes of a quasi-symposium about the possible locations of the Geriatrics – taking into account Magnolia's most revised planning documents, sewerage networks, derelict estates and recent leases to certain hominids, we all got a little bored and went searching instead for the local twenty-four hour district...For a bite to eat of course (not what you were thinking...Samuel!).

"I'm really enjoying this tasty pink thing I'm eating." I comment as I munch into some more of the mysterious foodstuff.

"Yeah, this stuff really hits the spot when you're about to go to battle eh?" Natsu scorches another portion of his food to ash form before he consumes it in one massive gulp.

"What are you doing Juvia stop that!" I overhear Gray acting all nitpicky about something. From my angle all I can see is Juvia leaning off her barstool stretching onto Gray as her elbows keep moving.

"It's okay Gray-sama, Juvia will cut up your food for you...Now open wide and say 'aggh'-"

"Aggh CRAP!" Gray throws a dummy spit as he leaves the food-bar. "I'll just go eat some pie in that crummy place down the corner instead!"

"Wow even I think Gray's acting like a dick tonight." Gajeel makes quite a good point (he's still a dick though). "Hey at least you aren't a whiny bitch like him eh Lev?"

"Gah..." Squeezed quite comfortably between the human torch and the smelly iron filings, Levy smiles nervously. "Yeah uh... thanks."

"Do you want me to finish that last piece for you Bisca?" The poncho wearing Wizard says blushingly pointing with his fork.

"No I'm fine, but do you want me to finish that last crumb on yours?" The cowgirl muttered in almost identical fashion.

"Benny," I hear but don't really respond to Yoshi's call as I observe the humorous antics of our three flying felines.

"En guarde!" Happy - who I'm only now realising how funny he is, draws a fishbone from his cleaned saucer as he faces his rival on the bar. "Winner gets Charle's hand in marriage."

"What! I never agreed to that!" The prize wench snaps as she hovers above the little standoff.

"The winner shall drink from the saucer of victory, the loser shall drown in the blood of defeat." The more duty-bound opponent holds his ground with a sharpened chopstick.

"Oh boy! I'm putting 80 Jewel on Happy!" Natsu waves a large wad of cash in the air. "KNOCK THAT SUCKER BACK TO EDO-LAND HAPPY!"

"Aye Sir!"

"Hell no! My Pantherlily's gonna bring home the bacon for me!" Gajeel spits back, though most of it ends up hitting the unfortunate Levy in between. "KICK THAT HAPPY PRICK'S ARSE PANTHERLILY!"

Meanwhile I receive another pressing call from the Rockwiz(ard). "Ugh, Benny."

"GEARGH!"

"KORYAAGH!"

CLING. CLANG. CLING. CLANG SCRATCH. This has to be the most awesome catfight I've seen in my entire life. Now I'm wishing I had put some Jewel on this one as well. Happy seems really pent up to show his love for Charles (good luck with that one mate) and Pantherlily's just taking it like a brick wall. As Happy's fish-bone splits through the fragile wood of the mini-panther's sword, the duel looks like its nearly over when the Panther suddenly draws his fangs, pouncing on the blue cat and pinning him down.

"COME ON GET UP HAPPY!" Natsu bashes the tiny bar as a small crowd of mostly seedy merchants gathers.

"PISS OFF! RIP INTO THE JUGULAR PANTHERLILY!" Gajeel bashes down so hard he frightens the poor bluehead nearby.

"Hey Benny." Yoshi continues – now I'm thinking that I should really pay attention.

"Happy's really been training himself for this bout hasn't he?" Erza noted as she reappeared with notes tied around the gaps in her armour (I'm not sure who she put her money on – or if that was even her own money before tonight!).

"I hope they don't seriously hurt themselves Charles." Wendy tusks with concern from the sidelines.

"Humph, they're more like a pack of wild dogs to me." The snobbish cat lifted her nose in the air.

"BENNY!"

"What?" I finally turn my eyes away from the possible illegal fighting ring being established nearby as I face a very annoyed looking Yoshi.

KKRRK. _"ARGH I'M BLEEDING!"_

Damn and now I miss the best part. "Sorry Yoshi what's the matter?"

She doesn't say anymore, instead poking her finger towards a trio of cloaked individuals just behind our stall. With their hoods off, I can see their crude, deviant faces (well one of them isn't even a human face and another has no damn face altogether!). The one with the full human face steps forward, twisting his foot into the dirt as he throws down a large scythe. "You damn Fairy faggots are pretty bold entering Geriatrics' turf."

"Yeah they areoohoohooww!" The possibly E'd up lionman adds with a thrust of his hips.

"Kakaka! Indeed." The skull on a stick wrapped in human clothes cackles on top of that.

"Oh dear." I shudder, tacking a brief glance back at my strange food. "Now that you mention it, the culinary options here were pretty lacklustre..."

"You dislike my cooking eh?" The Chinese cook taps his cooking wok against a much larger ladle. "I'll be sure to add extra MSG next time – WHEN I GIVE YOU YOUR FRIED MSG!"

"NOOOO!"

"GAH! GET THIS WEIRDO OFF ME WILL YA!" Dick (no Gray – wait I got mixed up now) wades back through the crowd with a strange green-haired man literally coiled around his virtually naked body.

Juvia rises from her chair slowly. **"You will let go of Gray-sama this instant**."

"Hey what's going on?" Natsu and Dick suddenly call off all bets as they notice all the crowd we had managed to attract with our little circus display had glowing red orbs of evil in their eyes. The shady crowd began snickering amongst themselves as they revealed a variety of very wonky, poorly drawn and almost incomprehensible half-erased facial features.

"My God, it's like an army of failed character prototypes..." I shudder in pure fear. Then just when I thought we had dug ourselves in deep enough bowel movements, I notice that Erza is acting a little strangely, her head lowered with shoulders heaving as she suddenly bursts into cold laughter, her eyes wide with beady pupils and a distorted, wicked smile. She drops a large sac on the ground, with a certain identical redhead looking awfully unconscious inside.

"I've always wanted to get that bitch back for that one she did on me!" The Erza that isn't really Erza pulls her hair and reveals a shorter crop underneath, her sword reforming into a nasty looking lance.

"ERZA!" We all shout over as our strongest Wizard has already been taken out.

"So you guys came here to admit Fairy Tail's surrender already eh?" As we all lift our necks towards a giant formidable tower fortress with lightning raining down upon it – a fortress made of cardboard boxes and sheets of iron, the master of the rejects stands over the rest of us. And as the very ordinary Bora (which I endeavoured to remember his name) appeared from behind the box/iron sheet fortress, holding a gagged Lucy under his wing, his master threw down his hands. "Well we can already make some arrangements for you all if you're that keen..."

* * *

><p><span>Next episode, Benny and the other Fairies confront their sudden ambush. Now effectively on their side of the ball-court, how will they bounce off of this dillema? Find out in the next thrilling chapter!<span>


	22. The Geriatrics' Guild: Part VII

______Meet Benny Makaren: 20 years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. The Gang of Elevenish now find themselves surrounded in the midst of Geriatrics' territory; surrounded by the enemy and their poorly drawn Mooks. Now that they are about to confront their opponents of the past, who will face up to who in the battle of relevance and rejection? Please enjoy the Twenty-second Chapter!______**  
><strong>

**~My Fairy~**

The Geriatrics' Guild: Part VII (Metal Match-ups)

Left and right, front and back...There's no denying that we're surrounded. We've been ambushed by the very people we sought out to ambush. If this is not irony, then my name isn't Benny Makaren!

"Hhrm! Hrmh! Hmmrrrrhhh!" Lucy squirms in the ordinary man's arms.

"Don't worry, dear Lucy, soon we will deal with these Fairy bandits and we shall joins our hands together in holy matrimony." As the evil Bora laughs Lucy tries kicking at his feet but she seems to have been all tied up around her arms and legs.

"Lucy! Natsu steps forward as the main hero, "Let her go Laxus!"

"Hang on a sec Dragneel," Laxus holds out his palms. "Isn't there something you guys need to do first?"

"Yes...Have you all come here to say it?" Evil Erza holds her spear by Dick and Levy's throats.

Gray calls out. "You mean did we come here to surrender-ARGH put that tongue away."

"Hmm...I love shaved ice – non-non-non." The French wormoid human snakes out his tongue as he coils up to the Ice Maker's neck. Needless to say this only further provoked the water Mage Juvia.

"Well, maybe I should hear it from Mr. Makaren himself." A bolt of lightning suddenly crashes down as the Thunder Mage looks down at me from his Box fort. "Well Benny-_BOY_...Will you get on your knees and confirm your guild's surrender?"

Splendid, now all the pressure's been placed on me. I only wanted to have a side role in this bash-up, maybe do a few wicked stunts and give Natsu the high five when we snare Lucy from the bad guys hands. I didn't expect to be the white flag for everyone here...At least why didn't he ask Natsu or Gray to give the old kowtow – hell even Iron Dick would've been good enough to make the message. So why then...

Why is Laxus so interested in me?

I hope he's not one of '_those_' guys...

"Well I-" When I see Natsu's menacing gaze, flicking his thumb against his finger like a lighter and grinding his teeth loudly I feel my decision already leaning one way. When I find Levy, Bisca and Even the Damsel in Distress towering over me like ghoulish demons – I gulp and base my decision on both democratic vote and my precious skin. "No w-we're not giving you our guild." My legs are now shaking, I can hardly stand as the Lightning man cocks his head cracking his neck as his head leans nearly ninety degrees.

"Huuuh?" He droops his mouth in a long mocking sigh.

I think I'm about to lose all control of my endocrine system now as I bite my lip and answer him again. "I said we're not giving you the guild...And we're here to stop you."

"Really?" He snaps his head back up straight as he leaps of his tower, crashing to the ground with an electrical crater around his feet. "Well I guess we'll have to convince you guys another way won't we?"

All the guild-master's henchmen and cronies start bobbing their heads, sniggering in near harmonic unison. "Ku-Ku-ku-ku!"

"Just do your worst Laxus!" Natsu rolls his left arm ready to clobber his inferno fist straight into his chin. "I've kicked your arse before and I can easily do it again?"

Laxus just lowers his gaze and laughs silently. "We Geriatrics would like to share something with you guests of ours." Suddenly the Lightning man throws of his jacket-cape, letting it fly away in the updraft as it travels away into the heavens. We all brace ourselves as he reaches in his jeans pocket, possibly to produce some sort of diabolical weapon of ultimate destruction and doom...

It was far worse than I could even imagine...

He pulled out a microphone instead...

"Viddy my good man could you...?" Emerging from behind the box castle, the Metal Mage emerged with his Axe. With a swift kick of his immensely long hair, the corpse paint clad menace extended his locks towards his master who, as though using the hairs as a lead, managed to hook up his mike to the living sound system. With a charge of electricity running from Laxus' hand to the Metal Mage, the stage seemed set.

We thought we were gonna get a beating from these guys...

Instead we were about to cop something far-far worse...

We were about to receive a mid-episode song.

"_~And a one-two-three...~" _The boxes lit up like the fourth of July as a massive pyrotechnics display obliterated the fort into a burning Phoenix. With Vidaldus already ripping into a brutally punishing riff...his master delivered the vocals that would kill a man within five yards. "_~We are the Geriatrics! We are the Geriatrics! We are the fallen ones who lost our way! We are the hidden shadows cast astray! But we rise like the Phoenix, sprouting from the ashes! We will stomp on those naysayers, we won' let them smash us!~"_

"ARGH!" Soon we find ourselves covering our ears in sheer pain from the god awful mid-episode song. Laxus' vocals sound worse than Justin Bieber and One Direction in a blender owned by Lil' Wayne. This Mage will use the most foul measures to break a fellow Wizard's spirit and sense of hearing.

"Next verse is yours guys!" Laxus calls out as he throws the mike across to the group of three.

"_~The reaper is coming, the spirit I tore...The God of Death harks when they hear the name Erigor!~"_

"_~Yo you better be chekin' coz I ain't no baloney...You'll cry back to yo mama after you've been dealt a ass kickin' by Toby!~"_

"_~Kakakaka...Kakakakakoa...Fear the great Staff for I am none other than Klodoa!~"_

"_You'll regret that day, you ever mocked me and laughed...The Vanish Brother's will crush you – well at least one half (of us will)!~"_

"_~Such a sorrowful fate, we all must call...But now our meeting must end, for I am the Elemental -non-non-non- _I mean _Sol!~"_

"_~Oh how it breaks my heart, to say such slander...But for the sake of my concubine – I shall play the villain Salamander!~"_

"Your name is Bora you jerk fraud!" Natsu interrupts the song.

"**You son of a bitch, you cut me off!**" Evil Erza shot out an energy ball from her lance. "~_Ugh...Ergh...DAMMIT I FORGOT MY LYRICS!" _The vented Erza chucks away the Mike back towards Laxus.

"_~We all share a bond...United by our pain...We'll crush all those Fairies...their gravestones we have lain...So prepare yourselves chumps, the glory will be ours again...The Geriatrics' shall rise and falleth the Fairies...and Benny Makaren...~"_

Oh yay I got to be included in the song that's- "Ugh...I'm so weak now I can barely stand."

"Now Viddy my man give us a brutal solo to leave out on."

"Hell yeah boss!" The Black Metal Mage twirled his hair into a ferocious dark whirlwind windmill as he let out the most fast pace, deep tuned solo in mortal conception...The deadly combination of low notes, gruesome chugging and powerful hammer-ons drove me to my knees as I began panting, feeling my very soul being ripped from my chest. As the dooming riffs licks and lifts ensued, I clutched my chest, hoping I could contain my very heart. I was – we were all about to die after enduring such pain and now the pleasure of a Metallic eulogy...I never thought the power of Rock could be used for such evil purposes...Now we shall all suffer for our naivety.

I notice a foot step in front of me. As the black boot heels kick into the dirt, I struggle to lift my head and discover our saviour standing strong - hardly shaken by the traumatic song and subsequent solo. I croak out her name.

"Y-Yoshi!"

Her back is turned away as she faces Vidaldus. Her hands flex by her sides like in a Western stand-off just before they disappear from sight. In a fraction of a second she whips her arms around and summons her own Axe, glistening in the moonlight as she enters her attack stance. "My ex uses a type of Guitar Magic which takes over the victim's soul...However he is not the only one who can wield this terrifying and brutal magic." She explains with assertive determination. "REPENTENCE RIFF – ETERNAL DAMNATION!"

Suddenly the battle of the Rock Gods had ensued as Yoshi's Axe pushed back the energy draining waves coming from Vidaldus' finger dance. The serpentine haired Mage cursed as he shredded even faster to counter his ex-girlfriend's rhythmic notes. "Damn bitch! I taught you how to wield the Axe and now you're using it against me?"

"You may have taught me the basics Vidaldus, but I chose my own path." She roars back in harmonic vocals as she pushes him back with a thick strum manoeuvre. "I'll handle this one, you guys take care of the others."

"_Yooooshi,_ Yoshi!" I answer in my Wapanese.

"There's no time for that – just go!" She nearly made a death growl with her tone just then, so I knew not to try and contradict this Metal chick.

"Alright, let's-"

"I'M ALL FIRED UP!"

"I'M READY TO PUMP IRON!"

"**JUVIA WILL SAVE GRAY-SAMA**"

"LET'S GO BIS-CHAN!"

"LET'S GO ZAK-KUN!"

Hang on let me make the charge...Oh what the heck...

"I'll reap away your existence first Benny-brat!" The silver haired Shinigami was already leaping over my vision as he trusted back his scythe, ready to harvest my life.

"Gah." Caught by surprise, I lifted an arm in a hopeless effort to shield myself from his death scythe.

"SKY DRAGON'S ROAR!" Just before Erigor could claim his first crop of the night, a powerful tornado threw him back. I sigh with relief when Wendy arrives by my side with a look of confidence in her round eyes.

"Now I owe you twice for saving me Wendy." I laugh.

"So you use Wind magic too eh?" Erigor wiped his mouth as he smiled wickedly, twirling his scythe along his back. "This should be a breeze – geddit Mwahahaha!"

Yuk. Anyway, now it seems with Wendy engaged my back is vulnerable to another enemy. "I'll make you into my Benny-chow mien!"

"Kyah!" I squeal as a giant wok seals off the light of my world. But just as I'm about to taste just desserts (or dinner perhaps) a greyish blur charges through and holds up the wok before it can crush me.

"Dick! I mean Gajeel!" Sorry I guess I should admit he saved me there.

"This should be a tasty treat for me right 'ere!" He grins just as he starts gnawing into the edge of one half of the Vanish Brother's wok.

"Hey you gotta pay to eat here!" He snapped just as he swung back his utensil weapon for another attack.

"He's mine got it?" Gajeel says as he lunges into his enemy.

"Phew." My sigh is premature though as the talking staff dives across, charging a dangerous looking green orb in his mouth.

"Kakakaka-KAGHFF!" The cackling old skull on a rod was interrupted by the flying fist (no wait paws) of an oncoming cat – a flying cat actually.

"Happy, am I ever glad I gave you some airtime."

"Aye, damn right!" The badass blue cat saluted to me before he started pummelling his little paws into the skull staff thing.

"KaOW! KaOW! KaOW!"

Well now after being saved three times, I'm starting to think it might be nice to actually pick someone to fight now. But as I look around, it seems my options are dwindling

"LAXUS GRAAAGGH!" Natsu obviously fires straight towards the leader, lightning and fire exploding upon impact.

"**Give me back Gray-sama!**" A very scary looking Juvia is now trying to snatch a parasitic Frenchman off of Gray.

"EXPLOSION!" With a fairly powerful Explosion, Evil Erza already has her opponent. A giant anthropomorphous cat.

"Why are you fighting against us Knightwalker?" When the huge Black Cat talks I realise that it's none other than Pantherlily, transformed (okay now I'll have to concede that _he _is pretty damn awesome for a flying cat!). "Hasn't Edolas already returned to peace?"

"You wouldn't understand traitor! GRAVITY CORE!" She answers the totally ripped panther with a giant black orb.

Okay, I'm not really disappointed I didn't get Evil Erza as my match up...Maybe I'll fight those Mooks over there.

"SOLID SCRIPT FIRE!" The medium sized bluehead in our gang pulls off a quick spell, scribbling the air before the word 'FIRE' appears in the air and subsequently reshapes into a wall of flames, scorching the dozens of bottom drawer sketch figures and other rejected characters who never were granted the dignity of seeing a page in this story or the real thing.

"GAAAGGH!"

I curse a little inside though. They would have been at least cut-able for my claws those Mooks. I guess that ordinary looking Bora would be the next weakest one to-

"Hayaah!" What? Suddenly my jaw crashes to the floor as I notice Lucy has somehow already freed herself and is kicking the hot blonde ass out of the hopeless charmer. She doesn't even need her keys for this loser, instead whipping out her whip and striking him across his derrieres for a good few minutes before he collapses with an odd look of pleasure on his ordinary looking face.

"Dammit, who can I fight?" Scanning the area, ignoring the lion faced Geriatric, I peer left and right throughout the melee looking for that Man to finally make his appearance. "Damn it where is he? Go away lionman." I quickly gesture a swatting hand to the idle Mage as I keep looking for my real rival. "Dammit where are you?"

"Well, this looks like quite a splendid brawl." When I hear his snide comment from behind the pile of iron and ashes that was once their guild's headquarters. I grimace in enthusiastic delight when I find my long awaited, trash-sniffing rival.

"Yes." I waste no time bringing out my claws. "Now I can finally settle things with-"

"Ooh watch I'll beat this one for you Bis-chan!"

"No Zak-kun I'm gonna beat him for _you_!" As the two gun wielding wizards step quite rudely in front of me, I shout out a curse of frustration.

"DAMMIT I WANTED TO FIGHT THAT ONE! HE WAS MY PERFECT MATCH YOU JERKS!" Not realising the proximity of another vacant Geriatric nearby who seems to have been waiting almost patiently for some acknowledgement. "Gah, what do you want weird...I don't know what the hell you're meant to be...Are you a half lion or dog or something?"

"Oww yeah...Benny's mine arrooo!" The lion (let's just go with that option) freak suddenly arches his back and howls as he lunges at me, barely giving me enough time to evade him.

"Dammit. Why the hell did I have to get the weird one." I continue cursing to myself in the melee. "How are we even _remotely_ matched for each other?" I demand an answer for this injustice of match-ups.

Toby just snickers a dark glare as he crosses his arms across his chest. "Oooh you think I'm no match for you Beeenyyyy?" As he continues dragging out his vowels, I notice something else elongating along his very sharp fingertips. "Let's see those claws _beeeeaaaaoootch_!"

* * *

><p><span>On the next episode. It's Fire vs. Lightning; Clingy vs. (another sort of) Clingy; Iron Chef vs. Iron Eater; Flying Staff vs. Flying Cats; Wind Healer vs. <span>Wind Reaper; Blonde vs. Bora; The Word vs. The Nobodies; Edo against Ex-Edo; Black Metal vs. Gothic Metal; Guns vs. Guns and Guns; and last and probably least Claws vs. Claws. With so many epically ridiculous battles occurring, how can poor Benny-boy keep up with the big kids in the game? Can he finally sharpen those claws with victory? Find out this and the other battles in the next hectic chapter!


	23. The Geriatrics' Guild: Part VIII

_Meet Benny Makaren: 20_ _years old and a rookie in the world of Wizardry and Magic. With our wee Fairy fighters paired up with a conveiniently worthy rival, the final showdown with the Geriatrics is about to commence. Can they beat these losers a second time? Please enjoy the Twenty-third Chapter!_**  
><strong>

**~My Fairy~**

The Geriatrics' Guild: Part VIII (A Fingernail from Death)

Hellsch freakin yeah...I'm about to have my first full on, authentic hardcore Magically epic-

"KYAH! Watch where you aim those damn things!" I slide out of the stabbing claw strike of my opponent – who if you had missed earlier, also happens to possess sharpening claws.

With myself still not even brought out my keratin babies, I scream, wail and cry quite similar to a little girl as the aggressively psychotic lionman rakes out at me with his talons...each rapid slash leaving behind a long green blur from the tips of his nails.

Funny, mine don't have that bonus feature.

"Oh maaan c'wawawa watcha doing dooog come be fighting at me witcha real claws baby aaarrrrooo!" Which I think roughly translates to 'fight me like a man' or something along those lines.

But those things look really sharp and they might actually break through the skin. Perhaps I could try swaying this bohemian with passive non-violent diplomacy. "Excuse me Toby, but I think we should try and reconcile our differences and-HYAH! Wait whoah hey ah ooh eeh!" Like a dancing cobra I shimmy my hips left and right away to evade each potentially blood producing slash.

"Geerr Benny why youuuu all dodging my claws and stuff oooh?" Toby holds out his shining finger-blades in a cross. "It's not like they'll paralyse you if I hit you or ooooh waaait yeaahhh they do too aiiight?"

Paralysing claws? Paralysing claws? _Paralysing _claws!

"NONONO WAAAGGGHH!" Hoping to protect my healthy unparalysed body, I do the only honourable thing and run away from the slashing crazed claw wielder. With my feet nearly kicking over my shoulders with each stride, I run for dear life, incidentally passing through everyone else's rather more eventful battles...

Since there's not much real battle occurring on my end, let's take some time to consider the others:

* * *

><p><strong>Natsu vs Laxus<strong>

"_FIRE DRAGON'S ROAR!" Natsu spews a long spout of flames towards his opponent, who seems to nullify the searing hot tongues of Natsu's flame with a force field of electrical energy around his body. When the flames die out he pounds his fists together as he roars..._

"_LIGHTNING BODY." As a crashingly loud bolt of lightning strikes down upon his body, his entire frame is wrapped in raging gold energy as the Mage literally becomes a walking lightning bolt himself, charging head first into the flying pink-haired inferno as fire and electricity collide in an awe shattering display sure enough to part the sky itself._

**Juvia and Gray vs Sol**

"_**Unhand Gray-sama you fiend!**" Driven solely by the raging desire in her heart to save her beloved, Juvia violently charged towards her opponent with thin blades of water jutting from her hands "**WATER SLICER!**"_

"_ROCHE CONCERTO!" The plucky Frenchmen summons a barrage of boulders from the air as they rain down upon the Rain master herself. But with eyes as frozen hard as a hawk, she manages to weave duck and de materialise out of each projectile, lifting her razor sharp water blade as she takes a quick slash towards the organic belt constricting itself around the unfortunate Ice Maker in the middle of this battle of the Elementals._

**Wendy vs. Erigor**

"_SKY DRAGON'S ROAR!" Wendy blows out another huge puff of highly pressurised air. Erigor smirks as he holds back the hurricane force with the flat of his scythe raised as a shield. Soon he literally cuts through the wind with three rapid slashes of his reaper before he barks out his call to the Wind Gods._

"_STORM BRINGER!" And with that a towering whirlwind gathers upon Wendy's position, if not for her quick evasion she would have been taken for a quick flight to Barbados perhaps. The Wind Dragon Slayer descends gracefully with her feet pushing down against the air to soften her fall. The Changing Winds will be surely be determined in this battle._

**Pantherlily (and an incapacitated Erza) vs. Erza II**

"_GEARGH!" The Black Cat threw a quick flurry of hooks and jabs at the Erza Knightwalker who seemed to be blocking and weaving her head out of each clenched paw with fairly little stress. "Dammit Knightwalker, just tell me what you're after here?"_

_Knightwalker caught the panther's fist with the wooden handle of her lance as she hardened her grin, rattling her muscles as the two of them pushed against each other's force. "How ironic that even in this realm of plentiful magic, you have actually weakened since our last meeting, Pantherlily. MELFORCE!"_

"_GUH!" The Panther backflipped just as Knightwalker's staff suddenly divided into two deadly blades of fire and ice. He recovered on one knee as he contemplated his next move against the former commander of Edolas' regiment._

_Erza Scarlet, meanwhile, was still being very much unconscious in that potato sack on the ground nearby._

**Lucy vs. Bora**

"_Hayah! Hayah! Hayah!" Lucy was managing quite fine with her opponent as she continued cracking her signature whip across his golden gates. But after a few minutes of the so called Salamander crouched in submission with his throne raised quite suggestively, he eventually decided to take things a little more seriously with the Bruising Blonde._

"_PROMINENCE WHIP!" With a quick twist of his hips, the ordinary man was now facing the blonde as a purple energy whip extended across his hand. With the energised weapon now striking Lucy on her own Fairy bottom, the perverted Charmer laughed to himself as Lucy now found herself at the butt end of a humiliating attack. "I don't like to play the submission role for the whole time, my dear Lucy." He said as he continued smacking his energy whip on Lucy's bottom, making the poor blonde cry, and appear quite helpless._

**Happy and Charles vs. Klodoa**

"_KAKAKA!" Stop flying around all the time so I can hit you pests!" The laughing skull staff cackled madly as he continued chasing after his two aerial feline opponents._

"_I think he'll shoot there." Charles pointed to a random spot in front of the two cats._

"_Aye sir." Happy nodded as they both split away from the predicted strike area, forming a quick pincer manoeuvre as they closed in on the possessed Skull._

"_HAPPY KICK!" _

**Gajeel vs. Chinese looking younger brother of the Vanish brothers.**

"_Damn freegan...You keep away from my wok you hear?" The Vanish Brother held out his giant wok, which now looked more like a giant crescent moon attached to a handle after the half eaten job left by the Iron devouring Dragon Slayer._

"_Cheh! What a cheap crappy meal. Next time I'm ordering Indian ya hear?" Gajeel spat out a gob of wet iron as he transformed his right arm into an iron pillar charging towards the soon to be Vanishing Brother._

**Levy vs. Geriatrics' Mooks**

"_SOLID SCRIPT FIRE!" With the swift movement of her pen, Levy threw another burning hot word at her obtuse enemies. As a dozen angry rejects tried mobbing her from behind a giant barrier in the form of the word 'GUARD' appeared, suddenly blocking their ambush as they piled into each other crushing their comrades against the impervious piece of vocabulary._

_Though their numbers were dwindling, they were still quite a persistent bunch of asymmetrical, coffee stained and cigarette hole punched blokes, all eager to restore some dignity and respect for themselves. It would take more than a few angry block-lettered words to stop these guys._

**Yoshi vs. Vidaldus**

"_SUCCUBIS IN RAPTURE!" Vidaldus shrieked out a rapid fire riff._

"_MY APOCALYPSE!" Yoshi countered with a heavy melody._

"_HYBRID STIGMATA!" Vidaldus added more tempo and aggression to his attack._

"_TEN THOUSAND STRONG." Yoshi matched her Blackened ex with a high velocity power attack._

"_SERPENTINE OFFERING!" Still not willing to let her concubine in flight outrock him, the corpse paint-clad Metal crusader continued with his expert genre._

"_TATTERED BANNERS AND BLOODY FLAGS." Yoshi seemed to have a more versatile option to match each riff of her ex. The sound skirmish would continue in a state of attrition for some time._

**Alzack and Bisca vs. ?**

"_Watch this shot Bisca! GUNS MAGIC: MUD SHOT!" Firing a bullet from his double revolvers which on impact with the Lay person's trenchcoat exploded into a giant splatter of mud, Alzack continued trying to impress his gun toting partner._

"_How about this one Alzack? GUNS MAGIC: BULET STORM!" Firing a rapid volley of bullets from her double machine guns, Bisca laughed seductively as their Lay opponent continued swatting the pesky pellets away with the thin shield of his coat._

_With a whole lot of smoking cheese holes in his dark coat, the mystery man cursed to himself. "Drat, now I'm gonna have to take this back to the tailors."_

"_Gah! How come our bullets had no effect Bis-chan?" Alzack stumbled backwards leaning in front of his Bonnie._

"_I think yours still had some effect Zack-kun." Bisca still tried sugar-coating her Clyde as she slightly cowered behind his poncho._

"_Some interesting toys you two lovebirds have in your possession." The Man regard with a sly grin underneath his brimmed hat. "But I take great care in my bouquet of ammunition, perhaps you might like to taste a few of my favourites..."_

* * *

><p>…<p>

And so let's where we are now...

"WAAAGGHHUNHUN *sniff* leave me alone!" Typically after running through the middle of eveyone's battles, I'm still fleeing from the ferocious lion-dog mutant whatever, tears streaming out of my eyes and leaving long trails of water behind.

"YAOWRAH Get back heeere orowowowoooo!" Toby is now chasing me on all fours, leaping though the air like a tiger as he holds out his razor sharp poison tipped claws ready to claim their first prey in many years.

RRRP. As I begin to tire, he closes the distance on me, snagging his claws against the back of my jeans and tearing out a new window for the back room so everyone can see the Fairy Tail Crest nicely painted on the cream white walls. "_ARYAAN~!" _I make a strange moaning whimper as the clawed menace leaps into the air teeth snarling with carnivorous delight. I close my eyes and flinch, holding out my extended claws as a last ditch effort to stop the crazed humanoid.

"Gnah! Gnagh! Dammit lemme at that cute soft flesh of yours baaaabyyy!" Toby rakes out his clawed arms as my longer claws press against his bare chest, just holding him at bay for now. These damn things have barely drawn blood yet my opponent's claws are shining with deadliness, serratted like mini sickles and coated with green poison. What can my damn 'claws' do – if I can even call them that at least? "Ragh! Ragh! HAAAAGH!" The beastly mage finally breaks through my claws, snapping a few brittle ones as he is now closing in on me.

It all seems so slow these next few moments...I lose my footing as I begin to fall backwards. My arms instinctively begin to flail up in the air. All I see is Toby's ugly mug, smiling with a taste of victory as he raises his clawed hand in front of his face, ready to pierce those talons through my chest, paralysing my body and quite possibly my heart too.

It all seems so slow. These last few months of my life in the exciting world of magic and fantasy beyond my previous imagination.

"_Don't bother taking one of them boring ordinary jobs...Be a Wizard, you can bludge pretty much all day and then kick some arse later for a few jewel."_

Great freaking advice Natsu. I took a more exciting career path and look where it has ended up for me? Well I guess you don't take high-risk ventures without the risk part.

But I mean, I never really thought about the consequences being this severe...I mean sure I've nearly had a giant cow-monkey sit on me, been thrown out of a high speed van and onto an ice slide, gone through a near infinite time loop of my birthday and had experienced many other painful and often humiliating trials...

But I never thought I could actually die...Like in the movies...

No, this was real. Those claws were coming for me and the only way from here was a long brick road to heaven – or maybe even hell!-?

It was utterly hopeless. Nearly half my claws were already damaged, but something inside compelled me to bring them in front of me in a last ditch scrape-de-resistance.

"Dieee teething clawed baby ooow!" As his claws drew within centimetres of my chest, I pushed back up with my claws one last time. Already digging through the nails, such a hopeless instinct seemed doomed to fail from the very start.

Then Toby's claws jammed.

In a matter of fractions of a second, my claws held his claws in place. When I blinked again I saw them glowing, immensely bright like looking directly at the sun. When I closed my eyes again to shut out the painful brightness I was surrounded by a white noise. When I opened my eyes again I could see the sudden explosion of energy shooting from my claws in a long beam of light. The force of the sudden blast pushed my back into the ground, making me cough in pain as I bounced off the hard dirt.

"BENNY!"

"Benny-boy?"

"What was that?"

"BEN-SAN!"

As I pushed my elbows into the dirt to lift my back off the ground, I could still see the final loose streams of light dissipating in the heavens. Still wondering what the [bleep]ing hell just happened, I notice my clawed rival is still standing over me with his aforementioned claws noticeably absent. And as I trace my eyes down the black smoking chimney that is slowly rising from his body, I notice his entire upper body is noticeably absent too.

The staff at Fairy Tail were gonna have a hard time explaining to the kiddies why Toby is now nothing more than a smouldering pair of legs wrapped in fine jeans.

* * *

><p><span>Next episode, Benny and everyone else tries to work out what the hell that spontaneous explosion coming from his claws was. Will this strange exertion of magic in Benny's claws signal a change in the tide of battle? Does Benny actually have some hidden destructive power in those kitty claws of his afterall? Find out in the next climactic chapter!<span>


	24. The Geriatrics' Guild: Part IX

_Meet Benny Makaren, 20 years old and a rookie to the world of Wizardry and magic. Just when you thought Benny was nothing more than a mildly handsome fellow with a desperate need for a manicure, the hopeless wizard somehow pulls a myseriously awesome new power upgrade from his rear end. But can he even make sense of this new power? And how will this influence the other wizards? This is a pretty action packed chapter so get comfy ladies and gents...And stick around for the final chink in the armour at the end as you read on to the Twenty-fourth Chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

The Geriatrics' Guild: Part IX (The Turning Point)

My claws...My claws they- My claws they...did this? H-How did I- How did they- What was it that...

Everyone seems to have virtually stopped their battles, they all happen to be gawking at _me_...Natsu's eyes are bulging as if demanding an explanation for this sudden power surge...I hate to dissappoint the guy, but I haven't half a bloody clue either as to what that freaking huge energy blast was all about.

I know. Maybe this is all just a dream and I _did _in fact get scratched by that pair of legs that was once Toby's claws. I give myself a confirming scratch down the side of my face. "OWCH!" Nope, looks like this was the real deal here...

I just claimed a freaking kill...

Does this mean I'm a murderer now?

"Oh my God! He got killed by Benny!" Natsu finally shouts something out. "You bastard!"

"F*^& me if Benny can do that, I'm taking this guy to the cleaners too!" Gajeel seems spurred on by my inadvertent victory and gnaws right through to the handle of the Vanish Brother's mega-wok, rendering the kooky cook pretty much powerless.

"Gah! Damn pig, I'll show you!" The angered Chef lunges out with the sharpened stump of his wok handle for a final warrior's strike.

"Hehe...Thanks for the free Chinese mate!" Gajeel's belly now puffs up to twice his size as he spews out a gust of flaming iron. "IRON DRAGON'S ROAR!"

"WAGH! I don't get paid enough for this jooooooob!-!-!-!-!-!" And with that, the Vanish Brother pretty much vanished from sight, blowing away quite comically in the Iron tornado until he was nothing more than a glistening spark in the starry night sky.

"OPEN THE GATE OF THE LION KEY: LOKE." With her buttocks now vacant from receiving any whips from Bora, Lucy summons one of her spirits – Ichigo Kurosaki in a suit and shades (no wait).

"This creep bothering you Lucy-sama?" The cool looking Celestial spirit lifts his shades as he steps between the two of them.

"Yes he has Loke, he clearly has no appreciation of the uses of whips." She points out her hand for him to bury this ordinary fellow.

"With pleasure Lucy-sama." The truly badass looking Celestial spirit flexes his knuckles as he closes in on Bora, throwing some golden energy charged fists at this loser Mage.

"Lucy, have you been cheating on me all this time? RED SHOWER!" Bora acts as though he has been adulterated by the Blonde bruiser as he summons some sort of strange purple flaming attack (but it's nowhere near as awesome as Natsu's flame).

"WE NEVER WENT OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Lucy growled with her hands straight by her side. "YOU HYPNOTISED ME!"

"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pulverise one of your organs sir." Loke declared with monotone seriousness as he drove his golden fist straight into the hopeless charmer's gut.

"Guorgh!" Bora spat out a huge mouthful of blood as he nearly doubled over, but he had time to try out one last attack in his plight. "I'll stop you and win back Lucy's hand!"

"I TOLD YOU ALREADY WE WERE NEVER-"

"Prepare yourself punk, this is my ultimate attack:" Bora flew up several metres above Loke and Lucy (they sound nice those names together, maybe they could make a great couple). With a swirling vortex of lame purple coloured flames building underneath his feet and a fairly large fireball colecting in his hands he unleashed his ultimate attack. "RED SKULL!"

Lucy didn't even appear half concerned for her Celestial Spirit as he merely waited for the fireball to come down on him, lifting one hand and blocking the entire flame as it spread its purple embers around the area.

"Impossible!" Bora knew his time was ultimately up. "Please Lucy, I swear I'll treat you as the best woman in the world if you come back with me. I'll even give you my intimate services every night for-WAAAAGGHH!" Before the hopeless Mage could continue his plea, Loke did everyone a favour and launched himself into the air, throwing a rocket powered fist into the man's chin and sending him back to Uranus or whatever cold, loveless planet he came from.

"Aye, Lucy once was in _loooooove_ with that man wasn't she?" Happy continued stirring trouble as he casually flew away from each of the flying skull staff's magic blasts.

"I'LL KILL YOU NEXT HAPPY!" Lucy breathed a mouthful of fire even more terrifying than Natsu as Loke went over to sooth her temper by placing his hands on her shoulder.

"It's alright Lucy. I promise to come out as soon as anyone tries to pull the moves on you again." And with that the Celestial Substitute was sucked back into his key.

"Aye, Charles _looooves_ this staff don't you?" Happy turned his cheeky taunts to his feline partner as they soared around the frustrated staff.

"I'll neuter you too in a minute Happy!" Charles declared with a sharp claw when, without even looking, she raked her razor sharp paw into the Cranium of Mr Skullstick himself.

"KAKAKOOWWW!" Klodoa croaked out in pain as his crown was etched with a few new streaks.

"Aye, Charles I think I heard this guy say he _fancieeeeeeed_ Wendy-san." Happy's rumour was the final lever to unlocking the raging tiger inside this white ball of flying fur as she really unleashed her fangs (i.e. claws) on this flying stick now.

"NYAAAAAHHH!" She made mincemeat – or rather bone corn flakes out of Klodoa, with the poor victim's booming cries carrying out in the breeze. Let's just say the King's horses and men were gonna have a pain in the arse trying to put this guy back together again after Charles was through with him.

Panting heavily with a black patch of shadow swallowing half of her ghost white fur, Charles stared down at the flying pieces of dandruff that were once part of the living Mage staff. "Hah...hah...hah..."

This would normally be the part where I'd make a joke at Charles expense but since a) she was the ultimate scary at the moment and b) I was still half mesmerised by my own sudden power flare, I was just left staring slack-jawed.

"Charles!" Wendy was about to skip over and check her feline partner when the Shinigami brought his reaper down across her path.

"Hehe, running away little girl?" He taunted her but Wendy stood her ground (you go champ!).

"Please sir, I don't want you to get hurt like your friends." She said as politely as possible – far too polite for a jerk like him actually.

He spat near her feet as he hurled his scythe behind his back, cocking his head. "You think I'm on the same level as those rats who got picked off?" He held out his scythe as a slashing gust of wind threw itself up from his feet. "Sorry little miss Riding Hood, but I don't play nice with little kiddies."

Wendy simply shuffled forward another step, closing the gap between herself and this terrifyingly creepy foe. "Please sir, if you just walk away, then we can both be happy."

His face nearly sucked inside itself when it screwed into a scowl, only then to inflate into an enormous gaping guffaw. "HAHAHAHA! You sound as though your stronger than _me_? Listen girl, I nearly had you blown back to Kansas with my Wind attacks before, just coz you can blow some air out your little mouth doesn't put you anywhere near _my _level."

Wendy took another step, her expression less nicer than before. "Please sir..."

Erigor's grimace inverted itself into a scowl as he slashed down with his scythe. "STUPID BRAT JUST DISSAPEAR AND-"

With the elegance and swiftness of a gentle morn breeze itself, Wendy lifted herself off her feet, floating almost horizontally as her legs stood straight out and her arms held out by their sides like a 'T'. The Wind Shinigami nearly fell backwards as he faltered on one foot, staring wide eyed at this girl who was suddenly hovering just a few feet from his position.

Her eyes were closed as though sleeping as she glided like a falling autumn leaf towards the man. When they were virtually touching noses, she flashed them wide open...Whispering delicately.

"_...original attack: AIR BENZER..."_

Erigor seemed perfectly normal for one moment before he started clutching at his stomach. He began moaning quite loudly as he was now on four limbs, twisting and writhing in tremendous pain. He let out a long drawn groan like an angry refrigerator hum until

SPRRT...

And on that brown note, the Wind Shinigami crawled away in the shadows, using some of his Wind magic to keep the rest of his express mail inside the packaging.

With that battle seemingly claimed quite easily by the little Wind generator, Wendy offered me a cheeky little smile as she hopped back over to Charles.

"SOLID SCRIPT-" Meanwhile, Levy seemed to run out words at that moment. Still taking care of the small fry. She almost looked as though she could take a well needed nap, when a giant Iron pillar suddenly blew away a large group of them on front of her.

"Gajeel!" She beamed with relieved joy as the Iron Buster cracked his knuckles for a new challenge.

"These chumps won't even serve me a good supper." Gajeel cracked his neck back and forth as he entered a combat pose, the lower lot of louts all grumbling and hissing worriedly as he broke out in a raging roar, the sheer amplitude of such a roar sweeping away more of the chumps, mooks or whatever you may want to call them. Gajeel didn't even need a second paragraph before he had ironed out the remainder of them.

Not really sure why Dick went to go help Levy out anyway. It's not like they're ever be a couple in the future or anything...

"Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-non-non-non-hoo-hoo!" No it's not that weird! It's just Sol wiggling his serpenty body around each of Juvia's water jet attacks. Juvia's Yandere gauge was soon running low though as her hat fell away to reveal matted and sweaty curls. She grit her teeth as she kept tirelessly trying to untangle this leech from her beloved.

"WATER RUSH!" She zipped through the Frenchman's line of sight for a quick attack. But just as the Frenchman looked to be ready to say 'Au revoir' he squeezed his whiskers with a sly grin as an army of sand warriors blocked Juvia's path. She pulled back her water and clutched her heart, nearly fainting as she beloved she was about to harm her Gray-sama – a sand clone of him that is.

"I am indeed surprised that you of all people Juvia would fall for this trick." The Frenchamn swayed high above her as she fell to her knees, blushing at the horde of sandy Ice Makers. "For an Elemental to fall in such a way is oh..." He pressed his fingertips against his forehead in a faux faint. "It is truly _douloureux_ non?"

Little did the pompous Frenchman realise that his beloved sand sculptures were already melting into watery goops as a flood of water gathered just near the base of his position. Holding a vortex of the blue stuff in her fist, Juvia bended her legs down like a hyper-charged frog, she launched herself and her watery vortex up in the air towards the wormy Earthman.

"WHIRLPOOL!" With eyes blazing like flaming water, she drowned her opponent in a swirling mass of pain. The monocled Frenchman was sent flushing somewhere far away as Gray was finally cleansed of this annoying parasite.

"Wow. Thanks Juvia." Gray noted her hard efforts, which of course made her swoon and deflate into a ribbon.

"~AWW _Gray-sama your words are far too kind for Juvia!_" And as she gathered into a starry eyed piece of paper on the ground, I suppose this battle should have been declared a draw.

With seven of our battles already turning out to be in our favour, it was looking like my little outburst must have provided the vital catalyst necessary to win over these Geriatrics.

But it seemed it was not to go in our favour just yet...

"HAAAGGH!" Pantherlily looked like he was about to put the edge on Evil Erza when he suddenly poofed back into his miniature self. "Uh-oh."

Evil(er) Erza merely kicked the panther away like a squeaky toy as she walked towards him and pressed her boots down on his neck. "This was _too_ easy...I'll give you the pleasure of staying alive while I turn your friends over there into fairy dust.

"SPIDER SHOT."

"PURPLE RAINBOW SHOT."

"BLUE SCISSORS SHOT."

"CORN BRINE SHOT."

"COAL DAGGERS SHOT."

"FAMILY PHEASANT SHOT."

"BULLHORN SHOT."

"EPIC HORSERADISH SHOT."

"AGH!" Alzack was finally overcome by the strong bullet cloud as Bisca went over to help him to his feet.

"Zack-kun are you alright?"

"Yeah Bis-chan, this guy just seems to have a bullet for everything."

The Lay man tipped his hat down as he smirked coldly. "Oh but I don't appear to have a bullet...For My Valentine! Huhuhuhu."

The two gun bandits instantly cringed the most sour looking faces known to man or woman. "He didn't just say that did he? He really didn't just say that?"

"Oh but contraire I did my gun-toting analogues." He strolled over, taking off his hat to reveal some slick dark brown locks as he plucked out a shotgun from behind his thick coat, aiming it at the two gun-quippers. "Now shall I bring you two to The Horizon?"

"REIGNING BLOOD!"

"UNFORGIVEN!"

"ENEMY OF GOD!"

"THE CHOSEN PESSIMIST."

Vidaldus raised his plectrum high above his head, staring darkly at his runaway bride and mouthing his ultimate attack as he threw down the first deadly chord. "I AM THE WRATH OF GODS AND THE DESOLATION OF THE EARTH!"

Yoshi was nearly swept off her feet by the grinding noise, digging her axe into the ground for support.

"HAGH! You'll never be able to topple the Metal King with those riffs." The corpse paint clad demon mocked his ex, licking out his serpentine tongue as he continued playing his diabolically brutal requiem. "Now bow on your knees and repent my concubine...Repent for ever leaving your King's side."

This was terrible. I had to do something. I didn't have time to check Natsu's fight now (though he was more or less doing his usual flaming thing) as I picked myself up, discarding the sight of Toby's standing jeans as I rushed towards Yoshi.

"Yoshi I-" But just as I was about to offer a claw. She managed to pick herself up, looking quite bruised and dirtied as she slammed down her axe, carving through the ground.

"I will never return to your side Vidaldus." She looked down and swore. "You are an arrogant, insensitive fool who thinks he is the Antichrist himself." When she met her eyes with his again they were narrowed with hard determination. "I would try and go back in time a million more times so I could have never met you in the first place!"

Vidaldus' make up nearly melted off his face as he contorted into a savage scowl. "YOU BITCH!" As he brought down his Axe, Yoshi blocked with hers, sending a powerful shockwave that nearly blew me back as well. "HOW DARE YOU-"

"This is the final verse Vidaldus..." Yoshi glared at him with those glassy eyes. Her lips curled as she uttered the words... "_**NIGHT ETERNAL**__..._"

Vidaldus's jaw nearly fell off as he stumbled back in shock. His pale corpse paint was now becoming a new shade of dark as his entire body was now being sealed in shadow. His eyes remained two clear white pearls as his pupils rolled behind his sockets and his axe hit the ground, smashing its neck much into the eternal oblivion which he had now found himself in.

Yoshi didn't appear to happy with her last attack, looking rather solemn and regretful as she turned away from her former partner on the stage of life. "You will have sweet dreams in Nirvana my former love..."

"Y-Yoshi, you just-"

Yoshi threw me a quick glance as she strode past. "We should go and help the others now."

Without wanting to experience the shadow seal myself I nod and agree. "Yes let's."

Everyone else seemed to be watching the hero Natsu now as he performed one of his most epically amazing battles in his life against the Thunder Child himself. As Natsu began burning through the lightning and pummelling through his opponent, Laxus tried defending himself now as the Dragon Slayer kicked him through a derelict building, sending the entire structure crashing down upon him.

"*cough** cough*," as the master of the Geriatrics re-emerged, he was delivered a flying Natsu heel kick to the head just before he could recover.

"GO NATSU!" Lucy and her chest twins bounced in the air as they rooted for their flaming hero. "KICK HIS ARSE LIKE YOU DID IN THE FIGHTING FESTIVAL ARC!"

"Gugh." Laxus, sat up, wiping off some debris from his torn open shirt just as the dragon force came blazing towards him with a flying dragon kick.

"GUAAAGHH!"

"RUNE SAVE!" Natsu's flaming kick was stopped by the blade changing Erza Mark II as she stood by her new master's side.

"I will protect you Master Laxus." She vowed as her blade changed back to its halberd form.

"ERZA DOUBLE SWORD SLASH!" But just out of the blue, in nothing but a pair of long baggy pants and a bandage garb across her chest, the original (and best) Erza had finally woken from her slumber and had cut two new alterations in the other Erza's torso.

"Gah! Impossi-" But the other Erza had fallen to the rubble ground before she could finish expressing her shock.

"When you knock someone out, you should always do it twice to make sure they _stay _knocked out _ahahaha~!_." She lectured smartly as she moulded back into her standard attire.

"And with that, that just leaves lucky old Laxus here." Natsu smashes his fists together (wait you forgot - oh never mind).

"Oi! Hang on a minute..." The lightning ego had now faded to nothing more than a mere drizzle. "Oi Benny! Why aren't you gonna stop him?"

"What do you mean? You and your guys tried to hurt us and take over our guild." I shout back, wishing I could use that claw bazooka on him now.

But the tattered mess that was Laxus was shivering, sliding back on his feet as he realised his game was well and truly up. "B-b-but Benny, you've gotta save me...These guys are about to kill me."

"What the heck is wrong with Laxus here?" Lucy raised an unsympathetic eyebrow.

Gray steps up with a cynical smirk too "Yeah, first you try and barge into your Grandfather's funeral, then you threaten our guild and gather all these beaten freaks to come do your dirty work...And now you're grovelling at our feet for mercy?"

"I swear I didn't mean for it to turn out this way." The grown man wallows like a boy half his half his age. "I just didn't think Gramps' will was gonna be fair for me is all."

"After what you have done to us in the past and just now..." Natsu's body was now bristling with raised flames. "**You have no right to call Gramps 'Gramps' and certainly no claim over any of his inheritance!**"

"Please listen to me!" The Lightning Man was now summoning his own rainstorm from his eyes.

The sight of this repulsive older man sobbing like a sore loser just irritated me even more. And the way he kept tying me in to his own problems, like he somehow knows me, I just... "Dammit Natsu just roast him already!"

Laxus tears miraculously dried as he now turned his damned gaze to me with a rising grin. "Now come on!... How much longer are you gonna let Natsu pick on me..._Half-Uncle Benny_..."

* * *

><p><span>Next episode is the conclusion of the Geriatrics' Guild arc and the final episode of the First Season of My Fairy. How does this final revelation affect Benny and the Fairy Tail guild now? DO NOT MISS THE CONCLUSION OF SEASON 1 OF MY FAIRY!<span>


	25. My Fairy

_Meet Benny Makaren, 20 years old and a rookie to the world of Wizardry and magic. With enough twists and turns to make a really good Off-road Rally track, Benny Makaren now discovers the biggest revelation of them all...That he is actually related to one of the members of the Fairy Tail cast (and not someone cool like Natsu or Erza for that matter - but freaking LAXUS!). How does this affect him and the future of the guild itself? Find out as you read on in the final chapter of season 1 of My Fairy!_**_  
><em>**

**~My Fairy~**

My Fairy

Daylight broke through the dark horizon as a cool dawn breeze swept over the harrowing ruins of the Geriatrics' domain. The morning birds whistled their early tunes as the flowers prepared to answer their calls with a colourful dance. The first glimpses of the sun's gaze shone down on us as we all stood tall and idle, much like the morning Willows; in the centre of this forest of Mages was I...Gazing down upon the damaged shrub that was none other than my...than my...

Than my...

Than my...

Help!...

"I'm..." Hang on a sec as I take another deep breath. "I'm. Your. _Uncle?"_

"Half-uncle."

"I'm. _Your. _Uncle?"

"_Half_-Uncle."

"_I. _Am your uncle?"

"Yes." He answers straightly again. "I'm your half-nephew."

"Wait a minute." Natsu literally pushes me aside as he steps in front of the fallen Geriatric. "How the hell can Benny-boy be _your _damn uncle when you're like three or four years _older _than him?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking that too." Gray scratches his head.

"Juvia was thinking that too Gray-sama~!"

But anyway, back to the situation. "So when you came barging into the guild that day and said:

"_You little man, are my biggest problem of all..."_

"And then just earlier when you said:

"_Well, maybe I should hear it from Mr. Makaren himself."_

"You weren't just picking on me since I'm the easier target right?" Somehow I have found my words again, even though I'm still quite shocked as you would expect. I mean it's just so cliche to have this twist thrown at you when you look at it from the outside. But come on...This means I actually have to concern myself with this guy from now on!

"Aye..." He nods as he rests an arm on his knee. "You're my half-uncle and my Gramp's son."

Well hang on I think the second one sounds a lot more important now. "Wait I'm-"

"BENNY'S GRAMP'S SON!" Natsu shouted over the rest of the group with eyes bulging out of their sockets and steam screaming out of his ears like a human kettle. "But-but-but I...Gramps is _my G_ramps!"

"Master can still be your Gramps Natsu you baka!" Lucy kindly strolled over and gave Natsu a noogie on the head. "But still, I'm surprised Benny was ever related to the Master."

"Well it would least explain why I'm so damn short." I try and laugh off this double blow to my sanity today. (**Here's a fun fact: Benny Makaren is actually 157cm [5'2''] which makes him the smallest of the males and about as tall as Lucy without heels – but not as tall as Erza...I think**). "But still I think I'm gonna need a good explanation for all of this..."

"Right after we get back to the guild!" Natsu cheers as he clings an arm over my shoulder leading the way for us all back to the guild.

"HALT!" But before we can take one last step, it seems Laxus still has a few henchmen left to do his bidding. The three shadows are revealed by the rising sunlight to be none other than.

"Freed. Bickslow." I shout out in surprise.

The third person taps her foot as she grumbles loudly. "AHEM."

"Oh and Evergreen is it. Yeah what are you guys-"

"After much thought processing we have decided to fight for Laxus' sake again." Freed draws his blade as he prepares to scribble some nasty attacks for us when.

"It's alright guys." Laxus waves a hand. "I told them I was Benny's half nephew and we're now going back to the guild to explain it."

"Oh." Freed blinks a few times, sheathing his sword. "Well, we'll just go back to Wizard Gamers for a few hours then..." And the three strange guild members suddenly vanish from sight again.

And so as Gray and Lucy both take an arm of the Lightning man who just so apparently happens to be my nephew (half-nephew) and Erza carries Erza (whoever thought we'd see that eh?), and as Juvia remains an anchor on Gray's hips and Levy stands by Gajeel's side (who also has a mini panther attached to his arm) and as Alzack and Bisca – you know what screw this we're all going back to the damn guild okay!

/?/?/?/

"Welcome back guys." We virtually arrive to a hero's return as Mirajane stands in front of the crowd awaiting us downstairs.

"Did you kick that Laxus bastard's arse three extra times for us Natsu?" Wakaba, Macao and that fat guy who likes painting himself were swaying together with a pint of lager in each hand.

"Yeah, and I bet he cried like the little crybaby he always was eh?" Droy and Jet laughed together as they joined glasses.

"Actually, I'm right here." Laxus finally emerged through the guilds doors, causing everyone to drop their glasses and spill their drinks (thankfully not their guts though...) as their former enemy made a solitary return to the guild.

Lisanna stepped ahead of her larger brother to protect him. "What do you want with us now Laxus?"

Elfman kindly picked up his sister and pulled the switcheroo, shielding her instead. "Yeah, I'll sort you out Man on Man!"

Then Mirajane stepped forward in place of the entire guild until she was right in front of the defeated soul, standing with a grumpy looking expression before pressing her hands down on her hips and leaning down to his eyes level. "I hope you learned your lesson now Laxus." She scolded him like he was now her very own son (she may as well be it would take the burden of my shoulders a bit).

"Yes, Mirajane." He looked down sulking in shame.

"Well, if you've all made up then drinks are on the house!" Mirajane chirped as everyone cheered again, recovering their empty glasses ready for another round.

"_**Excuse me but there is something else to be attended to first...**__" _

"WAGH!" everyone drops their glasses again as a cloud of pink smoke blows up in the middle of the room. The executor of Master's (no wait Father's) Will makes his appearance well known as the little eggman adjusts his tiny spectacles.

"Why can't you executors ever make an appearance like a normal person?" Natsu throws flames in annoyance.

"I would very much like to read the contents of this document if you wouldn't mind."

"Oh should we clear the room for this?" I kindly suggest.

"No it's alright, we may as well let everyone hear it now." The rounded man shrugs off as he unfurls the letter. "Ahem..._If you are reading this, then chances are that I Makarov Dreyer have finally bitten the glorious Fairy Dust...Of course since I'm the strongest and practically most invincible Mage in the land, it would have to have taken something pathetic and cheap like a heart attack or something to kill me off but anyway..._

_Growing up in the guild myself, I have come to know this place as my home and everyone in it as my family...As Master of the guild, you were all my children and I cherished you dearly...Of course some children were more easier to raise than others...And some turned out to be rotten brats altogether..._

_Laxus...I knew that my death would surely trigger you into raiding this guild and starting more selfish trouble again...Therefore I have decided to grant you a return to the Fairy Tail guild..."_

"YES!" My half-nephew cheers victoriously - seemingly okay with the fact he got virtually squat from his own grandfather.

"_...Mirajane, you have been a truly remarkable help to this guild and provided a face and a smile that greets every wandering visitor as a close and valuable friend...I would like you to maintain the Guild from now on as its permanent housekeeper."_

"Thanks Master." Mirajane held a tissue to her eye in humble joy.

"_Natsu, I'm sure he's jumping up and down wanting to know how much he gets...Well here you go Natsu get ready for this..."_

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Gramps left me his treasure trove didn't he!-?"

"_HAHA! You damned fool, I ain't leaving you a single thing...You still have far too much growing up to do young lad for me to entrust anything of value to you...But I leave behind my special regards for you."_

"Damn...I wanted to swim in gold pieces at least once in my life." Natsu sunk under the table as he quietly whimpered to himself.

"_Erza...With my demise I have unfortunately left you as one of the strongest members of the guild...And since I can't rely on Gildarts at the moment, you will need to protect these children even more from now on...I have bestowed you with you with my armoury and the Fairy Law spell."_

"Nice Erza." Gray commented as the Redhead felt a little teary at her mention as well.

"_Everyone else in the guild gets ten thousand jewel each and free year's subscription to Sorcerer's Magazine...Now you lazy brats can stop crying and get back to work!"_

Everyone stares at each other silently for a moment before a few murmurs enter the room.

"That sounds pretty good."

"Yeah ten thousand jewel."

"And more Mirajane cover spreads."

But as everyone begins muttering and cheering, D.G coughs loudly again. "Excuse me but I'm not quite finished yet."

"Wait there's more?" Natsu finally lifted his devastated head out from under the table.

"Yeah, he didn't say what I'm gettin'" Gajeel arrogantly chewed on a piece of metal (what a dick).

"_So that just about wraps this little Will of mine up – oh no wait I nearly forgot...Since the little fellow finally showed up in this Guild, I better spare a message for my estranged son...I'm talking about you Benny Makarov Makaren."_

"Benny-boy's the Master's son!-?" Now everyone else in the guild catches up in their shock.

"_Yes he is." _Somehow D.G reads out an well prepared answer. _"It seems that wild night down at the Pixie Club has finally caught up to me when I was destined to stamp our crest on your buttocks that day...I never knew she carried you through the full term, but in the end it seems she must have raised you in secret, or handed you over to another family...I will never really know..."_

"So wait now I need to know who my mother is-"

"_...As my youngest son, I apologise for never being around in your short life...I'm sure I could have raised you up to be a more effective wizard than the way you turned out in the end..."_

Gee thanks for the compliments my real Father. _"So I'm hoping that you might learn a thing or two about responsibility and reliability when I leave you with the priveleged title of the Fourth Master of the Fairy Tail Guild..."_

Everyone likes dropping their glasses today, and so too their jaws as they all stare gawk-eyed at yours truly pointing accusing fingers.

"H-h-h-HIM!-?" And no joke they all managed to pull that one out at the exact same time.

"What's that mean?" I say still kinda confused. "Does that make me the boss or something?"

Natsu stands up from his table, his expression conflicting quite violently between anger and acceptance. "Gramps made _you_ the new Guild Master."

Me? The Guild Master? The big boss? The head honcho? The bees knees? The Numero Uno? The Don? The Leader of the Pack? The-

"_...But of course since Benny is yet to prove himself as an S-Class Wizard, I will require Erza, Mirajane and most particularly his Half-Nephew Laxus to perform advisory roles along the way...But as part of my obligation to a lost family member, I have no other choice but to hand my son the reigns of this Guild from now on...So don't screw it up kid or I'll haunt you from beyond the grave BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

The little egg in a suit tipped his glasses as he moved his tiny mouth. "And that's it..."

"Wow, he even included that little laugh at the end too." Gray nodded looking quit impressed.

Now a virtual circle pit had been cleared away for me as I stand in the centre of the room, facing an army of judging faces. Naturally, instead of feeling escalation and joy at inheriting the entire damn guild, I curled up much like a flying cat without wings, quivering as I awaited their harsh sentence. I know I didn't deserve to get such an important role, and it's only natural that they would want to start picking at my flesh like stray dogs now.

And as the tall shadow figure of the Fire Dragon Slayer stands over me, his yellow eyes like sharp slits as steam puffs out out of his nose. As I cower to my knees, he holds out a clenched fist, ready to convert me to a pummelled pile of ashes surely.

Instead he offers me a drink and a sunny grin. "CONGRATULATIONS BENNY-BOY!"

"YEAH GOOD ON YOU LITTLE MAN!" Now everyone joins in and the celebrations finally kick off as I cautiously take the glass and Natsu's hand as he lifts me back up.

"WHA-HEY!" Before I knew it, Gray was now bowing down as he lifted my leg over his shoulder; with Natsu they were both holding me up over their shoulders as I finally felt myself towering over the crowd. Streamers and banners sprinkled the air as Reedus kept painting more decorations on his giant body canvas. "Wait so you guys don't mind that I'm the new Master?"

"No way!" Gray and the others smiled cheekily. "If the master thinks you're cut out for the job then why would we mind?"

"Yeah, besides if you're a crappy boss we can always roast ya for dinner HEHE" Natsu's words aren't as comforting as his colder counterpart but oh well...I think it's about time I loosened up a little with this bunch of odd elements anyway.

"YEAH BABY WHOOHOO!" I jump up so I'm now standing on top of Natsu and Gray's shoulders as I take a huge swig of whatever contents are inside this glass. Everyone seems quite impressed though as I down the whole thing in about 4.7 seconds, finishing off with a big wipe of my mouth and a 'PWAAAAH!'

"YEAH, BENNY-BOY'S A CHAMP!" I can hear them all cheering my name now. As I gaze down at the spinning crowd of raised glasses and happy smiles, I feel like these last few moments must have been a glorious dream. I mean just twelve hours ago I was the small flowerless vase in the back corner of the room...Now I'm the freaking ice sculpture in the centre of it!

Twelve hours ago, some guy I never really knew was dead and some other guy I never really knew was hassling our guild. Now I find I've lost a Father and gained a half-nephew that is older than me.

Twelve hours ago, I was Benny Makaren...Now I'm Benny with the middle name 'Makarov' Makaren, the new Guild master of Fairy Tail and the King of the World HAHAHAHA!

There was some alcohol in that glass wasn't there?

I'm no good with that stuff.

Needless to say I fainted, losing consciousness just before I could feel my head smash the ground...

…

/?/?/?/

Sometime later, I rouse from my drunken slumber, finding myself drying on the cobblestone path outside the guild. The sunlight pierces my eyes as I shield them with a hand. "Ugh...That must have been one powerful spirit I guzzled down." I say to what I hoped was only myself.

"Actually it was only mid-strength." A voice sits down on the stairs behind me.

"Yoshi!" I quickly get up and dust off my clothes. I pause for a moment as I hear the jubilation has continued inside. "They chucked me out those slack bastards!"

"Yeah, that they did." She sighs with a blueish tone in her voice.

"Did they kick you out as well?" I say, feeling quite annoyed now.

"No actually I've been waiting three hours for you to wake up so I could have a talk."

Oh boy...I don't think I'm ready to pull out the pillows of the couch to make it a double am I? "I know you must be upset about Vidaldus, but you did the right thing in the end." I reassure her.

"No it's not that...But I am happy that that jerk won't be around to scratch my records anymore." She sighs again. "No it's about that 'Playback' feature I told you about earlier."

"Oh yeah..." I was just looking at a grain of dirt on the ground for a few minutes before I blurted out. "WAIT THAT'S RIGHT WE CAN GO BACK IN TIME AND SAVE-"

But the Metal Mage cuts me off with a wave of her hand. "I got it back in the mail today. When I read the instruction manual, I discovered it's not designed to go back in time." She turns away her almond eyes for a moment. "No it's actually a type of Archive Magic that lets you play back other people's memories...I just felt bad about it in case you really did want to go back in time."

I raise my chin and notice through the open slit of the doors everyone's happy mood and joyous faces. "Nah, why'd we ever need to go back to the past, when we can all enjoy what lies ahead of us now?"

"Yeah I suppose you're right..." Yoshi stands up and holds extends a flattened hand. "Master Makaren."

I hesitate for a moment before I laugh and shake her hand. "I think I'm gonna enjoy this new title for a little while."

And as we re-enter the guild it seems I now have a few dozen drinks to catch up on as everyone raises their glasses again. "There's our lightweight Master! Get back in here ya bugger!" Natsu hooks me back into the bar as another pint of mid-strength is handed over to me from somebody's hand in the crowd. And as the crowd keeps cheering and yelling Natsu tries to break through the noise. "Oi Oi! Everyone shut the f^&*ing hell up for five f&^%king seconds won't ya?" But as Natsu's fire was quickly extinguished in the noise, it would take not one – but the power of two Erza's to shrink everyone's voiceboxes.

"**WOULD YOU ALL STAND STILL AND BE QUIET!-!-!**" The two Erza's shouted (who appeared to have reconciled their differences during my absence), standing on top of the bar in matching daisy duke outfits. Everyone else suddenly piped down, concealing their glasses or – in all the male members' case at least, their little Man's.

"Thanks Erza's" Natsu faces the scarily silent guild now as he ropes me in with his sweaty arm. "Now, we've all had some fun and messed around with Benny-boy here over the last few months, and I'm sure that his new role as boss won't change that HAHA." He digresses. "But I just want to raise a quick toast to our new Guild Master, Benny here." He presses his nose to mine and offers a dark, snouty scowl. "_**The pressure's on you now little man**_." Hang on aren't I older than Natsu? "But eh don't worry we won't give you too much hell, _too much _hell at least! HAHA" Slapping me very hard on the back; and with that Natsu faces the crowd again and raises his glass as does everyone else. "To Benny...Benny-boss!"

"Benny-boss!" And with the garden of liquor in full bloom everyone sinks all their doubts and troubles they might have ever had about me in their beverage. Perhaps 'Benny-boss' is a good step up from 'Benny-boy' at least.

"Come on have another drink Benny-boy!" But alas I spoke too soon as Natsu returns to his favourite nickname for me. As his flying companion flies over he shares a laugh with the Happy cat himself. "Did he really think I was gonna stop calling him Benny-boy KHAW!"

"Congratulations Ben-sama." Wendy skips over, somehow surviving through the battlefield of drunken idiots in here. (Aww, did she just call me Ben-sama?) Wendy at least you treat me like a decent human. "How must it feel being the new master all of a sudden?" She beams as her own little flying companion turns away from me in a huff (well I didn't ask for _your _opinion Charles!)

"Well to be honest." Scratching my head. "Not too much different...I still seem to be the new guy in everyone's eyes."

"You'll get through it eventually." Lucy slings an arm over my shoulder. I can tell from her breath that she's had a few...and a few more on top of that. "Once you get past the six month barrier you pretty much fit in with the furniture around 'ere *hic*." And somehow, Lucy's drunken rant gave me some confidence in that thought...That someday – just someday down the track, I really would be one of these guys...And that I could truly claim this place to be my guild...my home...

My Fai-

"WELL, WELL! What have we here I wonder?" Dammit just as I was about to send us off on our last line some idiot bursts through the big wooden doors as if they were the flappy doors of a saloon like in those old western flicks. "Looks like we're all having a splendid time indeed." And as a few of the Mages part so I can see this rude gate-crasher and recognise his features; standing with his hands by his holsters, revealing an open jacket and a dark smile, I finally have my chance to pick a bone with-

"YOU TRASH SNIFFING BASTARD!" I only had one and a half drinks, but the small amount of alcohol must have given me the courage to walk over and snag my claws on this thug's collar. "What the hell do you want now!-?"

When I lift him just onto his toes his hat falls away to reveal his gelled hair and smug expression. He doesn't even raise a gun or his hand as he answers me. "Why I just felt like dropping in for a drink or two, you know since I plan on joining you folks on business and such."

I cock an eyebrow (yeah I am sauced) "_Joining_ us?"

"Well since your guild managed to thwart my previous contract with the Geriatrics', I'm out of a job and need a new source of employment and income."

I hear Natsu creak the floorboards as he walks over. "Should I roast this guy for you Benny-boy?"

Alzack and Bisca step through as well. "Should we go all Die Hard on him and give him six to the torso?"

I'm surprised to find neither Laxus or Evil(er) Erza is trying to help out their former comrade. Wasn't this guy a member of their supposed guild? Or was he just some slimeball looking for some followers? He did afterall once work for those Lacrima drug peddlers so I'm guessing this guy has no loyalty to anyone in particular.

As I keep his collar raised he shows off his fanged grin. He would be the least trustworthy individual in Untrustworthyville I can tell you that. Why anyone would want to give this guy a chance I'm hard pressed to find the answer for.

Then our Erza clinks forward in her armour. "It's your decision whether you accept him in our guild or not now...Master..."

Crap, now I'm realising how much of a pain in the arse this promotion is gonna be. As the vagabond fragrance blaster keeps his shifty gaze locked on me I take a moment to work out the first big decision as Master of the guild. If he wanted to shoot me or lay some trap, surely he could have done it by now.

"I just have one question..." I scrunch my lips and glare at him once more. "Why were you digging through my garbage that day?"

He chuffs a little as he lifts his chin again. "Duh! I was looking through your receipts to get ID and stuff about you." He explains quite bluntly.

"Suits me." I retract my claws and turn back to the crowd. "Fine you're in!"

"YEAH! A new member!" Suddenly everyone's now on board with the decision as the two gunquippers rope the Lay-man in for a drink.

And with that loose thread now tied there's only the matter of our Erza clone – who seems to be enjoying a nice bar dance with her less evil counterpart, and the matter of who exactly my real mother is now that I've learnt of my real father. Oh and there's still the birthday loop and where my shoes have suddenly walked off too and a whole list of other problems I need to take care of now...

"Just chill and have another one, Half-Uncle." My very old nephew offers a cheesy grin as he holds out my next drink – his three worshippers clinging onto his jacket. It seems before I can train myself to become an S-class Mage, I need to train myself to hold down more liquor first. But I'll have many new friends and comrades to help me forge this path along the way...With many more adventures to come, I'm sure I won't be having a sleepy day any time soon when I face each and every new day with my very own guild...my second home...

**My Fairy Tail...**

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><p><span>Next episode is going to be a sort of compilation special to look back on what has been an awesome first season of My Fairy. Afterwhich will bring about the end of the first season as Benny-boy takes a well deserved break. But who knows..If he gets some new praise or wake up calls from his reviewers, he might come back sooner than expected. So don't claw out your eyes just yet! Stay tuned for the recap episode and then ultimately Season 2 of My Fairy!<span>


	26. My Fairy: SEASON 1 RECAP SPECIAL

**Gee, fourteen pages...I didn't think a compilation episode would take up that much space. Well since it's mostly flashbacks it should be a breeze for those keen readers out there. By the way, I've gone back and re-edited a few of my earlier chapters to patch up a few more pesky errors - the worst one in particular was spelling Gray's name as 'Grey' and I think I got Alzack's name wrong on a few occasions as well. So you grammar and spelling buffs (hey I'm one of them too) can take another read and enjoy those hopefully error free chapters now. But first, please read on and enjoy the Twenty-sixth Chapter: The Season One Review!...**

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><p><strong>~My Fairy~<strong>

"Tsk. Tsk...Benny please stop fidgeting."

"Oww...How much longer is this gonna take." I whine as one of my new 'advisors' patiently tries putting the last touches on my face with her powder puff.

"Almost," She dabs my face with the fluffy make-up tool for a few more seconds before she beams. "And there we are~! Who's my cute little master." She coos pinching and wiggling my nose.

"M-me..." I bashfully answer like a child four times younger than me.

"That's right! You're my special cutsey wutesey master come here!" And she now starts tickling my belly.

"HAHAHAH OH GOD MIRAJANE PLEASE STOP HAHAHAH IT'S SO TICKLY HAHA!"

"Uh...could someone please tell me what the hell's going on here?" A cranky voice suddenly enters the otherwise empty guild.

"Oh hi Laxus. We're just making Master Makaren look nice for when the reporter comes today." Mirajane explains to my half-nephew (did you forget that part – don't be one of those last-chapter-only-reader douchebags and go read the previous chapter!) and advisor.

"I've always wanted to see my face on a magazine." I boast to myself. "You can only get so much attention from sending angry letters to the editor all the time."

"I've brought along twenty-eight assorted outifts for Master to choose to wear for his interview." Erza, the third of my advisors walks in casually as her two lackeys haul in a giant clothes rack with a whole bunch of colourful, intersting and sometimes explosive attires.

"Hah...Hah...Hah...Mavis Almighty!" Gray collapses in exhaustion as Natsu falls to his knees in likewise fashion.

"Oh no my dear Gray-sama!" And as you would expect, the sheer sight of Gray's body falling to the ground brought in the hat wearing water mage as she tried rehydrating the poor guy. "How could you make him perform such gruelling labour Ms. Scarlet!-?" She pleads with passionate rage.

"Well Benny, take your pick." Erza, completely igoring the sobbing wreck at her feet, waves to me the selection of outfits. "I recommend this Reptile-scale suit complete with cold-blood adaptor interior; it really highlights your eyes.

"Hmmmm..." After mulling that option and a few others I pick out a plain black shirt and jeans. "I think I'll go with this instead.

/?/?/?/

A few hours later and most of the guild is already inside, tidying up the last few puddles of vomit or sweeping away the pesky piles of Fairy Dust or gluing back the wodden foundations that have constantly been broken apart from one of Natsu's or Gray's antics.

"So who is this guy that's coming anyway?" I ask to anyone who's willing to answer since so many people are moving around at once.

"He's a nice man." Mirajane assures me as she wipes the bar. "He's from the same magazine I do modelling for."

"He's not some sort of wierdo is he?" I ask back in slight worry.

"No...Not at all Benny." Lucy taps my shoulder. "He's a perfectly normal and rational human being just like everyone else in Magnolia."

"Oh okay then." I sigh in relief. "Than that's-"

"KEWL!"

I suddenly widen my eyes as I crane my neck back around to the main door. A blonde man dressed in a very purple shirt and hanging a camera around his neck virtually slides inside the guild on his two knees, trying to make the most unusual entrance possible. "KEWL! KEWL! KEWL! KEWL! KEEEEEEEWWWWWL!"

"Master Benny." Mirajane waves over to the totally normal human. "Meet Jason from _Sorcerer Magazine_!"

"Kewl! It's a real pleasure to meet the bright new oncomer to the Guild and heiress to the Dreyer fortune..." Hang on I think you meant 'heir' when you said- "Benny Makarov Makaren!" The very energetic reporter runs over and shakes my hand so hard and fast it almost wants seems like he wants to take it home with him.

"Uh, hi it's nice to meet you Jason." I say humbly and quite nervously as well...I mean how else would you feel when some campy dude runs up to you and starts grabbing your hand?

"When we first heard about Makarov Dreyer's unfortunate passing and the announcement of a new Master, we just _had _to get the first scoop on our new face of Magnolia." Jason explains without stringing a 'kewl' in his sentence for once. "It was too KEWL a chance to let our competitors snatch from us!" Oh wait there it is! "So tell us Benny-my-boy..." Oh gee just when I thought I couldn't find a name worse than Benny-boy. "How have you come to accept your new responsibility as leader of such a famous and reputable guild?"

Now's my chance to finally be heard in the great wide world out there. As he points his microphone towards my face, I lean back in my throne (well a wooden chair Mirajane brought out the old sotrage room for me to sit on just today) and lift up my legs I answer this Jason fellow. "Well you know I've grown up a lot over these last few months. Today kinda feels like I've taken off my nappies for the first time; or like I've taken both the training wheels of my bike...It's a huge change and I'm ready for the challenge..."

With most of the guild standing around and listening to my every word (some of them – many of them looking quite unapproving) I change tac. "Oh but Mirajane and Erza have been a great helo over the last few days, Mirykinns fluffs my pillow at home every night before I go to bed and Erzy feeds me a bottle of formula every three hours before a nap and..." For some reason Natsu and Gray are giving me the most foul gazes known to man. I think I need to change tac again. "But you see, I think after a while I'll be able to stand on my own two feet and manage this lot on my own..._Mind you my half-nephew's been a real jackarse to me lately...You know he always leaves the damn toilet seat up in the guild's restroom and he wipes his used boogies on the poles and railing -_which I have to clean up thank you very much-TZZZZZKKK!"

That was the sound of my half-nephew sizzling my entire body with about 80 000 volts. With my new hairdo and ashen tan job I try and resume the interview. "So yeah it's all looking up I guess, next question?"

"KEWL! So now we'd like to know more about how you've gone from Mister nobody to Master of the guild in just twenty five episodes." Jason peers behind me for a moment as I hear a number of shuffling feet at my back. "Kewl! Looks like it's almost ready!"

'What's almost ready?" I ask, again feeling quite worried about all this uncertainty around me. Honestly why can't people just hand me these things in writing before they go off and do something weird and potentially degrading.

"Oh sorry, Benny, didn't the others tell you." The voice I hear setting something up behind me is none other than our guild's own gothic gal: Yoshi Takimora. She holds the jack end of a wire in her hand as she apears to be setting up a speaker or something. "Yeah, we were going to use my Playback feature to review some of the highlights and lowlights of your time here at Fairy Tail."

"Oh that sounds interesting." I nod in agreement. "So how does it work? Is it like a movie projector or something?"

Yoshi's little Asian button turns an odd colour for a moment as she twirls the chord in her hand shifting her eyes to the side. "Yeah sort of..."

"Come on Yoshi!" Natsu cheers in the background, standing on Gray's shoulders. "We wanna see the movie already!"

I'm just wondering why Yoshi appears so embarrassed looking about this equipment of her's. It's not like she's gonna shove that jack up my butt or anything...

...Right...?

"You've gotta plug that end up my butt don't you?" I say with the blandest of tone.

"Yup." She nods still looking away.

/?/?/?/

After a few minutes of blind butthole searching on Yoshi's part subsequently followed by ten minutes of Natsu's insane laughter we finally managed to get the show up and running with my eyes bulging open and flickering the film light. With Reedus' conveniently shaped body, we had our screen set for the film to finally play out for all to comfortably enjoy (well all except me).

With Happy flying over and providing the role of compeer we were all set. "So folks, to understand how this little fishy named Benny became our new Master, we have to take a look back at his short but very memorable time here in the guild...And how else could Benny-boy start his new life here without finding himself in a can of tuna indeed!"

/?/?/?/

_"NOBODY DO ANYTHING FUNNY!" A bunch of banana shaped nose thugs are holding hand-shaped rifles at our heads. I probably would have laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of this image before my eyes but I'm really not sure what those things might shoot out – and I'd rather not try and find out._

_No...I can't simply wait for others to hopefully come. Besides Wizards? I mean sure I've done some Googling about the uses of Magic around this place but a Wizard is supposed to be an old man with a beard rolling down his legs like a long carpet and a huge wooden staff to shoot lighting and other epic stuff out._

_Good thing I have a special talent of my own._

_Oh yeah...Did I forget to mention. I can use magic too. Yeah I'm totally gonna mess up these thugs – you watch!_

_The energy builds up in my hands as I can no longer hold the burning fury dwelling inside of me, I must release – I must destroy..._

_"TAKE THIS!"_

…

…

…

_"What was that?" One of the men turns to the other._

_"Yeah it felt like he might have scratched me or something." The other one says quite confused._

_"Ow I think he might have left marks on me." One of the Bananaramafittatahatians looks down at the four diagonal scars lining his chest._

_"Is it bleeding?" One of the men asks him._

_"Um...NO I don't think so."_

_My whole body loses colour as my jaw drops. They were completely unaffected by my special ability..._

_...My ability to sharpen my fingernails at will that is..._

_"So long kid, maybe next time you'll realise it doesn't pay to be a hero – oh wait HAHAHA!"_

"And who do you think would come to this poor sardine's rescue?"

_"SKY DRAGON'S ROAR!"_

_The hostages suddenly burst into applause, grateful of the blue-haired hero's arrival "Thank you for saving us Wendy Marvell."_

_Yes thanks for-WHA-WHA-WAIT WHO WHERE WHY-HOW WHAAAAAT!_

_My hero's tiny little face is finally revealed as the wind weakens, the blue curtain pulling back to reveal large, round brown eyes and a wide gaping smile. "Hello friend...I hope those mean guys didn't hurt you?"_

/?/?/?/

"KAW! I can't believe you had to be saved by freaking Wendy HAHAHAHA!" Did you wanna guess who was on the floor, holding his sides in laughter this time? Did you really need a hint? Well it was Natsu.

"That is pretty weak you know that Benny-boy." Gray seems to be wiping away happy tears of his own.

"Yeah, I mean _this _guy's meant to be our Master yet..." Cana seems really stroppy with her commentary as takes another swig of something with more than five 'X's on it (seriously you hardly feature in this fic so what's your issue all of a sudden?).

"Anyway, it was thanks to Benny's encounter with Wendy that he found himself in our guild that day.

/?/?/?/

_"GRAY YOU BASTARD!"_

_"GET BACK HERE NATSU!"_

_"WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!"_

_"WHO'S THE MAN NOW?"_

_"AGH! KNOCK IT OFF I'M TRYIN' TA 'AVE A DRINK 'ERE"_

_"GRAY-SAMA!"_

_My eyebrows twitch as a nervous smile draws across my lips. It seems I've entered into the middle of a huge drunken brawl. Beneath the giant dust cloud of fists and stars I see a few angry faces, all with the expression of an intent to possibly kill or at least seriously injure their opponent._

_"Is this meant to be the guild?" _

_"Well hehe, this is kinda the norm around here."_

_"WOULD YOU LOT KNOCK IT OFF!" A very powerful voice arrives somewhere behind the bar. I don't see anyone but whoever shouted must be a real bad-ass because everyone suddenly stood still and squeezed their fingers together sheepishly._

_"Sorry Master." The whole guild twist a heel into the ground as they apologise._

_"You damn kids, you wonder why we keep getting noise complaints from the neighbours." A little old man hops onto the bar. I'm somewhat surprised to find that the eminent, almost godly voice came from such a small person._

_/?/?/?/_

"Just think, twenty-four episodes later and that 'small person's' your Father." Lucy contributes.

/?/?/?/

_"Hey Wendy who's this jerk?" The pink haired teen stabbed a finger in my direction as he walked over._

_Wendy politely explained. "Oh Hi Natsu, this is my new friend Benny Makaren."_

_"Hey Benny-boy!" Please don't call me that. "Nice to meet'cha!" He offers a hand and I reluctantly go and shake it, only to quickly pull back in searing hot pain._

_"AGH what the-"_

_"HAHAHA! I've always wanted to do that to someone."_

_"Yo!" Another overconfident upper-body exposing male (only much worse), now comes over._

_"This is Gray." Wendy continues introducing the guild members._

_Gray also holds out his hand. When I hesitate his expression hardens. "Don't worry I won't do anything like that blockhead."_

_"Hi Gray." I shake his hand but suddenly find it won't come off. I look down and find my hand encased in a huge block of ice. "AGH!"_

_"HAHAHA! Sorry but I couldn't help it either."_

_"Elfman." I turn towards a deep-voiced person, I shriek again when I notice his hand takes an beastly form, complete with scales and deadly claws._

_"Okay guys the jokes getting old now." An assertive looking woman walks over, clad in armour on her upper body and...well a nice frilly blue skirt for the lower half..._

_Wendy continues her tutorial. "This is Erza, she's one of the most feared wizards in the Fairy Tail guild."_

_"Aww don't say that you'll scare the little guy." Erza cocked her head and smiled warmly. "**But I swear if you touch my stuff I'll rip out your-**"_

_"AHEM!" Wendy coughed over the redhead. "Well anyway I think our guest would like a drink."_

_"I'm a Fire Dragons Slayer; Gray's an Ice Maker; and Erza is a Requipper...That's Gajeel, he's a dick."_

_"OI!" Gajeel turned around, chewing a mouthful of iron nails._

_"And we have some other guys here but they aren't really important." Natsu explained with brutal honesty. "So wait did you say you had some sort of ability?"_

_"Um yeah..."_

_Gray crossed his arms in impatience "Well...What is it?"_

_"Well I can make my fingernails sharper."_

_I looked up, prepared to meet their reactions. It was as if they were waiting for a punchline or something as Natsu showed a wide-eyed expression. "But what can you do with them?"_

_"Well I can cut some things that I otherwise couldn't cut with my normal fingernails."_

_"But could you say, cut off a guys arm or head with them?" Gray rolled his head to one side._

_"Well I don't think so...But they're very useful for opening tins and peeling off labels." I say with a proud smile._

_Erza's expression was the plainest of them all. "So that's it?"_

_"Yeah, well isn't it pretty cool? I mean no ordinary human can just grow their nails at will._

_Erza continues her bland speech. "Can you grow your toenails too?"_

_"No just my fingernails." I bluntly answer._

_"Hmm..." Natsu tapped a finger against his lips, pondering something. "I think you and Lucy would make a perfect team."_

_/?/?/?/_

"_EEEH_?" Lucy suddenly blurted out in the middle of the Playback. "So is that what you think of me Natsu?"

"Well I mean you pretty much just provide the fanservice for most of our arcs." Natsu explains in his cheeky manner. "I mean at least Erza can do that AND fight the big baddies as well." Suddenly Natsu hushes everyone as he shuffles closer to the screen. "Oh yes I hear this next bit's really good!" Rubbing his hands.

/?/?/?/

_KNOCK-KNOCK._

_"Hello? Hey I live next door, can you turn your music down? HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME! I SAID TURN IT DOWN!" My voice doesn't seem to get through to the annoying girl._

_"Hey it's unlocked." Surprisingly the woman had left her door unlocked. Maybe she's a ditzy blonde afterall._

_Okay I'll just open the door and tell her nicely to turn down her music._

_"Hello? Could you please just-" As I weave my head through the ajar door, I notice I've come into the middle of a satanic ritual sacrifice of some sort. Well to be more accurate the female occupant of the house was indeed in the room, standing on a table with the pink speakers of her CD player nearby._

_Well she was blonde alright, and judging by the small white towel barely wrapping over her huge assets I'd say she's a bit of a '3xConcentrate' type as well. When she noticed me peering out of the door. Her jaw literally dropped down to her breasts as her eyes grew into giant egg yolks of surprise._

_Not surprisingly, I screamed first._

_"AGGGGGGHHH!"_

_"AGGGGHHHHHH!"_

_"AAAAAGGGGHHHH!_

_"KKKYYYAAAAHHH!"_

_Now here's where you guys playing at home need to pay attention: the blonde naked girl threw (that's the key word here THREW) herself towards the door. If she could actually grab her entire body like a giant chair or rock, she would have picked herself up and lobbed her 50 kilo frame like a bag of explosive potatoes. She literally defied gravity as she slipped off the table and like a magnet, made her torso pull towards the doorway. Her towel said its goodbyes as it joined the list of other dumped items on this girl's list. Then, with her arms and legs fanned out, she charged towards my position, tears shooting out of her eyes like high pressured jets of water._

_Now at this point my only source of protection came from the wooden shield that was the door. Realising this human meteorite was on a crash course to Me-ville I bolted behind the door and began to slam it shut. But the wild Amazonian blonde's momentum wasn't going to stop now, at least not until she confronts Newton's Third Law._

_With a loud thud the bare blonde's entire mass crashed into the door pushing me out into the hallway and sending me tumbling into the other wall as the door was forced shut. Needless to say my head hurt at that point._

_But then again...I wasn't sure if that blonde was still even alive after that logic defying display..._

_I thought I should knock on the door and check if she was alright – I mean that's the least a man can do to help a poor injured woman. But then again, if she is still alive, common sense would indicate she's clearly pissed right now._

_Yeah, I think I better just head back inside my comfy abode..._

_...At least the music was turned down by now..._

/?/?/?/

Whilst Lucy unsurprisingly held her a palm to her forehead shaking her head; Natsu Gray, Gajeel and pretty much every other male in the audience was in stitches, I'm not sure if they were laughing at Lucy's embarrassing attack on the door or my very feminine scream and subsequent flight into the opposite wall. "Oh God! Oh Goid we haven't even reached our pranks yet!" Natsu's face was boiling red in laughter as the film continued.

"And so Benny, Lucy-san and Wendy-san made up a team that would perform some of the most physically and emotionally trialling jobs in the guild." Happy continued. "Such as giving vaccine shots to Vulcans."

/?/?/?/

_"WAH!" I nearly dodge another fatal hammer fist as we play life sized whack-a-mole with a bunch of white, furry ape-monsters. "You know when the sign says Vulcans I was expecting something more bird-like and harmless!"_

_"That's Vultures you idi-AGGGHHH!" Lucy squeals like a blonde haired schoolgirl as one of the giant ape creatures flips up the back of her skirt. The Vulcan sniggers as even mutant primates can gain an appreciation of the odd panty-shot or two._

_"Hehe! Looks like all the males in the animal kingdom are after you Lucy!" I comment as I jump over another bulky Vulcan forearm._

_"SHUT-UP-SHUT-UP-SHUT-UUUWAAAAGGHH!" Lucy literally somersaults about three times as she evades a meteorite fist crashing into the earth._

/?/?/?/

"Or even delivering important treasures to a designated location..."

/?/?/?/

_"Thank goodness! We made it." Wendy sighed with relief as we reached the door. It appeared to be some sort of small tavern._

_"Looks like they run a cute little business." I say with my hands by my sides, satisfied with another successful job. _

"PMFFHH!"

_"What the hell was that! Hello? Mr. Ray Ham and Ms. Colin, we have your package! Hello?"_

"We didn't order a damn pizza!"

_"Huh? I didn't say anything about a pizza! Excuse me-"_

"Damn kids, we don't want your cookies we already donated to them last week!"

_"What the fudge is up with these old farts?" I turn to my two fledglings._

_Lucy shook her head as she knocked in her feminine manner. "Oi Natsu! Grey! Open up already. I know it's you pair."_

_Hang on! I snatch the small note from Lucy's slender hands. "'Abe Ray Ham'? 'Lynn Colin'? Abe-ray-ham Lin-co - oh for f&$* sake!" _

/?/?/?/

"HAHAHA" NO actually that was Natsu laughing in the present time now as he nearly pulled down Gray's trousers for support. "What a classic that was...Oh man I can't watch any more of this it's too damn funny."

"Yeah too bad you didn't realise that made Wendy cry." I like to point out for those two big bullies.

"Really." suddenly they both straighten up as they face the little blue-haired girl. "Oh sorry if we did make actually make you cry then Wendy." They both scratch their heads, ironically looking a lot smaller now.

Thankfully this butt projector of Yoshi's has already skipped over an even more heartbreaking prank on those boys (and a certain redhead girl's) behalf as we move onto episode 7.

/?/?/?/

_"LUCY DON'T LET GO OF MY HAND!" I shout back with great urgency._

_"BEN-SAN!" Wendy cries out as the creepy gangsters hold her back with a box-cutting knife at her throat._

_"HANG ON WENDY! I'M COMING!" I grit my teeth as I try to pull my own and Lucy's entire weight onto the vehicle._

_"BENNY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T LET GO!" Lucy cries from her monkey grip behind me._

_"LIKE YOU'RE HELPING THE SITUATION AT ALL!" I find myself arguing at a very inappropriate time. "WHY DON'T YOU USE ONE OF YOUR KEYS OR THAT WHIP OF YOURS!" _

_"GAAGGGGHHH WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Lucy reminds me (and I thank her for the much needed reminder)._

/?/?/?/

"Damn, where's the popcorn when you need it." Natsu interrupts again.

/?/?/?/

_"BEN-SAN, LUCY-SAN!" Wendy continues to cry out for us behind the wall of thugs._

_"WENDY!" Charles flies into the truck in an effort to save Wendy (she couldn't have saved us by any chance first huh?). But one of the more solid built thugs with a white tanktop lifts a hand and creates a small explosion around the flying feline._

_"CHARLES!" Wendy cries out to her little friend as she rolls off the trailer floor. By some miracle she lands in Lucy's fleshy chest net._

_But now the extra weight has made it unbearable for my final nail to hang on any longer._

_"AGH!" And so with that, I release my latch onto the truck and find myself, along with a crazy blonde and alien cat, in freefall about to hit the stone cobbled road at high speed._

_Needless to say, I was about to have an involuntary bowel propulsion._

_"AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"_

_"ICE MAKE: SLIPPERY SLIDE!"_

/?/?/?/

"Oh Gray-sama you're such a hero~!" Juvia swoons at the sight of her Ice hunk saving me.

Happy add more commentary. "This was the first time our future master had found himself a rival as well. This new rival would form part of Benny's motivation to get back at this so called 'trash-sniffing bastard'"

/?/?/?/

_Wendy was safe now, but I still had a bone to pick through using my fingernails with him. I went for the door, but he turned his back away from me, holding his gun underneath his arm Wild West style as he muttered..._

_"FATAL ANISEED BULLET!"_

_"Kah-kah! Who...who are you?"_

_The shady garbage scrounging, fragrant gun wielding, girl snatching crook half turned his face, half of which was hidden behind his collar already mind you. But I managed to catch his slick brown hair against the moon's glare just as he hung outside the doorway._

_~"I'm not big on labels. I'm just a Layman, nothing more..."~_

_And with that, the man darted away, vanishing into the moonlight like a mysterious fog. I was left confused, mesmerised and bewildered (though I think the aniseed was having its fair share of an effect on me too)..._

/?/?/?/

"Oh cool my first screenshot!"

"WAGH- When the hell did you get here?" I look back at our new guild member.

"Oh I've been lurking around, just waiting for the right moment to pop up." The creepy coat-wearer adds just behind my shoulder.

"Hey Cruz-kun! Come outside and play more cops and robbers with us!" I hear Alzack and Bisca shouting from the back door (yeah, apparently we have one of those too!)

"Right'o." The Lay Mage of ours flicks his long coat as he dashes back outside to play with his gunquipping friends. "Sorry Benny-boy, but I'll come back for the end maybe."

"Yeah thanks." Even the new guy's calling me that too. I really don't think my new title's being apprecia-

/?/?/?/

_SWOON. I think I may have just travelled the speed of light for a second there but somehow my lips ended up connected to Lucy's. Also my hands seem to have gotten hooked around her waist as did her own. I try to fix up this error in the space time continuum but she seems to want to remain in this moment of physiological anomaly for a while longer._

/?/?/?/

Wait we're already up to the Easter episode? Isn't this the one where-

Yep, Lucy's already curled up in a ball trying to hide away from this one...

/?/?/?/

_She finally releases her lips from mine and lowers her head with a bashful smile. "I saw the way you went after that man yesterday. That was really brave of you Benny Makaren, well done."_

_Well to be honest, it was more that the guy gave us Wendy back anyway but still... "Well, I guess my power must be getting stronger every day." I suddenly burst into nervous laughter and Lucy giggles along as well. "Hahahaha-Owfgh!"_

_Then I suddenly realised where the 'Explosion' part in them noodles was meant to come from. We may not have had our mouths connected anymore but we might as well, you see with the two of us facing each other and her mouth wide open in casual laughter..._

_BLUERGH._

_Well, let's just say I don't think we'll be getting Easter eggs off her again anytime soon..._

/?/?/?/

Even Happy was no longer smiling after that part. "Holy Marlin..."

Natsu was not even laughing either. "You just...in her mouth right?"

Now everyone's crowding over me with demonic eyes as though I'm under some sort of Satanic intervention. "Well I hear that stuff's good for cleaning your teeth."

"I don't think I can believe in humanity anymore Ben-san." Even Wendy has turned away from me in disgust.

"No, Wendy please, Lucy explain to them it was an accident."

"Wow, I didn't think you and Lucy were into that kind of thing." Even Yoshi is changing sides now.

"Look can we just get to my Birthday now and forget about that little episode?" I plead with my Playbacker as we fast forward through the filler episode with Levy (oh sorry Levy-chan) and the twenty thousand or so time loops until we finally reach the surprise party of my birthday arc.

/?/?/?/

_"So, you were all just pretending to forget my birthday today?"_

_"Didn't you know Benny Makaren..." Everyone turned towards the stage where a pair of spotlights shone down upon the old master Makarov. "We're not just a guild of Wizards here in Fairy Tail...We're a giant family...we look out for each other, no matter how independent or incompetent."_

/?/?/?/

"Possible foreshadowing?" I ask myself.

/?/?/?/

_"Okay everyone~!" A lovely looking Mirajane walked out onto the stage in a nice little hot pink number. "Now it's time for the special cake!"_

_As though we had reached the bridge point of a play, all the lights went off save for a small spotlight next to me on the centre of the stage._

_"~Happy Bi~rth~daaay tooo yoouu...Happy Bi~rth~daaay tooo yoouu!" Singing in a very seductive voice, Erza swings on out of the back of the stage with a layered creamy cake draped across her entire body. "Happy Birth~day dear Be~nnyyy~..." She wiggles her hips forward, dripping bits of icing and cream onto the floor as she leans towards me with very pursing lips. "Happy birthday...to...you...~"_

_Silence..._

_The 'special cake alright!' summons one of her bladed weapons in front of me. "Go on Benny-boy...Why don't you cut the cake?"_

_GULP... "Okay here goes..."_

_"EVERYONE STOP!" Just as I was about to cut out a piece of Erza, a blue haired man (seriously what's going on in Magnolia?) with a bunch of staffs burst in._

_"Mystogan?" A couple of Fairy Tail members call out. "What is the matter."_

_"I just realised something..." "He says with heaving shoulders and panting breaths. "We haven't had our Edolas Arc yet!"_

_Edolas Arc? Screw that what about my Erza ca-_

…

…

…

…

…

_I was stuck in a giant crystal for the next two months..._

/?/?/?/

"Yep those were real good times in that crystal there..." I sigh, regretting my absence from the exciting Edolas arc and missing out on cutting me up some Erza cake.

"I think you should be focusing on apologising to everyone for making them go through your boring Birthday twenty thousand times." Charles grumbled somewhere in the audience.

"It wasn't my damn fault?" I defend myself. "Wasn't it Yoshi's for using that Playback thingamagig."

"No didn't I explain to you in the last chapter." Yoshi tuts.

"Well I dunno, maybe the author was just being a troll." I suggest as a real troll suddenly burst through one of our walls – inevitably breaking it.

"Sorry." The big green troll shuffles away back to wherever he came from.

"Ugh, fine let's just move on from that horrible stain on your behalf Mr Makaren." Charles scoffs again (okay maybe I deserve the cats scolding – just this once...).

"Then our little story takes a tragic turn when the unthinkable strikes our guild."

/?/?/?/

_Sobs and cries of anguish filled the room as I tried to piece together what exactly had happened. After connecting some of the dots, I knew that the dreadful news had something to do with that little old man who hands over the paychecks in the end of the day._

_Then I crawled closer towards the shrine at the end of the room. The little cradle was not just put there for a spontaneous nativity exhibition. But there was a little baby – a little old baby sleeping in their quite peacefully..._

_Quite silently..._

_Quite cold and pale looking..._

_And quite dead alright..._

"_HOLY F[BLEEP]ING SHIT MAN! He's carked it!" I stumbled back holding down my stomach contents._

"_He went peacefully last night..." Erza explained as she tried to maintain a strong composure. _

"_Whoah! Whoah! Whoah! I still don't understand...Are you trying to say that someone in the Fairy Tail cast actually-"_

"_Yes...Master Makarov has died from a heart attack."_

/?/?/?/

"...And if that wasn't bad enough..."

/?/?/?/

"_What do you want with us?" Mirajane stood in front of everyone holding a frying pan to protect our guild._

"_That's not a nice way to address an old friend Mirajane." The voice sounded quite patronising as small arcs of electricity cackled around his body."I have reservations to contest that will!" The lightning man stated as he looked up at our group on the balcony. _

"_GHH." I turn to Natsu whose veins are now popping, underneath his darkened fringe, he grits his teeth before roaring down at the strange visitor. "LAXUS!"_

"_Natsu, how's everything been going?"_

"_Laxus, you bastard! How dare you show your face here again!"_

"_Tsk. Tsk. Tsk." He tusks mockingly at the Fire Dragon Slayer. "Why it was perfectly appropriate for me to come and visit the Master's funeral...I mean I am his Grandson after all."_

"_Grandson?" I gasp; nobody else seems as surprised though._

"_LAXUS!" Natsu doesn't seem interested in family ties as he already leaps of the balcony, a fist of flames charging in his hand ready to be served to this rude intruder._

_SLASH. But a blur suddenly whirs past the Dragon Slayer just as he was about to take out Laxus. Everyone else gasps and clears the floor just as Natsu hits the ground with a long gash across his torso._

"_Natsu!" Erza leans over the railing about to help her comrade when._

"_It's been a while Scarlet." The blur who had taken down the Dragon Slayer himself stood by Laxus side, wielding a long and cumbersome spear. When, she pulled down the thick black scarf covering her face I noticed she looked uncannily familiar to someone, but I just couldn't quite put my finger on it until..._

"_Erza Knightwalker?" Erza - wait there are two Erzas now? "What are you doing here?"_

"_I serve my new Guild master now." _

"_WE'RE CLAIMING THIS GUILD NOW!" Several more voices shout out from the Guild's Entrance, their shadows stretch right into the guild, possibly signifying how badass these guys were. "WE ARE THE GERIATRICS' GUILD!"_

/?/?/?/

"Umm...sorry guys." I try and sit up as the chord still protrudes cumbersomely from my royal highness. "But I really have to take a leak, can I take this thing out and leave it here?"

"WHAT?" Everyone in the guild whines like a bunch of schoolkids. "But we're about to rea h the most epic part of this crappy story."

"Jeez it only happened like, four days ago...Stick it up Natsu's arse and watch it from his angle...Or do Gajeel's since he's a dick anyway."

"Oi!" Both the Iron eater and his black panther shouted out.

"Benny-boy's still right though." Natsu interjected. "You _really, really _are a huge dick Gajeel."

"Yeah but he doesn't get to say it." Gajeel spits back.

Well anyway. SHRIP; taking out the plug and giving it a quick wipe with a tissue before handing back to Yoshi. "There, take your pick."

"Hang on a sec." Before I head off to the little Master's room Mirajane notices something amiss. "Jason's gone."

"Hey the little man is too." Natsu pressed his hands by his side.

"Christ I didn't think my life story could be _that _boring."

Gray walks over, just passing me as he rests a cold hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to say this but...It is...It really-really is dude."

"Then why did that man seem so interested in the beginning?" I scratch my head.

"Well it's like any film or story." Erza walks over and holds out a palm. "Most people catch the start and lose interest near the end."

"Then, nobody even cares anymore?" I say, a frown beginning to show.

"Pretty much." Wakaba and Macao answer as they both hold a drink. "You can do whatever you want and nobody will even be around to notice."

"So no-one's even reading this anymore?" I frown even more. "Well apart from that one guy..."

"_Hey everyone! Look what I can do!_" Now even everyone in the guild has lost interest in me as they go and see whatever silly party trick Natsu is pulling off now (I can see some spoon and hear a few rats and pigs but that's about it.)

"Sorry Benny." Erza is the final one to leave me. "But I promised Edolas Erza I'd see her off in the little open portal downtown."

"Uh? Oh yeah go ahead." I blankly nod to her as the Titania enters her Flight Armour. Well now I'm left in the very lonesome rear half of the Guild's lower floor. I can see everyone's having a great time being entertained by Natsu now – even Yoshi seems to be enjoying it too. Well you can't expect those kids to enjoy a full hour of a something literally pulled out of a man's rear end...

...That bathroom looks very inviting now...

"Hey, Master." I feel one last tap on my shoulder on the way to the Throne-room. "Don't give up on them just yet...Just keep doing your best and you'll win their hearts and minds."

"Who them or..."

"Hey..." Mr. Cruz hushes me as he half turns his back. "Just you keep doing your thing...I'm on your side now."

"Thanks..." Feeling quite confused but a little better after that advice, I head off as my comrades light up around the Fire generator of this guild.

"Hehe, although you guys still love taking the piss out of me, I can't stay too mad with any of you...Even Charles has her good moments." And as I notice Natsu performing an near impossible act of balancing his entire body on his nose whilst juggling five fireballs and reciting the Fairy Tail Constitution I can't help but smile. "I can see why my Father had a real liking for you...I'll let you hang onto that nickname of mine for a little longer..._Summer-boy...Hehe"_

_**~Enjoy your peaceful times while they last...Benny Makaren...~**_

"What?" I swear I could have heard a voice coming from somewhere...Well I really need to go to the dunny now so I'll have to leave that for another time...

Another season...

Another instalment of My Fairy...

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

* * *

><p>And with that comes the end of the first 26 episode season of My Fairy (soon to be released on DVD and in a $5 bargain bin in some store near you!). And if anyone still interested in this story is wondering whether there will be a sequel - damn right of course there will be! Even if I receive no other reviewers, I still have too many ideas floating in my head (and at least another two Fairy Tail canon arcs) to account for before I can put Benny-boy to rest for good.<p>

Since he has been such a huge help for this story I should offer my deepest thanks to The Layman who has not only followed and reviewed every chapter with useful criticism throughout but has also provided me with another two awesome OCs (if you didn't know, they were Yoshi Takimora and "The Layman" Cruz). So if any of you readers aren't able to take the short time to leave me a little review, could you at least go and check out The Layman's _Cold Fuzz_ (since that Fanfic is where I have received most of the inspiration for this story apart from Fairy Tail proper).

Anyway, to those other few kind authors who've at least reviewed in the past or favourited or subscribed to this story, you also have my greatest thanks and appreciation...You should understand that I will usually pay back kind deeds on this site, so you can guarantee that I will check out your profile and maybe even read and review your own stories (as long as I'm familiar with the universe it's from) if you leave one for me. Anyway I better wrap up this post-story rant before it sounds too desperate for reviews...But as long as you know the more feedback ('+' or '-', please be honest in your critiques – heck I even keep my odd flamers up just for show) I get back from you readers, the sooner I can be empowered to start up the second season.

So in the meantime, give yourself a pat on the back for making it this far and take a nice break as you hopefully stick around for the Second Season of My Fairy. I personally need time to catch up on the new X791 arc and perhaps make a start on the Manga as well so you should see some more canonical story arcs in the next season. Just hang onto the image of the Tenrou Island arc without Makarov around if you need one small hint for the sequel...Okay Benny and I are off now. We'll see ya'll round next time!

ベニ マカレン

まいフェリ Ｘ７８４年 制作


	27. The Best Team

The half-month wait is finally over...The badass new Wizard in Fairy Tail who can sharpen his fingernails is back for a second sting. Before you start reading though, you might want to check out the story cover for this one as well on my DeviantArt profile (remove spaces and add forward (/) slashes -** themulchmeister. deviantart. com [SLASH] # [SLASH] d551uxi**). I can credit myself this time for the drawings of the OCs in the picture but the rest I edited in using my mediocre skills of Windows 7 Paint. I also drew the two additional OCs which make up Benny's new team in Chibi form as well (**themulchmeister. deviantart. com [SLASH] gallery [SLASH] # [SLASH] d551tylso**) so please do go and check that out while you're there.

And also a pre-empt thanks once again to The Layman for the two OCs accompanying Benny's adventures. Now with that taken care of, I bring to you, in 1080p High Definition and surround sound, the second season continuation of the (not so) epic tales of Benny Makaren...

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><p><strong>~My Fairy: ACT II~<strong>

The Trials and Tribulations of Tenrou Island Arc Part I: The 'Best' Team

"_~I wish you would all just disappear...~"_

_Those words...If only I knew back then how powerful they could really be..._

**But _anyway..._**

…

…

…

_**/?/?/?/**_

"Crap, there's so many of them!" I cry out to my teammates as we take on the massive supernatural horde.

"Hold on let me handle this." Yoshi slides her foot in the dirt as she rips out her battle axe from virtually nowhere and summons the power of Rock itself to take down a whole wave of the little buggers. "REPENTENCE RIFF: CHORD C#: DEATH DRIVE!-!-!"

Awesome! And an original one too, now I can stop posting these annoying copyright disclaimers...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Yoshi Takimora. A Wizard of the Fairy Tail guild aged 16 years old. Yoshi uses a form Guitar Magic called the Repentance Riff which, depending on the melody produced, can be used for either offensive, defensive or supportive purposes. She likes Chaotic metallic noise and dislikes annoying poppy noise. <strong>_

_**She has medium length black hair worn in two pigtails, olive skin and brown eyes. Her attire of choice is generally all black which includes a short top revealing her midriff; tartan skirt and knee length boots.**_

* * *

><p>"Well done Yoshi, but there's still a shitload more coming our way." Just as I begin to cower behind the Gothic Asian's back, my other teammate crunches his foot into the ground, spitting at his feet with a scowl of disgust wiping along his mug.<p>

"There's only one thing I hate more than Zombie-vampire-robot-ninja-pirates...And that's Zombie-vampire-robot-ninja-pirates...THAT _SPARKLE_!"

In his passionate rage, The Layman reaches into his long coat and pulls out a sawn off shotgun. Sliding the weapon underneath an arm, he aims at the oncoming mob of sparkling things. "GUNS MAGIC: ORGANIC SPRING LOTUS WHITE TEA MULTI-BULLET!"

And with the crackling of gunpowder (or some other strange powder) The Layman's head flung back with the intense recoil of the fragrant pellets which swarmed the sparkling Zombie-vampire-robot-ninja-pirates in a cloud of pleasant death.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Darren "The Layman" Cruz. Another Wizard of Fairy Tail aged 23 years old. Darren uses a form of Guns Magic with most of his arsenal involving some form of fragrance bullet, although most of them quite pleasant to the nose, can prove an effective stunning attack or – if powerful enough, can even subdue its victims. He likes being part of a group; nice odours and interesting adventures and dislikes sparkles; people with the name Edward Cullen and bad smells (well don't we all?).<strong>_

_**Darren has medium length dark brown hair which slicks down to his shoulders a medium complexion and brown eyes. Also going with the colour of black, he wears a long trenchcoat with a white cross symbol on the back which he usually keeps open and long black pants and shoes. He keeps his intriguing array of ammunition in a bandoleer strapped around his left shoulder.**_

* * *

><p>"Grr...I should have brought more bloody bullets with me." Cruz curses as he repeatedly clicks an empty shotgun. The Sparkling plague is just metres from us three now. Once we fall, the entire town of Magnolia will be at their sparkling disposal.<p>

Well I just cannot sit down...And it's not from piles...No! I literally cannot sit down and let these chumps walk all over our prideful town. Nay, I will take action to stop these mocking creatures of the outerworld! I part my way through my two teammates as I step past them. "Get ready guys..." I whip out my overgrown nails. "Master Benny Makaren is gonna claw his way to victory!"

He-he...Yeah, I had that line planned out all night...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Benny 'Benny-boy' Makarov Makaren. Fourth Master and inheritor of the Fairy Tail guild (read back to the end of the First Season to find out how) aged 20 years old. Benny's magic doesn't really have a name but it basically involves him growing his fingernails at will, though he more than often finds himself on the claw-end of trouble with this ability. He likes being around kind people, food (anything edible and preferably non-explosive will do) and being taken seriously. He dislikes thugs, meanies, flying cats and being at the 'butt-end' of practical jokes (all too literally and mostly involving Natsu as the purveyor). <strong>_

_**Benny has curly, unkempt brown hair, fair skin complexion and blue eyes (see, not everyone's brown-eyed in Fairy Tail now!). Compared to his teammates (and pretty much everyone else in the guild) he is rather small in stature, coming just beyond Lucy and Yoshi's height and quite thin (so essentially, he has the height and weight proportions of the average adult woman). Not too fussed about flashy fantasy attire, he usually wears casual clothing like a plain pair of jeans, shirt and jacket.**_

* * *

><p>"COME OUT, <em>CLAWS OF CHAOS!<em> MWAHAHAHA!" And I even came up with a wicked awesome name for my ability, even though it was completely unnecessary and quite arrogant.

To be honest, I was quite pessimistic about how these babies would go today, I had filed them down all night preparing for this mission. I even rang Ling Long from Long Ling Lane to come over and give me a late night manicure. But I've never had too much success on the road with these claws of mine. I certainly have drawn blood on my own palm plenty of times though...

But it all comes down to this shot. With Yoshi recharging her Axe and The Layman out of bullets, it's up to the real hero to stand up and conquer this mission...

And sure enough, my claws manage to skewer through several of these sparkling nuisances. I guess they (the sparkling ninjamacallits, not my claws!) were much weaker than I thought. "HAHA! Oh dammit get out you stupid son's of-" Yoshi rips out a blasting note which sends a dozen more of the creatures exploding in a showering spray of glittered blood.

"GUNS MAGIC: VANILLA BULLET KING SIZE!" and by some miracle, Cruz has found himself another cartridge of cool smells to cut down some more ranks of the enemy. With a twirl of his revolver he chuffs to himself, "Always keep a spare pack for long trips."

"Now go ahead finish them off...Master Makaren." Yoshi adds as I confront the final scattered assortment of these blood-sucking, eyepatch wearing, rotting flesh ridden, steel encased, swift moving shuriken and sword wielding pixies.

"Alright." But one of my claws snags on my jacket just as I'm about to enter my epic combat pose. "Little help...Guys little help."

"Geez why do you always..." Yoshi tusks about as she uses the sharp end of her Axe to cut the rogue thread off my fingernails.

"Thanks, alright then without further adieu I present you the final movement of this orchestra of battle that is-"

"BENNY HURRY UP BEFORE THEY REACH US!"

"Oh sorry – ahem!" I flay out my fingers as I spread my claws extend of deadliness across the field of monsters. Some of them finally do something remotely vampire related and fly in the air with bat wings. With a quick retraction of my dynamic keratin followed by a quick regrowth I take down the aerial task force before they can throw their glitter or sink their fangs or whatever the hell these mongrels do. When I retract and skewer through a few more marshmallow opponents, I find that the area has mostly been cleaned up now.

"Over there!" Cruz points to my right as one last rogue Zombie-vampire-robot-ninja-pirate sparkler crawls towards me.

I let out a squeal as I fall backwards striking my tailbone on a mound of dirt (and not to rhyme on purpose here but it does hurt). "AGH! My precious coccyx!"

"Geez!" Yoshi finally pushes aside the Layman as she brings her Axe down on the last ZVRNPS. "Hah...Hah...Phew..." And with that, the feisty little (well relative to others at least) girl lets her Axe dissolve into nothingness. She swings her hips as she comes back towards me, helping me off the ground. "You need to train harder Master Makaren. Who else will defend our guild if you cannot?"

"Well." I start counting with my fingers. "There's Natsu, Erza, Lucy, Wendy, Gray, Mirajane, Elfman, Gajeel, Levy, Laxus, The Thunder God Tribe, Cana, Juvia, Lisanna and I suppose those flying cats are pretty reliable too..."

"Yes, but what if something were to happen to all of them, then would you depend on to defend the guild?"

"Well, I was pretty much hoping everyone else would chip in their lives for my sake y'know." I hold out my tongue like an embarrassed Anime character.

"I just wish you could take this a little more seriously Master." Yoshi grumbles as she throws one of my arms over her shoulder. I wish she wasn't in Tsundere mode at the moment...Maybe I should untie those pigtails of hers and see what happens...

"Well let's just head back and claim our Gems eh?" The cool, calm and composed Cruz suggests as he takes my other arm, the three of us now cruising back down the mountains back towards town to our real home: our guild.

Finally, Team Benny has successfully completed an awesome mission...Just wait until I see the look on Natsu and everyone else's face when we get back and tell the tale.

/?/?/?/

Recovering from my damaged coccyx, I run up the stairs with my partners shortly behind, I push against the two doors (Agh-Splinters but we'll deal with them later) and suck a huge amount of air in my lungs, exhaling as I shout out to my entire guild. "HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT WE JUST-"

"OH LOOK THEY'RE FINALLY BACK!" the fire-boy Natsu literally drops everything as do the others as they rush over with stars in their eyes. Well I didn't expect this kind of reception but why not?

Huffing to myself as I pretend to brush dust off my chest I say, "Well, I'll tell you all about our harrowing mission in the woods outside town as we-"

"The Best Team is back! How did it all go in the kingdom of Orcs and Ogres with bell shoes?" Hang on...I whirl around and find everyone is crowding around another trio of Mages which just so happened to take up the doorway just as I was to make my speech.

"Oh it was quite scary but very exciting wasn't it Lucy-san." Wendy Marvel The first of the four pillars that make up the so called 'Best Team' calls out in her soft-spoken humble voice.

"Yes, I would've died if it weren't for my trusty Celestial Spirits." Lucy rubs the back of her head nervously. The busty blonde makes up the Second pillar of the Best Team.

"Honestly, those orcs and ogres didn't see what was coming to them...But I somehow did, Nyahahaha!" Making her catty laugh, the Third and possibly most terrifying of the Four pillars of the Best Team meows away; Charles the Flying Feline.

"Guys, I was gunna tell you about _myyy _mission first." I pout like a sulking toddler but their eyes and ears all seemed to be attracted towards something else.

Gray climbs over Natsu and Erza's shoulders. "And where's he? How'd he go?"

"Oh yeah! Even Juvia wants to know how _heee _went?" The clingy sponge Mage wiggles her hips in delight.

"Yes! I must know how the Man performed on your mission?" Even the Elfman clenches his fists in determination to find the answer.

"I'm alright everyone," and as that lame faint voice comes rising up the stairs, the entire guild parts, clearing a path for the man to calmly enter the guild.

Natsu, much like a fanboy, lights up with hearts in his eyes as his beloved new idol – the Fourth and final pillar of the Best Team makes his return. "OH MY GAWD IT'S HIM!"

Happy even seems quite...err...Happy for this man's appearance. "Aye it is!"

And so too does everyone else as they roar is delight. Some confetti and sparkles fly down out of nowhere as the guild suddenly enters party mode for the return of the Best Team, but more specifically the return of their star member.

I sharpen my claws in the shadows of the room as my two equally shunned teammates walk over to my side. Just looking at that douchebag's tacky features, the short cropped hair, the stylish striped suit and hemmed jeans. Oh and don't get me started on those damn scars – the girls all fall at his feet and the guys seem to do pretty much the same thing with this jerk.

Everyone else seems to have a great liking for him, but he's one of the few people in this guild I can truly say that I hate his guts.

As he smiles and laughs with the others, I swipe a half empty glass of somebody's abandoned drink from the table, sculling down the remaining contents. I wipe my mouth and glare at the imposter who somehow found his way in _my _guild I'll have you know...The Man who ended up replacing me in Lucy and Wendy's team. The man who stole my thunder before it could even get charged up in the first place. "**Bloody Mest Gryder...**"

~To Be Continued~

* * *

><p><span>There seems to be some rivalry brewing already, and it's only the end of the first episode!-!-! Who is this Mest Gryder and how did he land a spot in this wierd Guild anyway? Find out this and more in the next exciting chapter!<span>

**Oh and please review ^_^!  
><strong>


	28. The Mest Mage in Magnolia

_Meet Benny Makarov Makaren: only 20 years old and the Fourth Master of the Fairy Tail guild! After his first actual exciting mission with his new teammates, Benny finds that the fresh new kid in the Tavern is gathering more attention and swoons from the girls (and even some of the boys!). Now Benny is going to try and get to the bottom of this new threat to his already miniscule income of attention. But just how can he convince everyone else that Mest is a complete douchebag? Read on and hopefully find out in the Twenty-eighth chapter!_

* * *

><p><strong>~My Fairy: ACT II~<strong>

tTnToTi Arc Part II: The Mest Mage in Magnolia

"Mmm...Bills, bills, junk, bills, bills, free sample of Shuda's Explosion washing powder, bills, bills..." I bet you thought this would be a fun ride being master of a Mage's Guild huh? Well let me tell you how much fun it is having to sort out the guild's budget; dealing with various supernatural contractors – some of which would rather eat you than give you a quote; facing various meetings, injunctions and other threats and complaints from neighbours every odd day or two in the week.

"Here's your double-shot macchiato Master Makaren." One of my S-Class advisors Mirajane hands me my much needed caffeine hit.

"Thanks heaps Mirajane." I give her a nod as I sort out another pile of documents on the table. "If it weren't for you at least, I'd probably sell this place to bunch of Chinese or Goblins by now."

As the day winds down into evening I notice Natsu, Gray and a few others ready to head out somewhere. "Well see ya Benny-boy." Natsu waves with half his body hanging outside. "We're all going out for a guild crawl with Mest."

"Alright, but don't get all drunk again like last time." I coddle the party Dragon (slayer). "We can't keep replacing the curtains every time you spew flames up on them from your hangover."

"Aye Benny-boss!" Natsu does a Happy salute as he leads the mob of boozehead Mages outside.

"Aye that's my shtick Natsu!" I hear Happy yelling as the flying cat trails behind the rest of them.

And with that most of the guild has been cleared of the very thing that makes it a Mage's Guild. I let out a long held in sigh as I crash my weary head on the wooden table. "Oh man! I don't get why everyone in this guild has virtually become a fanboy or fangirl for this Mest person."

"Mest is a very nice man who always helps us out." Mirajane chirps as she cleans up the glasses and mess from everyone else's table.

"Oh hey lil' Master." I lift my head a little when I see Wakaba and his buddy Macao strolling over to my table. Hopefully they might be coming over to lend me a hand with these forms. "Did Natsu and the other lads head out for the party already?"

"Oh." I crash my head down again when I realise they're just after Mest's mob. "Yeah, you just missed them a few seconds ago."

"Oh man, I'm getting Mest to put all my drinks on his tab again!" Wakaba grins as they both start to head outside.

"Yeah, that guy's such a legend isn't he?" Macao adds just as those two leave to join the rest of his band of worshippers.

"Everyone acts as though Mest has been a long time friend or something." I continue whining to Mirajane or whoever is left in the guild to bother listening to me. "But I never even heard anyone say anything about this bloke since I first joined the guild."

"Oh Mest has been an old friend of this guild for many years now." I turn my shoulder to find Erza, another one of my advisors, speaking with a reflective expression. "I don't remember an awful lot about him myself but I've heard others talk about some of the wonderful things he's done for our guild over the years."

"But that's the thing Erza," I twist my whole body around now so I can speak to the S-Class Armoured girl. "He only joined up this guild a few weeks ago but you all seem to act as though he's been a member of this guild from the beginning."

Erza looks down at me with a confused blink. "Well he's always been a member of the guild hasn't he?"

"No! I didn't even want the douchebag to join!" I explain now feeling a little angry. "In fact the only reason he got in was because my freaking half-nephew approved him instead!" Slamming my hand on the table I start scanning my eyes around the tavern floor. "Speaking of, where the hell has _he _even been these last few days?"

"**Sorry Hunky, d'ya miss me?**"

"WAGH!" I get a fright when I see my half-nephew jump down from the second floor, draped in his usual dark jacket, worn like a cape, he dusts off his legs as he stands from a crouched landing. "Laxus why do you keep running off and reappearing at the most inconvenient times?"

"Sorry Hunky." Yeah did I forget to mention, even he came up with a lousy nickname for me recently. I think it's an acronym for 'half-uncle' since due to some very strange circumstances, we found out we were sort of related. "I've been on another S-Class mission, fighting some demon babes down at the Volcanic Hot Springs."

"You said that was your mission the last time." I say in my high suspicion. "God could you guys please be a little more useful in your advisory roles!"

The three of them gather behind my shoulder. As I comb my hands through my tangled mess of hair in frustration, I hear Mirajane whisper to Erza. "I think it's time for our little scrapper of a Master to go to bed."

"What!-?" But it's only 7.30...And who else is going to sort out these papers?"

But the barmaid just leans down and coos at me like a Mother nursing her baby's tantrum. "Aww, Master Makaren's had a big day didn't he? But now it's bed time for the little tiger ~isn't it~?"

"Wha- but I-" Just before I can protest any further I feel a hard punch to the gut from the elegant bar-mage herself. As I feel myself completely blown out of breath, I stare fuzzy-eyed into her cheery smile just before I lose consciousness.

/?/?/?/

"_My Lord. We've annihilated everyone in the Adeile village as well."_

"_Good, and did you make sure to extract every ounce of energy from their pathetic little souls?"_

"_Yes Me'Lord. Not a single drop was spared. Even the children's energy has been harvested."_

"_Good...But this still won't fill me up...You have served me well but now you will serve as my next meal!"_

"_WAIT PLEASE ME'LORD NOOOO!"_

_-KKRRRKKSSHSSPLOOSH!-  
><em>

/?/?/?/

"Whoah! What the hell was that?" I throw myself out of my strange dream as I wake up back in my usual drab apartment.

Oh yeah I suppose that's one last thing I forgot to mention. Even though I'm the new Master of Fairy Tail, I didn't get to accommodate myself the guild's bedroom since my wonderful advisor Laxus took it off me. And since I can't really fight him over it anyway I was left in pretty much the same situation I started off in.

"But yeah what a freaky dream." I say to what I hope is myself as I gaze into my clammy palms.

"You seemed pretty restless for while there." I nearly faint again when I hear someone else's voice sitting by my bedside.

"Erza! Did you carry me back home?" I shudder as I gaze at the redhead, decked out in less armour than usual.

"Uh, yeah." She answers scratching her cheek. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't having a real bad nightmare or anything."

"Oh, well I guess that's nice of you to do that for me Erza." I thanked my advisor, considering that was one of the few nice things she had actually done for me recently (I hadn't forgotten that prank she pulled on me in episode 6 of season 1).

"No problem, well, I guess I'll just head out now." She said rather nervously just as she waltzed out the door, gently closing it behind her.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it (though I really wish I could since she's so damn hot!) but something about Erza seemed a little different than her normal self. Maybe she just felt a little guilty since everyone else has been rubbing up Mest's good side lately.

That bastard. I should have a word or two with him tomorrow...

_Yawn._ But all these problems seems to have made me tired again, I guess I'll sleep on it until tomorrow.

/?/?/?/

"_...And in exchange you will not interfere with our plans..."_

"_Humph, alright I guess you've given me a bigger slice of the cake to eat anyway."_

"_Exactly! Together we can achieve our goals and annihilate those foolish Magnolians, as well as destroy that pesky Fairy Tail guild."_

"_Yes...MheheHEHEHEHEE!-! **MWAHAHAHAHA!-!-!-!..."**_

_/?/?/?/_

"GAAAGGH!" Jumping out of my nightmare so ferociously, I banged my forehead on the window. "Ow! I might need to strap myself in my sleep next time I have one of these foreshadowing nightmares."

All these scary visions have made me awfully hungry. _Tenrou Quail Eggs and Flying Pig Bacon for brekky here I come!_

/?/?/?/

"And then there was cake and he was like 'MWAHAHAHA'." I give Wendy a little fright with my very dramatic impersonation of my dream last night.

"You dolt!" Charles chastises me as always.

"Well anyway we had a great night out ourselves last night didn't we Wendy." Lucy looks down at the little blue haired Mage.

"Yeah, Mest was even kind enough to walk me home~!"

"You guys really like Mest don't you?" I say with a very sneaky tone.

"Well we are teammates." Lucy explains as if it were just plain obvious. "Maybe if you were a little nicer to Mest he'd treat you to something too."

"He seems a little _too _nice to me." I scrunch my lips to once side. "Maybe my dream was a warning for me not to trust that man afterall."

"Oh don't be ridiculous," Lucy suddenly goes on the defensive. "Mest is the nicest guy a girl could ever dream of; there's nothing wrong with him."

"Really?" I cock an eyebrow. "I bet he has a dark secret. That's why he acts all goody two-shoes around you lot to lull you into a false sense of security."

"Benny that's-"

"And then one day 'BAM' that's when he'll make his move and-"

"STOP IT BEN-SAN!" I'm surprised to find none other than Wendy shouting at me (when did I stop becoming 'Ben-sama' by the way?). "Why do you have to say such hurtful things about Mest-san?"

"I'm sorry Wendy but I reckon he's pulled the ol' Tsukishima on you guys."

Lucy puts her hands to her hips. "Who's Tsukishima?"

"Oh never mind. The point is, I think you just need to be a little more careful around that man. I'm sure there's something up with him."

"Up with what, Master Makaren?"

In a startle I lift my head and notice we're already outside the guild entrance. Standing just outside the doorway is none other than the crew-cut, scarred, try-hard Mage himself.

"Mest Gryder." I call back his name with the most neutral tone possible. Looks like I'll be having my word with him now - that is if I don't cop a punch to the nose first.

~To be continued~

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><p><span>Benny's been caught out by his own nemesis himself. How will he claw his way out of this awkward situation? Don't miss the next exciting chapter!<span>


	29. The Fairy Odd Inquisition: Part I

_Meet Benny Makarov Makaren: only 20 years old and the Fourth Master of the Fairy Tail guild! It seems Benny-boy loves raising suspiscions about other people, at least when those particular people of suspicion are not around to hear him. It just so happens that Benny has arrived at that crossroads of potentially fatal awkwardness as new guild superstar Mest catches his words by the guild entrance. How will Benny-boy claw his way out of this one? Read on and find out in the Twenty-ninth chapter!_

* * *

><p><strong>~My Fairy: ACT II~<strong>

tTnToTi Arc Part III: The Fairy Odd Inquisition: Part I

Well wasn't this a wee awkward...

With my knee half bent in mid-step, I stare oddly at my fellow Magician as he gazes quite plainly down at me from the stairs. I felt like such a big shot with all those things I thought about earlier; how I was gonna show up this Mage and prove how much of a fraud he is, like those authors who only read other people's stories so they can get reviews in kind. But now I'm in a real pinch and it's not because I caught my fly on _there _again – no this was a much more of a pickle of a pinch than that pithy problem.

...Mest heard those things I said about him to Lucy just now...

...And so he just continued staring at me, holding his gaze long enough so the passing townsfolk could absorb his flawless features once more; some even whipping out the Magical equivalent of a camera phone in order to take a photo of the star Mage himself.

Look if you're gonna punish me for what I said can you get it over with now. I've been standing half-constipated looking in this pose for like thirteen and half minutes now!...

Mest was still staring at me.

"Um, Mest, are you alright?" Lucy walked over and checked up on her teammate by putting a hand over his shoulder. Now that I notice, he's holding some sort of reflective pose of his own right now, one hand on the hips and the other hanging by his trousers. He's not even staring at me anymore but instead his gaze has gradually shifted upwards, his chin now elevated so he's looking _'beyond' _me rather than _'at' _me.

"Hey Mest how's it going?" Natsu comes out of the guild and pats his new mate on the shoulder. "Huh? What's the matter?"

"He's been like this for-" Lucy grumbles with a shrug of her shoulders consulting her blue-haired teammate. "Wendy...?"

The little whiz kid Wizard actually whips out a chain watch from her scale-pattern dress. "Fifteen minutes and twenty-three seconds."

"Oh I get it!" Natsu flicked his hands, lighting up a small flame. "This is some sort of statue competition ain't it Mest? Well I'll show you!"

No way...Okay yes way; Natsu really did start up his own 'play statue' competition with the odd Mage.

"Hey what's Natsu and Mest doing?" Some time had passed and now Gray, Gajeel, Elfman and a few other guys from inside the guild were now assembling outside to observe this glitch in the normality (well _relative _normality) of the guild's everyday flow.

"I think I might have caused this." I confess to the others. "Mest has been stuck that way for..." After a quick whisper in my ear from Wendy. "Thirty-two minutes and four seconds now and Natsu inadvertently joined him."

"Mest has never done anything like this before." Gray tusked with his shirt now vanishing into the wonderful space of hammers. "So what do you think you did to cause this?"

I dig my toes into the dirt as I reveal my sin to my guild members. "Well I kinda said that there might be something up with him and he overheard it."

Now perhaps if you thought having Natsu and Mest frozen in animation (geddit cause it's - oh heck!) was weird enough, my last words just caused everyone to throw their wigs in the air (well if they wore wigs at least) in shock as they stared at me flabbergasted. "H-how could you even _say_ that about our Mest?"

"Well I just think a few things about him seem kinda suspicious 'n'all..._aside from the fact that he's a statue at the moment_" I sulk in my defence (just keep in mind with all this carrying on, I'm supposed to be the Guild Master here).

"You shouldn't make such harsh and unsubstantiated accusations on members of this guild Benny-boy!" Gray poked my sternum as he glowered at me.

"Juvia agrees too!" Sliding into screenshot Juvia backed up her Romeo. "Ahem – what Juvia meant was...**Don't say bad things about Mest or else**."

"Only a true Man can dare to stand up to Mest's greatness." The Elfman added as he dug me further into the soil with his angry stare. "Therefore you are not manly enough to stand on an equal level with Mest!"

"Master or not, if you bash on our mate Mest here I'll turn you into scrap metal, eat you, wait about five hours, then crap you out of my rear chute!" That might have been one of the wittiest lines Gajeel has ever had to say...But it was also quite scary – especially since the recycled steel he was referring to was me!

The Thunder Threesome swallowed my shadow from behind as they mobbed me as well. "If it weren't for our all divine and superior Laxus-dono, we'd worship Mest with the same loyalty and devotion. "

Freed drew his blade, writing some sort of purple gibberish in the air. _"~A verse of love and a verse of death can combine into the most beautiful poems of all.~" _But even when the Lightning fanboy put it that way it seemed he was just as pissed as the others.

"I'll get my babies onto you if you mess with Mest – and/or Laxus..." The helmet-wearing Bickslow said with the dance of his large tongue, tagging that last line with a slight aversion behind the visor.

"Oh, why can't Laxus or Mest be our master? They are both far more handsome than _you _little Benny-brat!" With the snap of her fan, Evergreen aims below the belt with that one.

"Yeah, we want Mest as our new Master!" And now like a chorus of angry seagulls waiting eagerly for that last chip to be thrown their way, the other guild members added in their two cents, forming a large mob around me.

I've gotta tell you, having about two dozen angry faces snapping at me at once was a little frightening – no wait it was f&*$ing time to excrete a brick like substance at that point!-!-!

After battling through Winter blizzards; traversing flesh cutting sandstorms; slaying mighty ogres, trolls, goblin hordes and gargoyles - oh wait that was just HOMM X784.0 version...

...Well after coming this far, it seems I'm about to reach the end of my tether...I'll have reached the end of my rope after being tied in one, dangled from a branch and lynched to death by my own Guild members!

All because I had dared to doubt one particular Mage's awesomeness.

I would have liked to at least lived to see the conclusion of the next major arc. But now I'm gonna have to be a spectator from the Celestial World or wherever spirits wander off to after their body has been torn to shreds by an angry mob from Team Mest.

They all raised their claws just as they were preparing to carve me for their early Thanksgiving dinner.

"GUN'S MAGIC: WILD TURKEY SUPREME BLEND BULLET!"

"REPENTENCE RIFF: SLIDE SCALE SEQUENCE 4: SAVING THE GIRL!"

Just when I thought my little self-insert life was over...Two figures defend my side. When their sudden attacks manage to push back the angry rabble a little I rejoice at the arrival of my new teammates.

I Guess Mest's charm doesn't work on OCs...

~To be continued~

* * *

><p><span>With his two trusted OC-mates to the rescue, can Benny scrape out of this angry mob alive and with at least some of his dignity intact perhaps? Find out in the next high-stakes chapter!<span>


	30. The Fairy Odd Inquisition: Part II

_Meet Benny Makarov Makaren: only 20 years old and the Fourth Master of the Fairy Tail guild! Just when Benny looked like he was going to be sliced, diced and iced in over 300 creative ways, his two new teammates arrive on the scene to provide some much needed back-up. But can the Layman's array of high calibre fragrances and Yoshi's power of the plectrum really stand up to an entire guild of obsessive Mest worshippers? Read on and find out as you enjoy the Thirtieth Chapter!_

* * *

><p><strong>~My Fairy: ACT II~<strong>

tTnToTi Arc Part IV: The Fairy Odd Inquisition: Part II

"Crap. You guys saved my arse there."

"Don't mention it." The Layman explains with the slick of his brown locks. "I had that old card stored in case a situation like this ever occurred."

"Yeah that was good planning but..." Noticing that Gray and pretty much every other macho nutcase in the guild (that classification didn't leave many other members behind mind you) was now crawling back towards us like a wave of hungry zombies, I squeaked like a mouse. "But did you have another 'card' ready for when they recover again?"

"BACK OFF YOU CREEPS!" Yoshi's new pigtails finally heat up as she roars back at the oncoming mob, her axe raised defensively.

"**So they dislike Mest too?**" Gray croaked with the bone cracking tilt of his neck. "**Looks like we got thrice the meal to share between us now!**"

"**Yes...We do...**"

"What are you all doing?" I try and sort out this madness. "You're all acting like a bunch of brainwashed cannibals!"

"**Oh! And now you're badmouthing cannibals?**" They all chant in some sort of satanic ritualistic unison. "**Who _won't _you badmouth Benny-boy?**"

"Holy fudge on a pancake!" I shudder as I step away from the hypnotised guild.

"Come on then!" Yoshi deifies the oncoming mob. "~When the going gets tough! The tough rock it out!~"

"_Shinai-de_, Yoshi-san!" Though it was hardly the time for Wapanese I felt compelled to stop my comrade. "You can't fight them all on your own!"

"Oh yeah!" She half turns back with a cheeky grin. "I wrote a new riff to handle hypnotised mobs just last night before I-WuAGH!"

"Yoshi!" Suddenly she was grabbed by several hands from the demonic blob that now clouded the mob, nearly consuming the cute Asian just as I reached out for her with my claws.

"_Tasukeru-yo_, Yoshi-san!" I hoped the power of Weaboism would hold my keratin together this time as Yoshi clutched my nails for dear life.

"Well, perhaps we misread the intensity of the situation." The Layman adds from behind my back.

"Ggh! Help me pull out Yoshi!" I grunt as my slinky arms struggle to keep hold of Yoshi against the cumulative tug of the entire guild.

"Ben-san's in trouble!" I blink when I hear Wendy's voice of concern appearing through a tiny space between the demonic-mob-cloud mass. "We have to save him."

"I dunno I'm happy to see my premonition come true." Charles yawns from the sidelines. Great help kitty-cat! Now I'll remember the next time your sorry tail gets caught in a bind and your meowing for mercy (Well I might not have saved you anyway but I would have thought about it at least – but NOT ANYMORE!)

"OPEN GATE OF THE RAM: ARIES!" Thankfully Lucy seems sane enough (or perhaps insane enough) to offer some assistance, summoning a...a...a...

_Oooooohhhhhh I just- She's just soooooo kyuuuuuuuuute!_

Impromptu nosebleed in three...two...one...

SPNNNNSSHHLLWWW!-!-!-! A tsunami of red ocean sweeps through the mob as my nostril hoses knock out the entire menacing crowd. As Gray, Juvia, the Thunder mob and whoever else comprised this crouton of cronies settles in a red soup on the guild courtyard, I notice Lucy's Celestial Spirit shying behind her curly woolen locks as she looks at me with puppy-dog eyes.

"_I'm sorry~!_ _Please forgive Aries~! I'm so sorry~! Sumimasen~!_" And before I can lose a fatal dosage of blood, Lucy swipes her key in the air, sending her spirit back into the other dimension with a pink puff of smoke.

"What a brilliant plan Lucy!' I beam with stoked joy. "How did you know my epic nosebleed would stop them?"

Lucy raises an awkward grimace. "Actually I planned for Aries to knock them out with her Wool Bomb," Lucy grinds her teeth with a sly grin. "But I guess what happened there worked out too."

"Oh, well thanks anyway Lucy."

Meanwhile if we turn our attention back to Mest and Natsu:..

"Hey I think his lip lowered about two millimetres!" Other than that though not much change on their front.

"It has nearly been an hour, what is wrong with Mest-san?" Wendy was anguishing in worry over her new teammate.

"So you guys still think Mest hasn't brainwashed any of your friends?" I raise an eyebrow to my former teammates.

"I don't know what went over them all." Lucy looks down at the crimson pond around her feet. "But Mest is not a bad person," pressing a hand to her left breast she sinks her gaze in shadow. "After all he has done for me in the past."

"What has he done?" I try and argue my point now that Lucy seems doubtful. "I've checked the archives, there was never a bloke named 'Mest Gryder' in this guild – EVER! He's just some nobody who showed up all of a sudden and sucked you all in with his spell or whatever!"

"But I know he has been involved in my life somehow!" Lucy shouts before looking down again. "During my childhood, I'm sure he's been there to help me out at some point."

"Well what about you Wendy." I change tack and try and get through to the more innocent minded child of the guild. "Surely you're smart enough to realise Mest is not the real deal here."

But the cute little bluehead offers me a simple shake of her head. "I'm sorry Ben-san, but I believe Mest has always provided me along my journies in one way or another."

"Christ!" I shudder as I discover even Wendy has succumbed to such mind games as well. "Charles! Surely you of all people – or flying cats, can see how through this entire charade!"

"Humph." Charles crosses her arms and turns away in the air. "Wether or not Mest is even the kind of person you say he is, I find him a far more tolerable and respectful teammate than you ever were!"

"GRR!" But before I can shave the hair of this stubborn cat I find my feet are stuck to the ground. "What the-" My epic nosebleed seems to have turned against me now, as the blood has now crystallised around my shins, anchoring me down.

"**So you're still trying to sew seeds of doubt in our guild members?**" Gray advances upon me as he holds his fist in his open palm, cold steam pouring out of his hands. The other members rise like puppets, seemingly even a nosebleed won't keep down these persistent fellows.

"What the hell's going on?" I continue my protests. "This isn't even how you talk Gray!"

"Ugh oh! Looks like your sensitivity towards Moe things is gonna result in our deaths Master Makaren." The Layman kindly offered his early sermon from behind my back as my teammates found their feet covered in blood ice too.

Lucy tried to stop the shirtless blood-freezer, but it was no good. "Wait Gray-"

"ICE MAKE – "

"STOP THIS! I'm supposed to be your Mast – "

"LANCE!"

"KYAH!-!-!" With my only defence those ten elongated strips of keratin I cower behind my hands as I prepare to enter an icy grave. Closing my eyes as to not see the gory aftermath, I feel my own cold blood splashing over my face as the lance impacts my claws.

I was so frightened at that point, I couldn't even feel the pain of Gray's lance wherever it might have skewered my tender flesh. In fact, I couldn't feel any pain...I wonder if it even struck through me?

Opening my eyes, I find that blood I felt splashing down my face was just water. Gray's lance nothing more than a long puddle stretching in front of my feet.

"MOON GLIMPSE!"

"TAKE OVER: SATAN SOUL!"

Just before Gray or anyone else can muster up another attack two winged saviours swoop down in front of me like dark angels. On my right, one angel with flowing scarlet hair and bat wings slashes her twin swords across Gray's torso, holding back just enough as not to mortally wound the Ice Manufacturer. On my left, a far more terrifying angel with a dragon's tail, talons and claws roars at the others to stay back. Her Sindel-like scream has a powerful effect, not only terrifying everyone into humiliating submission but also nullifying the hypnotic trance they were all under as they seem to have returned to (well slightly) normal...

When the two dark angels revert back to their slightly less terrifying forms as well, I beam like a kid on a sugar overdose, "Erza, Mirajane! You saved me!"

"That's okay Master Makaren," Mirajane says in her more humanly form. "It is our duty as Advisors to protect you."

"What is the meaning of all this?" Erza drew her sword at the crowd of sore losers. "Who put you up to this? Answer me?"

Gray sulks on the wet ground as he answers back top the S-class slicer. "But Erza, how can you defend someone who doesn't even like Mest?"

"Yeah Erza! He hates Mest. Don't forget what Mest did for you too-"

"Regardless, Benny Makaren is our new Master under Makarov's will," Erza tightens her grip on her sword. "I don't understand why he would dislike Mest either...But I won't stand for treacherous acts in this guild!"

"Right on Erza!" I pipe up with a leap in the air, "wait what?" then frown when I realise the first half of her statement. "So you're still under Mest's hypnosis too?"

Erza clinks her armour as she offers me half an expression. "I don't know what you mean by that, but I won't let chaotic violence solve this issue!" She faces the crowd again. "We can use chaotic violence to solve all our other problems instead!"

"Oh fine Erza!" Gajeel, Elfman and most of the other rough male members of the guild (wow that classification didn't leave many behind either!) kicked the dirt accepting to compromise.

"Well thanks for saving me anyway Erza." I walk over and offer my sincerest gratitude (figuring I'd cop some satanic wrath from her if I didn't otherwise). "Good thing you were able to melt that ice somehow."

"Mmm?" Erza raises an eyebrow. "What did I do with Gray's Ice Lance again?"

"I was just saying," I laugh bashfully. "That was pretty awesome how you stopped Gray's Ice Lance by melting it into water at the last second like in the movies."

"No that definitely wasn't me." Erza shook her head looking quite puzzled now.

"Well it must have been Mirajane then." I surmise as I look over at the helpful carnage carrying a few sorry folk back inside the tavern with ease.

"Nope, Mirajane can't melt ice with her power either."

"Oh? Oh wait I know! Natsu must've finally done a decent favour for me and melted it with his flame!"

"Aye no." Happy flies down for his contribution this episode. "He's still being a statue by the door."

"Grr." Erza now noticing Natsu's foolishness stomps over and plants a nice mochi lump on his scalp. "Snap out of it Natsu!"

"Oh but Erza I was just trying to beat my best friend Mest in a game of- huh?" As Natsu tries to cling a shoulder around Mest, he found himself clinging onto a faint body outline cloud of the said statue instead. "Where'd Mest go?"

"Yeah, I thought he was here at least three minutes and seventeen seconds ago." Erza notes as she inspects the trace cloud.

"Wendy and Lucy have gone somewhere too." I add as I do a quick headcount of the guild. "Then that must mean – "

"They're fine!" Natsu exclaims as he wraps an arms around my neck, dragging me up the stairs. "They probably went on a mission while we were talking or playing statue."

"Gack! Okay Natsu but you're choking me!" As I get dragged back into the guild I find all the tables have been arranged in a horseshoe alignment as everyone has already sat themselves down by the tables; a lone chair resides in the centre of the room as everyone faces the spot. There was even a lone source of light dropping down on the chair as if it were part of some interrogation scene.

"How the hell did you manage to set all this up while we were outside!?" I ask nobody in particular as I'm guided towards the chair.

"Just take a seat Master." Erza hushes me as she holds my shoulders pressing me down onto the wooden chair. "**We just want to discuss your attitude towards a fellow member of our guild...**"

~To be continued~

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><p><span>Just when it looked like it was over, Benny's in for round 2 of the Mest Inquisition as he becomes the target of a spontaneous guild intervention. Just who exactly is on his side anymore? And what has Mest done with Wendy and Lucy? Find out this and more in the next intriguing chapter!<span>


	31. True Colours Hidden Beneath the Darkness

_Meet Benny Makarov Makaren: only 20 years old and the Fourth Master of the Fairy Tail guild! Barely scraping out of a horde of entranced Mages, Benny finds he has not escaped the spotlight just yet as he looks like he's about to enter Fairy Tail's equivalent of an International War Criminal Court. Can anything save Benny-boy from this madness anymore? Find out as you hopefully enjoy the Thirty-first chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part V: True Colours Hidden Beneath the Darkness

"~HEY EVERYONE! WHO WANTS SOME COOKIES~!"

Just before my final judgement could begin, Wendy flies back into the guild with the sunniest smile. Subsequently everyone got up and paused, staring silently for a few suspenseful seconds before...

"OH MY MAVIS! COOKIES! THAT'S F'AWESOME!" and thus charged like a pack of Spanish bulls towards the little girl carrying several large boxes of delicious biscuit treats.

"Mest-san took us out on a mission to get you all cookies," Wendy explains just as Lucy and the man in question steps into the guild, lugging a dozen more boxes under each arm.

"Holy crap! Mest went out just to get us cookies?" Natsu exclaimed as he gobbled down a handful of choc-chip delights. "Mest really IS cool after all!"

"Sorry I ran out on you guys earlier," Mest laughed humbly as he dropped down the box of cookies. "But I thought I'd surprise you guys since you're all so nice to me."

_Dammit..._I growl silently. _If he thinks he can win me over with food..._

"Here you go Master Makaren." Before I know it, Mest is holding a colourful box of biscuits right in front of my nose. I can smell the indulgent aroma of the home-made style, freshly baked and packed with 110% choc-chips as it tickles my nose methodically enticing me to sway over to Mest's side and reconcile our differences.

Perhaps now's the time to mention how much of a sucker I am when it comes to biscuits/cookies/cakes/sweets or pretty much anything that you can dunk in a nice warm mug-o-Joe or Jane...

"Oh man, these are freaking good! Where'd you find these delectable biscuits?" I berate just as a mouthful of warmth and fuzziness just found their way inside my mouth.

"Well guys wait till you hear this..." waving everyone to come over, the other guild members huddled into a tight circle sitting cross-legged around the Mest Mage as he conveyed his harrowing tale to every keen ear in the house...

/?/?/?/

"...And that's when the Pterodactyls shot their laser cannons down on us. But with the Pendant of Hope in my grasp, I was able to guide us through the Forest of Despair and into the Undead Minotaur's lair where we found the golden treasure box containing these cookies." According to Mest's tale, it seems somewhere in the brief window of time between me getting nearly lynched outside and me nearly getting lynched inside, Mest and his team managed to embark on one of the most epic fantasy quests of all time in order to obtain some biscuits.

You can understand why I may have felt a little cynical at that point.

"That...is...AMAZING!" Of course Natsu and pretty much everyone else seemed to eat up the story much like the biscuits which had now been converted to empty boxes and crumbs scattered among the floor.

"Yeah! Tell us another one of your stories Mest please?" Gray was nuzzling Mest's shin as though he had the same kind of infatuation over Mest as Juvia does for himself (for the record Juvia had constricted herself around Gray's foot as well).

"Haha, well maybe after you've had your naptime little tiger," Mest laughed and ruffled the ice Maker's hair as though he were dealing with a kindergartner. "Is everyone else feeling sleepy too?"

And just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder, everyone raised their hands high into the air and shouted out a. "YESSS!" Before they crashed their heads down on the ground, sleeping like grossly overgrown babies.

"Come on Natsu, you too." Mest even walked over and gently tapped his palm against the fire-eater's forehead, making Natsu snort and giggle like a five-year old before he slumped back and hit the ground with a thud too.

"Is this some kind of joke?" I found myself calling out to no one in particular again (it happens a lot), as my entire guild began curling up and snoring away on the hard wooden floor. Keep in mind it's the middle of the day and these guys are supposed to be the average age of at least 18 years old. Also keep in mind that, since when do they follow this guy's orders anyway? They never seem to follow mine despite the fact that I hand them the paychecks every week.

"What's the matter Master? Aren't you going to join your friends in a little nap?" Mest coos to me as he walks over with an innocent smile.

"Drop the act Mest." It seems these cookies have given me an ego boost. "I dunno what sorcery you're using on these guys but I won't let you tramp in this guild and tell everyone what to do. Just remember who the master is here."

Mest pulls back with a hurt frown. "I just figured since you had all tired yourselves outside before, you guys might want some cookies and a short nap. I'm not forcing anyone."

"Dammit Mest stop this bullshit already!" Wow they really did pack a punch of badassery in them. "I know you've tinkered with my employees' brains somehow and I won't just stand here and – by the way the cookies were nice – "

"Yeah thanks they were nice weren't they?" Mest responds to my digression. "If you want I can give you all the cookies and treats you could ever wish for...**Benny Makarov Makaren.**"

"Huh? What was that last part?" I thought he sounded a little dark with that last part there.

"Oh nothing Master...I'm just saying I think we got off on the wrong foot here. I'd love to help my Master out whenever I can...**Yes indeed**."

"There it is again. What is that?"

"You must be hearing things Master. Perhaps you should take a little rest with the others." He coaxed me over to the table and placed down a soft pillow he pulled out from behind his back. "There just rest up and I'll even make you a nice broth of Shuda's Explosion Flavoured Noodles – that is your favourite isn't it?"

"How...did you...know?" I ask with a yawn, feeling kind of sleepy myself now. Oh crap does this mean the hypnotism has finally infected my mind too? "Oh...no...Yoshi?...Layman?..."

"*SNORE*..." To my horror I find Layman Cruz has already fallen under the Sandman's slumber, snoring with his smelly gun collection nestled under his arms like a bunch of stuffed animals.

"*Snore*...desu..." And equally Yoshi has also fallen prey to the sleepy bug, strumming a gentle lullaby to herself as she continues being brutal in dreamland.

"Them too?" I croak weakly. "Why are you doing this to my fr- I mean my co- my associates?"

"I thought I told you Master..." He casts a hand over my eyes, just as he brushes them shut I catch half of the deviant grin doting his scarred face. "**I'm not forcing anyone, they are all doing this on their own accord..."**

/?/?/?/

_I find myself strolling through a gallery of cages lined along both walls of a long, dark corridor. The moans and agonising wails of each one of them filling the room with a haunting sound. As I continue down the hall, withered arms reach out from between the grills, hands stretched as though reaching out for me. I hear them snarling as I draw close to each cell, ravenous howls of salivating vengeance emanating from each shadowy figure hidden behind those iron bars._

"_What should we do with this lot of treasons Me'Lord?" A conversation stirs behind my ears. It's too dark and grainy for me to work out who's speaking._

"_Their screams and cries of pain irritate me...They're a bunch of pesky rats that need to be exterminated." A voice answers the first one. This other one sounds very close, as though they were talking directly behind my ears._

_As we draw to the end of the corridor a small but piercing sheen of light enters the room. Alongside the light I hear many more assorted voices coming from beyond the light. "The masses are stirring outside again. How should we proceed Me'Lord?"_

"_Tch. The Terrorists must have organised them to rally again. I guess I deserve to binge on junk food for one day at least."_

"_Let me go!" Suddenly the shrill pleas of a female prisoner come to my immediate right. Reaching out and pulling my vision towards her, I discover the woman behind the bars and staring into my vision with scornful eyes is none other than..._

_LUCY!_

/?/?/?/

"HANG ON I'LL FREE YOU!" I cry out as I wake up from the third instalment of my strange nightmare series. When I rub my eyes clear, I find myself lying on of the tables in the guild. Strangely enough the guild has gotten very dim in the lighting lately. Wasn't it daylight just a while ago? Could we have been asleep for that long?

"Ugh...What a weird and pointless course of events we've had today," I mutter to myself as I slide my legs off the table. Noticing mostly everyone else is still sound asleep where they found themselves before, I hear a distressing noise coming from one of the back rooms.

"_KYAHHHH!" _

"That sounded like Wendy!" In my heroic haste I leap off the table and follow the sound since I can't see a damn thing at all. "Agk!" and so in my heroic haste I trip over a large body – possibly Elfman's - as I faceplant the wooden floor. "Gnh! Owch, these damn kids leaving their stuff and their selves all over the place.

"_KYAAAAAHHHHH!"_ Wendy's scream returned even louder and high-pitched this time around.

"Crap now's not the time to be tripping over and talking to ourself. I gots'ta help Wendy. Gagh!" But of course I ended up tripping over another human obstacle, this time I'll have a punt that it's Gajeel since I can feel bristly steel wool hair brushing my face.

"I'm coming Wendy! Gagh!" Ooh I just landed on something soft and bouncy this time. I hope it's Mirajane and I definitely hope it's not Reedus! "Just – Gah! A few more – Gah! People – Gah! To get past!"

/?/?/?/

"*Pant* *Pant* I still hope I'm coming to save you Wendy?" Five minutes later I manage to pass the dark labyrinth of sleeping souls and feel around for the doorway leading to her screams.

"_Please stop this!" _I hear her whimpers getting closer as I enter a room.

"_Shhh...I've nearly finished it..." _That other voice! I know that voice. Just what is going on?

Patting the walls, I cheer victoriously to myself when I feel a light-switch. Flicking on the switch, I'm blasted by the bright lights of this little storage room. When my eyes adapt to the light, I find myself surrounded by shelves of books. But that's nothing compared to what my eyes had stumbled across on the floor.

I had found Wendy no problem. And I had found that other voice as well – in the form of Mest Gryder. Both were on the floor; Mest's back facing me as Wendy lay on her back in front of him - her arms spread and Mest kneeling.

I don't think I needed to spend anymore time working out just what had occurred in here.

Suddenly I felt something boiling inside my stomach. Blood was rushing down to my arms and my fist curled up, my claws digging into my flesh. My face contorted into something rather violent. I couldn't comprehend what I was doing anymore...Something more primal and instinctive had driven me to conduct this next deed.

"Mest." I took one step towards the man. For once I felt myself towering over someone else. As the creep slowly turned around to face me, I took one look at the sick man's nervous smile.

Then I did what I would never have dared try out on anyone else in the guild. But that 'caught-out' looking grimace was all I needed to enact the last step.

With my right fist fully clenched and my knuckles white with rage, I grit my teeth as I hooked my fist, driving it straight into the wormy Mage's pearly crowns.

That's right. Just in case you missed it...I'll say it one more time...

I full-on beat down another Mage with my bare clawed-hand!

If this was Rosario + Vampire, a little bat would come out and say '_#This fight only took three and a half seconds WHEEEE!#'_

I think you get the picture...

~To be continued~

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><p><span>Hang on did I get this right? Did Benny just knock someone out? I might need to go back and check a few things. Well anyway while we work this one out stay tuned for the next possibly awesome chapter! We might even find out what exactly Mest was doing to Wendy before he was sent flying to the Fairy Hills...<span>


	32. A Fractured Fairy Tail

_Meet Benny Makaren, only 20 years old and Fourth Master of the Fairy Tail Guild. Seeing through Mest's scar-faced charm spell, Benny discovers much to his horror, what Mest has been up to whilst his colleagues are under a cookie-induced slumber. But was Benny's sudden outburst truly justified? Just what has Mest been up to this whole time? Please enjoy the Thirty-second chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part VI: A Fractured Fairy Tail

I glared down at the hypno-creep with bulging eyes, barely parting my jaws as spoke. "J-just what the hell...do you think you're doing?"

"Ben-san!" Wendy cried out for me, but rather than her cry being that of a pleasing damsel in distress it was more of a cry of fear – fear for none other than myself. "Why did you have to hit Mest-san? He hasn't done anything wrong!"

My boiling rage turned into slight confusion as I whipped my head around. "Wait, but I saw him just now, he was-"

"Benny what is wrong with you?" Lucy had now appeared expressing her outrage at my sudden retaliation. "Do you have any idea what you have done?"

"But Lucy, if you saw what he was doing to Wendy you'd-" I pipe myself up when I finally take notice of Wendy down on the floor. For some reason she has a book spread open between her legs as though the weirdo was reading from it.

"Ben-san...Mest-san was only reading this book." Wendy softly explains as she pushes off her elbows so she can enter a more comfortable seated position.

"But why did he have you all sprawled out on the floor like that?" I inquire in my deep suspicions; I figured Mest would probably try to make them cover up his crimes for him.

"Mest-san just wanted me to help him with his reading," Wendy chirped. "He struggles to concentrate so I usually help him do things like this."

"But I heard you screaming and telling him to stop before..." I am still yet to be convinced of this man's innocence. "And he was telling you to be quiet so nobody would hear."

"He didn't want to wake you guys up from your nap," Wendy continues defending him "And I was only doing that because Mest-san kept shaking the book around and it was starting to tickle."

_TICKLE!? _"Bu-but Wendy! You don't need to defend this guy, I know all about his type!"

"Ugh...That was quite a number you landed on my jaw Master," And now, the man I really did _not _wish to hear from, has woken out of his starry nap. "Sorry to wake you up from your nap."

My cookie-induced rage returns as I push the slimy worm into the bookshelf, knocking a few titles off their place. "Look mister Gryder or whoever the hell you are...I may not look it, but I'm the boss around here, and looking after the welfare of my employees is numero uno on my list of duties." I continue throwing spittle across his face as I stab a finger towards Wendy. "You should have known that I had her reserved once she reached the legal age; how dare you try to cover up your shame with your mind manipulation tricks!"

"Benny you idiot stop it!"

"Not now Lucy." I cut her off as I pull up the guy a little higher. "I know you got in because my older half-nephew approved, but I should have the final say and I say I want you the fairy f%&^ out of here!"

"BENNY HE HAS OCD!"

It takes a few seconds after Lucy's sudden voice explosion, but I finally loosen my grip on the scar-faced wonder and turn back to the blonde and bluenette. "He has..._OCD_?"

"Yes for crying out loud!" Lucy looks like she could pull her bleached ends out of her head she sounds so frustrated. "He was only using Wendy as a bookrest because he has a mental condition you idiot! Had you no idea?"

"Benny-boy did WHAT!?" Oh and this was just absolutely delightful now, the whole freaking party just came in to join us. Natsu stormed past the rest of them and now had me pushed up to a bookshelf with flames eating through his eye sockets. "You hurt my buddy Mest?" Then turning away he drops me back down. "Oh you're not even worth scorching now..."

"Yeah, Ben. Hitting a retard is just plain low," Jet added his two cents somewhere in the mob.

Then came in Gray's anger. "Geez I can't believe I ever looked up to you...Wait I never did anyway but still."

"You are an absolute disgrace to this guild!" Erza declared with a brutally harsh tone – not quite fueled by anger but just downright revulsion.

"I think we should consider if you're the kind of person we want leading our guild." And to drive the stake another inch through my heart, my own good-for-nothing-excuse-of-an-estranged-half-nephew-that-I-never-even-wished-for appears in a flash of lightning just to add more electricity into the tense room.

"Laxus. Why didn't you of all people tell me that Mest had a mental disability?"

"Hey, I'm not the one in charge of chasing around medical records. I'm only your advisor remember?"

"Grr..." But before I can see through my half-nephews possible hidden intentions, I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Please everyone don't be angry at our Master," now to make the injustice that more painful my defence comes from none other than the alleged victim in this whole scenario. "We all need to stay united under him, otherwise a potential threat could tear through this guild unnoticed."

"Oh just piss off you two-faced scum." I swat Mest's arm back with a heavy swipe. "What kind of mentally retarded person can manipulate the mind of an entire guild and then try to sweet talk his way out of trouble?"

"BENNY!" The guild shut me down almost instantly.

"I'm really concerned about you Master," Now Mirajane is trembling. "You've been very strange ever since Mest came to this guild."

"Yeah Benny-boy you've changed." Natsu returns his fire with his small but intense flame.

"But I haven't changed!" Pressing a hand to my chest I plea to my mutineers, "It is _all of you _who have changed!"

"I'm afraid I have no other choice." Erza steps forward until she is standing immediately in front of me; forming her hands into a position as though she were conjuring a spell, she says, "this will decide whether Benny Makaren is either a friend or a foe to the name of Fairy Tail."

As her hands start glowing bright gold I begin to shiver and sweat. "H-hey wait a sec, what is this all of a sudden?"

With her eyes closed in concentration and her scarlet locks dancing, she speaks slowly. "I have been handed down this spell from our former Master in order to preserve the integrity of this guild, therefore in order to prove your really our destined Master, I must enact...**FAIRY LAW...**

"WAIT ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!-?" I'm now sweating in buckets and clapping the sides of my knees together. "THAT SPELL'S HIGHLY DANGEROUS!"

"I am aware of that...But this crisis must be solved immediately." Erza speaks true to her Knight Templar code, but still...I'm gonna freaking die if I don't stop this madness!

"Surely someone else here can see that the real fraud is Mest!" I try to continue my final plea with the guild. "_I know..._Yoshi, Cruz, you can vouch for me on this one right?"

Unfurling his collar, The Layman shrugs his shoulders indifferently. "I dunno Benny, the guy doesn't seem as bad as you made him out to be."

"Layman?" I sink to a frown. "Then Yoshi..."

Yoshi turns her pigtails away from me. "I'm sorry but I think the way you're treating our fellow Mage is just...is just...is just not _metal_..."

My only hope left may have lied with that flying cat of Wendy's but then again, why would she bother helping a guy like me out after I've been such a bastard to her?

Wendy hides behind Lucy, her eyes say it all. I've hurt her more than anyone in this room. Lucy may hold a grudge against me, Natsu might want to turn me into a human fire-cracker and Erza might want to deliver her divine justice down on me, but I could still try to live through all that. But seeing Wendy's hopes and ideals she held about me flushed away in a watery basin beneath her eyes was the final hammer strike which would pierce that stake right down to the very core of my soul.

I knew at that moment, that I could no longer stay here...

"Fairy Law won't be necessary Erza." I look down at her feet, too ashamed to even look anyone in the eye anymore. "You have all caught me out...I really am nothing but a fraud...I don't deserve to be your Master or a member of this guild..." Making those final steps out of the guild were the most heart wrenching. It didn't seem like anyone wanted to stop me from leaving; I watched as their feet gave way, opening a path for me to take my departure.

I could hear some slight murmurs behind me but I took no heed in turning back anymore. I couldn't bear to meet any of their expressions...It would only make this harder for me.

It seems Mest won in the end. His apparent doctrine to hold the guild together has already been silenced. At least this way I won't be around for him to violate my brain anyway.

A late night shower erupts into a hailstorm as I reach the gaping exit of the guild. I can't see them but I can almost feel their glares from behind as they wait for my self-eviction.

Sprinkles of hail patter against my forehead as I take one step out of the doorway. With one hand still clinging around the doorframe, my claws are just aching to bite through the wall and anchor themselves here. But my mind tells me that this is the only way forward.

Dammit tears not now! Ahhh geez I don't need my body tao keep reminding me how hard this is. I wish I could just turn tap on my eyes stopping these darn things from leaking out. It's making my nose sniffle and my jaw quiver. I can barely hold my posture.

At least the rain should camouflage most of this grief...

Before I can break down in front of them, I manage to lift my head just enough so I can offer half of my gaze back to the ship that's about to lose its captain. "Well, you'll never have to worry about me again...I'll let you guys carry on without me undermining your Guild's reputation."

And with that I made my final goodbye. I wish it didn't have to end so soon, just when things were getting exciting. I wish I could have seen through many more adventures. I wish I could have tested my abilities further and perhaps aspire to become an S-class one day.

I wish I had never been saved by Wendy that day. I wish I had never come across so many interesting and new people in my life. That way, I would never have to feel so alone now...

_**~I wish they would all just disappear...~**_

"!?" I lift my head, sensing another presence. But it must have just been the howling wind speaking to me instead.

The rain feels so very cold on my face...

The hail feels so very heavy pelting down upon me...

I'll need to find someone to do a tattoo removal for my left butt-cheek tomorrow...

~To be continued!?~

* * *

><p><span>Benny-boy's given himself the sack? Does this now mean the end of this clawed kid's unfortunate adventures and situations? Don't miss the next revealing chapter!<span>


	33. Out of Work, Out of Luck: Part I

_Meet Benny Makaren: 20 years old and..._

_out of a job..._

_out of a life..._

_down in the dumps..._

_a vagrant soul without a purpose..._

_a potential Mary Sue if he doesn't pick himself up out of this depression..._

_How will this declawed former Mage and former Master of the Fairy Tail guild get through his toughest trial yet: unemployment!?_

_Find out as you read on to the Thirty-third chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part VIII: Out of Work; Out of Luck: Part I

I passed the bag of Fairy Fast Food over the booth to the young couple pulled up in their Magic-mobile "Alright sir here's your Large Friar's Fries, Double Zeus Burger and Angel Pie with a Medium Diet Potion-shake and Sorcerer's Sundae – that'll be 34 Jewel."

The scrappy looking man in the driver's seat studied the bag's contents with a sour look on his crummy mug. "Hey I wanted _no_ Pickled Goblin nails with my Zeus Burger! I didn't want any bloody Pickled Goblin nails you stupid idiot!"

I try to deal with this cauliflower head professionally. "Alright sir, there may have been a little misunderstanding with the order but please settle down."

"I WANT A FREE ORDER YOU DICK!" The agro man stands off his driver seat and hurls the bag with all its wonderful stain-inducing contents on to my uniform.

As I wipe the sticky Sorcerer Sundae from my eyes I give the man a slight nod. "Sorry for mucking up your order sir, I'll check with the manager to see what I can arrange for you."

"Derek my honey-bun, we're gonna miss the movie if we don't hurry," the tan layered princess whined at her hubby from the passenger side.

"Sorry babe, I wouldn't want to make us miss Twibright IV: Sparkling Vengeance now would I?" The man says as he hooks an arm around his girlfriend, stamping a quick peck on her thick lips before he turns back to me. "I'd get out and kick your arse little man if my girl wasn't with me! Think yourself lucky that you can still breathe unassisted for another day twerp!" And with that the very satisfied customer sped off leaving a rubbery trail behind.

"Ugh..." I let out a long-held in sigh as I crash my back to the wall, slipping off my headset and mike. "How did I end up here?"

And how indeed!...Here's a recap of the last chapter:

"_Fairy Law won't be necessary Erza...You have all caught me out...I really am nothing but a fraud...I don't deserve to be your Master or a member of this guild..._

"_Well, you'll never have to worry about me again...I'll let you guys carry on without me undermining your Guild's reputation."_

"Oh that's right..." I sigh to myself as I stare up at the tomato relish stains on the ceiling (wondering how the heck that even got up there).

"Benny-boy!" the manager shouts out my favourite nickname from the doorway, startling me out of my reflective thought processing.

"Gagh! I mean what's the matter sir?" I answer the manager – who appears more greasy than half the menu here and more rounder around the belt than the playground's tunnel slide, pulling my collar and adjusting my cap.

"I didn't give you this job at Raving Rave's Ranch so you could lie down like a sack of unfried potatoes, now hurry up and serve the customers!"

"Yes sir," I give the whopping waistline wonder a quick salute before I prepare to serve some more wonderful friendly customers.

"And Benny-boy," the manager quips me just as he turns to leave. "I'm afraid that uniform replacement is going to have to come out of your weekly salary."

"Oh?" I sigh with a lifting eyebrow, "...thanks sir." Yes, thank you very much...

Well this officially sucks. It's been at least three weeks since I made my departure from what must have been one of the cushiest jobs you can score around this town. After a brief period of Ronin' around (geddit because a Ronin is a wandering samurai and I was roaming around to find a – oh forget about it!) and some unsuccessful applications from Vick's Voracious Vulcan Varm and Marrow's Magical Motoroid Mechanical Mending Mart, I winded up finding myself in one of the most basic, low-paying occupations in the Kingdom of Magic. Yes even in the land of Wizards, Dragons, Blacksmiths and Knights there is a demand for fast-serving, high-calorie, low-nutrition food. And their working conditions seem to have been copied straight from the mortal world's book.

"Good. When you've finished serving this customer I want you to clean the vomit and rubbish from the children's party room." Lerald, five years my junior and my supervisor, orders in his squeaky and cracking pubescent voice.

Yep this is definitely the place I dreamt of seeing myself in as a young adult. A world of magic and epic adventure awaits many talented souls out there. And here I am in a loud, humid fat factory, wiping tables of bodily matter and having food thrown in my face.

Yep, you gotta live the dream don'cha?...

/?/?/?/

Another day done and dusted. With my worker's uniform reeking of something so foul it should be deemed illegal, I make my long trek through the city back to my apartment, which must be like a sanctuary of nirvana compared to where I've been for the entire day.

My route back home normally converges at some point with Lucy's and Wendy's as they head back from the Guild. It would often be quite awkward walking past them after what happened; at first we would just share glances and hum out a small greeting, then we soon stopped seeing or acknowledging each other at all. In fact, lately they haven't even been coming down the same path as me. Perhaps they felt so awkward around me that they felt the need to walk around the other side of the channel and take the longer detour home.

Honestly, these were the most miserable days of my life (no seriously they were don't you believe me?). I was actually beginning to miss all the burning wedgies Natsu would give me and the Ice Stalagmites down my back Gray would offer me and all the daggers under the chair Erza would leave for me and all the Shock-inducing handshakes my big half-nephew Laxus would give me too. I might not have enjoyed being the guild's pincushion for most of the time, but there was something warm and sentimental about all those pranks and jokes at my expense. For once, it made me feel like I belonged somewhere in this big, grey and cloudy world. For once I felt like I had a real purpose in life; that I was contributing – albeit very little relatively speaking – to something bigger; that I was changing people's lives, like Mrs. Houndstead after our new team build that picket fence to keep her Transylvanian Chickens from escaping and causing trouble again, or like our good pal Mr. Fawkins who was very grateful when we fixed the glass on his window and applied some barrier glazing so the neighbouring kid's zombie cricket ball wouldn't smash his window and eat all the glass (and his pet goldfish) again. It was the little people – the everyday run of the mill mob that made my career at Fairy Tail the most rewarding. Even if they have a few odd requests here and there; even if we had to lick a few toad feet and artificially inseminate a few ghost cows here and there (by the way the worst part about that was that you could actually _see_ inside!), yes even if we had to break our backs, searching across the ends of the earth for that magical herb so that Granny Willow can make her next batch of joint cream, even if we had to do such whacky and laughable tasks...um sorry I forgot where was I supposed to go with this again...

...Oh that's right! Yeah it's the experiences and the memories with your teammates...your co-workers...your friends that matter the most throughout it all. I didn't even care about the Jewel we got in the end of the day (though perhaps a 30% raise could have helped me break even with the rent and living expenses) because my biggest reward was showing up to that cottage style tavern and saying "g'day" or some other nation's equivalent to a bunch of exciting, unique and actually quite friendly people. My reward was leaving the door of my apartment and hearing all about Lucy's latest celestial fling of the week and meeting Wendy's sunny smile every day. I even managed to grow a nice love-hate relationship with that flying feline Charles and our antics would always provide some well desired comic relief.

Now my only reward is enough money to pay for a lousy packet of 250 000 calorie Explosion noodles for the oncoming fortnight. I've rationed my meals down to one strand of noodle a day which works out to at least 90% of my recommended energy intake. The landlady's also been getting on my case lately as the income from my latest job is just short of covering the erroneous rent here. Last week there was a really bad storm and now I have a large hole in my ceiling which I can't afford to repair. My lounge/bed is full of holes from the mutant rats and the springs stick out like a bed of coiling spikes; resorting to me sleeping on the floor – which is damp from the water coming through the ceiling and smells like eight years of piss, booze and all sorts of shame that have come across this patch of carpet over its lifetime. The heavy rain had also attracted a tribe of Amazonian Termites which literally barged into my room one day and took the table away. Now I only have a cardboard box which I turned upside down to make a makeshift dinner table.

I was pretty much at the F-class standard classroom in Baka and Test, and even that DVD got confiscated from me by Pirates recently (no real pirates like the hargh-hargh skull-and-bones kind not the Bootleg douchebag kind). I may have been better off sleeping in a dark alleyway than these appalling conditions at the moment; and it looks like my wish would be coming to fruition soon enough as I find an eviction notice underneath the door-sill for failing to fully pay the last three weeks rent.

/?/?/?/

A few more weeks down the track and I've now been living the life of Oscar the Grouch, sleeping those cold Wintery nights away in a tiny trash can in the alley. I wish I knew how that old Muppet could enjoy so much of his circumstances, because I find that this sort of lifestyle is pretty...well pretty crap to say the least.

I was possibly fortunate enough to lose my job at Raving Rave's Ranch as well – apparently you throw the _old _fries in the garbage and the _new _ones in the tray. But at least I don't need to worry about the toiling humiliation of working in that dump - now that I'm living in a real dump anyway!

The night breeze hisses as it weaves its way through this dank and dreary lane, throwing up old papers, leaves and the occasional copy of 'clichés for dummies' as well. I was living the life of a giant raccoon, using my claws to hunt down a few giant water rats for food and using my talons to weave a few of their hides together to make an improvised blanket. I would collect water from the adjacent building's drainage pipes for some drinking water. Not surprisingly though it would often make me very sick _(__that's right kids watching at home: do NOT drink stormwater! It goes out to sea for a good reason!_).

My hands have become so withered and aged; I have hair growing in places I never imagined could grow so immensely before. My finger and toenails have gone yellow and brittle, and my stomach has shrunk to the size of a fist. My pee has turned a brown colour and the stuff that comes out the other end...well it pretty much looks the same as the first one now. I'm always feeling cold, hungry and in some sort of pain, whether physical or emotional or occasional bouts of both.

If I had at least one or so Jewel left, I'd wager that I have about eight days left to live...

/?/?/?/

"_Are the preparations complete?"_

"_Yes me'Lord, but please shouldn't you reconsider? There is already enough chaos here at the moment, can we really afford to take out this invasion?"_

"_Silence or I'll dispose of you too...Anyone who defies me is nothing but a waste of energy anyway...Such garbage should not fill this world..."_

"_U-u-u-yes me'Lord...–"_

"_HEY! PLEASE COME TO YOUR SENSES! PLEASE WAKE UP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!"_

"_Huh? Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?"_

"_YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME BENNY! PLEASE WAKE UP!"_

"_WHAT?!"_

"**WAKE UP!"**

/?/?/?/

"Hmpfh! Ka-kugh-kugh-bluergh!" Well that was a nice way to get out of that dream. For some reason it felt like someone else's mouth was on mine just a second ago. Whoever's mouth it was, I think I just left some water and other chunky stuff on their lap as I turn my head up and see their face.

"Thank god you're alive! I really thought you were a goner for a second there..." My vision is still quite fuzzy and my hearing's a bit dull but I can gather the features of that face from anywhere.

I can't even remember the last time I saw her face, it has been so long, she's probably changed so much since we last saw each other. But I couldn't mistake that blonde hair and those dazzling brown eyes belonged to none other than lucky Lucy.

~To be continued~

* * *

><p><span>Benny's reached the bottom of the cesspool of despair at one point, but it seems Lucy's arrival may help pull him out of the trash can of self-destruction. Can Benny-boy ever find a way back into the Guild, or at least another guild, or at least some sort of decent paying occupation? And what could Lucy have been doing strolling past that obscure alley anyway? Find out this and hopefully much more in the next intriguing chapter!<span>


	34. Out of Work, Out of Luck: Part II

_Meet Benny Makaren: 20 years old and..._

_out of a job..._

_out of hope...  
><em>

_on the verge of demise...  
><em>

_But a familiar face has just entered Benny-boy's vision. Is this face the face of an old friend or a new foe though? With nothing much else to lose but - oh I dont know maybe there's some dignity left in him somewhere - everything can only be a plus from here on out...right...? Let's find out as you enjoy the Thirty-fourth chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part IX: Out of Work; Out of Luck: Part II

SOMETIME AND SOMEPLACE LATER:

Hmm...After living through so much cold and discomfort, I was surrounded in nothing but warm bliss. I felt like a baby wrapped in a fresh warm blanket, snuggled next to the breast of its mother.

Come to think of it. I am feeling something soft and squishy pressing against my legs.

I seem to be immersed in some warm, steamy fluid as well.

I open my eyes weakly to the sound of a lady singing and making splashing noises. My body still feels so light and weak but I can definitely make out the sensation of a cramped space now. When I try to move my weight, I feel myself sliding (or rather squeaking) against some sort of plastic surface. As my eyes mature to the light, I try to gather an image behind the fog of warm steam. A skin shaped circle, with a hint of yellow like an egg yolk decorated on top, swings itself like a metronome as it generates a chirpy melody. Two more shapes rest underneath the circle. And much like a newborn baby, I reach out my hand, curious and inquisitive to explore this mysterious world of warmth and simplicity.

But much to my shock, something grabs my hand out of nowhere, like a giant fish grabbing on to the hook and bait. My hand was now being taken further into the fog by this mysterious force but I was too weak to protest; mustering a slightly croaked moan of dissent as my hand was snared by the jaws of uncertainty, taken into the watery aether below and...

Reaching something soft and nurturing again.

What the hell was going on here? One moment I feel I'm trapped in a fisherman's net, the next I'm back in that warm blanket next to the chest of maternal paradise.

Hmm...

Chest...

Soft...

Yellow?

Steam and water...Oh hang on I remember some of those things.

"Poor fella, how long's it been since ya felt anything like this?"

_"Gaarruuhheerrreehh?"_ I slurred something out that meant to roughly translate to 'WHA-WHA-WHAAAA?'

The circle with an omelette or an egg yolk on top actually garnished itself with two black opals surrounded by a white pearl, flashing and disappearing behind the peachy canvas. At the bottom of the circle dotted a curvy line of white shells. But whatever this beach metaphor was trying to explain, it definitely was something that could _talk_...and _breathe!_

Perhaps I may have been better off if the fog had not dissipated somewhat at that moment, because now my scene was becoming far more clearer to my poor withered self.

My eyes looked down and I saw water; fresh and warm and lovely against my once dirty skin – which of course was mostly visible under that clear medium.

Those tasty shapes I was referring to earlier also took the form of something quite homely and familiar to my memory. A human girl, complete with hair and eyes and teeth...

...And all the other stuff you'd expect to find when you're staring square at one in the bathtub with your legs hugging each other's backs like a lobster's pincer.

Oh no don't jump off your chair just yet! We still haven't quite finished this little painting of ours my friend. You see the human girl - whose body was residing quite naked and close to mine, had taken my hand and brought it against one of those two shapes down the bottom.

Do you want to take a quick guess at what that last shape might be?

It was a frigging toaster...

No but in all seriousness, my hand was actually groping the blonde human girl's chest circle; her hotcakes on special for 3.95 at your nearest Raving Rave's Ranch; her summer beach party fruit; her offspring of a non-specific canine; her – you know how sometimes you dig real deep into your pocket and you grab out that big piece of lint from last night's washing and then you're like 'eww' and throw it away?...

Look are we allowed to just called them breasts?

I suppose I should have gotten around to the more important revelation once I realised that the mammary maiden that was occupying the same body of water as myself was Lucy.

But you probably worked that one out already right? I was just getting over some homeless amnesia okay.

"Lucy?" I croak out her name a bit higher in register now. "What are you doing?"

"Aww come on it's just a bit of fun," Lucy hankered on as she jiggled her body in a very risqué manner, splashing up water against the bathtub's wall (Don't worry, it's T-rated so I couldn't really see anything underneath the waterline for those innocent young minds at home). She still kept my hand firmly pinned down on that landing beacon.

I felt like I should say something else to clear the real fog in front of me – the fog that was my uncertain situation that I had arrived in. One moment I was half conscious looking up at Lucy's cheerful smile from the grey depths of despair in that alleyway; then the next moment I find myself naked and here, bathing with a (I'd have to admit considerably attractive) woman in the safe confines of her apartment.

Lucy and I remained pretty much like this for ten, maybe twenty more idle minutes before the blonde sighed and threw her arms on to the rim of the bathtub, uttering a gaping sigh (which sounded very unladylike). "Man I can't remember how long it's been since I've had such an awesome bath. I used to do this sort of thing with Natsu all the time but lately-"

My eyes suddenly rebelled against their sockets and burst out, my jaw nearly fell of and sunk in the water as I heard those words. Had Lucy changed so much over the weeks we had been apart. As she stared back at my perplexing expression with a lifted brow, I gained a feeling that this girl before me was almost like a completely different person. I mean the Lucy I knew would never have invited me into her apartment, let alone a bath together or even invited me to perform that other thing either.

Before I could utter another hopeless slurry of words, Lucy pushed her arms down on the bathtub rim, propping her weight as she stood up, the copious dripping water down her figure managing to cover up the worst parts in front of me. She turned ninety degrees and casually stepped out of the bath, reaching for a towel and drying herself off. She wrapped the pinkish cream towel around her torso and offered a quick glance back at me still fermenting in the water. "I can help you out of the bath if you like."

_If you like? _Maybe I did actually die at some point in the alley and this has all just been the first stage of my afterlife. Would Lucy seriously offer to nurse me out of the bath and dry me as though I were some sorry potato?

I don't think I deserve this deluxe treatment so I heroically grip my hands on the rim of the tub and push my wafer thin arms down. "No thank's I'll be right." The only problem was that I was nowhere near capable of doing anything for myself just yet. As I tried lifting my weight out of the tub, I realised just how weak and frail I had become over the last few weeks or more. If Bear Grylls tells you there's more protein per pound in a rat than a rump steak tell him he's full of that brown stuff he likes to eat too; my street diet had provided me with nothing but yellow skin and dysentery. Now I was so malnourished, I could barely lift my butt (or rather a pelvis with skin wrapped around it) off the bathtub floor.

I would have cried a little at my defeat at the hands of those bullies the bathtub and gravity but then Lucy cooed and walked over to lift me out and I guess that made things seem not so bad after all...

/?/?/?/

The next few days Lucy, or whoever Lucy had transformed into now, literally nursed me back into health. Feeding me all the mushy stuff inside those colourful baby food jars, carrying me to the toilet and the bathroom, washing me and burping me – heck she even tucked me in bed at night and read me some...Fairy Tails (badump-bah!). Amazingly she almost never left my side the entire time, going out only to do a few errands and pick some more baby food down at the corner-mart.

This side of Lucy I was beginning to really admire, never before had she been so determined and considerate of others – at least not myself anyway. But I mean this Lucy was like a completely different person – so much so that she had cut her hair shorter and wore darker clothing. She had the exterior of a tough as nails chick, devouring a whole chicken in eight minutes flat and occasionally boasting about her adventures with the other guild members, particularly inserting Natsu into her exciting narratives though.

Whenever she brought up the guild though, she would seem to have something hidden behind her smile, something akin to sadness. When I finally regained enough strength to walk freely again, I asked about how the guild was faring without me and under Mest and Laxus' leadership.

But then she shot me a confused glare before morphing into a nervous smile. "Laxus and Mest? Oh yeah...they're um..._goooood_."

The very off-putting way she referred to Mest struck me as most odd though. Last time I recall she almost based her entire purpose in life to serving Mest. But she had not even brought him up for discussion until I raised his name myself. I was beginning to wonder if Mest had shown his true colours and abandoned the guild before his scheme could be caught out.

Then again, I didn't want to say anything else about that thug. If Lucy wants to deny his existence as much as I want to then I'm as Happy as Happy.

/?/?/?/

A few more days later and I was back on solid food again. I would walk around the house all day, strengthening my legs and checking myself in the mirror, watching my belly gradually swell to a healthy size and my arms and legs growing some muscle again. I was so excited at my recovery progress that one day when Lucy finally returned inside after a long day out, I just had to ask her in a chirpy voice...

"~So can you take me back to the guild now~?"

At that moment, Lucy dropped her groceries and jaw.

~To be continued~

* * *

><p>See, I told you in the promotional flyer there'd be more fanservice...<p>

Lucy's kind-hearted (and rather OOC) revival of her former guild master has brought some morale back into the fallen mage's spirit. But why does she seem so anxious about Benny's return to the guild which he had left behind? Well stay tuned because it should all make a little more sense in the next peculiar chapter!


	35. Much Edo about Nothing Much Really

_Meet Benny Makaren 20 years old and keen to become a member of the Fairy Tail guild again. But will he find the guild willing to accept his clawed talents once more? Will he even find the guild the way he left it before? How much will they have changed and moved on since Benny-boy's absence? I hope you guys have been anticipating this chapter as much as I have as you read on to the Thirty-fifth chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part X: Much Edo about Nothing Much Really...

Lucy stuttered out her words. "You want to...go back to the guild...now?"

"Yeah." I happily chirp in my vigour. "By the way, I'd probably like to move back into my old place next door too if that's possible."

For some reason, the blonde seemed really confused (and it wasn't because she was a blonde for all you hairists out there). "Oh, well urgh."

"Oh I'm sorry, did someone else move in after I was evicted or something?" I try guessing the basis of her confused, somewhat nervous and anxious expression. Perhaps she feels guilty about me being away for so long that she was planning on finding a more special manner of re-enlisting me back in the Fairy force. "If it's too early for me to go back I can wait a bit longer – I don't mind-"

"No-no-not at all." Lucy waves up her hands with a jittery smile. "No I mean, we'd be glad to have you back in the guild! I was just amazed at how fast you've returned to good health."

"Yeah, soon I'll be doing curl reps with kittens." I boast with the flex of my stringy arms. "But in all seriousness, I don't want to make everyone feel uncomfortable or anything if I go back too soon."

But Lucy's reluctance from before seems to have been replaced with eagerness now as she literally jumps three metres across the room and coils her arms around one of mine. "No please, we could really do with some more hands and feet at the guild, we'd love to have you back!"

"Wait, really?" I kind of feel myself blushing now. "Well that's super awesome. Let's go give Natsu, Gray and those other lot a huge surprise today!"

"Yeah~!" Despite Lucy's very warm and inviting demeanour, I couldn't help but feel like she was distancing herself about something. Though she seemed really happy for me to return, I gathered from her smile that there was a slight inverted deviation – a microscopic frown tagged just at the tip end of her lips which indicated that she was not 100% confident about this situation at the moment.

/?/?/?/

"So where's Wendy and Charles? Already working hard without me I guess." I keep up the banter throughout our stroll to the guild, for some reason Lucy seemed more interested in a tiny scrunched up piece of paper which she held in her palm, often pressing it right up to her nose in concentration.

"_Now come on, I've been there before right so-"_

"Is that a map-"

"GWAAGH!" Lucy quickly hid her secret paper behind her back just after I had peered over her shoulder. "Gah, I mean, yeah it's a map...for uh...for treasure! Yep it's a treasure map!" She says with a finger raised in the air.

"Wow! Cool! You got a treasure map?" I bounce up and down like an overstimulated schoolgirl. "Lemmesee-lemmesee I'm really good with maps and geography and stuff."

"Ahh...It's a secret map, so I can't show you." Lucy explains with a few drops of sweat tracing down her brow.

"Oh I get it." I tap my chin looking all philosophical. Lucy suddenly shudders as though I've worked out her big secret. "You guys are doing an S-Class mission aren't you? That's why you can't show me since I'm not a guild member yet."

With her eyes averted to the point of rolling behind their sockets she nods. "Uh yep, your on the ball there kid."

_Kid? _Lucy never called me kid before did she? Come to think of it, Lucy hasn't addressed me by my name at all since we met up again.

"So I wonder if you still remembered the way to your old guild since you've been away all that time." Lucy swings on her feet as she pokes her head towards me in a sly manner. What kind of weird games is she playing with me at the moment – no Benny-boy don't get angry with her, maybe she's just testing me to see if I'm really worthy of joining back up with the guild. I'll suck in some air and take this with a grain of salt and maybe some pepper too (but not too much it makes me sneeze).

"Oh yeah I told you I know this place like the back of my hand HAHAHAHAHA!" I laugh back at her _waaay _too loudly to be considered safe. But somehow she isn't scared away and eagerly listens to me as I point in all sorts of directions on our way to the guild.

"So has anyone talked about me at all since I left?" I inquired into my blonde compadre some more as the guild's parapets became visible over the crest of the hill.

"Huh?" Lucy returns from her spaced out mood again. "Oh about you eh? Well just a few things here and there, not much in particular since we're always busy working I guess."

"Yeah fair'nuff." I abbreviate my words in a hopeless attempt at sounding cool. Still Lucy hasn't shown her cynical side yet so I'm guessing I can get away with these idiotic idioms for a bit longer. "How's Wendy been? I figured she'd miss me the most out of anyone." Since she was the one of the the only Mages who really bothered to take my own welfare into consideration (well Lucy gets a few points for the last few days as well).

"You called?" Suddenly I heard a voice coming from the gates outside the guild. With the distinct odour of tobacco I noticed a well endowed blue haired (seriously where's the tally board now?) girl leaning against the wall with a cigarette held between her index and middle fingers. Judging by the white shorts and blue dress showing off her belly, I could only think of one word to associate her with, starting with 's'...

Slob of course...

Quite intimidated by her primal posture I cup my hand and whispered in Lucy's ear. "Who's that bogan standing by the gate?"

"Huh? Weren't you just calling my name out a while ago." The woman starts walking over, swinging her hips with each step just to flaunt her well constructed carriage some more.

"I'm sorry miss but I think you may have confused yourself with someone else." I try and politely get rid of the woman. "I was just talking to my friend here about a young girl named Wendy."

She takes a drag of her cigarette, puffing a huge chimney of smoke in the air, takes a few seconds to stare at the clouds before she turns back to me with a slight lean of her head. "But I am Wendy."

"HAHAHAHA!" Again, laughing way too loudly for the moment. "Ahahaha-A WHAT!-?-!-?" I'd fall off my chair in shock if I were sitting down right now. This tar sucking ladette is _the _Wendy Marvell of Fairy Tail. "You've changed so much since we last saw each other!" I verbalise my clear and utter shock. "You've grown up – everywhere!" I emphasise with my hands waving up and down . "How long have I been away from this guild?"

Wendy doesn't exhibit as much shock or surprise though, I thought she might have been happier to see my re-debut again but instead she just takes one last drag before dropping her cigarette on the ground, twisting her heel to extinguish the embers. "Who's this nerd anyway Lucy?" she throws a thumb towards my direction but Lucy quickly runs over and cover's Wendy's mouth.

"Hahaha! You're so funny Wendy! You know who this guy is, good one HAHAHA!" Now Lucy seems to have my inappropriate laughing noise velocity ailment too.

"Mphfh grph mrph!" Wendy muffles in some sort of protest before Lucy releases her hand. "Ugh, whatever let's just go inside now, everyone else has already started up."

'Started up' eh? Ah, that makes me feel so nostalgic...Soon I'll be back in my second home, my ears comforted by the Tavern Jamboree of a hundred flying fists and fighting clouds.

Well apart from Wendy's impressive growth spurt (and her sudden liking to tobacco, isn't she still a minor?), I can't imagine everyone else has changed much since our last meeting.

"JUVIA YOU BASTARD!"

"I'LL KILL YOU LEVY!"

PLEASE DON'T HARM MY JUVIA-SAMA!"

"WHY CAN'T EVERYONE BE A TRUE GENTLEMAN AND SETTLE THIS PEACEFULLY?"

"I QUITE AGREE, YOUR SAVAGE BEHAVIOUR IS RUINING MY TEA!"

"**IF YOU ALL DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP IN FIVE SECONDS I'LL INSERT MY LANCE SO FAR UP YOUR ARSES YOU'LL BE RECITING THE TEN COMMANDMENTS IN A HOSPITAL WARD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!"**

That last one was Erza. Nobody ignored it.

"Whoah hang on." I find myself rudely entering the guild's scene like a perplexed film director. "You did your lines well but you're all mixed up in your roles." I walk over to Juvia who has a Gray wrapped around her legs and guide my hands for her to kneel down. Then I lift a very heavily clothed Gray and stand him up, before I instruct Juvia to cuddle Gray's legs instead. "There that's better."

"Who the hell is this guy?" Juvia suddenly vents her protest in her pose. I never took much notice of her before but she seems a little grouchier than usual.

"Yeah, what the hell do you want perv?" Levy stomps over and kicks me in the shin (OWCH!). While I crouch down in pain she laughs at my suffering. "Haha, what kind of man are you?"

"Hey, lay off him Levy!" Lucy rushes to my defence and pushes her forehead against the rather delinquent Levy.

"Just because you like wimps!" Levy hisses back as sparks fly between the two bruiser babes.

"I think he looks like a nice young man." Cana observes from her seat. She seems to have cleaned herself up since I left, but I think the bonnet and frilly Victorian get-up is taking things a bit far though. "Come have some Earl Grey and Ceylon blend with me."

Oh well I guess I'll have to give in to the peer pressure when tea is involved. "Okay-"

YANK. "Just a minute." I find my collar pulled back by the redhead ruler of the roost as she squints into my eyes. "How do we know you're not working for '_him_'?

But sure enough it's Lucy to the rescue as she steps between the two of us. "Please Erza, he isn't working for them, he just wants to help us out by joining us right?"

Erza – who seems to have gone for a different type of default armour as well, lowers her lance and loosens up. "Unless he's the Fairy Boy we have no need for him."

"Well don't you guys remember that I used to be your Master?" I murmur in a little reminder in case Mest had wiped their memories of me too. "Hmm?"

Erza displays a growl and lifts me by the collar again. "You a guild master? Don't make me laugh." She raises her lance to my throat as Lucy hopelessly tries to intervene. "We don't need upstart comedians like you! Before you go to hell, tell him that he'll be joining you soon enough!"

"Whoah hey Erza I thought we could get over our tiff with Mest. Aren't we all good now?"

"Is Mest another one of his rodents? I'll sniff him out and squash him too!" I notice Erza's blade is shining a very fatal colour.

"Erza please stop!" Lucy tackles the S-class interrogator just as the light shoots off target firing into the corner of the ceiling and raining some dust and rubble down on a rather dapper looking Gajeel.

"Oh, now I'm going to have to twist another story for the insurance man."

"Shut up dick!" I yell out in the hope that the joke might refresh everyone's memory, but nobody seems to find the punchline. "Oh come on that was our thing wasn't it? What's wrong with everyone, eh Natsu?"

Finding him hunched over by a table, I walk over and slap the pink haired fireball on his back but he seems to flinch from the contact, jumping back to the wall as he yelps, "Please don't hit me! I don't want any trouble!"

"H-hey I was only joking Natsu why are you acting all weird too?"

"Grrr, get off me Gray!" I hear Juvia still struggling as the two unrequited lovers continue their opposite day routine.

Although Mest is no longer around, I have a bad feeling that he has left his legacy behind with this guild. Everyone in the guild (well everyone that's remotely important at least) has changed so much even after Mest's brainwashing. He didn't just give me the middle finger when I left this guild behind...he's given me the full moon, drove all over my front garden, egged my windows and blew up my cat with a letter bomb. He's really f'ed me over twice and some with what he's done to my closest guild-mates.

In my total shock and angst I press my hands to my skull (ouch forgot about the claws again) as I shout out to the entire madhouse which has really gone bonkers now... "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!-?-!-?"

Deathly silence casts the guild for an intense few minutes...

And a few more minutes...

I think a tumbleweed just stole some beers and left...

Some more silence...

"Oh geez can we drop the act and put Benny-boy out of misery now." Now that I've noticed the rear half of the building floor, I've noticed Wakaba muttering to his good old mate Macao. For some reason they don't seem much different than their usual two-old-folks-yakking-amongst-themselves type.

"Yeah, I think these boarders need to know we were in on the whole thing." Macao adds as he rises to his chair.

Suddenly Erza, Levy, Juvia and Lucy with a few of the others up the front get up and seem confrontational with the normy folks down the back. "What are you talking about? We're all members of Fairy Tail!"

"I suppose we should apologise for keeping you in the dark for so long Master Makaren." I nearly skip a heartbeat when my two teammates virtually swoop into the doors from behind. With Yoshi and Darren looking very fortunately familiar to their usual selves they walk over, The Layman flicking the edge of this coat as he brushes past my ear to murmur something.

"_The real ones went on a vacation to some island, these guys are just phony knockoffs..."_

~To be continued~

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><p><span>Benny-boy finds that once again, not all is at it seems with first appearances of the Guild of Fairies. Has The Layman's (no the one in this story but thanks again anyway mate) words foretold the ultimate twist which has struck this guild so far? And where exactly could have the real ones 'gone on vacation' to anyway? Should Benny-boy have just stayed at Raving Rave's Ranch afterall? We'll try to find out some of these puzzling questions and much more in the next insane chapter!<span>


	36. Prelude to the Trial

**Just a quick shout out to IDrinkLotsaEarlGrey for giving Benny his own action figure form (in a sense) in the _Fairy Tail for Douches_ fanfic. Please go check out IDrinkLotsaEarlGrey's Fairy Tail guide and pre-order your very own BENNY-BOY avalable for a limited time only! Thanks again IDrinkLotsaEarlGrey for giving my OC an awesome tribute and now back to to the show!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Meet Benny Makaren: 20 years old and - well sort of a member of Fairy Tail again in a de facto way...Stumbling back into his old workplace after a long absense, he discovers a massive change to the overall makeup of the office to put it in those words. How will Benny get along with these new band of 'phony knockoffs' running around the place? Read on to the Thirty-sixth chapter and find out for yourself...<em>

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XI: Prelude to the Trial

_MEANWHILE:_

_Purehito's elite Mages assembled around the dining table of their guild craft. As Master of the notorious Dark Guild Grimoire Heart, Purehito had amassed his entire guild en route to Tenrou Island, the very island where another certain guild was performing a certain S-Class exam._

"_How exactly is our guest supposed to meet us aboard Master Hades?" One of the Seven Kins of Purgatory inquired._

_The veteran Mage poured himself a glass of red and examined its contents with a quick swirl. "Oh he'll have no problem I guarantee it."_

_Suddenly the Mages turned their attention to a ziplike seam which had literally tore through the air; expanding until it was long enough for a figure to climb through. Poking one armoured leg out from behind the dark portal, followed by his two arms then his final leg, Grimoire Heart's special guest had finally arrived._

"_You might want to do something about that," The guest pointed a sharp thumbnail back at the torn piece of air. "those holes tend to leak a lot of bad shit out if left for a while."_

"_Ultear should be able to handle such trivial matters." Purehito explained, lifting his glass. "So how about a toast before battle?..."_

/?/?/?/

"So let me get this straight." I find myself sitting crosslegged on the bar with a double-strength cappacino with extra froth made by a Mirajane (not sure which one yet, she seems close enough to the real deal) withmy head bowed down reflectively. "You guys are not in fact the real Mages that you look exactly like?"

"Well that's not entirely accurate," the imposter Lucy answered as the entire guild gathered around the bar. "We're just their Edolas counterparts."

"So you guys are actually like some sort of twin version of the Fairy Tail Mages."

"More like a parallel universe self." Gray explains after adding another coat around his bloated kit already.

"And in some sort of weird coincidence, the Mages you parallel dudes take after have gone off on some vacation without me?"

"Well it's more of an S-Class examination to be precise." The Layman added.

"And so the rest of you guys who stayed here had no idea that these ones who came back to fill the numbers were actually from another universe?"

"No we actually knew from the very beginning." Wakaba and Macao interject as they walk over.

"Yes, we missed Levy-chan so much that we were grateful enough to see her Edolas counterpart here instead." Jet and Droy sob down onto the rougher looking version of Levy who seems a little irritated at their clingy nature.

"Grr." Edo-Levy soothes their tears of anguish with a double uppercut to their chins.

"Then why did you just let these parallel imitations enter your guild?"

"Dunno, we got bored with the others gone and they looked like they needed a place to stay." Max Alors (wow that's your first line in the whole series mate well done!) adds, looking quite sandy as usual I guess.

"And I suppose nobody could have given me an earlier explanation so I didn't nearly have my brain turn into slushy?"

"Nope," Warren answers, holding his fingers to his forehead as usual I guess.

"Nope," Vjeeter also answers sharply whilst dancing off to the side as usual I guess.

"Nope," Nab shakes his head, standing by the notice board like a big piece of furniture as usual I guess.

"Nopee!" Laki contributes as well, sounding weird as usual I guess.

One thing I've noticed since the real jocks of Fairy Tail left: there's actually other people in this guild that actually exist like real people for real you know?

I think I should be feeling a little jealous now.

"Haha! Of course I knew they were from Edolas, I've been there afterall." Charles laughs a princess laugh as she hovers over. "Don't you remember being in Edolas Benny – oh that's right, you were stuck in that crystal with all the other dullards hohoho!"

The day I let Charles get the better of me in a barrage of insults is the day I have truly lost everything. Good thing I have a comeback right under my jacket sleeve. "Oh it's funny to find you still here Charles. So Wendy finally tried to do the decent thing and drop you off at the pound?"

Charles' self-pride remained strong as she lifted her nose and turned a cheek. "Hmph, I have full confidence in Wendy and that she's perfectly capable of looking after herself."

"Humph," I smirk back at the feisty flying feline before I inhale a huge gulp of air."Well although I'm really jerked off that those guys would ship themselves off to some resort island after what I had assumed would be a very emotional and traumatic period of grief over my voluntary disbandment, I am nonetheless slightly less crushed inside now that I can clearly see that Charles has also been excluded from the what I must believe is a very fun and thrilling holiday adventure experience that those more visible members of the guild must now be engaging in right as we speak at this very moment."

Everyone was silent and stared at me for a few seconds just so they could gauge that entire mass of words. Then Yoshi stepped forward, "but they're not on a holiday, they're participating in the S-Class exam."

Thanks to Yoshi's much needed smack of realism I nod and take a long slurp of my cappa deluxe crossing a leg onto the table. "Mmm. So those guys left because they're in fact trying to become S-Class wizards?" I convey my thoughts aloud just so every slightly confused person standing around me can listen to my voice a little longer. "Hang on I think I need a flashback!"

/?/?/?/

_D.G (the dude who read out Makarov's will from Season 1):...But of course since Benny is yet to prove himself as an S-Class Wizard, I will require Erza, Mirajane and most particularly his Half-Nephew Laxus to perform advisory roles along the way..."_

/?/?/?/

"I GET IT!" I bash my fists down on the oak table spilling my beverage. "If I can become an S-Class Mage, then I won't need that stupid no good half-nephew of mine running the place." I stand up on the table and shout to at the ceiling with a clenched fist (owch! Again with the claws...) "Damn! I must somehow find this Island and get to it so I can somehow become an S-Class as well and prove myself capable of running the whole show with my own two clawed hands MWAHAHAHA!"

But my quite audible and somewhat evil sounding laugh is disrupted by The Layman's deadpan. "But you really have no way of getting to the island."

"...And it takes a long time for us Exceeds to fly there anyway." Pantherlily adds, now making me feel somewhat saddened that the cool cat in the house was shafted by his Dicky handler.

"...And I hear that only one of the eight candidates will actually get promoted to S-Class." Yoshi adds some more harsh realism again.

"...And don't forget that you're a hopeless wonder who can't even break the skin of an opponent let alone seriously contest any of those who went." Charles nails the final nail of reality into the coffin of dreams that were shattered before they could even spring to life.

"And also, aren't you technically still not a member of Fairy Tail?" Warren adds some more analysis to the situation.

"Well hang on let me work out the first problem." I sit down cross legged in a meditative pose. "Hmmmmmm? Wait what was the first problem again?"

Now everyone – including the Edolas imitations, face vaulted at that point...

"More importantly perhaps I should ask," I turn towards the phantom main dudes of the guild. "So who or what exactly are you guys and how did you end up here?"

"Sorry about this mess-up but I'll explain everything." Edo-Lucy clears her throat a little and speaks with some sorrow feeling. "As you may already be aware of, there are two worlds which are parallel to one another in almost every way; we have come from one of those worlds known as Edolas down to Earthland."

"I see." I nod with interest about this fascinating concept. "Oh yeah that's right! You're the Evil-er twin of Erza right!" I point to the Trident wielder adjacent to Lucy, my observation boiling the magma blood which courses through her Titanianesque veins.

"I'll get to that shortly but please Benny let me finish." The more sensitive aspect of Tsundere-Lucy is starting to bec ome more apparent as she retells more of her story. "Our worlds are very similar in that we each have a counterpart of ourselves in both worlds unless one of those counterparts dies of course." Lucy adds – but come on 'dying' seriously that must only happen in their evil parallel universe but everyone knows how the cycle of life and re-life works on Earth.

"But despite our two worlds being parallel in almost every way there is one fundamental difference between both our worlds," To emphasise the point she's about to make Lucy lifts one finger in front of her crossed eyes. "Our world possess no Magic at all."

An audible gasp can be heard from some of the guild members who were basking in the crystal cocoon with me back then. "Gee if anything I'd've thought your creepy universe would have flying dragons and demons – wait don't we have them things down here too?" I confuse myself scratching my curly clumps of hair.

Erza suddenly raises her Trident to my throat. "Look if you distract us with your pointless jabbering one more time I'll make you piss blood out of your stomach!" Yikes! I'll give Lucy the stand for now then...

"Well it wasn't always like this. In fact we used to possess an abundance of Magic in our world, but ours was a finite resource which was rapidly diminishing until our former King tried to steal Lacrima from the bodies of Earthland citizens. But once he was overthrown and the Earthland citizens restored, then the remaining reserves of Magical energy finally disappeared leaving our world essentially a mortal's world.

"But for a while everyone was happy. We had a new Prince ruling the country and he helped rebuild the city and improve the lives of many citizens. We didn't need material things like magic to give us purpose or comfort anymore as long as we were unified and strong...

"Then one day, everything changed...

/?/?/?/

_MEANWHILE:_

"_So those Fairy brats are playing their game already?" The guest took a sip of his wine before returning to his meal._

"_Yes. We have already sent one of our Seven Kins of Purgatory down for an early visit. Once he has set things in place, we can begin our own banquet." The eye-patch wearing master of Grimoire Heart proclaimed as he slowly chewed his rare beef._

_/?/?/?/_

"We tried to resist his forces as much as we could, but they possessed something...inhuman about them and we just couldn't match up to his own strength." Lucy continues her tale as she brings it onto a darker path. "Many of us were slaughtered, executed or imprisoned. We don't even know the fate of our Prince who led the rebellion against him in the first place."

"It must have been you in my dream that night..." I sigh just under my breath but she doesn't hear it as she carries on her sorrowful tale.

"Fortunately there was one other person who could still use some magic. Erza managed to break just a few of us out of prison before we made a desperate flee to Earthland. Now we are separated from our friends and have no way of getting back home to rescue them."

Needless to say, Lucy's rather traumatic recount managed to bring the house down in a flood of tears. Between a few sobs, Lucy asked everyone in general, "Now *sniff* any *sniff* questions?"

Oh yes, It's been three long minutes since I've had anything to say. Now's my chance to-

"Question." Damn Cruz raised his hand first. "How were you even able to move across into another dimension in the first place?"

"That's a good question." Lucy responded. "Normally our two worlds are physically separated in both time and space by an intransigent material called Anima, but 'He' was somehow able to tear holes between the Anima, draining magical energy from this world and using it for his own personal gain."

Wow this version of Lucy sure knows a lot of stuff, I should ask her how she got so smart and-

"Question." Damn now Yoshi beat me this time. "How could Erza still use magic even after what you told us those events which happened in the Edolas Arc." Oh Yoshi please don't say it like that; tearing Anima sounds scary enough without tearing walls as well.

"I shall answer that question and there is a very good answer." Erza says as she taps her trident on the floor with a very stern expression. "That is because...I am Erza Knightwalker and that is why."

With black dot eyes and a blue vein popping on her forehead, Yoshi quietly sat back down after hearing her answer.

Great! "Can I ask somethi-"

"I would like to ask Edo-Lucy a question." Warren (bloody Warren!) steps in front of me. "Um, sorry I forgot what I was going to ask you now."

Dammit minor character! Now I swear I will make sure I ask her my question now-

"Yep over here!" GRAGH! Now Alzack rudely calls out from the back with his other weapon in tow. "So is it just a coincidence that the only Edolas counterparts that came here are the ones whose Earthland counterparts are on Tenrou Island?"

Geez I could have answered that for you idiot! Of course it's just a coincidence for plot sake. Now everyone shut up so I can...

"Max again. So like, are you guys really opposite in every way from the Earthland guys?"

"Laki wants to just say she really likes the way you cut your hair Edolas Lucy."

"Can your trident relight my pipe?"

"Can one of you recommend a job for me?"

"Do you think I'll ever become a great dancer?"

"Anyone of you Edolas folks seen my kid anywhere?"

"Could I get a portait of you guys before you return home?"

"I just wanna know why Edo-Levy-chan doesn't like us."

"Yeah I also want to know why Edo-Levy-chan doesn't like us...In a hurry."

"RABBLE-RABBLE-RABBLE-RABBLE"

"SHHHUUUUUT UUUUUP!"

So enraged that my claws have now stuck themselves in the drywall, striking just underneath Edo-Natsu's legs and just tearing through about eight layers of Edo-Grays clothing, I finally raise my voice to silence this mob of minors (in importance not age). "Dammit the first time you guys chirp up and say something and now you think you can just run the entire show?"

Warren frowned with his thick lips and bowed slightly as did the other minors. "We're sorry."

"Now, if someone could just help pull my nails out of the wall I can get round to asking the one question I've been waiting to patiently ask now that I know all about this Edolas concept." As Edo-Levy and Juvia test their strength and pry my talons out of the wall I retract my claws and pick some of the plaster out from underneath my fingernails before I jump off the table and speak to Edo-Lucy.

"So, what's my Edolas buddy like?"

BOOOOOOOOOM!

Just as we were getting warm and friendly with our parallel universe guests were suddenly shaken by a massive explosion coming from outside. Catching myself on the table, I quickly get back up and head outside. "What the clawing crap was that!-?"

When I reach the front door what awaits me is a true catastrophe. Rows of buildings scorched aflame; people running in a terrified panic; children screaming and the sounds of bone chilling slaughter. This was not how Mr. Mishima told me this would play out. I've woken up to a real nightmare now.

My jaw is too paralysed to react in any way as Mr. Fawkins comes screaming out of the forest of flames, he reaches a hand out towards me in his last throes before he arches and gasps – a crimson fountain sprays from his back as he collapses forward. His killers surface from the red hot shadows, all draped in white cloaks but their masked forms emitting nothing but pure darkness and evil.

And as I feel my heartbeat literally stopping at that moment of despair, I feel a hand coming from Edo-Lucy rest on my shoulder.

/?/?/?/

"_So you want to know about my situation?" He lowered his empty glass, gripping it until it shattered broken glass in his hand. As the blood drained from his pale palm, he held up his hand and watched in amusement as the crimson wine now drained from his own flesh. Then he croaked out his answer for the Grimoire Heart's Master. ** "Our Magnolian massacre has already begun...**"_

_**~To be continued!...~**_

* * *

><p><span>Just when Benny-boy thought losing his job; or being taken to the toilet assissted; or being shut down by a bunch of hypnotised Mages; or nearly getting clawed by a psycotic lion man; or free falling from a high speed lacrima van; or...<span>

Well just when he thought he had been through all of the worst, something far more troubling comes up for Benny-boy and his new band of Parallel freaks (including those from who came from Edolas and the rest). He might not get to fight out an S-Class exam, but the real trial is about to begin for this clawed caper. Can Benny-boy and his rag-tag band of allies save Magnolia from destruction at the hands of this new threat!-?

Since we've reached the halfway point of the Second Season, the next chapter might serve as a sort of intermission piece. Or I could just do some pointless filler or something, we'll see. Anyway stay tuned for whatever the next chapter will be!...

By the way: I wonder if anyone could work out which minor Fairy Tail cast spoke which line in the dozen or so lines of pointless questions near the end (some are obvious if they actually said their name but some others might confuse you).


	37. My Fairy: MID-SEASON 2 RECAP SPECIAL

**~My Fairy~  
><strong>

_18th February X784 _

_Name: Benny Makaren_ _(now Benny 'Benny-boy' Makarov Makaren)_

_Age: 19 (now 20 years old)_

_Sex: Male (still male apart from that one chapter...)_

_Height: 157cm (now 158cm)_

_Weight: 54kgs (now 54kgs and 375grams)_

_Blood Type: O-negative (unchanged)_

_Eye colour: Blue (unchanged – maybe a little rounder and more two-dimensional in shape though)_

_Hair Colour: Somewhere between 5.1 and 5.3 Medium Brown (now approximately 0.32% more Grey)_

_Skin colour: One of those white colours (now slightly tanner – on the arms and face at least)_

_Fingernail/toenail colour: mostly pink; but extent of white varies incredibly for fingernails_

* * *

><p><em>Benny Makaren, a peculiar human boy with the spectacular ability to grow his fingernails at his own will. His place of origin is unknown but he arrives in Fiore Kingdom's city of Magnolia with the intention of finding a new job and a relaxing, Renaissance lifestyle. <em>

_What he ends up finding himself in is..._

* * *

><p>"Benny Makaren, welcome to the Fairy Tail Wizards Guild! Now with this crest you will officially be a Fairy Tail Wizard."<p>

* * *

><p><em><span>20th <span>__February __ X784_

_Occupation: Fairy Tail Mage and guild grunt/errand boy/manure shoveller_

_Location of Fairy Crest: Left butt-cheek_

_Colour of Fairy Crest: Black – or possibly Brown, I dunno you go and check if you want to look at it so much!_

_Teammates: Lucy Heartfillia, Wendy Marvel and Charles (a.k.a the 'damn flying feline')_

* * *

><p><em>Benny Makaren develops his finger-licking good talents out on the field as he embarks on a numerous amount of odd jobs over the next few weeks and months, some of his most prominent include; vaccinating Vulcans,<em>

* * *

><p>"WAH! You know when the sign says Vulcans I was expecting something more bird-like and harmless!"<p>

"That's Vultures you idi-AGGGHHH!"

"Hehe! Looks like _all_ the males in the animal kingdom are after you Lucy!"

"SHUT-UP-SHUT-UP-SHUT-UUUWAAAAGGHH!"

* * *

><p><em>Seducing Erza Scarlet,<em>

* * *

><p>"So did you wanna talk about work or-WAAAGGHH...E-e-e-e-Erza?"<p>

_"Shhhhh.._._We don't want to bother the neighbours._"

"Hehehehehehehehe THAT'S FUN_ny_ – I mean *Gulp* I had no idea you felt this way about me."

"I couldn't hide it any longer. When I first cast my eyes on you, I believed you must have been sent to me by God himself to become my one true love."

"Well I'm really grateful, b-but I think we should just chat and maybe hug each other for a while first."

"But I want to have you _now _Benny-boy! Why must we wait when we can satisfy each others innermost desires at this very moment."

*Gulp...*

*Gulp...*

*GULP...*

*GULP!*

"Well, um, Erza...I think- Whoah! Okay I think I should come clean now."

"Be-nny-Bo-y..."

"Y~es?"

"There's...just...one more thing...I need...to tell you...PFFFFFHAAAAGGGHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

><p><em>Trying to nab a bunch of lacrima drug peddlers,<em>

* * *

><p>"LUCY DON'T LET GO OF MY HAND!"<p>

"BEN-SAN!"

"HANG ON WENDY! I'M COMING!"

* * *

><p><em>Picking up Mirajane's magic-mobile,<em>

* * *

><p>"Well looks like this chariot is nearly reaching its end."<p>

"Yay, that was fun wasn't it~? Mirajane will be so happy now."

"Yeah, that was a pretty awesome ride."

"UGH!"

"What the-Elfman?"

"Man...should not...perform physical labour..."

"Whah? Was he pushing us the whole time?"

"Sorry Benny, I just wanted to make you feel better, I didn't really write any spell on your arm, I'm terribly sorry."

* * *

><p><em>And among many other things, ruining the kind gestures of a certain neighbour.<em>

* * *

><p>"Happy Easter Benny!"<p>

"Did you get all this...for me? But I thought you guys don't give out eggs for Easter."

"What? Of course we do. We hand out lots of gifts and chocolate to our friends for Easter, but you wouldn't expect just a regular chicken egg if that's what you meant."

"Hehe, well I guess not."

"What's the matter?"

"Oh well you see, I kinda, didn't get anything for you for Easter and so I-"

"*SWOON* I saw the way you went after that man yesterday. That was really brave of you Benny Makaren, well done."

"Well, I guess my power must be getting stronger every day. Hahahaha-Owfgh! *BLUERGH*."

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em><span>21st April X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren has his birthday..._

* * *

><p><em>WARNING_SYSTEM_ERROR_!<em>

_22nd April X784_

_Benny does not have his birthday and everything goes back to normal (in Fairy Tail standards)_

* * *

><p><em><span>20th June X784<span>_

_End of Edolas arc as we know it. Benny emerges from lacrima crystal to find new guild-mates and friends._

* * *

><p>"Oh that's Lisanna. She came back to life...The black cat over there is Pantherlily – Dick over there dragged him back here from Edolas too."<p>

"And we also seem to have got ourselves another new member during the time skip."

"I'm Yoshi Takimora, pleased to meet you Mr Makaren!"

* * *

><p><em><span>21st June X784<span>_

_Makarov Dreyer, Third Master of the Fairy Tail Guild, sadly passes away and surprises everyone by becoming the first Major Character Death in the history of Fairy Tail (well apart from Simon; Lisanna doesn't count anymore, and flashback deaths don't count either!)_

* * *

><p><em><span>22nd June X784<span>_

_Funeral and informal will gathering held for the late guild master. Laxus, as Master of the Geriatrics' Guild also appears for the first time and confronts the grief-stricken guild._

_Edo-Erza also appears for some reason – possibly to cover the Edolas Arc aspect of the Geriatrics' Guild concept. But we have a better reason to explain her appearance later on..._

* * *

><p>"We will give you guys twenty-four hours to decide whether you will stay here, and serve me as your new Guild Master, or leave and be considered a rogue Wizard and an enemy of the new Guild."<p>

"H-hey! What if you guys just share one half of the guild and we can keep the other?"

"Oh, I didn't notice you there...Benny Makaren."

"H-how do you know my name?"

"You, little man, are my biggest problem of all..."

* * *

><p><em>With that ever so subtle piece of foreshadowing, the Geriatrics' guild is underway. And following some angsty discussions among guild-mates, Benny chooses ten brave mages and three flying cats to go with him (gee since when the hell did we decide <em>they _were accompanying _him?_) on a night-time showdown with the assorted arc villain rejects which comprised the Geriatrics' Guild._

* * *

><p>"You damn Fairy faggots are pretty bold entering Geriatrics' turf."<p>

"Yeah they areoohoohooww!"

"Kakaka! Indeed."

"Oh dear. Now that you mention it, the culinary options here were pretty lacklustre..."

"You dislike my cooking eh? I'll be sure to add extra MSG next time – WHEN I GIVE YOU YOUR FRIED MSG!"

"NOOOO!"

* * *

><p><em>Benny Makaren and his company of 10 plus three cats fought the geriatrics and their mooky bandits valiantly - well most of them did; Erza was knocked out before the battle started and Benny was having a few 'clawing' problems of his own.<em>

* * *

><p>"KYAH! Watch where you aim those damn things!"<p>

"Oh maaan c'wawawa watcha doing dooog come be fighting at me witcha real claws baby aaarrrrooo!"

"Excuse me Toby, but I think we should try and reconcile our differences and-HYAH! Wait whoah hey ah ooh eeh!"

"Geerr Benny why youuuu all dodging my claws and stuff oooh?"

"NONONO WAAAGGGHH!"

* * *

><p><em>Logic dictates that the other guy should have won this battle. But what would Fairy Tail even be <em>with _logic in the first place? So naturally thanks to some crazy light beam or something, Benny Makaren knocks the pants off his opponent (quite literally - well actually the pants stay on his legs but as for the rest of his body – kwoh!)_

_Perhaps Benny Makaren's highly unanticipated victory must have sparked some Braveheart into the other Fairy folks as they soon ended up beating the snot out of the exact same villains which they had already beaten the snot out of at some point before in the canon._

* * *

><p>"Oi! Hang on a minute...Oi Benny! Why aren't you gonna stop him?"<p>

"What do you mean? You and your guys tried to hurt us and take over our guild."

"B-b-but Benny, you've gotta save me...These guys are about to kill me."

"What the heck is wrong with Laxus here?"

"Yeah, first you try and barge into your Grandfather's funeral, then you threaten our guild and gather all these beaten freaks to come do your dirty work...And now you're grovelling at our feet for mercy?"

"I swear I didn't mean for it to turn out this way. I just didn't think Gramps' will was gonna be fair for me is all."

"After what you have done to us in the past and just now...**You have no right to call Gramps 'Gramps' and certainly no claim over any of his inheritance!**"

"Please listen to me!"

"Dammit Natsu just roast him already!"

"Now come on!... How much longer are you gonna let Natsu pick on me..._Half-Uncle Benny_..."

* * *

><p><em><span>23rd June X794<span>_

_The sun rises. A major revelation is revealed. _

_Benny Makaren._

_Relatives: Laxus Dreyer (Half-uncle)_

_Father – his *breathes deeply through a Styrofoam cup* real father : Makarov Dreyer_

_Mother: Still unknown (Mmm?-?-?)_

_Results of the will: Laxus gets to rejoin guild; Erza gets the killer awesome Fairy Law spell and some more ammo; Mirajane gets to be guild housekeeper – which was pretty much what she was already doing before but I guess it sounds more formal and official now; Natsu gets some stupid abstract advice much to his disappointment; everyone else gets some of Makarov's asset worth in the form of 10,000 jewel. _

_Fourth Master of the Guild as dictated by Makarov's Will beyond the grave: Benny Makaren._

* * *

><p><em>And so with a new guild master, some new guild members and peace restored to the land for the time being, everyone celebrates and drinks the night away – except for the lightweight new Master who ends up retiring from the elation early.<em>

_Oh and in keeping with Mishima's form, a previously defeated villain ends up joining the guild:_

* * *

><p>"WELL, WELL! What have we here I wonder? Looks like we're all having a splendid time indeed."<p>

"YOU TRASH SNIFFING BASTARD! What the hell do you want now!-?"

"Why I just felt like dropping in for a drink or two, you know since I plan on joining you folks on business and such."

"_Joining_ us?"

"Well since your guild managed to thwart my previous contract with the Geriatrics, I'm out of a job and need a new source of employment and income."

"Should I roast this guy for you Benny-boy?"

"Should we go all Die Hard on him and give him six to the torso?"

"It's your decision whether you accept him in our guild or not now...Master..."

"I just have one question...Why were you digging through my garbage that day?"

"Duh! I was looking through your receipts to get ID and stuff about you."

"Suits me. Fine you're in!"

* * *

><p><em><span>2nd July X784<span>_

_According to the Fairy Tail wiki, this is when the canon was _actually _meant to start, but noone noticed did they – hehe, gehehehe (*slurps some coffee evilishly*)_

* * *

><p><em><span>Somewhere between July-August X784<span>_

_The first proper time skip period in My Fairy (since being in a Lacrima crystal for two months doesn't really count) as Benny Makaren, the new master of the Fairy Tail guild, consolidates his new position of 'power', forming a new team with new recruits Yoshi Takimora and Darren 'The Layman' Cruz._

* * *

><p>"There's only one thing I hate more than Zombie-vampire-robot-ninja-pirates...And that's Zombie-vampire-robot-ninja-pirates...THAT SPARKLE!"<p>

* * *

><p><em>Don't we all. Anyway, it seems that during this time-skip, Benny and his new team had managed to score some slightly more epic jobs - -you know the kinds where you actually kinda had to sorta use some of your y'know...<em>Mahou_..._

* * *

><p>"You need to train harder Master Makaren. Who else will defend our guild if you cannot?"<p>

"Well. There's Natsu, Erza, Lucy, Wendy, Gray, Mirajane, Elfman, Gajeel, Levy, Laxus, The Thunder God Tribe, Cana, Juvia, Lisanna and I suppose those flying cats are pretty reliable too..."

"Yes, but what if something were to happen to _all_ [emphasis added] of them, then who would you depend on to defend the guild?"

"Well, I was pretty much hoping everyone else would chip in their lives for my sake y'know."

"I just wish you could take this a little more seriously Master."

"Well let's just head back and claim our Gems eh?"

* * *

><p><em>But with new friends and allies inevitably brings new enemies, foes and just plain outright douchebags...<em>

* * *

><p><em>"OH MY GAWD IT'S HIM!"<em>

"Aye it is!"

"**Bloody Mest Gryder...**"

* * *

><p><em>And with being a Master of a Mage's guild comes a Master of responsibilities; most of which are exacerbated when you're surrounded by general buffoons and three not so well-advising advisors.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Sorry Hunky, d'ya miss me?<strong>"

"WAGH!"

"Laxus why do you keep running off and reappearing at the most inconvenient times?"

"Sorry Hunky. I've been on another S-Class mission, fighting some demon babes down at the Volcanic Hot Springs."

"You said that was your mission the last time." I say in my high suspicion. "God could you guys please be a little more useful in your advisory roles!"

"I think it's time for our little scrapper of a Master to go to bed."

"What!-? But it's only 7.30...And who else is going to sort out these papers?"

"Aww, Master Makaren's had a big day didn't he? But now it's bed time for the little tiger ~isn't it~?"

"Wha- but I-*HURNGH*!"

* * *

><p><em>And so as the paperwork piled up and everyone's irrational fawning over Mest Gryder increased exponentially over the coming days, Benny would eventually confront his nemesis in more ways than one. But let's not worry about the brainwashed guild lynch mob and go straight to 'that' scene.<em>

* * *

><p><em>"Please stop this!"<em>

"_Shhh...I've nearly finished it..."_

"Mest."

[Insert tooth removing punch sound effect here]

"J-just what the hell...do you think you're doing?"

* * *

><p><em>But of course looks proved to be deceiving for the sugar-powered Master as Wendy explained the situation as innocently and peace-lovingly as usual. Then all of Benny's house of cards fell down when Lucy spouted out,<em>

* * *

><p><em>"BENNY HE HAS OCD!"<em>

"He has..._OCD_?"

"Yes for crying out loud! He was only using Wendy as a bookrest because he has a mental condition you idiot! Had you no idea?"

* * *

><p><em>If not wearing deodorant had caused enough resentment from his guild-mates, then the fact that he struck a mentally retarded and much-loved and admired guild member would certainly lead to pure revulsion.<em>

* * *

><p>"You hurt my buddy Mest? Oh you're not even worth scorching now..."<p>

"Yeah, Ben. Hitting a retard is just plain low."

"Geez I can't believe I ever looked up to you...Wait I never did anyway but still."

"You are an absolute disgrace to this guild!"

"I think we should consider if you're the kind of person we want leading our guild."

* * *

><p><em>And to prevent a very fatal outcome with Erza's new hand-me-down spell, Benny Makaren made the ultimate self-sacrifice.<em>

* * *

><p>"You have all caught me out...I really am nothing but a fraud...I don't deserve to be your Master or a member of this guild..."<p>

* * *

><p><em><span>8th August X784<span>_

_Benny Makaren officially goes on the Fairy Dole program (geddit because it's like a Fairy Doll but in fact he's working for the – oh forget about it!)_

* * *

><p><em><span>August-October X784<span>_

_The Unemployment arc – including three-week sub arc when Benny Makaren was working for Raving Rave's Ranch (but does that really count as a job?)_

* * *

><p><em><span>Sometime in October (dates unclear)<span>_

_Benny's condition deteriorates as he continues living in squalor. He nearly dies on several occasions but some of the larger mutant rats were able to perform resuscitation on him a few times._

_Thankfully, Benny was saved on one of these near death occasions by an actual person. And even better for him it's someone reasonably attractive too. And even more better for him perhaps is that it is someone he knows (or thinks he knows as we later find out)._

* * *

><p>"Poor fella, how long's it been since ya felt anything like this?"<p>

"Gaarruuhheerrreehh?"

"Lucy?"What are you doing?"

"Aww come on it's just a bit of fun."

* * *

><p><em>And so Lucy successfully – ahem, ahem...'Nursed' the withered little chap named Benny back to health. Now we find ourselves in, probably near the end of October or the start of November and Benny Makaren revitalised enough that he regains the courage and motivation to make amends with the guild. But all is not as it seems when he returns after such a long absence.<em>

* * *

><p><em>"JUVIA YOU BASTARD!"<em>

"I'LL KILL YOU LEVY!"

PLEASE DON'T HARM MY JUVIA-SAMA!"

"WHY CAN'T EVERYONE BE A TRUE GENTLEMAN AND SETTLE THIS PEACEFULLY?"

"I QUITE AGREE, YOUR SAVAGE BEHAVIOUR IS RUINING MY TEA!"

"**IF YOU ALL DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP IN FIVE SECONDS I'LL INSERT MY LANCE SO FAR UP YOUR ARSES YOU'LL BE RECITING THE TEN COMMANDMENTS IN A HOSPITAL WARD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!"**

* * *

><p><em>Apart from Erza, everyone else (whose important to the plot at least) was different. The shocking truth had been delivered to the very confused Benny-boy by none other than a certain Layman observer.<em>

* * *

><p><em>"The real ones went on a vacation to some island, these guys are just phony knockoffs..."<em>

* * *

><p><em>Despite those mean little minor characters (mainly led by Charles) deliberately keeping Benny in the dark about the recent character swap, Lucy (who turned out to be Edo-Lucy) gave the poor caffeine deprived lad a much-needed explanation for the sequence of events which had occurred over the last few months or so. Also the impression had been given that the real versions of those mages had in fact left at some point for their S-Class exam, making poor Benny feel even more dejected. But even without going on a remote island holiday exam, Benny would still wind up entering an S-Class trial of his own soon enough.<em>

* * *

><p>BOOOOOOOOOM!<p>

"What the clawing crap was that!-?"

* * *

><p><em>That, Benny-boy, is the moment you really start biting your overgrown nails...<em>

_That, Benny-boy, is the day the Fairy War began._

_Now with his strongest allies away at the worst possible time and a bunch of opposite-day-only-all-the-time Edolas folks in their places, Benny must now somehow organise his mixed bag of followers and lead the frontal defence of not only his Fairy Tail Guild, but his entire town, and possibly even the entire world (Oh er...well we won't go that far just yet...)! Is this amateur Master really up to the task to defend an entire city? And what exactly is this new enemy, which has made its presence felt quite loudly, that Benny and his Edo/Earthlandian allies must fight against? Make some room in those undies Benny-boy... you're gonna need a crap-load of it for the next dozen chapters..._

…

_..._

_Benny Makaren...20 years old...Last bastion of hope for Magnolia?_

_Oh they're so screwed!_

~To be Continued...~

* * *

><p><span>Well I hope you navigated your way through that troublesome best-of (*cough* fil *cough* filler *cough) chapter alright. Next chapter we shall see how Benny and the gang confront these scary looking mooks who are starting fires and killing people, which is making Mishima-sama very sad now. How will they respond to this immediate threat? Do you think they could use a little teamwork perhaps and save their sorry little fairy buttocks for at least a day or two? Bunker down as you stay tuned for the next epic chapter!<span>


	38. Get the GYST: Part I

**Right. Here's the drill that you must adhere to before each chapter from now until the end of** **this season**:

**1. Go to Youtube or some other music/OST hosting website.**

**2. Find yourself either _Towa no Kizuna _by DaisyXDaisy or even better _I Wish _by Milky Bunny and play the full version of either of those theme songs before the start of each chapter.**

**3. Set up your Fairy Tail OST playlist to include at least some of the following: _Erza no Theme; Against Magic; Anger Guren; Dragonslayer; Armor-Titania; Magic Challenger; Gunyuu Aiutsu; Mystogan no Theme; Super Dimensional Magic Anima; Disappearing Magic; Tenshi no Kunou; Pantherlily; Seirei Battle; Power of Justice; Erza vs. Erza; Dragon Force_ and just about any other epic, emotional and awesome OST music you can muster and go nuts enjoying the killer soundtrack to each episode from now on.**

**Hope you will keep this in mind as we venture down the second half of Season 2 and essentially the second half of the Trials and Tribulations of Tenrou Island Arc (that's what that little tTnToTi code I had attached to each chapter recently was meant to stand for in case anyone forgot). On with the show!**

* * *

><p><em>~The once peaceful and fair(l)y easy-going town of Magnolia suddenly finds itself embroiled in chaos and despair at the hands of a mysterious new enemy. Only one guild remains in the path of this enemy force - a guild of misfit Mages and illegal aliens from another universe. They are united by one young man with the power to grow his fingernails at his own will (most of the time...). Though appearances might give these folk no hope, they are the only chance this town currently has for survival. Can Benny-boy and the remaining half of his Fairy Tail guild who didn't go to Tenrou Island and the Edolas counterparts filling in for the missing cast take on their biggest challenge yet and save Magnolia? Find out as we venture into the Thirty-eighth (technically thirty-seventh since the last one was an intermission but what the heck) chapter!...<em>

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XII: Get the GYST: Part I

_Mr. Fawkins...He's lying right at my feet – dead...Dead – he's freaking not moving! That means he's dead for friggin real man..._

_He had so much character potential... _

"Hehehe, looks like this is the city's strongest guild..." They emerge from the flames, chuckling and speaking in a vented voice through their odd masks. I can't even be sure if they're human, these...things walking towards us out of the flames...They just torched a whole chunk of my town...They're not human at all...

THEY'RE F$*&KING MONSTERS!

And they're going to kill us too!

Damn it why didn't anyone warn me of the company risks! Where was their S.W.O.T analysis to plan ahead for this sort of emergency.

"Benny."

...I mean this is it. After all I've gone through in these last six or so months here in Magnolia and I have absolutely no way of escaping this final calamity...

"Uh Benny." I feel someone shaking my shoulders but I'm too entranced at these harbingers striding our way. I count about thirty, maybe forty or more of them, all identical in their garbs of white. Their irregular and asymmetrical masked, almost plastered onto their very flesh, giving off nothing but nihilistic terror and doom. I can't even see into their eyes with nothing but black darkness occupying the holes on their plaster veils. It's like I'm staring into the void of my own death...What the hell are these things and where the hell did they come from...More importantly I should ask-

"BENNY!"

"What?" I turn out of my paralysed fear and face an equally distressed Lucy.

"What are we going to do?" She asks me as if demanding an answer. "You're the master of this Guild so tell us?"

I quiver as I try to think of something but all I can picture is those flames and those masks and the dark eye-sockets. "I don't know...I DON'T BLOODY KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO!"

"Hahaha! Let's reap away these pathetic Fairy Tail Mages and make our Lord proud." I hear them discuss their plan of slaughter amongst themselves. They all possess an array of swords, pikes, and other various pieces of twisted, coiled or barbed steel – each progressively more painful and torturous looking than the buddy next to them.

"GHH! Move out the way!" In my complete frozen state, the Edolas Erza pushes me aside as she readies herself to take on the masked mobsters. "MELFORCE!"

"Ah it's Knightwalker!" The masked mooks call out as they are blown back by her Ten Commandments attack. "Those others must be the escaped prisoners! SIEZE THEM!"

I feel another figure step past me as she charges up her own type of Metal against their blades. "REPENTENCE RIFF: BATTLE OF JUSTICE – HAMMER MEDLEY!"

Yoshi's quick thinking and fast notes manage to knock back the left flank of their army, but even the combined efforts of Edo-Erza and Yoshi cannot hold back such a large force.

"TRI-GUN (NO AFFILIATION) COMBO BULLET ATTACK! BAZOOKA TORNADO CARAMELLO DELUXE BULLET BONANZA!" Thankfully despite my complete uselessness, three more of my Mages have managed to fight off the right flank with their combined gun's magic.

"PURPLE RAIN!"

"SMOKE CRUSH!"

"SAND WAVE!"

"What? Don't let these petty magicians hold us back!" Despite the smoke fists, hard fireballs and sandy whips, the soldier's press through the magic storm, narrowing the distance between them and our guild doorstep.

"Can anyone else here fight?" Knightwalker turned back, grunting as she parried away a masked mook before slashing across his torso.

"Well if some of them get close enough I can use my dance to weaken them a little." Vjeeter answered as he hopped on one leg somewhere between fear and fea-reakin' weird.

"I think we might be screwed here." Warren foretells everyone with his very useful combat ability of telepathy.

"Levy-chan save us!" Droy and Jet are still huddling behind their beloved teammate despite her not really being their real version.

"Geez what d'ya think I'm supposed to do? Use magic or something?" She yells back at them in annoyance.

"Benny, what do we do?" And thanks to Edo-Lucy I'm back in the fray. "We can't hold them back any longer."

And just as the first few of them are about to press their muddy feet onto the guild's entry step, I finally kick some sense into myself and shout out at the Mages who've suddenly decided to let me be boss again. "RETREAT BACK INTO THE GUILD! RETREAT!-!-!-!-!"

As the flames spread across the street, following the enemy as though to guard their rear, the other mages accept the futility of this battle and withdraw inside the safe doors of the guild (safe for only a little longer though it seems). Erza reaches the stairs and takes one last turn back towards the rushing enemy before she leaves them a departing present. "GRAVITY CORE!"

"Gagh!" The giant black sphere engulfs a large portion of the group carving through their ranks as she finally steps inside. As soon as Edo-Erza is in, Edo-Mirajane and Edo-Cana slam the two wooden doors shut and place the plank in place to lock the door – our last gate of defence from this unknown force.

"The door won't hold them back for long." Lucy regards as the mobs incessant bashing keeps us on our toes. "So anyone else want to throw in a plan?"

"Natsu is sacred, will you protect me Lucy?" Although I wish I could laugh at Parallel Natsu as he coils around Lucy's shin sobbing, I feel very much the same way. This shit-storm has suddenly been thrown upon me and the half-baked guild as soon as I made what I hoped was only a modest return.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Poo and Shit rolled together in takoyaki stew!-!-!" I find myself scratching the table in hopelessness now. "Who the hell put me in charge anyway? I can't even write a bloody tax form let alone run a guild...This is messed up! I don't want to be a Mage anymore! I just want to go back home and forget about this charade! I can't do it! I can't bloody cope with this shit anymore! I'm packin' it in before it's-"

SLAP.

I was suddenly brought back to my senses with a stinging slap to my cheek. As I rubbed my cheek I sighed. "Lucy?"

Her shoulders are shaking and her fists balled tight, I follow the splashing water dampening the back of her palms as the tears drip down her bowed head. "I don't know much about you, or your relationship with your guild – BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE YOU RIGHT NOW!"

"Lucy?"

"We've got enough problems back home without you messing it up for us." Erza put it much more bluntly as she tapped over. "You wouldn't have been Master of the guild just from a fluke."

Actually it kinda was- "...So lift your head up and take charge. You're town's in trouble, so what are you gonna do about it: scratch the table and cry like a stupid brat, or stand up and fight?"

Nobody speaks, they all stare hushed at me, our only noise of comfort coming from the splintering of the wooden doors. They'll be in here soon at this rate. Not even Edo-Erza seems to have the leadership to take on this threat. But she's got something I don't have – heck all off these guys in front of me have something I am yet to possess: strength...Strength and true Magic ability.

"Even if you say all those things." I look down at the scratch marks on the table. "I'm just not strong enough to fight those things out there...I can grow my nails and that's about it. You may as well try and make a break for it while you still can."

"Master Makaren." I hear one of my newer teammates call me by the formal title despite me not deserving it. "We all want you to lead us because you 'do' possess a strength."

"Yoshi?" I am slightly surprised by the rocker girl's words.

"Yoshi's right." Cruz adds. "I've noticed it a bit recently but there's definitely something about you which is quite noteworthy indeed."

"_Oh boy –_ yes I'm afraid I'll have to admit it too," Charles hovers to my side with shrugged shoulders. "How else would you have gotten this far if you were just a complete idiot, there's definitely something in that skull of yours Benny."

"I already know what it is..." the Lucy from the other world walks over and presses a soft hand to my chest. "It's resilience...I knew you had that strength in you from the moment I saw you collapsed in your own bodily fluids in the alley that day."

A perfectly synchronised "EWWW!" came from the rest of the guild.

"Thanks Lucy." I say with a slight smile. "Though perhaps you could have left that last bit out."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinkin' of too." Wakaba added with the flick of his hand. "That little bugger managed to come back from all those cruddy jobs we gave him still mostly intact in there."

"Yeah that bastard just won't give in no matter how much Vulcan poo is thrown at him." Macao chuffs as well.

"He's surely been given the faecal end of the stick here in Fairy Tail, but time and time again he came back every day ready for his next job." Laki adds to the growing number of brown references.

"Okay I appreciate the sentiment I'm feeling a lot better now but-"

"Heck even when we literally tied him up to that cross one day and burned all that horse manure around the ring and left him for twelve hours, he still didn't falter that much." Max and a few other minors add.

"Okay guys really I get the point-"

"This guy's crap-full of courage isn't he?" Alzack throws a thumb my way.

"Yes he sure is Zack-kun." Bisca doesn't seems turned off by the topic though.

"I'm gathering from this conversation." Now Edo-Dick is getting in on it too. "I'd say you're a walking pile of sh-"

"SHUT UP PLEASE NO MORE CRAP REFERENCES!" I howl back at the others lifting their hair a little in the process. "Now, if we're gonna stop these guys we have to fight as one team got it?"

"Yep."

"Phew well that's the plan go nuts everyone-YACK!" Before I could bail out I'm clung back in by a humourless Erza. "No sorry I can help you guys out the best I can."

CRACK. The doors had just about broken through, as the splinters scattered onto the floor I quickly analysed my entire unit. "Right, Laki have you got wood?"

The purple-head meganekko stood to attention and gave me a salute. "Yes I do sir, and I can use Wood Magic too!"

"Um, yeah...Quickly reinforce that door with your Wood Magic."

"Righteo! WOOD-MAKE: WOOD WALL." Sprouting from her wood-finish colour magic circle forms the basis of a huge wooden barrier which quickly sprouts up and fortifies the doorway just before the enemy can break through.

"Now Jet, quickly take some Iron nails off of Gajeel over there and nail that wall in place."

"Um I can't make Iron, or do any magic for that matter." The dapper Gajeel raises his hand to point something crucial out.

"What?" I say with wide eyes just as the bashing resumes. "So can't any of you Edo-folk apart from Erza use magic?"

"Nope." Natsu sighs sucking his thumb.

"Nope." Gray adds whilst slipping on another jumper.

"Nada." Levy shakes her head.

"Not one bit." Juvia pulls away her gaze just before Gray can take in her eyes.

"Nilch." Mirajane winks as her big nerdy brother hides behind her.

"Zip." Wendy shakes her three heads.

"Yes it's quite an inconvenience we Edolasians are." Cana says before she loudly slurps up the remainder of her tea, contradicting her own Parallel image (which I guess is an irony inside an irony).

"But I can use this whip if it helps at all." Lucy whips out (hehe geddit) a cylindrical object before materialising a glowing energy whip from the handle of it. "I guess now that I'm in Earthland I can make use of this baby again."

"Right, do any of you Edo-folk have a cool glowing weaponmajig like Lucy here?"

"_Oh crap I left mine back home." _I hear a few of them scratching their heads and cursing themselves.

"Well most of us had our weapons confiscated when we were in jail." Juvia explains. "But I've got a bit of muscle to throw around for those jerks out there anyway."

"Nuh-uh! Levy is the real boss of bruising here!"

"You wanna go now squirt?" Juvia and Levy suddenly crash heads as they stare daggers at each other.

"Please Juvia-sama don't fight, anger gives you wrinkles." Gray tries to pull the butch bluehead away.

"Yes please stay tender and peace-loving like our old Levy-chan." Droy and Jet also help break the tension before it gets worse.

Anyway perhaps more importantly, there is still a bunch of crazed masked men trying to break into our guild and murder us to death.

"Well any of you guys who has or knows how to use a weapon, we're gonna need your help too." I continue running the battle plan which I'd just scrawled up in my head. "Pantherlily, how long can you stay in your awesome mode for?"

"A few minutes at most." The little black brawler answers humbly.

"Erza and you can lead the front since you're both the strongest out of everyone here." I hear a few dejected sighs down the back. "Well come on I'm just sayin' I mean why else weren't the rest of you picked for the S-Class exam huh? See? Anyway, I liked that little gun trio you had goin' out there so Layman, Bisca and Alzack can provide some support for Erza and Pantherlily."

"I've been practising my new fragrances with those two while you were away." The Layman bows with a sly grin. "They'll wish they never had noses after I've shown my wares to them."

"Anyway, Yoshi and Lucy will stick with me whilst anyone else with combat based magic supports the rear. Everyone else huddle tight, the last thing we want is for our group to split up 'kay?"

"Yes Master." Wow, they all just called me master, no 'Benny-boys' or other stupid nicknames this time around. I think I might have really made a connection with-

"So this was the book Mest was reading back then?" My wonderful thought monologue was once again rudely interrupted as Charles flew back into the room after walking out for a brief reprise in the library. "What! Why that meddling mole!"

"What's the matter Charles lemme see." I grab the book off of the flying feline as I take a quick flick through the contents. "So this was the one he was reading just before I was kicked out? Hmm?" I flick through a few more pages until I find myself lowering my jaw in shock. "My God...I knew he was up to no good. Does this mean-"

CRASH. Now the enemy won't let me complete a loud thought as they barge through Laki's Wood Wall. With the array of porcelain faced soldiers spilling into the guild we have only one way of escape now.

"Are you guys ready?" I shout out to my followers.

"Hell yeah!" Erza grins with way too much enthusiasm for battle.

"_Yooooshi! _Let's claw our way through them!"

"Wait were you wanting me for something?' Yoshi points to herself in confusion.

"What? No I meant you know like in the Animes they go – oh never mind." I mash my hands around my face before starting over. "Alright! You guys ready?"

"YES!"

"Alright! Let's claw our way through them!"

"YEAH!"

~To be continued~

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><p><span>After some initial self-doubting and some slightly helpful comments from Edo-Lucy and the others, Benny-boy is back in the boat as captain of the Fairy Fleet. But his informal reinstallment does not allow much time for celebration with the enemy literally on their doorstep and inside the whole darn house too! Will Benny-boy's new strategy save their Tails for at least the end of the next episode? And what could that book Charles picked up have been about? Find out this and much more in the next action-packed chapter!<span>


	39. Get the GYST: Part II

_~The once peaceful and fair(l)y easy-going town of Magnolia suddenly finds itself embroiled in chaos and despair at the hands of a mysterious new enemy. Only one guild remains in the path of this enemy force - a guild of misfit Mages and illegal aliens from another universe. They are united by one young man with the power to grow his fingernails at his own will (most of the time...). Though appearances might give these folk no hope, they are the only chance this town currently has for survival. Can Benny-boy and the remaining half of his Fairy Tail guild who didn't go to Tenrou Island and the Edolas counterparts filling in for the missing cast take on their biggest challenge yet and save Magnolia? Find out as we venture into the Thirty-ninth chapter!... **oh and also** __'**His' name will finally be revealed on today's episode! Enjoy!**_

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XIII: Get the GYST: Part II

"Alright let's claw some new faces on these masked mooks!" With Yoshi providing a nice little pagan ditty of bagpipes to the electric guitar our kooky little corps gets underway.

"EXPLOSION!" Erza leads the vanguard so to speak with her freakish multi-purpose trident, forming a massive explosion of flames and providing a cloud of surprise for the rest of us to charge through.

"HOARGH!" Pantherlily unleashes his awesome mode by growing five times his usual size into his tank cat-man form, punching his way through a few mooks and cracking some skulls and a few of their ugly masks too.

"Yes! Now Cruz, Bisca and Alzack it's your turn..." I command with the wave of a long-nailed hand.

"You don't even need to mention it Master." Cruz finds is old fedora cap again (I was wondering where that went), holding it over his brow as he steps between the bonnie and Clyde of the gun trio.

"Let's do it Bis-chan."

"Yeah let's pump some lead into 'em Zak-kun."

"Okay guys let's..." The Layman pulls out a different weapon from his revolver as the two others assemble a pose to finish off the attack. "Give these folks..." With his gun loaded and his right leg staggered out like a cowboy ready for a cheesy standoff the ritual is just about complete. "A chocolate whipped sundae they'll never forget.

Um...What?

"TRI-GUN BULLET COMBO ATTACK. MUDDY TEXTURED CHOCO-DOUBLE SHOT SUNDAE ODOURED HOT SALT BULLET FLURRY MACHINE GUN!"

TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT... "AH!AH!AH!AH!AH!" Was the sounds of those measly weakling enemies of ours as they were being cut down to tasty shreds by the gun quipper's.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" That was what the gun-quippers (mostly cruz) sounded like as they emptied their loads onto their unfortunate targets. Darren's sadistic grin was lit up by the frequent flashes of light from his gun, like watching an 80's Anime but without all the convulsive attacks afterwards. Yeah don't be fooled by his nickname, this guy was not just gonna be lay about things if you cross him the wrong way.

"Splendid! We have an opening! EVERYONE CHARGE!"

As one fell unit, we blitzed through the enemy, thankfully most of these minor guys could actually throw their fists around a little, not to mention use a little flare with their magic skills too. The Edo-fogeys stuck close to the Mages, Levy and Juvia providing some muscle in place of the rather pacifistic Natsu, Gray and all the other otherwise macho male cast.

"Ungh. Benny stop narrating and pay attention." Edo-Lucy called me out of my trance just as she head-butted another masked dude.

"Oh sorry, I get sidetracked even in times like this I guess." I scratch the back of my head - ow the claws just got tangled in my hair better pull 'em out...gnnh.

"WATCH OUT!" Yoshi pushes her butt my way, knocking me to the ground just as a crazed mook flies overhead and eventually crashing into the opposite wall.

"Tch. Forget about them, withdraw for now." One of the mook commanders whose rank was distinguished only by a single red racing stripe running down his otherwise plain white mask. "They'll all be dead meat by the time our Lord arrives here anyway."

"YEAH AND STAY OUT!" I felt myself gladly shouting back at those fleeing villains as they ran away in humiliating defeat. Even though I didn't provide much fighting effort to the melee, I still felt like I had contributed somehow, by kindly telling others what to do!

"Great job guys. We really put a dint in their mugs eh?"

"You could have at least given us more airtime." Max whines alongside the other minors.

"I think I might have wet my pants." Edo-Natsu (you know what can we just call him Natsu B or something?) cries over by the upturned tables.

"Now come on, we would probably all like to have a cry or two right now, but there's no time for emotions – we have to save our town!"

"Ugh, Benny..." Yoshi kindly pointed a finger towards my elbow which was grazed and bleeding slightly from when Yoshi butt barged me to the wooden floor.

"Ungh! I'm bleeding?" Some pepper must have carried in the breeze just now because I found myself sniffling and tearing up all of a sudden. "Uhh! It might have splinters *sniff* *sniff*"

"Quit your crying squirt." Erza B kindly gave me a heavy smack to the back of the head. "What were you just saying before?"

"Yeah I meant for everyone else, but when the leader gets a boo-boo it's a serious issue." I try and use my puppy eye and rolling lip tactic on the Edo-Titania and she reacts quite typically...

No wait she does not! She looks away and starts blushing... "Stop that, you really are being childish for a guild master!"

"_You seemed pretty restless for while there."_

"_Erza! Did you carry me back home?"_

"_Uh, yeah. I just wanted to make sure you weren't having a real bad nightmare or anything."_

"_Oh, well I guess that's nice of you to do that for me Erza."_

"_No problem, well, I guess I'll just head out now."_

"So it was _you _who carried me back home and watched me dream that night!" I point a very accusing finger at the blushing Titania.

"Grr." It seems her turning blush was only designed to last a few seconds as she quickly yanks by the collar off the ground. "Why the hell would I want anything to do with a wuss like you!"

"Hey let him down Knightwalker." Lucy B comes over and tries to calm her more fiery redhead comrade.

"_Honestly_..." Erza B grumbles to herself before dropping me back down to the relatively safer confines of earth. Forcing herself to look away again she mutters, "For the record, I was only observing you in case you really were the Fairy Boy we're searching for."

"Who's this Fairy Boy you're all so fascinated with? Is he like some sort of super strong homosexual or something?"

"Watch your tongue!" Erza snaps back, her trident flaring up with something potentially explosive.

"That's enough Erza!" Lucy steps between us with her arms spread out wide. "We have to work together as a team if we have any chance of rescuing our friends back home."

"I don't need teamwork to help me get what I came here for. I can take care of myself from here on out."

"Then why have you been helping us until now?" Lucy B (Yeah maybe this warrants going back to Edo-Lucy now) retorts with an emotional voice.

"Because I wanted to pay back that bastard who took over our Kingdom. I never cared about you guys, there's only three people I'm concerned with: one that I love, one that I'm searching for and the one I have to kill."

"ERZA!-?"

It looks like all the Edo-folk have been shafted quite brutally by the redhead as she throws her trident over one shoulder and turns her back as she begins walking out of the guild and into the fiery maze beyond the broken doorway. "I never intended to help you guys once we left Edolas, it just suited our circumstances that we stayed around each other up until this point."

"Erza wait! We need you!" But by the time Lucy reaches out her hand, the burning scarlet rose has already welted into the fiery horizon.

"I was gonna say, she seemed pretty keen on following my orders just a moment ago." I shrug my shoulders now that our little militia has essentially lost half of its strength. "Guess she just follows the trail of battle or something like that."

"What are we gonna do now?" Natsu cries in his anguish. "We can't take on 'Him' without Erza. We're seriously screwed now! WE'RE SCREWED I TELSYA!"

SLAP. Now I finally got to try out something I've always wanted to do to the real Natsu but was too afraid I might get burned alive for. "Snap out of it _Summer-boy! _We can still make it our of this mess and save both this town and your friends!"

"But how?" Gray pipes up looking a bit more swollen with another few layers of clothing on. "Erza was the only one of us who could really fight those guys."

"Yeah, and she could use magic too." Elf-nerd nods behind his sister.

"Look you don't always need to use magic to win battles." I try and explain. "You can use your smarts to avoid your enemy and then find their weakness."

"The dumb clawed man is right." Dapper Dick (hey! Shut up!) concurred whilst flipping out a notebook. "If we can find a useful refuge just outside the city, we can form a new base of operations and plan our next attack from there."

"Yeah, but does anyone here know a good place where we _can _hide?"

"If a so-called' flying-feline' could contribute." Charles grumpily flies down into view. "We could go to the Fairy Hills female dormitory just a short distance out of town."

"Hey I know," I get a lightbulb moment. "Let's go that dorm the female guild members use outside of town – Fairy Halls or something!"

"I JUST SAID THAT YOU DOOFUS! And It's Fairy _Hills _not Fairy _Halls!_"

"Kukuku..." I cover my snickering grimace. "The flying cat thinks I stole her plan! Kukuku-"

"Oh drop it already! We don't have time for your childish antics boy!" Whatever Charles...

"'Fairy Hills'? Let's just hope 'his' subjects haven't already laid seige to it." Lucy put her hands on her hips.

"'His subjects'? You Edo-folk love using very broad terms to describe people."

"Those guys with the masks who just poured in here are 'His' loyal subjects." Lucy looked away with anger. "Or rather, they are those who submitted to 'His' rule and were too afraid to disobey him."

"Wow...Whoever 'He' is must be a real hard-arse forcing people to do his bidding, locking others up and then bringing his army down here for a war." I shake my head. "Anyway I wonder what 'He's' up to right now?"

/?/?/?/

"_Me'Lord I'm terribly sorry to interrupt but we have a report." Emerging from the portal which had still been left in place was the red-stripe masked commander and a few of his roughed up comrades from the earlier battle. "It seems there is still some small resistance in Magnolia at this moment, we might have underestimated the strength of those left in the town's main guild."_

"_I see." Their commander took another sip of his wine before laying it on the table. "I'm terribly sorry about this Purehito but can you let me take care of this small problem." The guest on board Grimoire Heart's maiden guild craft rose from his chair and went over to the three kneeling soldiers. He looked down at the red streaked one in the centre caressing the surface of his smooth mask before closing his hands down and crushing through the material, the subordinate had no time to even scream his last words as his Lord clenched his talons deep through the mask and flesh of his cranium before crushing his featureless head into a lump of shattered porcelain and grey matter. As the two other soldiers gasped at their comrades gruesome punishment, their Lord held up whatever remained of their comrade's head and caught some of the falling flesh juice onto his tongue, slurping his life fluid as if it were another chalice of wine. _

"_If you have anything else to say about this so called 'resistance' please feel more than welcome to speak up like your friend here." And as some of the purplish liquid dribbled down the corners of his mouth, the Lord discarded the rest of the meal and referred to another masked warrior who had remained in the room earlier. "Maybe you should go to Magnolia and show these lot around, that is if you're willing to test your loyalty."_

_The other masked warrior knelt onto one knee and crossed a hand over his heart. "I would be honoured to fulfil your command...Lord Banzai..."_

~To be continued~

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><p><span>The enemy boss sure has a nice way of dealing the discipline out on his soliders...Is this the kind of person Benny-boy and the others must face in order to save Magnolia Town? And now that Erza B has gone and given the ultimate bird to the others, how can they evdn stand a chance against this deadly enemy force? Anyway what's gotten that Edo-Erza so moody anway? And who are these three people she's after? Maybe the one she wants to kill has got it lucky compared to the other two eh? Anyway let's find out all these troubling questions and much much more in the next thrilling chapter!<span>


	40. Get the GYST: Part III

**Yay we've reached the 100,000 words mark of My Fairy, this calls for an out of place filler episode to celebrate-****  
><strong>

**[THACK] Ow! Okay maybe we shouldn't then...  
><strong>

**Don't worry, stuff's gonna happen in this chapter - in fact Benny nearly dies so there you go! Enjoy your regular programming...  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>~The once peaceful and fair(l)y easy-going town of Magnolia suddenly finds itself embroiled in chaos and despair at the hands of a mysterious new enemy. Only one guild remains in the path of this enemy force - a guild of misfit Mages and illegal aliens from another universe. They are united by one young man with the power to grow his fingernails at his own will (most of the time...). Though appearances might give these folk no hope, they are the only chance this town currently has for survival. Can Benny-boy and the remaining half of his Fairy Tail guild who didn't go to Tenrou Island and the Edolas counterparts filling in for the missing cast take on their biggest challenge yet and save Magnolia? Find out as we venture into the Fortieth Chapter!<em>

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XIV: Get the GYST: Part III

The battle lines have been drawn. The game plan is up on board. Our destination awaits us. Now we just have to implement a few procedures.

Firstly, how to actually get to Fairy Hills without dying.

Secondly, how to stop this fire before it spreads across the whole town.

Thirdly, how to counter those masked goons if we do unfortunately come across their shapeless forms again.

Fourthly, how to get Edo-Erza and a few more allies on our side.

And Fifthly, where to find a loo around here, seriously I've been holding this brown nugget inside for like three days now and It could breach soon.

"We have to stop this fire somehow." Max contributed far too many more lines than he deserves.

"Thanks for the reminder." I say, observing the burning towers above. "If Gray's stalker was here, she could have put the flames out easy enough; I think Lucy A has a key which can put these sorts of things out too. But no-one who can eat or extinguish fire is here at the moment is there?"

"If I think hard enough it might stop." Warren...just...just stop...

"I could make a rain dance." Vjeeter conjured up another useless idea as he continued dancing in the background anyway.

"Um...I could use my sand magic to suffocate the flames from above." Seriously Max how many lines do you think I can give you minors each, I don't care if you think you can put out the flames with your sand magic there's just not enough space for you to-

Hang on that might actually work...

"Okay, Max so how do we get you high enough to put out the flames?"

"Well I could make a tower out of wood." Laki said something sensible for once as she looked around nervously. "But I'm worried the flames might burn my woody too." Damn you were so close to a back-to-back streak...

"Then we'll have to get Max up there quickly before the flames reach the tower." I respond in our brainstorm.

"I can carry Max up there with my quick speed." Jet chipped in with the flick of his fingers.

"Alright, then I think we might be able to initiate project Benny's Brilliant Fire Slaying plan!"

"Why should it be named after you? You're not even going to do anything!"

"Because shut up that's why?"

"Um guys," Yoshi pointed out the creeping wall of flames. "Maybe we should initiate project Benny or whatever right about now."

"Good idea Yoshi!" I nod as I feel my sweat vaporising off my forehead from the intense heat. "Charge!"

"What do you mean charge, we're not charging-"

"JUST GO AND PUT THE FIRE OUT FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

"Okey-dokey." Loki jumps out first and does her thing. "WOOD MAKE: DARUMA TOWER!" And so with the raising of her hands she summons several large platforms of wood stacked on top of one another until a strange looking face shaped piece landed on top of the pile. "And see when we're done we can play Mega-Daruma-Otoshi!"

"That's fantastic Laki..." I say with a heavy sigh. "Now Jet, take Max up to the top!"

"I'll be back in a jiffy!" Jet saluted before he snatched the Sandy-haired Mage and carried him bridal-style up the rather unstable looking tower.

"By the way Laki, aren't those thing's designed to-"

"CRAP WE"RE FALLING!" Much to everyone's surprise (not really), Max and the Yusain Bolt of Fairy Tail were tumbling town much like those giant Daruma pieces.

"Hang on I've got this." Edo-Lucy kindly borrowed my shoulders as she jumped off my back and summoned her energy whip, lassoing the two falling mages just before they could meet their early retirement from the show.

"Great job Laki!" I grind my teeth in slight frustration. "I mean why bother making a normal study tower when you can make a giant daruma otoshi instead?"

"I'm sorry Master." The purplehead squeezed her fingers like a bridge. "Does this mean I'm fired?"

"I think we're all about to be fired in a minute..." The Layman provided some rather uncalled for puns just as our lives were about to be met with burning results.

"Omagodomagodomagod! Wereallgonnadie!" Natsu B, who ironically proved to be far less useful in stopping the flames than anyone else was running around throwing his buckets of tears all over the place.

Hmm...?

"Hey Summer-boy, bring your tears over her for a sec." The rather submissive Dragon-slayer lookalike ran towards me with spread arms – probably hoping to find another person to sink his despair into. When he was within range, his epic tears managed to put out a large area of the fire as they splashed against the skeletal building frames.

"Way to go! Who'd've thought a Natsu would ever be useful for putting _out _fires instead of starting them up!" Optimism rises in our group as the pinkhead continues wailing against the inferno. "That's it feed those tears to the burning cauldron mwahahaha!"

Aside from sounding a little evil, I was really quite impressed at how much progress we were making putting out the great fire of Magnolia.

Well until Natsu turned back to us with a sniffle of his nose and said, "I'b all dried ub!"

Needless to say, the flames must have taken this as a good chance to fight back again...

"Dammit Natsu B now we're really screwed!" As the flames spread back towards us they travelled a lot faster than before, like a blazing trail stabbing out as if to pierce our throats.

And wouldn't you know it, I was the first in line for the fire kebab...

"BENNY!" Edo-Lucy called out for me but she was just a pace and a half too far to reach me in time.

All I could to as the flames licked around my body was jut my claws out and pray...

/?/?/?/

"_Hey papa, why doeth my chocowate taste all funny and moving?"_

"_Oh my wee child, that's not a chocolate your eating, that's a slug!" **[Disclaimer: kids, don't eat slugs okay...They're very poisonous unless you're an idiot like this kid]**  
><em>

"_*Baarrp*...A what?"_

"_Haha, Onii-chan's so funny!"_

"_Hey! I'm not funny! Papa!"_

"_Now come on you two play nice...One day you'll both grow up to be bright and talented young men...And you'll both make your father very proud indeed..."_

"_Weally?"_

"_Really my wee Benny-boy..."_

…

_..._

/?/?/?/

What was all that flashing before my eyes just now? Was that even real? Did those things ever happen? I really can't be sure...Maybe I've just been reincarnated into a young boy again...I mean those flames were pretty hot and deadly weren't they?

Hmm? Where are those flames anyway?

"Benny! Thank God!" When I feel Edo-Lucy glomping me from behind, I come to my senses and realise I'm still standing here but I never felt any heat nor feel any pain and the flames seem to have parted away in the distance...

"How the hell did you do that?" Jet and the other Mages suddenly ran over looking quite impressed by my Houdini fluke. "The flames were like all over you one second then went out the next."

"It was like they were blown away or something." Wakaba added with a few puffs of his pipe.

Meanwhile all I could do is look completely flabbergasted myself. I really should be dead right now but instead at looks like I've parted the Nile River of Flames and done the job not even our trio tag team of Laki, Max and Jet could pull off.

Kuku...Wait till I tell the real Natsu about this...

/?/?/?/

"Boris's Butch Bakery and Becky's Baked-up Butcher's are safe; so too is the south-eastern Districts and all of the western side." Jet confirmed as he came back from his lighting fast survey of the town.

"So the enemy has only really damaged the north-east of town so far?" I gently scratch my semi-beard (a scraggly bunch of hairs curling over the bottom of my chin) "Then we can still prevent a massive amount of casualties of we fight the rest of those masked baddies now!"

"Wait!" Edo-Lucy stepped in again (she's really been filling in her share of airtime in Lucy A's place - in more ways than one hasn't she eh?) "We can't take on 'His' army with our current strength."

"But they could be causing all sorts of terror right nw as we speak!" I plead back to her. "If they take out Randy's Ramen shop it's all done! I'll be better off dead!" I throw my hands in the air and slap them back down on my thighs just to stress my angst.

"You're forgetting that half of us cannot even fight these soldiers." Lucy yelled back with more passion in her voice this time. "Not only are we unable to use Magic but most of us have no weapons to use either."

"Actually." Charles comes flying back into the conversation again. "Erza's dorm has a huge weapon's cache and armoury we can use."

"Really?" I light up with hope and a bit of squeaky excitement too. "Then we can really kick their arses with some of Erza's toys."

"Even if we can push back those masked guys..." Lucy looks down, her blonde locks falling over her eyes. "We still have no chance of beating 'Him'."

"Yeah but-" I feel myself swallowing my tongue, unable to think of what to say to those words – that despairing face. Somehow Edo-Lucy reminded me of the real Lucy...And thinking about her, I wouldn't want to leave her with no town to come back home to after her Island Holiday-Exam...

I felt a bead of sweat trial down the right side of my brow as I gulped, clenching a fist. "No..."

Everyone sans Lucy widened their eyes a little when they heard my words. I couldn't even focus on my bleeding palm this time I was so serious about myself. "No I won't let this 'Him' guy or anyone take over my town! No matter what, I – no we – will stop 'Him'!"

"Benny?" Edo-Lucy showed that even she can look just as cute with tears clouding her eyes as the genuine version can. "You really believe that don't you?"

"Yup." I nod quite cheerfully for a change. "I mean is the Key to the Starry Sky Arc just an excuse for some character rehashing and story filler?"

"Um...Actually yes." The Layman pointed out with quite a deadpan in his voice. "And how should you even know that right now anyway?"

"Never mind, the point is...err crap...Thanks a lot Cruz now I forgot all that sentimental stuff I was gonna bring up!" I look down and curse at my bleeding hand. "Oh that's right, it was something about '_oh Lucy, you saved me from giving up before haven't you?_' but all the heart in it is gone now so-"

FLOOSH. I find myself rudely interrupted by a large whirring noise as though someone has just displaced the air around them with a teleporting technique or something similar.

"*Hah* *Hah*...Thank God I made it here..." I hear a familiar voice panting as they remain crouched over with a hand on one knee. "You guys *Hah*...You've gotta help...Fairy..."

"Hang on mate, catch your breath first then talk." As I walk over and check this bloke out I finally take in all his familiar features. My heart went from boiling with anticipation to boiling with rage at that moment when his face lifted, his scarred face meeting with mine.

The bastard who brainwashed Fairy Tail looked up at me with a weak smile. "Master Makaren, am I glad to see you again..."

~To be continued~

* * *

><p><span>Benny's best mate in the whole of Fiore has just returned from what must've been a pretty damn fast express trip back home. But hang on a sec - wasn't his powers only that of mind manipulation and the amazing ability of being a douche? I guess he can teleport as well. More importantly perhaps we should be asking is why has he come back and what could be going on over the other side of that big body of water which seperates Fairy Tail's elites from the chumps (and a few other miscellaneous folk who fit into the category)? Has Mest come back for the purpose of good or evil? And will Benny welcome him back without his claws out anyway? Find out all these and more in the next exciting chapter!<span>


	41. Meet Yer Me'ker: Part I

_~The once peaceful and fair(l)y easy-going town of Magnolia suddenly finds itself embroiled in chaos and despair at the hands of a mysterious new enemy. Only one guild remains in the path of this enemy force - a guild of misfit Mages and illegal aliens from another universe. They are united by one young man with the power to grow his fingernails at his own will (most of the time...). Though appearances might give these folk no hope, they are the only chance this town currently has for survival. Can Benny-boy and the remaining half of his Fairy Tail guild who didn't go to Tenrou Island and the Edolas counterparts filling in for the missing cast take on their biggest challenge yet and save Magnolia? Find out as we venture into the Forty-first Chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XV: Meet Yer Me'ker: Part I

"Master Makaren, am I glad to see you."

Mest Gryder. A name I would normally pass by on the street and never bother to remember. But in fact a name that has been branded into my bitter memories for the last few months. What could he be doing here at this time of all possible times to reappear. Why now? Honestly why right at this very incidental moment?

I notice his clothes are quite tattered and his covered in dirt. Just what sort of obstacle courses have those Mages been running through over at the holiday exam I wonder. I know, maybe Mest threw up halfway through his trial and had to come back home in cowardly shame. Haha! Yeah let's go with that one.

"Don't tell me I was too late here as well?" Mest gulps out a few heavy breaths between words. "Please tell me noone was seriously hurt."

Charles whispers in my ear a little reminder about just how much of a total arse Mest really is – and on this rare occasion I entirely agree with the flying feline. "Yeah, it's pretty tragic what's happened here ain't it Mest ol' bud."

"It's much worse than I feared. I have to report this to the Magic Co-" Mest suddenly swallowed his last few words, clasping his mouth shut as though he really did have something to hide. "I mean, I gotta tell Natsu and the others."

"Yeah we better grab those trusty Mages and bring 'em back home to help us fight these evildoers." I said making sure I was sounding as sarcastic as possible of course. "Those evildoers which just so happen to be working for YOU AHAH!"

With a clawed finger pointing square at his chest the bumbling memory manipulator started crawling backwards. "Gah! What do you mean working for me?"

"Drop the BS Mest – if that even _is _your name. I have uncovered irrefutable proof that you're the one behind these terrorist attacks in Magnolia." I point my head towards my (Wendy's) trusty feline. "Bring forward Exhibit A Charles."

When Charles hands down the item of evidence I continue my prosecution of the slug. "This book entitled _How to Sabotage a Mage Guild For Dummies _was the very book you were reading on Wendy's legs the day I voluntarily resigned from the guild. You figured that if you sent away our strongest members on some remote island under the pretence of an S-Class exam that you could let your goons run riot over our town. But there was one key actor you never took into account with your devilish plans – Moi! That's right HAHAHAH I beat you Mest! And now I'm going to stop you and save this town from destruction!"

"Uh...Not to rain on your great big spiel there Master..." Cruz suddenly had a sweatdrop moment. "But do you think we should do something about Mest already?"

"Yeah that might be the go..." I get back on track with the judgement of our felon and prod my claw against his chest. "It is clearly obvious from everyone's eyes that you are this 'Him' character that we've been after."

"'Him'? Look there's been a serious misunderstanding here."

"It's too late for any more of your hypnosis or sugar-coated double glazed with extra cream and jam lies my friend...I'm pretty sure there are several laws in this kingdom which you have broken. And I shall enjoy that sweet taste of justice when I hand you in to the proper authorities right after I give you another ten minutes of a lecture!"

"But Benny, he really is not the man I was referring to earlier." Edo-Lucy quickly interjects before I could continue rambling on.

"Lucy you don't need to defend this man. Even after all he has done to you and your friends you needn't feel pressured into covering his sorry arse anymore." I say with a reassuring wink and thumbs up.

"No I really mean that I've never met this guy before and that he has done nothing wrong to us." She retorts again, looking down quite befuddled at the poor pathetic creature.

"Wait but, I felt really big and important for a second there. Are you saying that this guys just nothing more than a petty Earthling crook?"

The blonde from outer-interdimensional space says nothing and merely answers with the shrugging of her shoulders.

"Damn it Mest why couldn't you be a little more evil so I could build my cred points up with this!" Cursing the fact that I've achieved relatively nothing with this hold-up some of the minors look over the hills and spot some more of the enemy coming.

"Uh, Benny-boss, those masked guys are heading our way, should we get moving or something."

Jesus, Jane and Jelly, when the hell did I have to make all the decisions? Oh right - "Yeah I think we should go hide in that Fairy Hills or whatever." Pointing a claw towards the way which was away from the enemy our little band of Fairies continued the flight over the hills.

/?/?/?/

SOMETIME LATER – ENOUGH TIME TO FIND SAID HILLS:

"Well here we are. Fairy Hills."

"Why do you have to keep saying that boss, we've been here for like three hours already." One of the grumbling minors pointed out (I think it was Warren what does it matter anyway?) as he shuffled through some draws and cupboards.

"Yeah all you've been doing is standing there and saying 'Well here we are. Fairy Hills'." Another grumbling minor (probably Max again do we really need to know?) has his gripe verbalised.

"What I was just making sure everyone knew where we were." I whiningly explain to my subjects. "Otherwise how else would they know we made it here and weren't killed by the baddies along the way."

"Master, the walls in this dormitory are very old and fragile." The Layman quips me for a moment.

"Oh right, hehe." I grin nervously scratching the back of my head. "So has everyone found a weapon or some useful gear of Erza's we can use?"

"Whoohoo!" Edo-Levy whoops quite loudly over at the back of the room. "I'm claiming this Morning Star."

"Nuh-uh, Juvia had eyes on that first." But alas there would be internal conflict amongst our batallion once more as the two Edo-Lassies fought it out over the big spiky ball on a rod.

When I looked past the fighting cloud, I noticed everyone else had already armed themselves to the teeth with all sorts of weaponry and ammunition. Well some were a bit more content with a simple Frypan of Ferocity (Edo-Mira) or a Toxic Tea Strainer (Edo-Cana). But pretty much everyone else grabbed what they could and found some way to wear it around their body, ready for a real game in the trenches.

The Layman and the two other gun-quippers obviously filled up their existing stockpile with all sorts of magical and enchanting bullets; decorating themselves in bandoleers as though they were given out on a Hawaii vacation. Yoshi used the adjacent bathroom to charge up her Kitar and fix her hair (apparently it had been a while since she coloured her bangs).

I noticed Edo-Lucy testing out her energy whip by another corner. "So, you don't want to grab yourself some armour or something else?"

The blonde turned back to me with an ordinary look. "There's something odd about you."

"Well yeah you're not the first one to have said that but I guess I can be a little obtuse at times like this."

"No that's not what I mean." She lowered her whip as the energy dissolved. "There's something about you, you're nothing like 'Him' yet-"

"IT'S THE ENEMY!" I hear a loud scream coming from the dorms entrance. Suddenly I hear a large explosion as the dorm shakes on its foundations.

"F&^$ing Christmas Baubles, how did they find us already!?" I say as I hold out my arms from the tremor. "Did you leak our position to them with your teleportepathy Mest?"

"I've been here the whole time." Mest snaps back with his hands tied behind his back.

"They're coming upstairs!" The scout scurries back into the room as a few others try and shut the door.

"I'll make a wooden wall to keep them out." Laki is just about to summon her fortifications when the enemy bursts through the door. There aren't as many from the first encounter but they rush in with a lot more pace and aggression this time, perhaps humiliated from the caning we gave them in the first round. Their misshapen and asymmetrical masks filling up Erza's armoury.

"Stop them!" Macao and Wakaba – our two keen veterans, were keen to embark on the counter-attack but were immediately sent flying back to the other side of the room by just one of the masked warriors who entered last. He was somewhat distinguished from the others, his cape of black contrasting with the white flock the rest of them wore. His mask was a little more streamlined and appealing to the eye and I think I could spot a few crops of blue hair behind the facial shield.

"I guess he must be the boss then." I surmise as I try to rally up my subordinates. "Don't fret guys! We've beaten them off before! There's less of them and we have Erza's weaponry on our side so we're essentially outnumbering them like a million to one now!"

"Yeah let's crack their masks." Levy and Juvia, both grasping a humongous Morning Star and a Spiked Club didn't need much rousing up as they clobbered their way through the edges of the masked baddies.

"Alright let's go everyone!" Edo-Lucy managed to take on the role of general, waving her hand for the others to press into them. I couldn't see their faces behind the white masks but I'm guessing they'd all be dropping bricks right about now with this crazy mob.

"Don't let their numbers fool you, they're nothing but misfits and exiled Edolasians." The black-clad commander stammered back to his subordinates. "Annihilate them!"

But as much as their boss would like to divulge in the vocabulary of battle is was really us that were conducting the true 'arse kicking' of these guys. Sand, Smoke, Wood, Vines, Guns and Roses (I mean Rock) plus a ton more of sheer belting coming from the now armed Edo-folk combined to completely take these faceless foes by surprise once again. Even without an Erza or two by our side, it seemed her weaponry would fill us in as a worthy replacement as our side truly crushed the opposition. I felt like laughing and dusting my hands off in the background just as it looked like we had taken the prize until behind the melee dust until–

"**So it looks like I'll have to do the job myself.**"

I noticed with those very words the rather tomboyish and tough Lucy of Edolas had dropped her whip and stood there, shaking with complete fear coursing through her entire frame. If such a voice could make even her tremble like that, I really ain't looking forward to seeing the face (or mask or whatnot) behind it.

"I'm terribly sorry for causing you this trouble Me'Lord, please forgive me."

"**I'll forgive you this time, but let's see who we have here...**" When I walked closer to Lucy I felt more chills running up my own spine involuntarily. Was it his voice or just some power of his? Either way something about this guy was definitely giving me the heebie-jeebies.

When I walked over to check what was going on with Lucy, she did not move her gaze, but the way she spoke to me felt like she was staring directly at me. I caught her quivering jaw as she said to me. "Run away. Please run now."

"What's the matter?" I felt myself speaking through shaking lips as well.

"For the love of God...Just run while you still can..."

_**'Now haven't you caused enough problems for us already Ms. Ashley?**' _His voice almost licked against my spine as I felt his breath on the back of my neck. How did he get behind me so fast? I didn't even have any time to see him take any steps towards me.

Shivering between words I speak to the voice behind my neck. "I think I'd be correct in guessing you're the 'Him' guy we're after?"

_'**I prefer it when people use my real name actually...' **_

"My God..."

"Master Makaren, this guy's-"

"NO DON'T TURN AROUND!"

Unfortunately I left Lucy's advice too late and found myself drawn to this evil presence stalking behind me like a shadow. I craned my neck around as far as possible, my left eye peering over my shoulder...

Of all the people I had ever come across in my life, I never imagined I'd encounter somebody like this. His skin was a greyish pale and lifeless like a corpse and he wore something almost akin to a body bag – a jacket creaseless and white as bone. His hair was completely wild and untamed, jutting, waving and flowing out in all directions like the fiery rays of the sun. But nothing troubled me more about this deathly looking individual more than his actual face. With a cross shaped mask dividing his face into near equal quarters, a hawking dark eye occupying each of the top two quadrants and a divided line of ivory teeth featuring in the bottom two, collectively they pieced together a mug which almost entirely mirrored my own.

The creepily identical figure stretched his grin till it almost cut across his entire face, beaming in his cold tone. "**I think I like the look of you already. You can call me Benendes...Banzai Benendes...**"

* * *

><p><span>Aww, Benny-boy looks like he's made a new friend. Well why else would Benendes be so fascinated with his generic mug? Could this really be Benny-boy's Edolas half? If so, why does he seem like such an evil bastard? Just who the hell is this guy and why is he attacking Fairy Tail's hometown? Don't miss the next dramatic chapter!<span>


	42. Meet Yer Me'ker: Part II

_~The once peaceful and fair(l)y easy-going town of Magnolia suddenly finds itself embroiled in chaos and despair at the hands of a mysterious new enemy. Only one guild remains in the path of this enemy force - a guild of misfit Mages and illegal aliens from another universe. Now the've currently run face to face with the head face of the faceless soliders who is none other than Benny-boy's face from the other universe. How will they face up (a lot of faces here) to this pressing challenge. Face your screen and read on to find out as we face (I'm sorry...face) the Forty-second chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XVI: Meet Your Me'ker: Part II

**CHINK!**

"Mest! What are you doing!?"

The hypnotic traitor is all of a sudden holding back some sort of weapon of Banzai's, his cuffs grinding against the mysterious blade. "By order of the Magic Council you are hereby under arrest for terrorism; mass murder and forced captivity of humans!"

Whoah crap, when the hell did Mest get awesome?

"Haha, now what evidence do you have to back those allegations my friend?" The copycat of myself Mage responded with a cool manner, kicking Mest in the gut and sending him doubling over to the floor coughing up bloody saliva.

"Master Makaren! You must escape!" Mest suddenly urges me. "This man is here to kill you!"

Kill me? This can't be- I mean why the hell would anyone wanna kill me? I haven't had the chance to piss anyone off enough to warrant such a hateful grudge - well we might have burned down a few businesses and negligently caused a few small pets to die in our blunders of the past but still...

"...WATCH OUT!" I'm tackled to the floor by a very unLay-man just as something flies overhead and smashes through the opposing wall sending dust and debris across the room. "Save your slightly humorous inner monologues for later Master, we have to get you out of here."

"But what about the others?"

"Kyah! Let me go!" I squish my head around so I can witness Edo-Mirajane protesting to her masked captors. Cana, Gray and Gajeel; so much for coming all this way to steal Erza's weaponry...Now they're all being taken away by them!

"Let go of me you creep!" Edo-Lucy offers some more resistance though as she gives her masked apprehender an elbow moulding nose job, making a mosaic out of his mask. "Gngh!" She barges through a few more cloaked goons before they eventually swarm over her, each one holding back a limb of hers as she continues to struggle against them, "DAMMIT LET ME GO!"

"HANG ON LUCY I'LL SAVE-" I'm cut off quite literally as I see my reflection shining against four very sharp claw like blades. Following my eyes up the steel I discover they belong to none other than my me from the other universe.

Me B has real claws!

"I'd hate to cut up my pretty little face, so could you please tell your friends to come with us quietly?" My evil self asks with a conniving tone, poking out his tongue and clinging it around the piece of cross which bisects his mouth.

"F^&% YOU ME!" I spit at my self's feet. Needless to say, my heroic resistance was a really bad idea.

I thought this me might have had an parralel-self complex or was just really freaky, but in fact he was just downright nuts. The cost of my spitting on his shoe would be a few front teeth as the enraged me drove his boot into my mouth.

Needless to say, getting kicked by myself really bloody hurt!

"Gnffrhfuutth!" Was the sound of me trying to say something as I spewed out blood and a few cheap pearls. "Ghurgfgh!" And that was the sound of me groaning as my evil copy roughly picked me up off the ground. I was quite terrified as I peered into my self's narrow pupils, the skin of his eyelids scrunched as his eyes virtually bulged out of their sockets with mad rage.

"You dare spit on me? I could wipe your pathetic existence off this earth in an instant if I desired!" He presses his deadly talons to my sweaty throat. "But unfortunately I must make some use of you first." With his pulsing eyes rolling down, he focused on on of my hands, grabbing it and squeezing my fingers.

"AARRRGGHH!" I cried out in tremendous pain as the imposter held up my fingers so tight they felt like they were going to be crushed by his mere grip.

Staring with odd fascination at my tiny digits he muttered, "The claws, where the hell are the claws!?"

"WAAGH I don't know what you want!" I whimper like an injured puppy.

"I said where are your goddamn claws you piece of shit excuse for my Earthland self!" I think I preferred the love complex version of my evil self rather than this violent and demanding version.

"They don't stay out all the time..." I struggle through sobs to answer him from the combined pain of getting kicked in the teeth and having my fingers crushed (hey you wouldn't like it either!). "If I show you them will you let me go?"

Judging by his lack of any answer, I'm not too confident he'll be willing to bargain on this. But I figured I have no other choice at this point anyway. With all of my comrades and Edolas allies in danger, I better do as he says.

With barely enough energy from the blood loss, I only manage to sprout my fingernails out to a few centimetres, much to the evil me's anger. "That's it? You call those things claws? DAMN IT!" Quite annoyed that he paid good money to see a show and got a flop, he sent his boot through my stomach and sent me flying away into the pile of rubble. Needless to say that hurt a lot also.

"Lord Banzai, what shall we do with him?" I can just make out their words but I can barely make any of their shapes out now. My vision is rippling and clouding and my back is killing me now.

"There must be some kind of mistake. That is definitely not him." I hear my Edolas self curse. Why did he have to be so evil and heartless? I thought my Edolas self would be a nice hunk of a man, proud heroic and strong – the three things I don't possess. The one time when my extending nails could have proved useful and even my other self thinks their just a bunch of lemons. On the same token, those things he had growing from his fingers were like freaking swords. He didn't even look like he was putting any effort into lifting me up or crushing my hand either.

He is not even human, and I feel less than human...

"May I suggest we return to the Island. I believe he should be among the participants of that S-Class examination."

"Yes, we may have to 'amend' a few clauses in our pact with Grimoire Heart. MweheMWAHAHA!"

"And what of this ordinary human Me'Lord?"

I couldn't see too clearly, but I could tell he must have been glaring straight through me with those deathly eyes of his. "He is nothing more than dog food. Let one of your minions pick at the scraps, I'm done here."

"Yes Me'Lord."

"NOOO! Leave him alone!" I can hear Lucy's cries of anguish as she is led away by the other soliders. "He has nothing to do with us! Please don't hurt him."

SLAP. My tyrannical self adds further insult to my physical injuries by striking Lucy across the cheek with his clawed hand. "Miss Lucy, you should be grateful that I haven't decided to kill you or the other fugitives."

SPIT. The sound of saliva splashing onto my corrupt self's face offers some bittersweet resistance to this now hopeless situation. "I don't care if you kill me now. I'm sure you took great pleasure killing and devouring the other prisoners by now."

_Devouring? _Is my evil self a bipolar, self-admiring, psychopathic and a cannibal now? "Well I'll admit you were half right. I've had my fill lately; so I just did away with their lives."

Before Edo-Lucy can fully grasp the horrible news of her friend's fate he cuts her off. "But just think, you and your cunning bunch of escapees would make a brilliant addition to my army."

"You bastard. You may as well just finish me off then."

But upon her words I found myself crying out, "No Lucy don't die!"

"Master?" My courageous words seem to have cleared the reception in my head a little bit as I notice Lucy's surprised expression.

"Hehe, as the Fairy Tail master, I won't have my subordinates giving up while my town is under threat..."

With a slight smile on her bloodied lips, Lucy revived some fighting spirit in herself, stomping on one of her captors feet and swirling out of a spinning heel to knock the lights out of another. "COME ON!"

With Lucy charged up again so too does the other Earthland resistance fighters as they smash out the face shields of their captors as well.

"Haha, you small fry can play for a little longer then." Banzai offers a deep laugh. "Soon both your world and the world of Edolas will be within my grasp anyway." I notice he seems to almost slash through the air, forming another portal for himself and a handful of his followers. "**Enjoy your pathetic freedom while it lasts my rodents!**"

"Hey wait what about my friends?" Lucy tries to stop them before the other soldiers take the Edo-cast away back into another adjacent portal.

"I'm scared! Lucy _saave meee_!" The last I hear of Summer-boy's tear-filled screams before he is carted away with the other powerless Edo-civillians.

As the portals are sealed up, Lucy stares silently as the empty space where her Edolas friends once resided. She dropped to her knees and bashed her gloved fists to the ground. "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Ungh!"

I limp over and kneel next to the devastated young woman. As tough as she appears on the exterior, she cares deeply about her friends back home. To hear of their deaths would shatter the spirit of anyone, even Lucy. "He slaughtered them all...He spared no one and didn't even care. And now Natsu...Gray...Mirajane...Juvia...soon enough they'll be-"

"They won't die." I say with an assertive tone. "If anyone knows me better than anyone else it's gotta be me. I'll nail that evil bastard self of mine and we'll save both your friends and mine." I even hold out my pinky with the nail extended. "Promise?"

She stares at my pinky nail with watery eyes for a few moments before she clasps it tight with her hand. "You got it! And I keep this nail if we don't."

"Hehe, heck you can keep the whole set if we screw this up!" I try and bring some light back into this dark moment.

"The only problem is," The Layman emerges somewhere out of the wreckage surprisingly intact, "How do we get ourselves to Tenrou Island?"

"Not only that but it would take us too long to travel by boat." Yoshi adds, also relatively unscathed apart from some dust in her hair and on her clothes. "By the time we got there it would be too late wouldn't it?"

"_Sou desu ne._" Even in these turbulent times I'm able to apply some Wapanese at the right moment. "And that Edo-Me pulled off some kind of teleportation trick with those can-openers of his. We don't have anyone here that can pull off that kind of thing eh?"

"Um-"

"I mean if only we had someone with such a similar ability," I cut off an unimportant voice, "Then we could virtually fly right over there and get to the island faster than you can cook Shuda's Explosive Noodles."

"Ahem-"

"But you know, maybe I spoke with a bit too much enthusiasm there. Lucy you better grab the pliers now, just try not to leave too much of a mess on my fingers afterwards as-"

"Master Makaren I can teleport us to Tenrou Island."

"Mest!" Everyone else seems normal but I'm quite shocked at his words. "So is _that _how you came back here so fast?"

I think just about everyone who didn't have a broken hand facepalmed at that point...

"With my Direct Line, I can take a couple of Mages with me back to the Island." Mest claims but I'm still sure he's talking tall tales. "Unfortunately I'm only limited to transporting two Mages at a time so-"

"SHOTGUN ME AND EDO-LUCY There I said it." Haha, that way I don't have to be paired up with someone lame like Charles or something.

"You realise we've just been stormed by an evil organisation and nearly killed yet you still act like an idiotic buffoon." Charles gives me some cred this episode.

"Well if we use the two flying cats then we have a team of five right?" I say with enthusiasm. "The rest of you guys just stay here and I dunno, go protect the town or something like that."

Macao and the others grumble with annoyance in the background. "Yeah, sure thing Master."

"So..." I face everyone scratching my chin in deep thought. "Now the tough decision I must make as to which other two Mages shall accompany me, Mest and edo-Lucy on our harrowing journey to the Island of Death and Doom." I take three seconds, "Yep. Cruz, Yoshi, you're coming with us."

"So it looks like Team Benny all the way eh?" Cruz tries to add some witty banter to our recruitment decision.

"Just for that you're going to be carried by Charles Layman." I punish him for trying to steal the one thing I can claim to be decent at in this story as he waddles shamefully over to the white flying feline.

"Yoshi, I hope you don't mind being taken by Pantherlily, but he looks cool enough so you should have fun."

"Actually master." Yoshi looks at her guitar. "I think I should be able to get there myself – I can always Ride On by ACϟDC."

"Ahh well done Yoshi." I clap at her well thought out pun.

"How come Yoshi doesn't get in trouble for pulling jokes." Cruz whines as his trusty steed readies herself to carry him away.

"Because Yoshi's a cute Japanese rocker, any other questions...Anyone? Right well I think we can just about head off."

"Don't you still feel sore from losing at least four teeth and being thrown into a wall?" Warren puts up his hand amongst the minors staying behind to fight the good fight on home soil.

"Warren...Just...Just ppwwshhut up wilpshws ya." I whistle out before we make our departure.

"Good luck." Macao leads the group as we go our separate ways once outside the Fairy Hills dorm. Over the coastline looking over the blue horizon, that Island is awaiting us to make a stand. I mean if Natsu and all the cool guys and chicks haven't already then by all hell we will be!

"And don't touch my stuff while I'm gone either." I offer my last words of advice before Mest wraps his arms over both me and Edo-Lucy. With Yoshi's brutal transporting axe ready to go and the shoulders of the layman's jacket held up by Charles, we'd be wasting our time to stay and chat any longer. "Alright see ya guys 'round in like seven years or so." And with that hyperbole Mest made me and Lucy disappear in a flash, the Layman and Yoshi following suit. We'd all meet up somewhere on this resort island and then join up our strong allies, slap a few shoulders and kick these self-imposters and evildoers back to high heaven!

Now all that's left to end this rather epic chapter is to see what our good mate Pantherlily is up to...

/?/?/?/

"_You better get going too Pantherlily." Macao waved to the little bruiser panther. "Gajeel's probably in all sorts without you right now."_

"_Hmm...Considering I didn't get to power up back then, I can redeem myself on Tenrou Island." The little black cat mused as he began to fly away from the 'staying the fort' Mages. "Alright, take care protecting the town."_

_The powerful little Panther had not even glided more than a hundred metres away down the hills when he was held up by a hostile shadow, their blade held up to his disproportionately large head. **"You're taking me with you little Panther boy."**_

* * *

><p><span>Benny and just a handful of others are about to gatecrash on the awesome battle between the big boys of the playground: Fairy Tail's S-Class Exam entrants, Grimoire Heart and now Banzai Benendes and his Edolasian servants. But can Benny and co. really match up to the bigger kids in the playground? Or is he just flying into his own early grave with this one? And who could this fifth party be now hijacking Pantherlily's aerial transportation service? Make sure you don't miss the next exciting chapter when we finally reach the part of the Trials and Tribulations of Tenrou Island Arc where the main character is actually facing some trials and tribulations on the actual Island! Hell Yeah - I'm pumped already...!<span>


	43. The Island: Part I

_~It is now December of the year X784: Fourth Master of the Fairy Tail Guild and designated hero guy Benny Makaren with a mean babe from a parallel universe, a strange and potentially perverted teleporter and two kick-ass OCs are about to descend upon Tenrou Island, the playground for the Fairy Tail Mage's S-Class exam and battleground for a bunch of invading villains with slightly different goals in mind. Will Benny-boys efforts help save the day? Or will he wind up just causing an even bigger mess for these bunch of Fairies to fly out of? Find out as we delve into the penultimate sub-arc of the Trials and Tribulations of Tenrou Island Arc: the Tenrou Island arc proper...Enjoy the forty-third chapter!_**  
><strong>

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XVII: The Island: Part I

From the distance overlooking the sky-blue ocean, I can see the giant tree which stands out like a floating bonsai in a bowl of water – spreading its branches out like a magnificent creature, why the view is just so poetic that I could-

"Well here we are. Tenrou Island."

"Christ did you have to squeeze so tight around the ribs Mest?" I massage my sore sides after the rough 2.34 second trip here; it seems we've landed on some sort of clearing near the edge of a cliff high quite high above the ground. "I mean it's not like I have a sore back or half my bloody teeth knocked out or nothing!"

"Master please I didn't mean to-"

"And I don't suppose you're going to give me well rounded explanation as to what you were referring to earlier about being part of some 'Magic Council'?"

"Look Master Makaren it's a very complicated situation right now and we need your cooperation to-"

"_Oooh _I get it _nooow!_" I dip my head and rub my sly grin along Mest's chest. "You're in the dog house with your superiors at them moment, so _youuu _ want little old _meee _to clean up the crap you left on the toilet seat so to speak."

"Well no I mean...Well more or less you might be-"

"Wait-Wait, just a second-" I call over Edo-Lucy who's been trying her best to keep out of this argument for a while. "Wait till you hear this one Lucy." I clap my hands together and rub them with delight – a big hilbilly grin (on the count of approximately four missing teeth) doting my mug. "Alright Mest now say what you were gonna say – that I was...afterall"

The rather humourless teleporter sighs and shakes his head before he takes another deep breath and begins to speak. "Benny Makaren you are..."

"Uh-huh."

"And you always were..."

"UH-HUH UH-HUH."

"Absolutely-"

_'GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-!-!-!-!'_

"WHAT!? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" For some reason, maybe a fighter jet flying overhead or something (wait why would fighter jets be flying over here. Hang on do they even exist in-) but I can only hear this indecipherable noise.

"_Benny I think..." _Lucy sounds as though she's spotted something in the woods but I can only make out a whisper in this white noise. "_Enemy...out...you..." _Now she's looking up for some reason. I better see what it-

SPLAT.

Anyone order an omelette to take away?

Actually that kinda hurt.

"ARGH! The whites are burning my eyes!" Through the tremendous pain I find myself rolling about on the ground with my hands desperately trying to wipe the burning egg material from my face.

"Well it looks like we've found some small fish to fry _peron!_" Despite nearly having my retinas fried, I can now hear a highly strung voice like an old man with his trousers pulled up to high or a Black Metal singer who hasn't rehydrated for a while.

"That's right Kawazu," now I hear a more gruff sounding voice, like an oafish man who just downed a dozen bagels on his way to the office. Or maybe like a Samurai warrior who talks too big for his helmet. I dunno, I need to see so I can put a more reasonable appearances to these voices.

"That's right Yomazu peron," well they must be twins since the other one parrots his comrade. "If we capture these three Fairy fry we'll definitely get a huge reward of Master Hades peron."

"This is bad," I hear Mest now. "We've already been cornered by Grimoire Hearts henchmen."

Henchmen? Now if I recall it goes, bozos, lackeys, goons, mooks, grunts, soldiers then henchmen. Crap they're henchmen! They're just a rank below Elites! "Help! Somebody help us! We're being attacked by evil henchmen!" In my blindness I cry towards what I hop is the treetops, then that way my voice will echo through the forest and hopefully reach Erza or Natsu or someone of equal strength who can come over here and rescue this Duke in Distress.

"Hahaha! This poor kid must think somebody's gonna come save him." The less annoying one talks, making a clinking sound with something which I just hope is only a spatula to scrape this eggy mess out of my eyes. "He mustn't realise all his friends are just about done by now."

"Done and dusted peron." The more annoying one squawks again. "The Seven Kins of Purgatory would have made mincemeat of those Fairy wimps by now peron."

"The Seven Kin of Purgatory!?" I cautiously rise to my feet, assuming a battle pose despite not knowing where the hell I'm even facing right now. "So you two must be part of the real enemy?"

"Squawk peron?"

"We're Grimoire Heart's strongest assassins, our strength second only to the Seven Sins, we're Yomazu and Kawazu though we're better known as-"

"So hey! Which one was it who threw the hot egg on me just now?" I get all raged up in my blindness.

"That'd be me Kawazu peron!" The suspect squawks.

"Right then Kawazu Peron or whoever you really are." Somehow this burning egg has made me all sunny and energised...must be the cholesterol. "Prepare to meet your end at the deadly claws of Benny Makaren." Flaying out my deadly knives (fingernails) I unleash a battle cry as I go in for the kill, aiming for the jugular. "GRAAAAGGHH!" I feel myself snipping away at the thugs throat, cutting his thick, wooden skin. "HAHAHA! That's _eggsactly_ what I thought!"

"Um Master." I hear Lucy a few metres back. "That's a tree, the enemy are over here."

"Oh." Turing the full 180 I enter into another wild animal charge. "GHEAAGH-"

_'KAN!'_

"OOOF!" I'm blown back by a powerful sound wave. I feel the impact of hitting the same tree against my back as I slump to the grassy floor. "Ugh..."

"Hang on Benny I'll-" I hear Edo-Lucy being cut off by the sound of a deadly onomatopoeic force.

"Lucy no!" I cry out in my helplessness (why do I feel a sense of Deja vu coming?)

"HAHAHA! She makes herself look all tough but she doesn't even look like she can use magic." The dog one shouts out to his cocky accomplice.

"Did you forget about me?" With the dazzling whoosh of displaced air, Mest makes his move (I assume since I can't see remember?) possibly connecting a few punches and blows to the chicken guy (based on all these high pitched straining squawks he keeps making.)

'_ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-!' _The deadly sound of cutting rips through Mest as even our reliable human carrier is taken out by the two anthropomorphous enemies.

"Mest no!" Never thought I'd say that in a hundred years. Anyway now it seems we're in real trouble. We've only just set foot on this pleasant tropical paradise and it already seems like we've entered a Holiday of Hell.

No kidding, I did not see this coming...

"Gngh!" I feel myself being roughly picked up by the chicken.

"Shall I finish this one off peron_?_" He squawks back to his evil buddy.

"Go right ahead Kawazu." The other guy who I've already forgotten his name (Zulu? Yuzu?) gives the mutated chicken the right to take my life. What a bastard, I won't give him any mercy now if someone asks me for permission to do away with him too.

SNAP. The sound of Edo-Lucy's energy rope-whipamajig lassoing around the evil chicken's neck offers some hope of a fightback.

"Let him go or I'll break this cock like-" Whoah hang on Edo-Lucy I appreciate your heroism but let's keep this T rated eh?

"HAHAHA Peron is trying to hug my neck with that toy of hers peron." Kawazu lifts out his talon and grabs Lucy around the torso (don't ask me how I know, just enjoy the battle!), squeezing her frame like an egg or something.

"Grrgh." The tomboy struggles as she tugs her whip, tightening its hold around his neck. "I'll stop you."

"Need a hand Kawazu?" Meanwhile it seems the dog samurai is just enjoying a break, watching this desperate struggle going on from a distance.

"No, I need to satisfy my choke fetish once in a while peron." And with the roll of his neck, the giant chook dragged Lucy off her feet and sent her flying into a tree, hitting the trunk with a painfully loud thump.

"Lucy!" Dammit eyes, why can't you be useful for once and let me see. I could at least put up a half decent fight if I had my visual senses back.

Anyway, at the moment I'm still being manhandled ironically perhaps by a giant chicken. "Grr. Look I always buy Free-range so what's your damn issue with me mate?"

"You're all members of Fairy Tail aren't you peron?" The Chicken enquires with me. "We're under strict orders to cull any Fairy fry peron."

Then I think of a slightly ingenious defence argument in order to preserve my life for a while longer. "Hang on, I'm not a member of Fairy Tail you stupid bird." Judging from his softening grip I might have actually caught this animal's attention. "I was banished from that damn do-gooders' guild ages ago."

"Oh yeah peron?" The chicken is actually smart enough to still have his suspicions though. "Well then you shouldn't have a Fairy Tail crest on your body then if that's true peron."

"Go ahead and see for yourself." I say proudly. "Check my left arse cheek, there should only be a red scar where I had the cursed crest removed long ago."

"Hmm? Alright Peron." I feel myself being turned around as the inquisitive chook tears a hole through the back of my jeans. He studies the area for a while, even giving the little piece of gluteus maximus a squeeze and few slaps.

"Okay that's a bit unnecessary friend." I try to tame the wild animal but he seems to have been convinced

"Well I see you've had your crest removed peron." The chicken speaks with a bit more rationality now. "So what are you and your friends in a dark guild then?"

Before I can answer his equally brainless buddy steps in to the situation. "What are you doing, just finish him already." He must take a few seconds to look at the soft piece of meat too as he pauses and then makes an "Hmmm~?"

"What d'ya reckon? Grimoire Heart needs more allies right peron?" I hear them murmuring to themselves for a while.

As they continued murmuring and pausing for more dangerously long glances at my missing crest, the egg on my face seems to have dried and cracked in the hot sunlight, slowly peeling off and returning my vision to a more reasonable level for combat.

"HAHA!" Now with my ingenious distraction complete I unleash my babies ready to claw into these dumb beasts. As they gawk beyond me in confusion I continue my very brief pre-attack rant. "I see you pets have been let out of the cage for a bit too long. Now I shall put you back in your place with my dazzling debut on the Tenrou Island battlefield and my claws of cha-"

"ROCK DOWN SUMMER PALM MUTE FLASH!"

"GINGER REVOLUTION MAGAZINE UNLOAD!"

But of course just as I was about to scratch a few tattoos of my own into these crooks, our final reconnaissance teammates arrive on the island, with the dazzling aroma ammunition blazing across his coat standing on my left and the tough little axe wielder and picker of destinies on my right. I can't help but cross my arms and look a little boastful, staring down at the two stunned enemies at our feet.

"Master, I believe part of your derrieres is showing." The Layman kindly quips me from my left.

"Yeah I know, but these guys in front of us will be the ones with their derrieres pointing in the air in a minute won't they?" My little witty line goes without a laugh as Yoshi and Cruz edge one step closer to the surprised enemy.

"Gheh. What's two more Fairy chums gonna do to us?" The Samurai Dog continues his macho attitude, bringing out his sound sword fighting abilities once more. "Eat this: ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-"

"JA-LA-JA-LA-JA-LA-JA-LA-JA-LA-!" Yoshi counter-attacks the Shogun hound's attack with some quick picking brutality, breaking some of his armour and sending him flying back.

"Grr...I'll get 'em peron...HEAVY EGG RAIN."

"Kyah! It's raining eggs." But as I scream and cower at the ovarian display, I sense my bullet buddy's normally cool temper rising to a boiling point as he wipes some yolk off his slick brown locks.

"You ruined my hair." Cruz said with quiet anger in his voice. "I had spent all day getting the slickness right and you ruined it!" His voice rises with a little more rage behind it now. "Do you have any idea what you've done!?" Okay it's just some hair please don't- "**I only have one type of bullet left for scum like you!**" With both myself and the careless hair-spoiling Chicken equally frightened of what's been unleashed, the very un-Lay man almost vanishes from sight, a black blur travelling across the distance between us as he appears right in front of the nervous chicken, a black glock pressing up against the bottom of this naughty chook's beak.

"**This is my very special buddy...Unlike his other friends, this one isn't loaded with fragrance bullets but the real thing.**" I sense in Cruz's visible canines that he isn't joking this time. "**I could have still forgave you even after hurting Master and the others, but-' **Click.

"Hang on a second peron!" The chook on the slaughter rack starts pleading with the psycho man. "I can pay for a stylist to fix your hair peron if it's so important to you peron. Just please don't pull the-"

**BANG!**

**.**

**.**

**.**

A few very anxious seconds before the smoke settles over his face before The Layman utters, "_Yearlong Tranquillity Tranquilliser Bullet."_

After realising that The Layman was just putting on a freakishly convincing act, I let out an enormous sigh of relief. "Friggin' hell man, I know not to get on your bad side now."

With a swift stand and a twirls of his gun back into its holster, the Layman flicks back his golden shimmering yolk locks and grins. "Now come on, unless they were Sparkling Vampire Douchebags, we can't kill them...That's the Fairy Tail rule don't you remember?"

_Come to think of it...That would explain why my no good rotten older Half-Nephew is still allowed to live..._ "Yeah, I guess that makes sense hehe-"

"GRAAGH!" Looks like we'll have to wait for laughs as Yomazu (I remembered his name now!) charges in for one last honourable attack. "DARK SWORD: TSURANUKI!" The ferocious bloodhound disappears into an insane swarm of oncoming Japanese Characters.

"Yoshi I think he's yours!" I nervously shout back as the Japanese rocker warrior grips the neck of her guitar, ready to slash through the oncoming wall of deathly characters.

"The only word I need is **KIRU!"**

Oh no! Now Yoshi is so pumped with her own metal rage that she wants to kill this guy too. Sweeping her axe against the oncoming wall of words in a huge arc, she virtually breaks through the sound barrier like a glass window, sending her body through with the momentum until she closes in on her opponent, slamming the body of her guitar of death into the canine's jaw.

"ARROOOWWW!" The poor puppy makes a groaning yelping noise as he is sent sliding along the dirt. He won't be getting up for his encore anytime soon.

I hold a fist in my hand when I finally realise, "Oh I see you meant _kiru_ as in to cut, not _kiru_ as in Engrish kill right?"

"*Sigh*_ Iesu, Masutaa..._" *Squee* she finally said something in Engrish. If only we weren't about to venture on a deadly battle for the fate of the world I could have recorded that and put in on the Magiwebz. Damn, why do we have to do this annoying battle anyway?

Oh yeah that's right, because my me from the other world wants to take over the worlds eh...That makes sense doesn't it?

Well I better shape up and sharpen my claws, because it looks like there's gonna be many more tough bastards to tame in this wild forest.

"Oh hey Charles I didn't realise you were here." I finally acknowledge the flying companion hovering in the background.

"Don't even bother, I'm going to look for Wendy now so if you'll excuse me..."

After a few seconds of flying away I shout out to her. "Could you bring me back some nice berries or grubs or something, I'm starving away here."

"What do you mean we just left Magnolia like an hour ago and you ate a whole rack of sweets before we left." I'm surprised that it isn't pigtails, but blonde bombshell Edo-Lucy who comes over and scolds me.

"Yeah, but with my metabolism, if I don't eat every hour I have severe withdrawals, like nothing you've ever seen before." I try and explain my rather obese eating habits to the injured blonde. I wonder why she's so concerned about such a trivial thing anyway – mothering me like that...

"Well anyway, it seems we've gotta-"

**DOOOOOOOM.** The five of us suddenly felt a heavy weight in the atmosphere as though our bodies were being forced down by the air. My knees sank into the earth as I felt the crushing weight of my own back bringing me down to my knees. The sky around us darkens as the scattered clouds around this island suddenly seem to cluster together, attracting themselves into the centre and forming a giant rain cloud, pelting us with rain as hard as pebbles.

"HAGH-HAGH-What is this?" I pant heavily as I dig my claws through the earth, the keratin extensions holding my upper body from the ground at least.

"I don't know but it feels like the gravity here just tripled." Mest grinds his teeth as he barely keeps his head off the ground under this heavy air.

"**Actually I increased the gravity around your bodies thirteen-fold...**" We gasp in our struggle and in shock when we look towards a dark figure approaching us through the heavy rain. His body walking so calmly in this gravity almost makes him appear to be floating towards us; this ominous presence reveals his haunting features as a tiny ray of sunlight beams down on him. With a wide-eyed frown which gave off no real emotion or empathy, he stared at us with an odd – almost pet-like curiosity. "**How odd, you are all struggling to even breathe under my gravity...Then it looks like I've wasted my time here as well...**"

~To be continued~

* * *

><p><span>If Benny had a hard enough time picking the dried egg out of his eyes, then how is he gonna cope when his claws scratch up against the second strongest member of Grimoire Heart? Will Benny-boy and his mixed bag of sidekicks find themselves pulverised and mashed into a fleshy milkshake before they have even explored the Island? Find out in the next epic chapter!<span>


	44. The Island: Part II

_~It is now December of the year X784: Fourth Master of the Fairy Tail Guild and designated hero guy Benny Makaren with a mean babe from a parallel universe, a strange and potentially perverted teleporter and two kick-ass OCs are about to descend upon Tenrou Island, the playground for the Fairy Tail Mage's S-Class exam and battleground for a bunch of invading villains with slightly different goals in mind. However, just after their fairly well conducted debut, their hopes and dreams of saving their Fairy Tail comrades look as though they are about to be crushed, quite literally, under the awesome gravity of Grimoire Heart's Ace Mage, Bluenote Stinger. Can Benny-boy and then others somehow scrape out of this weighty problem? Read on and find out as you enjoy the Forty-fourth chapter!_**  
><strong>

**~My Fairy~  
><strong>

tTnToTi Arc Part XVIII: The Island: Part II

_MEANWHILE:_

_The small band of soldiers knelt down as they felt a heavy presence nearby. "Me'Lord, it looks like Grimoire Heart's strongest warriors has made his appearance." _

_Banzai expressed nothing but indifference behind his odd shaped mask."No matter..."As the rain pelted down on his pale skin, soaking through his long hair, the Edolasian tyrant rested a hand against a nearby tree, caressing his hand across the trunk. "Now is not the time to enter the game...Just a bit longer..."_

…

GRNGH. Dammit. I can't move. This guys so friggin powerful, he must be taking steroids or some sort of lacrima concentrated drug. How else could he have such control over the universal force of gravity? It defies all my previous logic.

Then again I am living in a world of magic.

But now's not the time to be contradicting myself. My comrades are all struggling to stay up under the weight of this man's gravity. It is though he wants us to appear struggling – kneeling with our heads down in order to protstrate before his mighty presence.

"H...He...Hey guys..." I strain out a few words. "Any ideas...for...dealing with this guy?"

"I'm afraid...not..." Cruz offers a weak smile as he slips his right hand, falling ever closer to that hard earth.

"No...he's just too powerful..." Yoshi coughs before she gives in to the gravity, her face slamming in to the ground (ouch!).

"Mest...know anything about...this guy?"

Mest struggles to even keep one eye open as he braces his elbow on the ground. "That's Bluenote Stinger...In his guild...he is second only to his master...in power..."

"Crap..." I sigh weakly as I feel my bones shaking under the intense gravity. "We got caught by the second...in command?"

"Unfortunately..." Mest creaks his head towards me. "Yes..."

"Agggh!" I roar in frustration as I try to lift my head, it feels like I'm being forced into the water by a bunch of burly blokes, their hands all pushing down on my head even harder as I try to resist. "Just a bit-" I inch out a few claws from the ground, as they fling out of the dirt they immediately warp and bend under the gravity. I aim for his boots. "HAGH!"

The claws strike their intended target, breaking through the material and piercing some of his flesh. I nearly grin with success but I notice his lack of reaction. As I dig my nails further into his shins, he finally rolls his wide yet beady-pupiled eyes down to his legs. "Admirable...You still try to fight even when all hope is lost...Perhaps I'll put you all out of your misery now.

CRACK. With the mere stretch of his face, my nails break apart in several large fragments. I frown with devastation, it's like watching a bridge collapse before your very eyes. The leadweight raindrops eventually break apart the remaining pieces of keratin. I sink even lower with despair as I watch him step one...two paces closer; each step like the crashing of thunder. His mere presencse is enough to crush one's spirit.

"Don't give up Benny." Lucy offers me a wink (though I think she may just be on the verge of collapse). "We'll make it out somehow."

_Splish, splash, splosh..._His feet are just touching my nose as he glances straight down at me with those almost unseeing eyes of his. "I don't know you...But I'll concede you had enough strength to withstand my gravity longer than those other pixies I crushed earlier.

"What other pixies?" I grunt in surprise.

"Several fools who put up no real fight...A pink haired boy; a brunette; a blonde like your friend there; a girl and a cat.

_Some of those descriptions sound familiar...Wait I know..._

_Natsu..._

_Wendy..._

…

_Lucy...!_

"NOOO!" In my last struggle against the repenting rain, I grab his leg and squeeze with all my might, dragging myself up off the ground so I can meet his gaze. "You hurt my friends! I'll-"

Floating.

Suddenly all the weight which burdened me before has disappeared. Time seems to freeze as the rain pellets dangle in the air like shining pearls. My body is floating. My body is free.

Crash.

My body is falling. From peace and silence back down to pain and despair. I grunt out a painful moan as my body hits the earth again. Now I'm fully cemented to the ground, I can barely scrape my head off the dirt so I can see up at that powerful figure.

Floating again.

And falling.

Floating again.

And falling.

"I thought you said you were gonna put me out of my misery." I pant out faintly as I gaze up, my vision blurred as the raindrops stab my eyes.

"I cannot put one out of his misery if he still wishes to fight." The very Blue sounding Note prophesied. "If you haven't accepted your own hopelessness I cannot crush you."

Somehow his words strike a funny chord in my throat, surprising both him and my fellow companions. "Hahah...Y'know, I don't mean to be rise, but you Grimoire Heart types sure talk a load of shit out of your arse sometimes."

"Hoh?" He cocks his head at my odd laughing.

"So you're saying if I keep struggling against you then you won't kill me? But weren't you also disappointed in our lack of strength?" I rest my right hand onto the top of his left foot, hooking my fingers. "So even if we can't win, if we keep being a nuisance, we can't lose either..." I dig my claws through his feet, the sight of his blood shows that perhaps this gravity has improved the force of my claws. This time he grunts a little, though more in surprise than any real pain as he kicks my hand away, taking a few steps back.

"Very well, then I'll make you all an exception and kill you now." Against the hailing drips and drops above, the five of us brace ourselves as he holds out his right arm, pointing forward with his clenched fist, clenched as though he held our individual fates like grains of sand in his very palm.

He held out a thumb from his clenched fist, facing horizontal – level, neutral, in temporary balance. Once he has twisted that arm down, our fates will have been decided by this god of gravity.

He points his thumb towards his desired direction, indicating our final sentence.

I hear a sound, a high pitch whoosh, as a strange grid like projection flies from behind us and impacts our judge's body. The projection looks as tough it cuts through his body, but in fact it passes right through like a hologram. The next moment after the lag his body flies backwards, his groans carry in the rainstorm as he pounds into the muddy pools forming on the soaked ground.

"Whoa who did that?" I lift off my feet as the punishing gravity disappears. "That was the most awesome takedown I've seen yet!" Whoever on our side was able to knock out the sub-boss of those Grimoire Hearts with the mere flinging of a flashy grid hologram is surely-

SLAM. I turn back to meet the eyes of our saviour who has already vanished in a blur, covering the gap between our position and Bluenote's in a fraction of a second. BAM. The two stalwarts are already at each others throats before I can even take in the other man's features. As his long torn cape descends I notice his long orange hair channelling the heavy water down the back of his scarred neck. Judging from all the bandages and scars dotting his face, I'd say he's a expert in the field of badassery.

I'm still unsure if this guy's really our friend though or possibly one of my evil-me's tougher henchmen. Well he doesn't have a mask covering any of his face so that's a plus. But I've never seen him in the guild before.

Punch. Kick. Hook. Jab, block parry...This guys got all the moves covered. Why the hell isn't he working for me? This other guy's got nothing on him now...In fact, watching this guy fight with such calm strength as though he were fluffing his favourite pillow...it's just so...so...

"*Squuueee* I think I have a crush on him..."

"What're you doin' kid get out of here while you still can!?" Suddenly I'm taken out of my strange fantasy as the rugged badass calls out to me mid-arse kicking. "We can all sit and have tea later, just get your friends as far away from here as possible!"

"Um yeah-I mean yes sir..." I gulp in embarrassment, swept away by his sheer strength. Why if only I could have him on our team...What else could this man I've never seen before be doing here I wonder?

"Well Benny, you heard the guy, let's get moving." Lucy gives me a kind tap on the back of the head as we enter a pursuit away from the gods of battle's battle.

About a minute into our sprint through the forest Lucy breaks the panting. "You certainly had your eyes on that man," she says without even looking at me either.

"Why is it possible that you're jealous or something?" I add with a slight intonation at the end.

"Don't be ridiculous – I mean..." Lucy turns her head so she's completely looking away from me. "I guess I didn't realise you felt that way about other men..."

"Chewaiwhatnow?" Guffaw, struggling to form poorer words in this exhausting run. "How did I give off _that _kind of impression?"

"Oh please Master," Yoshi adds. "You were practically drooling on him."

"Was not!" I shout back like a guilty child.

"I have to agree, Master I think the prolonged battle may have effected your-"

"I'M NOT GAY ALRIGHT!" I shout over The Layman, my distraction causing me to trip over a root and faceplant into a muddy puddle. "Geerrrgghh...Agh, cotton eating ants! Gettem-offgettem off I tellsya!"

My incessant screams reach the ears of my comrades as they smack off the terrible insects and help me back onto my feet. Though unfortunately it seems the damage is already done, my clothes are now dirty and riddles with holes in a number of rather embarrassing places – but I'll spare you the details, use your imagination **(or checkout the dev***t artwork)** for goodness sake!

"Boohoo..." I cry feeling quite fed up with all these near death encounters. "My one pair of non-branded clothing is ruined, I can't go on like this any-"

SMACK. No I got the sound right this time. Yeah that was the sound of the other Lucy giving me a wallop on the bum. "Stop whining already, start taking your role a little more seriously...please..."

"*sniff* O-k-ay Lucy..."

The motherly tomboy then gives me a pat on the head. "That's the way champ~! Now let's go get'em!"

"YAY!"

Meanwhile I hear Cruz murmur a little comment to Yoshi. "Well he sure rebounds fast doesn't he?"

Yoshi nodded very loudly.

"I think we should search for Erza's group." Mest suggested something to our battle corps. "Many of the other guild members have been wounded or fatigued from battle except for her."

Just then a powerful bolt of lightning cracked down upon the giant Fairy Tree, Faerie Tree or whatever they call that humongous mushroom cloud sprouting over the island. As our eyes are drawn to the tree, the mighty plant slowly leans on its side, making a loud creak which carries across the island as it topples over to one side.

"Christ that lightning bolt did some damage just now." I comment as we press forward. "Funny, did I use up that much energy talking and running the whole time?"

"Oh drat, I'm feeling weaker all of a sudden." Darren crouches before his slumps against a nearby tree."

"Well I mean I was sorta joking there Layman you don't have to exaggerate that mu-"

"Oh no what's happening to me?" Yoshi sighs too, falling backwards into the Layman as they both crash onto the tree.

"Oh come on guys, you whinge at me for making a scene and now you're taking a bludge in the middle of a serious battle, Mest say something to-"

"Why am I being affected? I'm not even a member of ungh." Mest suddenly puts on a painful performance (both to watch and for him I guess) as he grips his right shoulder. "Does the crest hold this much influence over my body?"

"Geez, Lucy if you're gonna do the same thing as them-"

"No, I think I'm okay but-" Lucy walks over and checks Yoshi. "What could be wrong with you guys?"

"It's the falling tree." Mest says with laboured breaths. "The Great Tenrou Tree is what's affecting us right now."

I sweep a glance back up at the giant stump where the gigantic tree has broken off of. "I know trees are good for the environment, but how can a blimmin' fallen tree make you all so weak?"

"The Great Tenrou Tree provides everyone with the Fairy Tail crest its divine protection and energy." Mest answers, still giving me the creeps with his immense knowledge of our guild. "If it wasn't for the trees power and protective role, we would have been crushed by Blue note's gravity."

"So why aren't me and Lucy feeling any different?"

Mest sits up against a tree, his breaths become slower and more laboured as he weakly points a finger towards us. "She is unaffected as she is the Lucy from Edolas' Fairy Tail guild...And you Master are unaffected since you still haven't renewed your guild membership since you left."

"You mean since you indirectly _made _me left." I harumph. "But yeah, that's kinda cool if I'm all healthy and you guys are all sick and stuff." I cross my arms with a clenched fist, sort of like I'm about to cook some difficult Japanese curry. "I promise me and Edo-Lucy will not let you guys down."

"Somehow..." The Layman pants half finishing his sentence. "I'm not too confident with that."

"Thanks Cruz," I force a smile. "I knew you would always believe in me." And with that I twirl on my feet and face the giant bundle of splintered wood ahead. "C'mon Lucy, as the strongest ones left, let's kick their arses or other assorted rear muscular tissue!"

"Um...Yeah!?"

/?/?/?/

_Banzai and his soldiers assembled at the base of the giant fallen tree. His second in command – one of the few who he had kept with the ability to talk, knelt at his side. "It looks like it's time Me'Lord."_

"_No-no..." Banzai, tutted as the nihilistic ruler glanced up at a battle which was occurring high above the guardian tree's branches. "I'd like to enjoy a bit of spectacle before we destroy them..."_

/?/?/?/

_Pantherlily had finally reached the island after being Exceed-jacked by a certain individual, really keen to take a trip to the island for some unknown reason. "Well, now what do you need me to do?" He faced his hijacker as she drew her weapon in one swift slash. Before the little cat could catch its gleam, he caught the sight of his own blood, rising and falling to the ground in several splatters. "Ugh...I see then..."_

_Turning her heel, she began to depart deeper into the island's forest. "It's nothing personal, I just hate that form of yours."_

_As Pantherlily sank into his own crimson pool, he forced a weak chuckle at the person who had just cut him down quite literally. "You were never one for words...Knightwalker..."_

~To be continued~

* * *

><p><span>That big hunk of wood in the middle of the island wasn't just for show afterall. Now that it's been chopped down by some real malicious environmental vandals, every Fairy Tail guild member's energy seems to have waned. Yet sonehow, our inadvertent troublemaker (and his Edolasian teammate) has avoided the green drain. Can Fairy Tail really hinge all their hopes on this one little man and tough girl? Find out in the next exciting chapter!<span>


	45. The Island: Part III

_Hey everyone. If you haven't really been paying attention lately and just skipped ahead to the latest episode, you've missed a whole lot of awesome fun and exciting super-duper holiday adventures!_

_Actually, I lied – you didn't really miss much at all._

_Well let me rephrase that in that you didn't really miss anything pertinent to the overall plot if there really was one in the first place with this quirky life of mine. No what you have missed is about ten months worth of getting fingernails stuck into dry plaster walls and breaking a few more walls of another kind along the way too – haha, much of which I seem to be doing now._

_Well no hang on, there was some important stuff. Remember when I had to fight all those Geriatrics' (well, actually it was more like Natsu and the others but-) and then wound up becoming Master of the guild through some sort of crazed hereditary logic which is so outrageous that to even think about it would send your brain exploding into a million pieces._

_What was I talking about again? Oh yeah – ahem – and then Mest did some stuff and I got upset and then I met Lucy although it wasn't really Lucy although it sort of was but she was the other Lucy from that other world and then all her other world friends came down with some other other worldians and ended up causing some bigger trouble..._

_Yeah not much really eh?_

_No but now that I think about it surely there must be some meaning to what I've done or been through to get to this point. I mean, if you were to tell me ten months ago that I'd be stuck in the middle of a stormy island caught in the midst of a three-way wizard-war with all my friends weakened and somehow relying on yours truly to save them from getting their tails tangled into the three-way tussle, I'd probably laugh and tell you to go away (no I think I really would tell you to go away – I have deadly claws remember?)_

_Yeah hehe... if only time didn't have to change us so rapidly._

_Well anyway to get to whichever point I was trying to make originally, if you had wound up right here in the now without experiencing a piece of what I've already experienced, then you're in luck..._

_Let me just say, from here on out, I realised I should have just went to that community college afterall...  
><em>

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XIX: The Island: Part III

So this was the lowdown so far. It seems everyone with a Fairy Tail tattoo has lost their vigour thanks to a falling tree which holds – oh I dunno some symbolic significance or something. In a hidden blessing, my sacking from the guild has actually nullified the effect on my body. Now our side in this Island battle royale is practically down to two players: me and the Lucy from Edolas who was unaffected either since she's from Edolas.

Two problems had immediately surfaced on my flaky skin. One was the fact that the two left holding the good guy's flag was me and Edo-Lucy – both of us which share a common characteristic of having damn all magical combat ability. The other one was that, even if I or Lucy had some cool power to back us up with, how in the hell were we supposed to use it against an army of freaky masked ghouls and a bunch of highly trained Wizard assassins.

I was struggling to find an answer, so me and Lucy just ran in no particular direction in the thick forest for some time, chewing it over a bit this new responsibility of ours.

"Wait sshhh!" I suddenly put a brake on our mindless running as we reach a clearing, spotting some brightly coloured hair past the bushes. Lucy stays just behind me and to my right as we both peer though some thick shrubs. I spot what looks like an enemy, his large tuft of super saiyan style hair doesn't remind of anyone from our guild.

"He doesn't look like a soldier of 'His'" Lucy whispers to me as we observe carefully. He hasn't really moved or even twitched his head towards us since we stopped.

"Well he certainly doesn't strike a sense of familiarity in my guild so I'm betting he's one of those Seven piggies or whatever they're called again." I quickly mutter back as we continue studying his idleness with great concentration. I thought he might have been on guard duty or something and maybe he's taken a nap. But then why would you take a nap lying face down? I mean even for this sort of story that still sounds quite odd doesn't it?

"Maybe he got knocked out or injured from a previous battle." Lucy says after reading my mind. "If he's injured, we may be able to get some answers out of him through some Lucy-style interrogation," which she suggests with the flicking out of her energy whip handle.

"Hmm, I dunno, even in his injured state he looks like he'd still be way stronger than the two of us." I add with the shake of my head. Did I ever mention how much I disliked confrontation? Especially with bulky looking sleeveless guys with wild beastly hair. Plus he looks like he'd be super pissed if we woke him up from his sleep – unconsciousness or whatever right now...

"Screw it's now or never!" Lucy defies my brilliant scheme of staying behind the safe comfort of these bushes and leap over into the open area rushing straight over to the dangerous super saiyan.

"No Lucy what're you-" I half jump over and pause when she stops and gasps. Her hands immediately reach to cover her mouth as she falls to a crouch. "What's the matter? What's he do to-" when I finally hop over and discover the cause of Lucy's horrified reaction I begin to recoil a little as well. "Oh this ain't good..."

Seems this guy was taking a bloody nap alright. A frigging nap that he won't be waking out of at all!

Yeah, if we had just noticed his distinctly cold, grey skin we wouldn't have had to have Lucy roll him over and reveal his wide blank white eyes and jaw gaping face and perhaps save some of our much needed stomach contents. Just to be sure though, I flinchingly tapped a hand against his skin; feeling how hard and dry it had become, I didn't need a doctors degree to tell myself that he was most certainly dead.

"It must have been 'Him'." Lucy forced her eyes shut, trying to get the image of this man's horrifying death out of her head. "Only, 'He' could be capable of inflicting such a horrifying death onto others."

"You mean my evil self." I find myself arguing a little. "You don't have to hide the fact anymore that my self of your world is a cold-hearted killer – a monster..."

"B-But..." Lucy found strength to look down at the man's pale lifeless face again. "This is a not the same as his usual style."

And I thought my other self was morbid enough. "You mean, there's actually some sort of 'style' that my evil universe self uses when he..."

Lucy answers with a swift nod, seemingly unafraid to stare right at the man's corpse now. "When 'He' brought about his coup and eventual dictatorship, 'He' had accumulated many thousands of victims along the way," A horrid image of a dark imposing figure standing over a mountain of bodies enters my mind as Lucy continues. "You could not escape the reality of his bloodshed, there was slaughter everywhere in town. But despite 'His' gruesome atrocities, he had always kept one thing the same with all his victims: the body would always remain relatively intact but the head was completely mutilated beyond any recognition."

"Maybe he didn't have time to be too picky with this poor chap's death." I rebut, possibly quite insensitive to the fact that I'm having this conversation right in front of a dead man.

"No, his skin's gone all grey and cold." Lucy said analysing the body a little more carefully.

"Either way, there's some seriously nasty people on this island which we'll need to be very tactful about approaching," I said to which the shortly-cropped blonde nodded.

There was silence in the pouring rain for a while as we stared quite gloomily at the super saiyan's soulless chamber before I cleared my throat. "So, when you found me in that alley that day, could you already tell I resembled that evil dictator from your world?"

Lucy brought her knees closer to her chest, her soaked hair matted down over her eyes. "To be honest, I saw it straight away," her eyes twinkling a little as she entered a weak chuckle. "It's quite pathetic really but when I realised who you were, I kind of rejoiced a little, thinking that this was some sort of sign that things would change for the better...That maybe, this person could save our friends from his evil opposite."

"Gee I don't know what to say..." I rested my head in my damp palm. "I just don't think I could ever live up to those sort of expectations...I want to help you and your friends out but it just seems so impossible – looking at this poor guy here, even he couldn't stand up to 'me' or whoever else it may have been. Our only real chance at winning is if we can find the stronger Fairy Tail Mages scattered on this island and get their energy back somehow."

"Hmhm, you're so much like the Natsu from our world." I catch a soft smile on Lucy's otherwise hardened exterior. "Always relying on other people and never believing in your own strengths..." My eyes roll down as they notice Lucy's hand sliding closer towards me. "Maybe that's why I-"

Gulp. If she was gonna do it, this would be the perfect chance, smack bang in the middle of a life-or-death struggle on a remote island. Come on hand of Edo-Lucy, just a little closer and you'll park yourself on my leg, confirming what these last few months have all been working towards.

"By the way," I find myself croaking out a sentence just as she leans a little closer, "what was your last name again?"

"Ashley." she literally breathes out her response, now my heart is really punching against my ribcage. "Lucy Ashley."

Oh no her five legged assistant wasn't hoping to nest on my knee or thigh afterall. It rises and hovers as she reaches for my chest. I didn't think asking for surnames sped up the process this much!

Then she turns her head ninety degrees and pushes me down on my back. A blue light whirs just over my head and flies past, striking the ground to my left just as I hit the floor. "What the hell do you think you're doing Knightwalker!?" When she calls out to a familiar figure emerging from the bushes, I shriek when I realise that little explosive ball was aimed for my head!

When the Amazonian redhead bursts - in more places than one - out of the shrubs with her deadly lance of several different styles of killing in one convenient blade held out, I sense that she's not too pleased with our informal reunion ever since she split from her otherworldly counterparts. "Get away from him Ashley...Or I will not hesitate to take you out alongside him."

"Wheheywhaat?" I prop up my elbows, ready to lift off the ground in case I really do need to make for the hills out of here.

And when the darker Erza points the tip of her lance against my throat, she reveals just how blunt to the point, in an ironic kind of way, she can really be. "I've confirmed that this is the man I must kill."

"Crap!" Lucy manages to get a hold of Erza's execution weapon by lassoing her whip around the blade. "Benny, I'll hold her back, just get out of here while you can!"

"But Lucy I-"

"GO NOW!" The urgency of her tone indicated I had no time left to weigh chivalry over survival. The way her eyes glared at me indicated that even if I did try and stay I'd only risk both our lives by interfering with her battle. I had no other choice, I wasn't even aware of my bearings anymore, just blindly running in the direction that would keep me as far away from the hostile Erza as possible.

Running, my chest pounding with the flow of adrenaline, pain not even considered as my arms and legs were slowly being torn apart by the varying thorns and jagged articles which made up the foliage of this brutal island. Tears stinging the edges of my eyes as I tried to make some sense of where I was going.

_Fuck-fuck-fuck! Why is everyone trying to kill me on this damn island? _My shoes must have caught a tree root as I tumbled, flying forward and bouncing with all my pent up momentum down an incline as I rolled over a ledge and splashed into a small creek, unfortunately not deep enough to soften the impact in any way, thus taking all the air out of my lungs.

Thankfully, getting winded managed to bring me back to my senses a little as I gathered my surroundings. Crawling out of the small stream, I climbed over the other embankment, digging my claws into the ground as I lifted myself up and onto the higher ground.

"Ahh! I see you've come all this way for a front row seat!" That terrifyingly cold voice has returned as I look up and see, waiting at the base of the giant tree stump, the man who has taken my identity from the other world and turned it onto something revolting. And as 'He' takes a step towards me with his small band of cult devotees behind just behind, he flashes out his ten blades. "Are you ready to lay witness to the end of your world, my weak little me?"

* * *

><p><span>Just when you thought having a deadly yet strikingly hot babe after your life (again...), now you realise that somebody else wants to destroy your life and the life of just about everyone else altogether! What can Benny-boy possibly pull out of those ridiculously long fingernails of his in order to quell this madness!? Do not miss the next epic chapter!<span>


	46. The Island: Part IV

**I've got another double-upload/hour-length episode feature for you Fairy fans out there. I could have and probably should have put these latest two chapters in one longer one but there's a lot of big twists being thrown about in these latest episodes - including, without giving too much away, a big hint for Banzai's (i.e Evil Edolas Benny-boy's) power. So enjoy these two slightly shorter than average episodes as we really get stuck into the showdown between the two fingernailed fighters, Benny Makarov Makaren and Banzai Benendes. Enjoy the Forty-sixth chapter!**

* * *

><p><strong>~My Fairy~<strong>

tTnToTi Arc Part XX: The Island: Part IV (Masked Intent)

_Lucy Ashley cried out as she was given a boot to the gut by the lance-quipping Knightwalker. "Ungh! What's gotten into you Erza?" The frustrated blonde called out as she held her stomach. "Whatever happened to your sense of duty to the people of Edolas"_

_Erza answered her with a swift roundhouse kick which Lucy tried to evade but clipped her lip, chucking fresh drops of blood into the air. "Argh! Dammit isn't 'He' our real enemy? Why do you want to kill an innocent Earthling all of a sudden!?" Lucy threw down a strike with her whip but her form was too sluggish. She had overextended herself, leaving a huge opening for the far more martially adept female to take advantage of as she hammered her elbows down on the blonde's back, choking all the air out of her lungs._

"_Kack!" Lucy gagged as she coughed with a trail of saliva escaping her airless throat. When she succumbed to the muddy earth and sucked in some air again, she tried to reason with the fiery warrior again with a hoarse voice. "Just tell me then...who was it that put you up to this."_

"_I'm afraid that' would be me." A voice emerged from behind the stoic redhead. The moment she could see behind that man's damaged mask, Lucy's eyes widened with shock and disbelief. When she saw those sad eyes again, there was only one word she could utter._

"_...No..."_

/?/?/?/

"So...what are you gonna do to me now?"

I wait with many laboured gulps as my powerful domineering misanthropic sadist self takes a few moments to think about his answer. I would have thought this would easy for a crazed maniac like him to respond to.

"Hmm," He smiles as he taps a finger against his cross-mask. "Absolutely nothing~!"

"Hah?" I'm confused not only by his answer but the almost moe-ish way that he answered it.

"You heard me, I don't intend to do anything to you...for the time being at least." Oh there it is, I knew there had to be a catch. "So would you like to make yourself comfortable my cute little Earthland pet?" My evil self spoke down to me with such a patronising tone. "I hope I didn't get too angry and hurt you earlier," he coos behind that grotesque cross-shaped shield in front of his even more repulsive face. "You see, I was just rather cross when I found that I was misled by what my sources had previously told me about you."

I could shout out something at this point but I'll give myself a chance to continue his insane rant. "I had come all this way down from another freaking universe just to visit you y'know? Don't we all have that childhood dream of meeting our clone from the future or a parallel universe?" He bends down and holds out a hand. "Can't you see where I am coming from? Surely you would understand yourself more than anyone else – geddit that was just a little joke since you like making jokes from what I've heard."

"Who the hell gave you all that information self-stalker?" I shout out in a futile protest. I mean since I'm pretty much screwed at the end of this self-conversation limbo; so I can at least take this one out with a few angry lines.

My self crossed his arms and stretched his grin across his jaw line. "Let's just say, I was very good at convincing her to do it."

"_Her_!?" I shout back quite shocked. "I knew there was something wrong about Charles from the very start!"

"Who's Charles?" My confused self tilts his head but it doesn't look as cute as when I do it.

"What? Oh you know the little cat who – well never mind I guess it wasn't her." I shake my head and try to narrow the possible options down. "_Damn there have been so many girls around here lately, though most of them tend to keep a distance – that's what being au naturale for your bodily scents does for you – but who could have been sneaky enough to spy on me enough to-_"

"Oh for god sake it was Erza Knightwalker!" My impatient me gave it away before I could work it out. I mean – oh no not her! Why did she, or how could she betray me like – you know what that's actually not very surprising of her to be the one. I figured she probably ditched our group from all the guilt anyway.

He turned his back and walked away for a moment, his unidentifiable followers clearing away so he could caress the thick hides of the fallen Tenrou Tree. "I sometimes wonder why people need a heart? It seems so unnecessary and only serves as a weakness to even the mightiest among us." I don't know what gospel he's espousing this from but I think he needs to return it back to the place where he plucked it out from; anyway he continues...

"You know I could have opened many of my people's eyes to this new type of existence if they had bothered to listen to me. But unfortunately, the heart also weaves hatred as much as it fosters love and bonds." He curls his fingers around the bark as if he were about to use it as a scratching post. "I figured one of the reasons why people cling to their hearts so dearly is because they feel it makes up who they are – but isn't that what our head is for?" Just at that moment he almost twists his neck a full 180 at he shows me a very pulled back face with those owlish eyes and zipline teeth. "All these things seem like such a waste of valuable energy don't you agree?"

/?/?/?/

"_...And so you see we have no other choice now." The man's concluding remarks brought down the tomboy to her knees, fresh tears streaming slowly down her cheeks as her jaw dropped._

"_No...There has to be another way...Surely we can-"_

"_There is no other way Ashley!" the blood knightwalker shouted back at her. "For the sake of both worlds-"_

"_For the sake of nothing dammit!" The blonde snapped back as she hammered both fists into the ground. "What's the point of fighting here when we have to-"_

"_Lucy," The man took a step towards her. "If you could just hear us out for one moment you'll under-"_

"_GET AWAY FROM ME!" Lucy swatted her hand towards him as the tears kept stinging her eyes. "You're not him anymore...You're no longer the saviour who fought for our freedom...You're just like all 'His' other ghouls...Mystogan..."_

…

"Now how long can that guy be with that little errand I gave him?" I notice that this version of me, Banzai Benendes I think he goes by in his world, has a number of unusual mannerisms and traits, some of which are eerily familiar to my own. Only he seems to display a level of impatience equal to a child on a sugar-high. "Hey! One or two of you idiots go and look for him. The longer he stays apart from me the more I get suspicious about him."

"Of course Lord Banzai." Not one or two, but four of his masked subordinates stepped forward to the task, departing with a low bow as they vanished like white ninjas into the forest labyrinth.

"Tsk. Now I knew I should have completed the recruitment procedure on him – am I so wrong just to want to keep one of my pets a little customised from the rest of the pack?"

"Are you asking me a question?" I point to myself (no myself not my self as in, oh man this is getting confusing).

"Huh? No I was just cursing the fact that I didn't properly – how shall I put it – 'brand' my strongest servant." I still had no real clue what he was referring to. Watching my confusion made my other self sigh as he shook his head. "Oh hell how about I just show you then, since your sort of my honoured guest for now anyway..."

He gestured for one of his various masked followers to come over to him. The seemingly oblivious or just plain gullible henchman just stood by his masters side before a swift hand sliced across the ivory shield which covered his true identity to the word was cut away to reveal...

...Horror...Nothing but sheer horror...

"...Some people's hearts drive them to the point of misguided heroism, leading to their humiliating downfall, whilst other's hearts cause them to hold onto their mere lives so much that they will do anything it takes to survive – even if it means giving up your very idea of who you once were."

This guy...He really is...

"Y'know, there may still be a vacancy for you out of all this. I could make a small exception for my Earthland counterpart and let you keep at least a third of your face."

He really is...I really am...

"Whadd'ya say Benny-boy? I could even get your old team back together, Wendy would make an especially loyal servant if I-"

"NOOOO!" Something finally set off within me as I lunged at the twisted man, disregarding how outnumbered and how outmuscled I was at this point. My claws nearly closed in on his own chest if my other self hadn't caught my nails between the webbing of his own outreached palms. "**Don't you dare...don't you dare mention her name you monster!**"

I could see his mutilated subordinates beginning to rush over but their leader just smirked and nodded for them to stay back. "I guess there's a bit of fight in you after all. You'll keep me entertained for a little while longer then eh?"

~To be continued~

* * *

><p><span>The thought of Benny's friends being caught in Banzai's evilishly long fingernails has sparked some fight back into our not-so heroic hero. But can Benny-boy's nails really match up to Banzai's appendage blades? Find out in the next epic chapter!<span>


	47. The Island: Part V

_The fight between the two Benny-boys continues as Benny-boy (the good one) charges blindly at Ben-endes (the bad one...bad Benny - no!). But is this where Benny's awesome streak of heroic endevour runs out? Remember he still has to break the guy's skin before he can warrant a chance. Let's hope for our sake he does as we venture into the Forty-seventh chapter. Enjoy!_

* * *

><p><strong>~My Fairy~<strong>

tTnToTi Arc part XXI: The Island: Part V (Face your self!)

I couldn't let him carry out his twisted plans anymore. I don't care if he's some parallel version of myself from some kingdom in the sky or whatever, I had to stop him. Even if it meant I had to...

"HAHAHA! Now that's more like it!" Benendes relished as I pushed my claws against his hands. "Nobody dare interfere or else you understand the consequences!" Well at least I didn't have to worry about being outnumbered now.

Still, I had no idea how in the hell I was going to actually beat down this guy. I mean I figured that he resembles me enough in appearance, body height and stature that he'd fall down as easy as I would. But it turns out that he really is quite strong. And to be honest I have virtually no combat skills or any real combat experience whatsoever.

"HORYAH!" I'm sent back a few metres as he pushes me away giving some distance between us. With the flick of his wrists, his finger blades are now drawn and ready to butcher up my flesh. "Come on! Show me that I didn't come down here just for nothing."

"HEARGH!" I nervously charge towards him with my less impressive claws extended. I punch them towards him and he ducks his head to the right. I send my other ones down lower but he weaves out of their attack too. My claws are now overextended, leaving an opening for my self to charge right in for the gutting.

"You need to work on your skills some more Benny!" He snickers just as he goes for an clawed uppercut. I lean back and just dodge them with my throat intact. I teeter backwards and just miss a hooking slice towards my belly. That blood lusting smile on his face indicates that he wants to kill me, yet I know he is holding back. He could have taken me out just there but he definitely hesitated enough for me to back away. Why the hell is he toying with me like this?

"Hwup!" I nearly catch him out of sight as he circles around and tries to take my scalp for his collection I twirl and step back as he flows through with a low sweeping kick. I jump back again and turn just as he dashes behind me again for a sneak attack. I catch his claws with my own as they grind like the swords of war.

I am fighting for my life...I am fighting for my friend's life...I am fighting a war against myself.

"HAGH!" I don't notice his leg as he sends a hard kick through my gut, choking the wind out of me and causing me to nearly throw up in pain.

"Blrgh!" I clutch my stomach as I fall to a crouch. My ribs feel like they've bent inside just from that kick. I gaze at the saliva on my hand as Banzai takes a few slow, agonising steps forward.

"Poor things all tuckered out after one round." He retracts his claws and throws a hard punch to my left cheek, sending me down into a muddy puddle. "All that pent-up anger and energy you had just a while ago gone from a mere kick to the gut eh?" He dangles me by the hair as he peers into my eyes. When he sees my sore expression, his face pulls back and sours again. "**Dammit this won't do!"** And with that he violently drops my head back into the mud. "**All your friends lives are within the palm of my hands and yet you can't even take one damn kick to the guts? Some fucking hero you'll be!**"

_Hehe...I guess the best person to tell me how weak I am would be a far better and stronger version of me eh..._

"**You were gifted with those claws for a reason, yet even now when the time warrants them you can't use them to their full potential.**"

_Hehe...My 'amazing' ability to grow my fingernails has failed me once again...As usual it seems..._

"**You and I were blessed with a gift no ordinary humans possess, yet you treat it as some sort of joke? A plaything?"**

_They've only been good for cutting my palms and getting stuck in walls..._

_These claws...these extendible fingernails of mine..._

_Why was born with these damn things anyway?_

Two shapes fall from the canopies with smoke trailing off their bodies. When they hit the ground Banzai turns towards the Great Tenrou Tree again. "Ah finally, it looks like it's time my friend..." He draws out his claws again as though he were about to carve the fallen ones up while they're down. "Watch carefully, I'm gonna show you what _my _claws can really do..."

Using my forearm, I drag myself forward with to see my evil self's actions. His followers clear a path for him as he heads towards the giant base of the tree. "I'm so sorry about this Benny, but you and everyone else on this island just had their last chance to ever defeat me," he softly scrapes his hand against the thick bark of the majestic tree. "Thank you Azuma of Grimoire Heart, you've done half the job for me already...And thank you Erza, you've taken out the only other person who could have compromised my plans MWAHAHAH!"

"Wait just what do you mean by-" But before I could finish he had taken his claws and dug them deep into the trunk of the tree, lighting it up with a golden gleam as he continued laughing maniacally. His body started glowing too as currents of light channelled through his claws and into the veins of his body. His long wild hair was now standing on end as he continued charging up with energy. When I noticed the tree starting to turn a darker shade, I began to truly understand just how real that eulogy of his was.

_Don't tell me he's taking all the energy out of that tree!_

"**Soon it will all be mine!**" He roared with glee as the glowing energy lit up his dark face. "**The energy of the entire Fairy Tail guild and Grimoire Heart's guild...Now even their Master will be nothing more than a mere pebble in my path.**"

Crap. He's really serious about this. I've gotta stop him somehow before he sucks this whole island dry.

"**MWAHAHAHA! MORE! MORE! MORE! COME INTO ME, GLORIOUS TASTY ENERGY!**"

"GEARAAGGHH!" Without really thinking about anything else but sheer instinct, I charged towards him again with my claws raised. Only this time his guards were ready to intervene. I couldn't let these guys get in my way anymore. Adrenaline kicked through my body as I barged through a number of them. As they swarmed around me I pushed them back, eventually getting my claws to break through their ranks a little so I could make a clear path towards my energy stealing self. His back was turned and he was too immersed in his gluttony to bother about me anymore. He probably thought I wouldn't get back up or that his cronies would take care of me. He got it dead wrong!

"EAT THIS!" With my left hand raised high in the air and my own claws out, I scratched down across his back, leaving four quite striking red marks as he stumbled and turned his head back to meet me.

"It's useless, even if you try to stop me now, I have more than enough energy to destroy you all!"

"Well even so, I'm going to stop you anyway you sick little man!" And with that bout of assertion I raked my claws down on his back again like a nice fleshy cat scratching post, as more trails of blood oozed out of his back he lowered to one knee in some pain. Sensing that my strategy was working, I took my claws and griped them around his neck, ready to claw at his throat. Even a villain as twisted as him would know better than to risk their life that much. So he finally pulled his claws out of the tree, knocking his head back against mine as he pulled back from the tree.

I noticed his claws were now glowing in an immensely bright light. He looked down and studied them with odd amusement. "Ahh, such power, contained within these mere vesicles. _**Claws of Chaos...**_**"**

Not only did he my identity and the energy of my friends but he also stole the name I used to affectionately call my technique (twice at least). "So I guess your true ability is stealing energy out of things?"

Somehow my questions strikes a funny chord in my greedy energy snatching self as he taps his forehead and wipes a few tears from his smirk expression. "Oh if only it were that simple, I would never have obtained Edolas if it were only that simple."

He takes several short steps forward, I notice the mud around each of his step has dried and crusted into powder, as he brushes past some leaves, they wilt and fall to the ground in a green goop. Even a few of his troops fall down and look quite ill just from his aura as he walks past them. Just what kind of power has he attained? "Since you're all about to meet your end soon, I may as well fill you in on a little story. You see these things attached to my fingers are more like an embedded weapon and not a normal part of my body, since we in Edolas aren't blessed with an infinite pool of magical energy like your world.

"We had to make more and more efficient means of utilising our limited magical supply. Over time, our tools were able to enact more powerful magic with the use of less and less magical energy; but even still, we were running out of supply. But you see there's one crucial law which applies in this world and ours: **energy is never depleted, it just arrives at a new state**."

Oh crap, now he's about to give me a science lecture, as if this torture wasn't bad enough. "There is always an ample supply of energy in our universe to be used for any multiple purposes, the only problem is not only how to obtain those various forms of energy, but to be able to contain it and use it properly.

"These so called claws attached to my body were not meant for cutting flesh...They serve a far more useful ability...An ability which brings me the closest to a God, that is-"

"LUMINOUS MINUTES!"

"MAGUILTY SODOM!"

"PEGASUS WINGS!"

Just as it seemed my evil boss thought he had this whole battle in caught underneath his claws, three shapes descend onto the battlefield, smashing through his army with their impressive powers. Standing in front of me now are three figures, not from my guild but definitely possessing some terrifying power themselves. Judging from their torn clothes I'm guessing they've already been fighting – possibly my guild mates.

"You thought you had us fooled all along didn't you?" the figure in the centre, a raven haired woman wearing white sleeveless tights spoke. "Hades gave us specific orders to keep a close eye on your actions."

"Man, you really thought we would just let you steal the show off of us Grimoire Demons eh?" The silver-haired man on my left adds with the flick of his fingers.

"It's over Lord Banzai Benendes of Edolas." The smaller pink haired cape-wearing girl on my right spoke in a rather doomful tone. "Even you cannot defeat three of the Seven Kins of Purgatory."

~To be continued~

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><p><span>It seems there's some division within the forces of evil now as three of Grimoire Heart's elites face off against the strong and slightly trollish version of Benny-boy. Can their combined powers stop this maniac before he blows everyone away with that strange power of his? Find out in the next exciting chapter!<span>


	48. The Island: Part VI

**Would you believe prior to writing this chapter yesterday it had been over a month since I last watched any Fairy Tail? Now that I hear this filler arc's coming to an end I'm keen to get back into the show now and hopefully see what this Grand Games arc is all about. Also I've been meaning to start the Manga but for some reason our country doesn't have the international rights to buy it or something. I may have to be a douche and read the online scantilations for a while instead, I dunno...Anyway I'm so glad I've finally reached this chapter where at least one of the Benny-boy's powers is finally revealed (for the record though it's the evil one so we'll have to wait a bit more for the good one's turn). Hopefully fans of my other stories will find the link between Banzai and his power by the end of this chapter. Anyway on with the madness!  
><strong>

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><p><em>Just when things looked complicated enough in this arc, three members of Grimoire Heart have now stepped in to fight Banzai Benendes and thwart his own evil ambitions for the sake of their own. But which side can Benny-boy rely on to save his sorry arse as well his all his Fairy Tail comrades? May the slightly less evil side win I guess...Here's the Forty-eighth chapter. Enjoy!<em>

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XXII: The Island: Part VI (Dirt Underneath the Nails)**  
><strong>

"Wait," I butt into the trios little intro. "Aren't you guys meant to be on the same side?"

The woman in the centre cranes her head back and notices me. "Oh, so you must be the so called Fourth 'master' of the Fairy Tail guild?"

_Was technically..._ "Um...So can I assume you guys are on Fairy Tail's side now?"

"Absolutely not!" the raven haired woman bluntly answered. "This man is merely the last obstacle in front of our own objectives." She turned back and faced my own enemy. "Meredy. Rustyrose. Take out his minions. I'll deal with Lord Banzai himself."

"Hehe, is that really a wise strategy Ultear Mikovich?" Banzai retorts as he waves around his energised claws. "I think all three of you should take me on...That is if you want to have a remote chance in hell at least HAHAHA!"

"I think I can handle you on my own," Ultear assertively answered as she briskly paced forward. "Your power is undeveloped and you're nothing more than a naïve brat who came to power on a whim."

But Banzai continues acting cocky as he holds out his arms, stretching out his claws towards both flanks of his remaining militia. "Oh I don't need your Mother treatment here thanks Ulty, look I'll even save your mates the hassle and take care of them myself."

In a deed which even caused a reaction in the Dark Guild Mages, Banzai extended his claws and in a mere blink of a moment had snipped and butchered up his entire army (and not the kind where you can assume they lived out of it either, no this was some really nasty clawing on his behalf!). "There see, now let's see how long you can entertain me."

"Monster..." I heard Meredy on my right mutter as she chokes back tears. "YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A MONSTER! Killing your own followers like that! Have you no shred of humanity whatsoever?"

But Banzai showed little signs of remorse for his actions as he took a quick glance down at the bloodshed he had caused. "I never really liked too much company anyway – more of a loner type I am you see." He kicks what looks like the head of one of his masked slaves. "These sad sops just wanted to worship me so I'd save their arse...Fuckin' idiot's if you ask me eh? I don't need-"

"GRAAAGHH!" But it seemed Banzai's complete nihilism had sparked rage in a much less Dark Guild mage as Meredy charged straight towards him with a volley of blue projectiles flying his direction. "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Meredy wait what are you doing!?" The older woman tried calling her back to no avail. "If you just charge blindly like that you'll-"

Splurch. Three claws jutted out of the poor young girls gut as she stood skewered on Banzai's savage claws. Watching those painful tears trickle down her eyes was devastating. Even if she is our enemy too, she's still just a child...She didn't deserve this.

"MEREDY!" Ultear charged in to avenge her comrade as the third guy backed her up. "He's left an opening, let's end this in one strike." The black-haired warrior summoned a glass orb as her comrade transformed his arm into a monstrous construction of its own. "SECOND ORIGIN RELEASE:-"

"Gack!" The male Kin of Purgatory was Banzai's second victim as his claws seemed to extend in another flash, impaling him across his torso. Ultear hesitated as she watched her two comrades fall in just a matter of seconds.

"What's wrong Ulty? My hands are full now, you've got the bullseye right in front of you haven't you? Why don't you take me out like you took out all those researchers all those years ago."

Ultear paused and dropped her orb. "H-How would you even know that?"

"Oh I was there." He answers with a swift nod. "I was also there when you and your Grimoire pals stormed this poor girl's village and left her the only survivor." He offers a mocking coo to the gravely injured girl as she weeps silently on his blades. "I've seen most of you guys grow up; it's pretty handy when you can 'cut' through space-time and stuff."

_My parallel self can travel through space-time? That's right he appeared through some strange portal out of the air the first time we met didn't he? But how can he also absorb energy from that tree. Just what sort of power – or powers - does his claws possess?_

"Don't let his words get to you Ultear," the skewered man calls out to the rather mortified orb-wielder. "Just take him out with your Arc of Time already."

"That's what I was planning to do anyway," she calls back with a smirk on her face as she levitates the orb back in the air. "So what if you've been spying on our lives little time stalker, I'll show you what a true master of time and space can do." And with those words the time sorcerer unleashed a rapid flash of glass orbs onto Banzai, hopefully shutting my arrogant self up for a while. The other two guys were freed from his claws as he recovered quickly enough to block several more flashpoint strikes of Ultears orbs. "So you're claws open up the gaps between space-time – then they're all but useless if I don't give you the chance to cut through those links!"

But despite the walloping he appeared to be receiving, Banzai's cocky smile had only gotten wider as he held his claws in an 'X' shaped blocking pose. "Hehe, who said that was my claw's power at all."

"What?" Banzai's words caused the time maiden to pause for a second.

"That little toy you use is made of Lacrima ain't it?" With his claws lowered he walked straight towards her without any defences. "Seems I already won this little game then."

"Shut your trap you stupid brat!" But before Ultear could summon another attack, she noticed that her Lacrima orb was now nothing more than a broken glass ball lying on the ground. "Shit! What did you do to it?"

"I simply disorganised it's energy and channelled the surplus through my claws." Banzai explained as he grabbed hold of one of his glowing pinky claws. "See I was trying to explain this to my parallel friend here before you idiots had to run in and ruin the story."

"Wait so your power is to steal energy then." I try and get an answer out of him for both my sake and maybe these poor Grimoire Heart guy's sakes too. "Then how are you able to make those portals like you did before?"

"Every concept in this universe can be conceived as merely another form of energy," he answered. "But to my claws, they're all the same – all merely bits of random stuff ready to be pulled apart and made into yummy food for me."

He clenched onto his nail, making it throb and glimmer as he bent the brittle material. "You see, there's both a very complicated and a very simple reason why I call these things 'Claws of Chaos'"

"Y'know Ultear." I whisper from behind. "Now might be a good time to nab him one since this rant could go one forever."

"There's nothing I can do..." She bit her nail in frustration. "Anything I do will just feed his power right?"

Banzai continued, "there is a not so straightforward explanation as to that name, and that is that the essential ability of my claws is to violate the entropic principles of any object they touch, putting them in a state of de-energised disorganisation.

"...But then again, if I use the simple reason I can put your little minds at ease just before you meet your end. You see, the reason why they are 'Claws of Chaos' is because of what I can do when I disorganise the energy of my own body." The moment he snapped that claw, breaking apart that volatile chamber of energy, there was barely enough time left to hear him mouth just two words.

"_**Big...Bang...!"**_

~To be continued?~

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><p><span>Just when we finally got to learn something about entropy or whatever Banzai was crapping on about, it seems the cross-masked villain has broken a nail on a truly epic scale. Could this spell the end of not just Benny-boys escapades but the entire world itself? Find out in the next epic chapter!<span>


	49. The Island: Part VII

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XXIII: The Island Part VII: (On the Thin Cuticle of Hope)

_Is it over already? I can't really tell. All I see around me is hot bright light. Oh wait there seems to be an object blocking some of the light, long beams of shadow deviating from it._

The light continues swarming over my panorama for a while longer, slowly fading and becoming cooler as noise returns to the world – a heavy white noise as though two jet engines were held in front of my ears. The trees and textures of the Island return to view as I find everyone still in the same positions as before only looking a little shocked at what had just eventuated.

"Ten Layered Magic Circle: Seal of Retribution..." I notice that the object which somehow blocked off that destructive force was in fact just one person. His white uniform and his blue hair heavily singed as flakes of plaster fall down his face. From the back here, I can only recognise him as the man who first led Banzai's masked minions into Fairy Hills before the big boss himself came in and took over. But now that I catch a slight portion of his tattooed right eye, I recall him from just one brief encounter:

"_EVERYONE STOP!"_

"_Mystogan? What is the matter."_

"_I just realised something...We haven't had our Edolas Arc yet!"_

"Hey you're the prick who kept me stuck in a crystal for two frikking months aren't you!?" I shouted out at the bluenette who I suppose did just save my life. "Oh and not to mention you betrayed everyone in Edolas by serving the wrong me!"

With smoke and ash flowing from his body, Mystogan turned back and offered half a smile. "Things have turned out quite complicated haven't they...Master Makaren?" which he says just before he starts sputtering and falling to one knee.

"Mysto-"

"MYSTOGAN!" Just before I could check up on the poor guy it seems Edo-Erza has also arrived on the island scene, ready to either kick Banzai's arse or perhaps mope around her injured lover for a while. "Don't come near him either you little twerp."

Ouch. I was only trying to help.

"Bravo Mystogan." Banzai didn't seem annoyed at all that one of his highest ranking subordinates had just nullified one of his attacks. "I'm glad I didn't decide to execute you and keep you as my pet fox instead."

"Wait, so you knew that he was going to betray you but you had him work for you anyway? Gnagh I don't know what category I can put you under now Edo-me." I scratch my head in frustration.

Knightwalker leans her head on Mystogan's shoulder. "Whilst I don't approve of some of the things you have done for this man, I can forgive you in that you were only trying to do what was best for our kingdom."

"By working for the enemy, both you and I were able to underpin Banzai's progress to an extent." Mystogan complimented Knightwalker's efforts as well.

"That's right, and I was able to gain some vital information about the other one too." Knightwalker shot me a very unloving glance. "Still it was quite a battle on my conscious, having to carry him back to his apartment and put on a girly act just to avoid suspicion."

"_Erza! Did you carry me back home?"_

"_Uh, yeah. I just wanted to make sure you weren't having a real bad nightmare or anything."_

"_Oh, well I guess that's nice of you to do that for me Erza."_

"Damn...Should've known that moment was too good to be true." I curse inside. "More importantly I should probably ask is why were you spying on me as well? There's your suspect right over there!" I point at the evil me just in case the fiery lace wielder had somehow gotten us mixed up.

"It was essential imperial business," she answered just as she pulled her lance out of the ground and walked towards me. "Confirm and Identify the Fairy Boy and kill him!"

"So did you manage to in out who the Fairy Boy is – _oh crap_ it's me isn't it?" I step back just as Erza makes a few dangerous swings of her lance.

"There's only three people I'm concerned with," She foretells with each swing of her lance. " The one that I love, one that I'm searching for and the one that I have to kill."

"Eeek. I really think you've gotten your priorities all mixed up at the moment."

"Well I was never a huge fan of soap operas so I'd like to get on with the main act." Banzai might have just saved my arse this time as he grabs the volatile lance-wielder's attention. "So Mystogan, you seem pretty knackered after taking just one of my claws, do you think you can stop nine more of those?"

"Ultear." Mystogan calls out to the less evil time witch. "Can you still use Arc of Time?"

"I should still have some magical power left. Why do you want to know anyway."

"Forget about destroying Fairy Tail for now. We need their help with this one," the blue haired mediator reasoned with her. "I'll try to occupy Benendes while you go and restore the Great Tenrou Tree."

"Just who do you think you are telling me what to do? I have my own ambitions to control this world too you know."

"I'm afraid there won't even _be _a world for your group to take over if you don't hurry." And with that, the bluenette seemed to convince her enough to go and do some repair work on that giant stump over there.

"Go on, replant that sprout in the soil for the environment." Banzai mocks her as Mystogan barrels into him. "I've already sucked that thing dry of all its energy anyway."

"What a simple-minded despot you have become Lord Banzai." Mystogan seemed a little pleased with himself now that he had the wits edge over his former master (even if he was just pretending anyway). "It will take more than stealing some energy to stop the might of my old Guild!"

"I can cease this little game at any time Mysty. I don't need to wait until your Fairy chums arrive before I annihilate you all!"

"EXPLOSION!" Banzai's putrid smirk was finally wiped off his face by a sneak attack from the Knightwalker. "Then we'll just make sure you don't get the chance to annihilate us then."

"Grr! Do you pair even hear what you're saying!?" Behind the smoke and ashen face, he appears quite agitated now as he slides back from them. "All I have to do is break all these nails of mine and it's over."

"Then why are you hesitating my Lord?"it seems this guy who left my guild for a transfer to the other universe has got some mind screwing qualities on top of his awesome power as well. "Is it because even you are afraid of the end of the worlds?" Mystogan seemed to close the distance on him whilst Banzai froze. "Or is it because you're afraid of your self?"

Banzai's teeth were clattering, his eyes squinted and widened as the man he decided to keep as his 'pet' had put the collar on him now. But just before Mystogan could contact him he swiped back with his claws and staggered back again. "Enough nonsense! I removed all attachment to my heart and emotions a long time ago. Noone here can possibly know anything about me!"

"SILFARION." The Knightwalker's speed attack went completely past Banzai's gaze. "I know that you're faltering and leaving a whole feast openings for me."

"FIRST LAYERED SONG: IMPACT." Even one of (I assume) Mystogan's weaker spells had put a smack on my stupid prick of a bastard self's nose, making some blood trickle out of the mask piece.

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH GAMES NOW!" Banzai parried the two proficient mages away as he held both his index finger claws in his mouth. Biting down on them both simultaneously he unleashed another, **"BIG BANG!"**

SSSWWWWHHOOOO!

I must say I wasn't too confident we'd make it out of this one. The intense bright light and bout of silence followed by immense eardrum bursting noise arrived, but somehow the effect of two nails didn't seem anymore intense than the first one, in fact it may have been a little weaker.

"Wow! I've still got most of my Ice Wall left out of it." A shirtless and bruised figure made it onto the scene.

"My iron barely got a chip in it either." A heavily bandaged but tough as nails looking fellow also made it onto the scene.

"I can't even call that attack a Man!" Another big but friendly character stomped down on the ground.

"As much as I hate insulting others. I do agree with you little brother." Some white hair flowed onto the battlefield.

"Me too Nee-san. Even I think I could have stopped it."

"Even Jet and Droy could have taken care of it I think."

"I know Gray-sama wouldn't have even broken a sweat on his beautifully rippling chest either."

"I could have done it myself and be completely hammered at the same time!"

"Laxus-sama wouldn't even entertain the idea of blocking that with one fingernail of his own right Bickslow?"

"Yeah Babies! Laxus would knock that thing away with one flick."

"Ahem. Why are you forgetting about me? I too believe Laxus-sama would have-oh screw it nobody listens to me anyway!"

All these people suddenly appearing before me. Despite their bodies all looking quite beat up and their sluggish posture, they all seem to share a determination to carry on fighting and never give up, even when things look at their most bleak.

"ALRIGHT! THIS HAS GOTTEN ME ALL FIRED UP NOW!" And as the final voice – not surprisingly the loudest and most confident of them all, steps down and slaps me on the shoulder, I almost feel like I want to punch this pink haired man in the face for taking so damn long to arrive on the scene and save my tiny arse. "It's been a while ain't it...Benny-boy?"

That insensitive jerk, if he thinks he can call me Benny-boy at a time like this- "WAAAGHHH! WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU ALL? I MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH! YOU'RE ALL SO MEAN!"

"Never thought I'd see the day where Master Makaren is crying all over Natsu." A very snarky but reserved voice calls out from just past the bushes.

I quickly snorted back up my tears and snot bubble. "Layman! Yoshi! You're both alright too!"

"My guitar's gonna need some expensive repairs done on it later though." Yoshi made a cute frown as she held out her poor chipped axe.

"Ugh. DIRECT LINE: HAPPY, CHARLES AND PANTHERLILY!" Then a very tired looking teleporter enters the fray with three bandaged cats around his shoulder.

"You helped do all this Mest?" I beam with awe. "I think there might just be a place in the guild for you when we get back home after all."

"Uh, hang on." Mest crouches by the bushes and catches his breath for a few seconds before he disappears again. "DIRECT LINE, WENDY AND LUCY."

"Ben-san! How did you get here?" Wendy seems pleased but equally shocked to see me again.

"Yeah, we all thought you must have gone to some other town or something after you left the guild." Lucy (no we're back to the normal one now I know it's hard to believe too) said as she glanced me up and down just to see how much I'd changed, if at all, since then.

"Hehee," I scratch under my nose. "Well I've been on some equally important adventures of my own since I separated from the guild."

"Wow! You'll definitely have to tell us all about them Ben-san!"

"Sure Wendy, as soon as we get back home I'll fill you guys all in on the juicy details." I was just so overjoyed to see all my old friends (acquaintances if you have to be semantic about it) again that I'd nearly forgotten that we still have a potentially world annihilating villain left to deal with.

"Cheh. I wish I could have met this buddy of yours back in Edolas Benny-boy." Natsu spat on the ground as he cracked his knuckles. "I would've smacked his teeth out then and there."

"Thanks Natsu." I smile nervously. "Just make sure you don't get us mixed up during the teeth smacking okay."

"Won't be too hard to get mixed up with this insane asylum case over here." Natsu added with another few cracks of his knuckles. "What's with the plus symbol mask? Or is it the Kanji '10'? Swiss flag? Whatever the hell it is, what's up with it eh?"

Aside from Natsu's very vocal thoughts, I could almost read Banzai's mind right now just from his stature.

_Why the hell didn't it do anything? _I bet he's thinking. _I'm supposed to be closest level to a God. How could these punks take two whole fingernails worth of my energy?_

He slumped his head with his arms swaying down loosely; looking as though was ready to throw in the towel and admit defeat. But then a slow laughter built up in his deep vocal chords, "heheHeHeHeHe! HEHEHE-**HAGH!HAGH!HAGH!HAGH!**"

"That's it I'm really gonna smack him one right now." Hang on Natsu, patience my boy.

"Oh, this is just fucking hilarious ain't it!?" The psychopath wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "Now we managed to get the whole cast of Survivor together! Oh man I can barely hold my sides anymore."

"I don't think he realises the futility of his own situation." Gray observed from his place.

"No it's quite the contrary actually." Banzai's act was really getting pathetic now. "You see, even with seven fingernails left at my disposal, I have more than enough power to cull you Fairies. And to make it even more of a pushover, you guys still don't have your precious tree friend to give you all your cuddles and sweets."

"-Frig's he on about." Even Gajeel sounded like less of Dick now as he pointed up. "The frigging Tree's been put back up five minutes ago."

"WHAT!?" Banzai turned and found that Ultear had already restored the tree to its original greatness.

"You were so distracted by your little ego you gave Ultear more than enough time to fix the tree." Now Lucy was giving him a good caning.

"And now that I've had enough time to recover as well." A deadly flare of red locks ascended over the tree. "Now I can finally show off my PUNISHMENT ARMOUR."

Now I don't need to give you the details of what the punishment armour looks like (well for starters because I just can't in this T rated story) but even I can tell you that when you've got Two Erza's on your tail, you'd better find some nappies and a wheelbarrow for all the bricks you'll need to contain after this one...

Banzai was leaning against the giant tree. I don't think even that big chunk of wood can save him now.

"Hehe." As my Fairy minions slowly closed the sunlight around him I drool with some malicious anticipation of my own. "I've always wanted to do this." And with the wave of a clawed hand, I give out the command. "Now my Fairies...CHARGE!"

~To be continued~

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><p><span>Has Banzai's time trolling Benny-boy's tales finally reached the end of its tether? Or is there still some fight left in that feisty parallel universe freak? Find out in the next awesome chapter!<span>


	50. If only we could go back and-

****Whoohoo! Fifty freaking chapters baby! Hellschyeah- wait doesn't this feel a little deja vu? If you readers are feeling the same way don't worry, I just realigned the chapters a little since I deleted a rather out of place (but nonetheless hilarious) filler chapter. The Gender-swapping special My Fairette which once occupied chapter 32 has now been transferred and is continuing in its own spin-off story - which funnily enough is also called My Fairette. I've had to go back and clean a few of the title notes up and I've also gone back and re-edited up to chapter 33 (formely 34). I just hope anyone who reviewed after ch.32 isn't too peeved that their reviews will be lagging ahead one chapter. Mainly for The Layman and AnimexXxGoddess I apologise for the slight inconvenience. Anyway now I have an extra chapter to work with in order to try and keep within the standard 26ep season length. This chapters pretty long and hopefully I can pump out a few more extra long episodes as we reach the climax of the Trials and Tribulations of Tenrou Island Arc. So let's get straight back into it now shall we? Enjoy the FIFTIETH chapter...err...Again!****

****Oh yeah by the way, it's probably not a huge deal but we kind of find out who Benny-boy's real parents are at the end of this chapter so strap yourselves in!****

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><p><strong>~My Fairy~<strong>

tTnToTi Arc Part XXIV: "If only we could go back and..."

Just as the combined forces of Voltron – ahem I mean Fairy Tail were about to lynch the absolute hell out of myself (oh do we really need to make the distinction again here – look at the context dammit!), the little but equally sized bugger had cut himself a hole in the tree and literally did a backflip right into it.

"Toodles Fairy fobs!" We heard his snickers echoing as he vanished into the rather large, swirling infinite hole he had just dug out of the tree.

"Dammit he got away!" Natsu cursed just as he was about to fill a bundle of flames in Banzai's mouth. "Right I'mma go after 'im!"

"Hold it Natsu!" But Mystogan - one of the few sensible (former) members of Fairy Tail, halted him with one of his staves. "That's no mere hole, if you go through that portal there might be no way out for you either."

"So he's playing teleporting tricks now." Natsu smacked his fists together. "Right, Mest lemme ride on your back so we can weed out this Benny-boy II"

"Gee thanks Natsu." I appreciated the nametag he gave my evil self. "But I think someone's gonna have to go in that portal and follow him. I still think he could cause a lot of damage with those claws of his."

"It is true but Banzai seems to have become more erratic with his power lately." Mystogan surmised. "Though I sealed a vast portion of his energy with my Ten Layered Circle, his power is still without a doubt quite unstable." Mystogan looked down at my nails, watching them grow and shrink a little by my side. "I think you should go Master Makaren."

"*Gasp*" I gasped thinking that some other guys would to. Dammit why don't I hear more gasping. "Oh well, if I must in order to stop my evil self and save the world..."

"Okay, bye then." Gray and Natsu gave a casual wave as I stepped towards the portal.

"What? Isn't anyone gonna you know try and talk me out of it and say they'll take my place?"

A few silent shaking heads and a cheesy grin on Natsu's face gave me my answer. "You're right Benny-boy, go on we'll just wait _right here _for when you come back okay?" Natsu said with a pathetically obvious wink.

"Didn't any of you even miss me a little while I was gone." I frown.

"Not really, we managed pretty well the same way we did before you left." The less pathological but possibly more blunt to the point Erza explained. "Gildarts and Laxus were been taking care of the S-Class exam and we even built a new daycare centre for orphaned Exceeds back home while you were gone."

"Oh. I see." I lower my head and turn to face the portal of no possible return. Then I turn back and face everyone with puppy dog eyes one more time – seeing that they're all waving me off and looking quite happy to see me go in the deadly portal of darkness, I loop a leg into the hole.

"Here, take this pill before you go." Mystogan drops a little blue teddy bear shaped candy on my hand. "I should be able to communicate with you through this drug – it's my special Mystogan Deluxe Telepathy Inducing Vitamins for All your Inter-universal Travel Needs."

"Alright thanks I guess." I clench my fist with the pill as I jump right into the inter-dimensional hole my evil self forgot to plug up afterwards. Talk about leaving a mess behind...

/?/?/?/

How long ago did I just leave those guys? I've been swimming around this black swirling space for what feels like over an hour now.

"Crap! I think I really am lost now!" My voice superimposes over itself as I speak. "Maybe I should of taken that Mystogan Deluxe Telepathy Inducing Vitamin already." I open my hand and swallow the pill as it quickly travels down my throat.

"Hello? Can anyone hear me?" I call out to whoever may be waiting on the other side of the line.

"_#Why haven't you answered my calls?#" _Mystogan's voice surrounds me like a mass of loudspeakers all blaring out at the same time. _"#We've been trying to get through to you for about eight minutes now#"_

"Just eight minutes? I feel like I've been in here for at least an hour."

"_#Your perception of time must be different in that space..." _He explains. "_Now do you see a white light anywhere?"_

"Yeah, it's actually quite nice in here, I think I might spend my holidays in here from now on!"

"_#I'm being serious! If you don't look for that light, it may seal off and shut you in that space forever.#"_

"Okay, then no I don't see any white light." Just swirling darkness for the next hundred kilometres.

"_Master you need to focus your mind onto a particular event or memory...One which only you have a precise recollection of...One where perhaps your emotions were so profound at that one particular moment that you could pinpoint the very second where you had reached an ultimate high or low in your life."_

"Well, it's a bit hard to find many high points so I'll go for the lows." I press my fingers against the sides of my forehead, trying hard to think back of all the significant memories in my life. _Hmm...Lessee all the times when I felt really low...Just before I went in this stupid void would be an easy one...maybe when I was out of a job and living knee-deep in my own...for a month...but I was barely aware of myself then so I can't pinpoint that moment...Agh this is frustrating..._

I dig deeper into my memory bank. _When Erza played that joke on me and broke my heart...No even I knew there was no hope there anyway...What about when Natsu lit my arse on fire? The day when Natsu put real iron into my cereal? The day Natsu gave me an S-Class wedgie?_

There's an awful lot of options here involving Natsu for some reason. I really must have a lot of memories under Fairy Tail I need to repress after this is over.

"Wait a minute I think I got it!" I call out to Mystogan whilst I think I can hear Natsu and Gajeel having a swordfight with giant Tenrou twigs in the background. "I think I found a moment where I could just replay that low feeling over and over and over again."

"_#That's it now go look for the light Master!#"_

Now it's playing out all over again in my mind as though I were experiencing it again right now. Such an event which to be recalled over again would not only cause me to suffer a great bout of melancholy but probably everyone else who had to go through it hundreds, maybe even thousands of times over as well...

Oh yeah...I'm talking about that moment alright...

/?/?/?/

"~_Oh what a beautiful mooooorrrning oh what a beaaauuutifuul daaaaaay...The air is sweet and the birds a' tweet for I'm feeling rather gaaaay__~!" That was how I woke up this morning. And yes_ _your probably wondering why I would wake up with a melody meal?_

_Well Timmy, the answer is...Today is a very special day for me today..._

_No I wasn't getting my molars removed...Today is much more pleasant and worth looking forward to..._

_Today is my birthday..._

_-/-_

_"OW! That hurt man!" A very female sounding voice winced on the ground as she rubbed her cheek and tailbone._

_Crap – the person whose body connected with my hand was a girl!-?_

_A GIRL!-!-!-?-?-?_

_-/-_

_"Hey everyone!" The door creaks even louder as it slams shut. Everyone's down at their respective tables, buried in a lager or some sort of ale-ment (geddit?). The atmosphere is anything but celebratory, in fact it's more like someone's died than had a birthday._

_-/-_

_"Well, I kinda thought, y'know there'd be a slightly better reception than this today, seen as it's my birthday and all-"_

_"What's that Benny-boy?" I feel Natsu's open palm slapping hard against my back as he plants his but on the stool next to me. "Your birthday is it?" He asks quite drunkenly as he takes another swig at his mug. "PWAGH! Lemme tell you shumshing Benny-boy, nobody here ain't gonna give no crap about no-onez birzday, eschpechailly a nobody like YOUUU! *Belch*" And as he burped out a small flame, nearly scorching my hand, I realised something..._

_These guys are all a bunch of slack -/-_

_"What's the matter Benny? You seem kinda, blue..."_

_I let out a long overdue sigh. "Well it's just, today was meant to be my birthday and-"_

_"Oh, I had no idea..." Lucy said sounding quite genuine. "I'm sure Wendy and I could've bought you a little something."_

_"Yeah, I dunno..." I slump my other shoulder still supporting Lucy. "I suppose I shouldn't ask for too much here, I'm the new kid, the outsider, the mediocre one, the beige wall, the loose strand of thread in a jumper, I'm the nobody Mage who grows claws for his power."_

_-/-_

_And after such a strenuous and unforgiving day it seems the only birthday treat I can offer myself is a well deserved nap..._

_I haul myself up the flight of stairs, each creaking step reminds me of just another one of those Mage's scornful and comments. Now I see my door, barely visible in the darkness. Gripping my hand, I almost fall through the doorway itself. But I swear, as soon as I open that door, I'm just gonna crash on the floor for the next eight hours._

_I just want to shut my eyes and never have to worry about this day again..._

_Ever..._

"HYAAAAAGGGHHHH!"

"OOOOF!"

CRASH. TUMBLE.

I think I just collided into somebody coming out of that light. Hey this looks the outside of my old apartment. It's pretty dark but I can see an even darker space left behind where the open doorway is.

"So I guess you're the culprit for all those groudhog loops huh door portal?" I shake my hand with rage. "Well at least that's one more plot hole sealed up for now, but more importantly I think someone needs to seal you up."

I walk over and experiment with the door void some more, poking my claws through the space and feeling it move around in the space like putting a hand in water. "Whoah cool! What if I do this?" In my silliness I seemed to have inadvertently shrunk the portal as just made a gurgling noise like water flowing down a sink. "Shit how did I do that?" Playing with the space a little more I reduce it to the mere size of my submerged arm. Worried I might lose that limb in the other world, I ease it out a little until my claws follow. The hole completely disappears with a strange popping noise just as I completely pull out my hand.

"Hey! Hey! Mystogan I think I found a way to seal up those portals."

"_#Then my theory was correct...#" _What theory? Have I been his guinea pig the whole time!? _"Banzai shouldn't be too far from your location now. Hurry up and find him#"_

"Glad you're not in my guild anymore, you're the one bossing me around – Oh hey! I found him! HEY YOU COME BACK HERE!"

"Damn it!" I follow him as he scuttles down the stairs of my apartment building, out the door and onto the street.

"OI! Get out of my memories you bastard!" I shake my hand high in the air like an angry old man as I pursue him down the road. Despite all that power he boasted before, it seems he isn't willing to fight me but instead go on a flight away from me.

Just as I look to be catching up to him, he claws at the air, opening up a tear-shaped hole as he dives through it. Panting, I jump into the hole after him.

/?/?/?/

_Ah...Magnolia..._

_The scenery is even better than the brochure. I can't believe I finally took the plunge and moved here! Now I can hopefully set myself up with a nice career and find a beautiful-_

_I'm in the middle of a hold-up..._

_"NOBODY DO ANYTHING FUNNY!" A bunch of banana shaped nose thugs are holding hand-shaped rifles at our heads. I probably would have laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of this image before my eyes but I'm really not sure what those things might shoot out – and I'd rather not try and find out._

_"KYAH!" One woman is lifted roughly by one of the robbers._

_"Alright give us all your jewel now or she gets it," one of the ugly robbers barks out to the rest of us._

_I scan my eyes across the crowd of terrified citizens. It's clear that these guys mean (monkey) business. I heard rumours that a famous wizard guild resides within this town. Maybe they will come and save us._

Oh man this takes me back. Look how young and cute I was even back then. But there's no time to admire the past. Now 'He' must be here somewhere.

Amongst the tied up hostages and Bananaramafrittatahataians is 'Him' trying to sneak through the crowd.

"Nice try me!" I nearly grab his jacket but he slips out of reach yet again, leaping and somersaulting over the hostages as he slashes the air, making an even smaller hole now.

"Don't think you can get aw-" I look back at the other hole, it seems to be sealing up on its own now. I guess his powers must be fading. Just before this new one shrinks I squeeze through it and find myself in an even earlier memory.

/?/?/?/

"_Hey papa, why doeth my chocowate taste all funny and moving?"_

"_Oh my wee child, that's not a chocolate your eating, that's a slug!"_

"_*Baarrp*...A what?"_

"_Haha, Onii-chan's so funny!"_

"_Hey! I'm not funny! Papa!"_

"_Now come on you two play nice...One day you'll both grow up to be bright and talented young men...And you'll both make your father very proud indeed..."_

"_Weally?"_

"_Really my wee Benny-boy..."_

Aww...Is that me as a kid? Friggin hell I must be so old now. But why's my dad sounding all Scottish? Makarov looks a bit taller back then.

"_Hehehee. Papa! Hahaha" _The light cutting across the top of the screen makes it hard to see his face but when In take another look, it's hard to tell who that man I'm calling Papa really is. I guess I went through a few different ones during my childhood.

"No, it's not here either!" I whip around and find Banzai looking almost like he's about to throw up as he limps over a grassy hill. "Dammit I gotta keep searching!"

"Not without me mate!" I lightly jog up the hill after him but he seems to have found his energy again as he cuts out another space-time hole. It soon turn onto a game of whack-a-time-travelling-mole as we wind up in different memories of my childhood and young adulthood.

/?/?/?/

"_I hear Benny Makaren's joined up your guild." _A big man in a purple cape-suit is talking to Makarov who is gazing out of his office window. _"Guess your old problem's have come back to pinch you on the arse eh Dad?"_

"_I know Ivan." _Makarovlooks down in his thought. _"But for her sake, I should do my best to make him feel like a part of the guild family."_

"_Are you seriously considering leaving him as Master of this guild after you pass away though?" _This Ivan fellow doesn't seem too happy about the will arrangements. _"My son would have been far better at handling the job for you."_

"_Laxus is indeed powerful, but he is still far too immature for his own good for me to entrust him with this guild. Benny Makaren has very little power, but he is still young and has potential to grow and discover his magical instincts."_

"_This is an outrage!" _Ivan slams his hand down on the desk, causing a few loose papers to fly in the air. _"He's not even your biological son! How long do you think you can carry on with this lie!?"_

Wait...So I'm not Makarov's son? Then who the hell's my-

"_I understand how you feel Ivan...But since the day she left him at our guild's doorstep, I've received the obligation to protect him. If she were still alive today that's what she would have wanted..."_

Is he talking about my real mother? Come on, tell me her name already. And tell me the name of my real father then.

SMASH. The sound of a falling glass brings my attention back to Banzai as he sneaks around the corner of the room. For some reason the two big muscle Mages don't notice us even as he runs around the room, tripping over papers and other random objects lying around.

"Not here either." I hear him muttering a curse.

"What's not here!? What the hell are you after!?"

"_#Master Makaren! Master Makaren can you hear me? Please respond immediately!#" _I'm now so determined to catch this time travelling crook that I barely have enough breath to call back out to Mystogan somewhere way back in another time and place. "#_Master, you need to stop Banzai! I finally realised what his intention is.#"_

Searching. Searching. My first day of school. My last day of High School. My seventh birthday at MakaDonalds with all my friends except my crush Brittany who turned down my invitation and made me cry for the next three weeks. The day I fell off my bike and cut my knee; hey who's that nice lady putting that bandage over my knee? She looks so pretty and-

"_Hey babe. What the hell d'ya think you're doing putting a bandage over his knee?" _Who the hell's this slob walking over. _"The stupid boys gonna grow up to be a wimp if you don't teach him how to __man up and take a few cuts and bruises."_

"_What are you doing here?" _The woman speaks with elegance, despite this creep not deserving any of that.

"_Isn't it my day to take the boys? You had them all last week."_

"_I'm afraid my husband and myself have decided we don't want you taking the children any longer. My daughter is frightened and has nightmares every time she sees you. You are not allowed to enter this property starting from today."_

"_The fuck? They're my damn kids bitch. If you think you can raise 'em all up to be nice little fairies you've got another thing comin'" _

"_You've changed. You're not the same man I fell in love with all those years ago."_

"_Well you ain't no innocent princess yourself. How did you get him to forgive you about your little fling anyway? Did you give him a little o' that Love 'n' Lucky treatment too huh?" _The thug pulls out what looks like several blades._ "I'm comin' back tomorrow for me' sons, and if you, your husband or your army of butlers and maids tries anything funny..." He didn't finish that sentence as he stormed off._

"_Is the scary man gone?" A scared young voice squeaks out from behind a tree._

"_Yes darling, it's alright to come out and play now." _

_When an adorable little blonde haired girl hops out from behind the tree, I instantly knew from those eyes and that cheeky smile when she started playing with my kid self was. _"Lucy! Then that means-"

"Yes Benny Makaren," That cold voice breathed over my shoulder. "She's your half-sister, and that nice man talking to your mother...Do you wanna know who he was?"

An utterly horrible shudder had travelled down my spine. I turned back to him and gulped when I saw his sickeningly satisfied smile. "You mean that guy just now...Was...you?"

His grin nearly pulled apart his face as he nodded. "That's right kiddo...I'm not just your Edolas self. I'm your fucking father too!"

~To be continued~

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><p><span>No wonder Benny-boy's so messed up, it seems his real father all along was himself from from a parallel universe. Shouldn't there be laws against stuff like that? Oh and perhaps equally shocking, we just found out Benny-boy and Lucy are (sort of) related. What sort of implications do all these new revalations bring up not just for poor self-born Benny-boy but the entire Universe(s)? Do not miss what I hope will be the second last chapter of this truly trialling arc!<span>


	51. -Change the past

**Sorry it's been a while. I just love leaving you guys on cliffies don't I? To be honest, I'd been wrecking my brain working out how I will finish this arc off in just two chapters. Fortunately I think I've worked out how now.  
><strong>

**By the way, whadyall think of my new story cover? I'd waste about half my day getting that photo right, then the rest of the day writing this chapter. The original one has all of Team Natsu in it, but because of the guidelines on images here it only fits Erza, Lucy and Happy. If you wanna see the full photo, check out my Deviant Art profile (the link should be on my Fanfiction profile).**_**  
><strong>_

**Now with that rant out the way, let's get on with the show. This is the second last chapter of the Trials and Tribulations of Tenrou Island (tTnToTi Arc)...Enjoy!**

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><p><em>Sorry, it's been a while but fear not...I am still alive.<em>

_I've just found out that I am my own father that is all..._

**~My Fairy~**

tTnToTi Arc Part XXVI: "...Change the past..."

Gazing at my mother of a by-gone time; being before my father of another universe. Staring directly at the past and a new future.

My claws...Why do they throb so painfully now?

"It's hilarious isn't it?" my 'father' breathes on my neck. "All this time you had searched for your parents, only to discover that you came about through your own persona's efforts." His slap on the back of my neck couldn't be more painful than ever. I already knew I was a bit of a joke...but I had always thought that such a thing wouldn't matter...because I knew that there would always be two people in this brutal world that would take me seriously; respect me; love me...

Now one of them has made a complete forgery of my existence...

"Well, take a bit of time to chew this over. I'm gonna make some 'amends' to this current timeline."

I stop him with one word. "How...?"

"Hah?" He sounds as vulgar as his past self has suggested. "Whadd'ya mean? I came back in time and rooted your mother, how else would I have done it?"

"That's not what I mean..." I swallow my throat and bunch my fists. "I mean how could my real father treat me like this!?" The floodgates are under high pressure just waiting to let all the waterworks gush out, but I bite my lower lip and reinforce the gates, trying not too appear any weaker in front of the sower of Benny-boy seeds.

"Oh here we go, 'bring out all the fractured childhood crap on daddy' time." The more this man talks the more I really wish he wasn't my real father. Just how in the hell can my Edolas self manage even physically perform such a deed? Wouldn't he have to have been born at the same time as I was?

He begins to walk down the hill, the same way his past self went. "Hey, where are you going?"

"I already told you...To make some 'amends' to this current timeline."

He couldn't possibly intend to kill someone from this time to change events in the future? I hear Mystogan calling back. "#_Master, you've taken too long! The plan has now changed, you have to get out of there immediately!#"_

"What?" I shout back at my mind. "But my fa- I mean Banzai said he's going to do something to change the current timeline."

"_#No, you see his true ability isn't energy absorption or space-time manipulation at all! I confirmed this after he fled into that portal and when you closed the portal.#"_

"Then what's this bastard's ability then? I need to find a way to stop him before he screws up the space-time continuum."

"_Okay Master you have to listen to my instructions carefully...Now extend your claws forward and focus as though you're opening several tiny keyholes with them.#"_

I try to do the little keyhole trick but find myself just looking like a plain idiot (thankfully out of these people's sights it seems). "They're not doing anything."

"_#Focus on a distant memory this time. Something you may only vaguely recall as a child, perhaps your oldest memory in existence. Imagine yourself opening the key to that moment in the past#"_

I dunno about this but I really am getting fed up with running through all these old memories. They've all been repressed for a reason you know.

I think about the scene I'm leaving behind. Did I really grow up with Lucy Heartfillia as my sister? But why don't I remember any of these times with her? And who was that third child in the picture?

Why is everything in my past such a cloudy blur to me? I have to find the truth! Screw saving Magnolia or Fairy Tail or whatever the hell I was meant to be doing. This may be my only chance!

Tiny ripples in the air appear around the tips of my fingernails. My claws sink into the air as I move into it.

Banzai...Father...I will find out who you really are!

/?/?/?/

Searching, scrounging, peering, digging and clawing my way through vague shapes and images. I swim through this electric aether as I try to pinpoint a particular moment deep within my own neurons.

My claws are throbbing ever more intensely. Is this the limit of their power – whatever the hell that may be?

The pressure's building up so much on my fingernails, they just want to break into pieces. The pressure pushes on them at all ends as I travel further down the stream of memories.

Just before it feels like they're about to implode, the stream reaches a terminal point; nothing but that swirling darkness to be seen beyond the edge.

I reach the edge...Nothing but swirling darkness below either.

Off we go...

/?/?/?/

The two of us are now in a large brightly lit cave. Banzai scratches his head in surprised confusion. "The fuck? How'd I get here."

"I brought you here." I explain firmly. "It looks like you can't execute your plans here now...Banzai." I don't dare call him 'father' until I am to see the proof.

"Damn you." He curses but doesn't seem too aggressive. In fact he looks quite tired of all this time-jumping now. He'd lurches past me, lightly pushing on my arm as he searches another cave. "You've worked it all out haven't you?"

"Worked what out? Hey where are you going?"

"Ugh." Grunting weakly, he covers his face with one hand as he drags his claws on the ground behind him. He isn't very quick footed so I easily catch my self and tackle him as we both tumble-down a descending cave path.

"AGHH!"

Our tumble finally stops when we reach a small ledge, overlooking a larger cavern. There are windows and buildings built into the rocks. As I try to untangle myself from Banzai's so I can look down over the edge, he grabs my neck and pulls me back.

"NO DON'T LOOK!" His tone is much more pleading now. For some reason he seems so powerless in this situation; he almost makes me feel pity for him.

All it takes is a scratch of my claws across his half masked face to get him off me. As he screams in pain, I use this chance to see over the edge.

And find myself nearly covering my mouth to prevent being sick.

I'm immediately drawn to the sound of a young child crying in pain. I see him, dressed only in a pair of blue shorts, strapped down on a cross-shaped operating table as a dozen doctors cloaked in white lab coats, assess him and stand around a few monitors.

Numerous cages with hands clung around the bars align the sides of the room. Some of the cages have their doors hanging open the hands in those ones don't cling on the bars but flop over the edge – motionless and covered in blood. One corner of the room is completely dark.

The boy continues screeching in immense pain before he finally collapses, overwhelmed by it. A doctor shakes his head. "Perhaps Steven will end up a failure like the other subjects."

"He's name is not Steven." A deeper sounding voice come from one of the scientists. When he takes off his surgical hat and mask he reveals short cream hair and olive skin surrounded by strange tattoos. "He is test subject number 10, 000...Banzai."

"Test subject number ten thousand!?" I find myself asking in shock. I hear a tiny whimper from behind my back. Now he's covering his face, sobbing. "So this is what you didn't want me to see?" I say, still drawn to the horrible scene down below. It seems this place is an underground lab, performing experiments on children.

"We've already lost so many clones Doctor Brain. We can no longer safely dispose of the failed specimens in this facility."

"I don't need your bumbling complaints." Brain snapped as he pressed a few buttons on the monitor. "We'll wake him up and try one more time. I know this one will be a success."

"Oh God." Banzai cowers into a foetal position as the child with his name gasps back into conscious, his eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets, his hands tingle and his back arches as he writhes in an unimaginable pain. Tears and drool pour down his chest as he shakes about, trying to free himself from the shackles of these tormentors.

Brain's grin begins to rise as he watches this child's pain in amusement. "Now just a little more." As he turns a dial the child's cries intensify tenfold. The sound shakes the rocks of this cave as a loose stalagmite falls to the ground. Soon enough, his scream reaches the point where the entire room really is shaking, with monitors and equipment falling over.

"GGRRRAAAAAOOOWWW!" The boy's eyes turn bloodshot as his veins pop out and his muscles bulge. The straps break off as he destroys the operating table with sheer force. His fingers curl and flex as his nails begins to grow longer and sharper.

"YES! BANZAI IS A SUCCESS!" Brain falls to his knees and raises his hands in mad laughter. But it seems his jubilation would be brief as his great success started butchering his colleagues, impaling his new claws through their brains.

The young Banzai continued roaring in his bestial rage as he sliced through all the cages and exterior buildings, setting off explosions and electrical fires. He didn't even spare those other subjects who had gone through the same thing he had.

"HAHA! SPLENDID. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATION EVER MADE! A PERFECT MONSTER, BORN SOLELY TO KILL AND DESTROY!" The mad scientist spread out his arms as his twisted creation walked over to him. With his entire facility in flames and his loyal workers slain, he was only left with his obsession – his spawn of hatred. "You will know no weakness, no pain, no loss...You will only know bloodshed and glory. Now, go out there and-"

SHUNK. Now even this Brain was silenced, with the young Banzai's claws skewering through his throat. When he drew them out, Brain's body slumped to the ground, his wicked smile still planted on his dead face.

"No pain huh?" The child muttered as he slowly drew one claw directly down his face and then cut another bloody line across it, forming the infamous shape which now masks him to this day. "I'll see to it that everyone suffers that same pain I have endured until now."

"I was a human experiment." Banzai says softly from behind me. "My parents were two cells: both of them from inhuman creatures. I am the result of man's obsession with pushing the boundaries of science and magic."

"I..." I can't think of anything to say at this point. This person who had not long ago tried to kill me and my friends is now breaking down before me. I gulp and ask him.

"So, are you really my father?"

He shakes his head. "No, not in this reality I'm not. I was about to make it so that I would be your father in order to make you feel as stupid as I have to...Since I couldn't make you suffer physically, I would do so emotionally by changing your very concept of a family."

Speaking to him on a more human level seems much better than the stuff I was going through before so I continue. "What did you do with Lucy Ashley's friends? Did you really hurt them?"

He shakes his head again. "They should all be unharmed. I left them alone and pursued Lucy and the other fugitives here so I could achieve my real goal." He looks down at the bloody massacre his old self had caused, showing no reaction to deaths he had conducted. "When I heard that there was a world identical to my own called Earthland, I knew I had to do whatever it takes to find that man and kill him again! But once I heard that he was in prison, I had to use all means of obtaining enough power to break through and destroy him and his associates. I manipulated people with my power and amassed an army large enough to storm through your town and locate the Fairy Boy in order to break into that prison."

"So did you end up finding that Fairy Boy?"

Banzai just looks at me vainly before he shrugs his shoulders. "Never mind."

I stand up. "Look, I understand you had a terrible past, but killing people isn't the best way to solve your problems. Instead of manipulating others and making them miserable, you should have tried to make sure no one ever goes through the same thing you and all those other kids went through."

He still doesn't seem convinced. "Look, we are meant to be the same person right? I should know what you're going through. I should share your pain. For all I know my parents could have been a toad and a slug. I have the same uncertainty you must feel about your own existence." I reach out at this poor self of mine with my arms open – just like his creator, only without the evil sentiment. "So come on, how about we get out of this sad place and back with the others...Steven?"

It must be odd...trying to describe the feeling you get from hugging yourself. It's kind of like hugging your favourite mirror but it's a bit softer and warmer. If only I could have done this sooner, maybe I would have spared a few lives and misery.

I notice Banzai's eyes widen as I notice a shadow over his body. I turn and see that his younger self has spotted us - eyes red and teeth gnashing for blood. it seems in this world he can see and touch us...or kill us if he wants to.

I think he wants to.

"Look out!" Just as his tormented child self is about to stab through my back, Banzai throws me down and takes the beast's claws directly into his stomach.

"Banzai!" I never thought I'd be crying out his name but oh how much things can change with a poignant flashback.

"You're the only other person to call me by my real name." He grunts as blood drools from the corner of his lip. "And you're the only person who will remember me as a human."

"GERGHARGH!" His berserker child self tries to draw out his claws when Banzai grabs hold of them, thrashing his own blood around as he keeps him at bay from me.

"I'll make this last amendment right here." He smiles painfully as his monstrous self tugs desperately to free out his claws. "Go back to your friends...You still have to make use of those claws...Benny-boy."

That bastard, after all he's done and now he's sacrificing his own life for my sake... "There may still be a place for you in heaven after all Steven..."

"...Benson..." He adds with a smile just as the ceiling begins to cave in. "Steven Benson was my name."

"Was?" But just before I can understand the meaning of his last few words the rocks finally cave in on the place and once again, I'm surrounded by darkness.

/?/?/?/

…

…

…

"_Come on! Hurry up and breathe! Come on!"_

…

…

…

I flutter my eyes open and find myself back on Tenrou Island with all the others. For some reason, I'm lying down and everyone's huddled around me with odd gawks like a bunch of dumbfounded chickens. Natsu seems to be holding back a snicker though and Gray and Erza aren't too impressed either.

"Oh hey guys it looks like I'm back." I try to get up but I'm quickly held back down by a certain Lucy whose baby tears are pattering into my eyes.

"Thank God you woke up! I was worried I might lose you again." On closer analysis, it appears to be the Edolas-Lucy who's wrapping her arms around me and crying with relief.

Probably a good thing too. We're still pending on whether the other Lucy is related though.

"It seems you've made good friends with Lucy Ashley." And just like a grumpy older sister, Lucy harrumphs as she crosses her arms at this odd scene. I hope she's not jealous, I'm the innocent one here!

"I think I'm gonna die if you don't let go of my neck." I wheeze before the boyish girl releases her monkey grip.

"Haha! You stud! Getting in Lucy's good books!" Natsu slaps me on the back as I sit back up.

"Just to verify though that we're talking about Edo-Lucy." Lucy turns back and grumbles. Yeah I think she's jealous.

"Well thanks Lucy – I ugh mean Lucy Ashley." I correct myself as she smiles. Then I look up at Mystogan who appears to have an Erza from Edolas clung around his neck too. "So how did I make it back? I must have blacked out just at the end."

"Banzai must have cancelled out his power, and so expelled you from the alternate dimension." Mystogan surmised as he accepted a few wet kisses from his red-headed lover (please Edo-Erza save it for when you get back to the other world eh?). "You see, Banzai had fooled all of us with his power, even me."

"So what was his power?" I say as my own Edolas anchor keeps me planted down on my butt.

"The reason why you experienced all those time loops for your birthday; why you had those visions of 'Him' in your sleep..." Wait who told you about that? "The reason why he made those soldiers wear those masks and why he couldn't kill you, even though he had plenty of opportunities all boil down to one thing, and that is-"

"HEY LET'S HAVE A PARTY!" Natsu hooted as he tore off his shirt and waved it around.

"Aye sir!" Happy joined in followed by Gray and then just about everyone else who didn't seem bothered with tying threads anymore.

"Wait but-" Mystogan frowned as everyone left him to go jump in the creek. The girls must have changed at the speed of light as now they were all wearing bouncy bikinis which left very little to this poor child's imagination. "I even had some diagrams prepared n'everything." Mystogan pouted as Edo-Erza consoled with the blue chap.

"Isn't it great Charles, everyone's okay now." I saw Wendy conferring with her feline companion as usual as she splashed some water onto the kitty.

"Hmph. I would have preferred if he didn't come back." Haha, oh Charles...I hate you too...

Edo-Lucy tugs at my right arm. "What do you say Benny? Shall we cool off with the others?"

"But don't we still have to defeat those guys from Grimoire Heart or something?" I check with everyone else.

Natsu pops his head out of the water with a fish in his mouth. "Nph. Wph Wnt n kiphed hiph aph on thph shph whl yph wr inph thph hl." Which I think translates to: 'no we already went and kicked his arse on the ship while you were in that hole.'

"Oh, well in that case." I smile and plunge into the refreshing water with Edo-Lucy. With the scorching sun returning into view, this is a well deserved reprise after all the trials we've been through.

"OI! YOU BRATS HAD ENOUGH TIME MESSIN' AROUND YET!?"

Everyone, including myself, stops immediately and turns towards that very nostalgic voice. We follow a long shadow in suspense as it leads up to a tiny pair of legs on an equally tiny body. Despite, all the dirt caked around his cape, he has the same angry vigour as before as the little guy comes back from beyond the grave. "Ya' could have left me with a few centrefolds of Mirajane if you were plannin' on keepin' me in that coffin for six friggin' months!"

~To be continued~

* * *

><p><span>A major new twist strikes the Fairy Tail guild as Mashima's Law happens once again. What will this mean for Benny's role in the guild? And will we ever find the truth about Benny's parents? Don't miss what I hope will be the concluding chapter of the Trials and Tribulations arc and in turn the second season of My Fairy!<span>


	52. The Final Trial

**Here it is, the longest chapter of My Fairy to this date. I hope you all enjoy reading throughout this final chapter of Season Two.**

* * *

><p>"<em>~I wish you would all just disappear...~"<em>

_Those words...If only I knew back then how powerful they could really be..._

_But words seem to hold a power much greater than any magic could bestow. Relationships can be forged or fractured with a simple sentence. Lives can be nourished or lives can be ruined with a work of the tongue. Fates can be sealed...And fates can be altered with a mere flex of those vocal chords. Thoughts we once held onto proudly can be regretted – albeit, often when it's too late to reverse them._

_It was just an offhand comment, the day I could honestly say I felt something close enough to hatred of those folks at the guild. It was just an offhand remark – angry at them, and angry at myself; but it was just an angry thought, heck I was a little revved up that day. But I never would have taken that too much to heart._

_I mean...Really...As much as I wish Natsu would stop being a jerk towards me every waking moment...As much as I wish Gray would stop being a smug smartarse who strips like a gigolo...As much as I wish Erza would not be so scary with those swords ready to cut something far more precious than cheesecake...As much as I wish Charles would just – well not be around...As much as I wish Gajeel would stop being a dick...And as much as I wish Laxus would be a half-decent half-nephew in law or whatever the hell he is to me...As much as I just wish the entire guild would just shape up or leave me alone..._

_I love those crazy son of a bitches...They're my family...They're the only family I've ever really had..._

_Why'd I have to become such a sucker for these friends? _

_Why'd they have to leave me behind?_

_Why do I feel more lonely than ever before?_

**~My Fairy~**

The Final Trial, The Ultimate Tribulation

"You guys had a good enough perv on your master yet?" the little old man crossed his arms and grinned in his cheeky manner just as about everyone else had their gawking eyes set on him.

Everyone had already stopped splashing and playing around a while ago. I heard a few huffs and gasps. I think I even heard someone drop a brick in the water.

I heard Gray quiver out a 'master?'. So too did Erza with a few tears dripping into the water. I heard Natsu groan out an agonisingly high-pitched 'Gramps?'

But it seemed no one could get the jump on little me this time. I surprised just about everyone, myself included, when I leapt out of the water and cleared about 15 yards (yeah I was even counting in freaking imperials this time!) in two steps when I dived into him with my arms extended and nearly glomped the poor old bastard to death again.

"DADDYYYYY!" I cried louder than a walrus who'd found their long-lost tusk.

"Get off me why dont'cha!" the old master grumbled in protest as he tried shaking my emotional wreck of a self off him. He tussled with my python like hug for a few seconds before he grunted and grew his right arm to about five times the normal size and sent me uppercut and away into a tree. "Goddern it I'm not yer father kid! What's gotten into you!"

"But Daddy! You're my Daddy aren't you Daddy?" I jump out the tree and crawl over to him like an excited pooch.

"GRAMPS IS ALIVE!" But this pooch was soon impounded as Natsu, followed behind by everyone else mobbed the little survivor who pulled through in the end. "Gramps, we missed you so much!" I heard Natsu crying as he pulled Makarov's cheek just to make sure he was the real deal and not some goblin or midget wearing a mask.

"Master, the guild hasn't been the same without you!" Erza said as she shook him by the shoulders. "How could you leave us in that incompetent child's hands?"

Oh thanks Erza, wait aren't I older than you?

"We seriously thought you'd passed away master!" Gray said with his pants now soaked (in tears, you). "How did you make it back?"

"Yes master! We all thought you were dead!"

"We're so happy to see you're alive and well!"

"What a Man you are, coming back to life!"

"**Would you lot wrack off for one bloody minute!**" The old master, in his pent-up rage surrounded himself in a golden aura and threw everyone back with a powerful energy force. Natsu, Gray, Elfman and Gajeel all bounced a little as they landed on their bums in a seated position – which was perfect as it looked like the old man was about to give us a long story anyway. "I ain't never been dead you damn idiots! Why did ya friggin bury me with no food or water?"

"But we really thought you had died Gramps!" Natsu nodded his head as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing.

"Yeah you had stopped breathing and had no pulse." Erza added with a more reasonable tone. "You definitely appeared dead to all of us."

"I was having a long snooze." Makarov grumbled as he twitched his moustache. "I had been so drained going through what felt like the same day over and over and over again that I went into a hibernated state to preserve my energy until it was over."

Needless to say, like a bunch of meerkats, everyone whipped their heads around towards me. Yep it looks like once again I am at fault. I irk out a weak little "Sorry guys."

"But master, couldn't you have given us some sort of notice about this?" Mirajane asked in her gentle tone of concern. "Maybe you could have left us a note."

"I was so tired I couldn't even write a letter or call out to anyone," the poor old geezer shook his head and sighed. "You know I'm no spring chicken these days," he said brushing off the last remaining bits of caked dirt around his cape. "Good thing you buried me next to Mavis' grave and didn't have Natsu cremate me or I really wouldn't be here to give you brats a lecture."

"I could never do such a horrible thing Gramps," Natsu sunk his head on the ground as he watered the grass with his tears. "I never thought I'd get beaten up by that giant hand of yours again!"

Mystogan stepped forward, speaking more as a curious outsider to the situation. "What I'd like to know is how you got out of that grave? Your physical and magical strength would have been too low to dig yourself out."

"Hey guys!" coming back to the group and making his unwanted presence known, Laxus returned with a shovel slung around his back. Another man, draped in a dark tattered cape was walking in step with him.

"L-Laxus." I stutter out his name as I still get over my shock.

"Oh hey Hunky! Look who I dug up when I was searching for treasure."

"Don't sound so casual Laxus." Erza collared him as the other man came into view. I recognised him as the man who had saved my group when we encountered Bluenote Stinger.

"If I was around at the time, I would have stopped these kids from burying you alive Jiji!" the ginger haired badass said as he gave the master a pat on the head.

"So you're a member of Fairy Tail then?" I ask in my ignorance.

"Haha! Yeah I guess you must be the new guy Laxus has been telling me about."

I muster up a bit of skin as I stand back up. "Yeah so they've all been lies then?"

"So you made this little fella the fourth master of the guild Jiji?" the built-up cape-clad warrior asked he master as he looked back at me again. "I would have thought Erza or Mirajane'd be better cut out for that role."

I know this guy looks fairly old and wise himself, but I mean...I'm standing right here...

"It's a complicated situation Gildarts. I'll have time to explain things to each of you later." Then the man who I had believed up until now was my father, strolled over to me. Walking past, he rested a hand on my shoulder as he said to me, "We need to talk."

/?/?/?/

After about eight minutes trying to hold back Natsu (apparently he felt entitled to have the first one-to-one with his Gramps and felt pretty duped at my selection) the two of us were walking for some time until we reached a beautiful outcrop with a waterfall streaming down from the other side. Makarov perched himself on the very edge of the outcrop with his legs crossed. He wasn't facing me but rather gazing out towards the falling water as it sprayed and illuminated itself in the sun's reflection.

I stood under the shade of a low branch nearby. The birds were chirping in the tree as they reaffirmed their bonds with one another; the giant Tenrou toads were croaking down by the waterfall's edge. The clouds in the sky were parting as the sun beamed down and infected all life with its sunny glow of warmth.

"So...do you want me to call you Makarov...Or master...or-"

"You can still call me Dad or Father if it suits you," he said without hesitation. "But you should know that I am not your real father."

"So...Laxus can stop calling me Hunky then?" I say with a little relief.

But the wise old man sighs as he looks up at the departing clouds. "She had raised you like her son. And she loved you the same way she loved her own daughter. But even she could provide you with the things only your real parents could have and she left you in my hands when you were about eight years old. I think that decision must have broken her heart so much it ended up taking her life."

"Are you talking about Lucy's mother?"

"Aye," he nods. "How did you know?"

"I...I just had a feeling it might be her." I rub my right arm trying to comfort myself.

"Layla was an outstanding woman. I could have fallen in love with her if I was thirty or so years younger back then. But she was a very selfless woman who would put her children's priorities above anything – even her own health. I'd heard from Jude that a man claiming to be your father had been repeatedly harassing her. So I think for your and her own child's safety she must have let you go."

I recalled that man who'd threatened my step-mother in front of a tiny Lucy. "Do you know who my real parents might have been then?"

My step-father turns his head left and right, making one slow shake to signify 'no'. "If I had any idea who your real parents were, I would have used all my resources to return you to their custody. But alas, your past is an even bigger mystery to me than that of the Dragonslayers in our guild."

I look down at my fingernails, cracked and worn from battle. "Then do you think you know why my real parents might have abandoned me at such a young age?"

Makarov slumped forward, looking as though he were about to nod off, and then rose to his feet and faced me once again, his expression more regal than I had ever seen on this old man's mug before. "That is something only you can find out the answer for." And with that, the man I can mostly know of as my father began to walk back towards the main camp.

"Just one more thing," I call out to him in his departure. "Did you remember Layla saying anything to you about a brother of mine?"

Makarov turned and showed half his face as he answered. "Nothing that I can pick out from my old memory bank. As far as I know, you were the only clawed child that came to my guild's doorstep that day."

As Makarov left sight, I pondered more about the other child in those memories. It seems I was only left with more questions after this talk.

/?/?/?/

Tracing father-sort-of's steps back to the main camp, I watch the rest of the gang as they get up to their usual mischief. I see Natsu laughing as he gives Gray a noogie (which in turn must give Juvia a 'sense-link' or some sort of corresponding pain); Elfman flexing his muscles as he yells about his masculinity to a tree (I'm guessing it must have made a wise-crack about his muscles or something). Gajeel is pulling the moves on Levy by the shade, acting all macho despite his battle wounds (come to think of it a lot of them are doing the mummie cosplay thing lately); she seems to laugh with him more out of pity than actual agreement. The Thunder God Trio are crowing under their bolt-head's arms. Mirajane and Lisanna seem to be cooking up something by the tents (Mmm can't wait ;p) whilst Pantherlily is cooking up some sort of rant for the other token Exceeds on the Island. Cana is sharing her trademark keg with Gildarts for some reason (I guess he must be her drinking mentor or something). And then I find the old master, baking on a rock whilst having a level-headed discussion (is that a form of irony?) with Erza (our one, the other one probably went to go pash Mystogan somewhere in the bushes).

Phew! See I even have those cats accounted for. No wait, there's a few missing here.

"It seems things have neatly wrapped up here Master," I hear Cruz's loud thoughts behind me alongside Yoshi, Mest and Wendy.

"You might need to correct yourself there," I say back. "With Makarov's sudden resurrection, I'd say that title will go back to him now."

"I'm sorry Ben-san," oh wait why is Wendy apologising now. "I'm sorry that we all doubted you back when Mest was in our guild."

"Oh that?" I laugh and scratch my head. "Oh that's all in the past now. Besides how could I ever be angry with you?"

"Thanks for being so forgiving Ben-san," Wendy adds with a small bow before she skips over to Charles where Pantherlily is holding a symposium on the possible plot holes left behind after this arc is over.

"Well I hope you can forgive me too Master," Mest adds as he laughs and holds out a hand.

"Yeah, I guess you had your reasons for all that snooping and brainwashing of our guilds anyway so..." I shake his hand and let him now we're on good terms now (even if I still think he's kinda a douchebag). "But why are you still calling me 'Master'?"

"Well, calling you Master just feels right," Yoshi says with a blush hidden behind her tan. "I mean you've been like a Master ever since we joined the guild."

"But you know I can't be the guild master again," I tell them with a sigh. "I was only a temp-master, filling in for Makarov while he was hibernating. And I mean I was and still am the weakest member of the guild."

"What you lack in strength, you more than make up for in leadership and initiative," Cruz says some words to lift my spirits. "When those masked goons took over the city, we all relied on your skills to get us safely to Fairy Hills. Even with our abilities, nobody else had the gall to take on the role you did."

"I agree," Mest contributes. "Although I was under my mission during my stay at Fairy Tail, I saw the way you tirelessly worked and sorted out the day's paperwork. And despite the hard time I must have given you, you still managed to get it all done, on time, each and every day. If it was up to me, you're more than qualified to be Master again."

"Well thanks you guys, I really appreciate it." I look down at my feet then back up their expressions of optimism. "But my future in the guild rests with the real master."

And just on that note, I hear the others calling us over as they gather around a semi-circle.

"Oi! Where's Lucy?" Makarov called out to the group as he stood on a rock platform. The three S-Class Mages plus Gildarts stand in front of the platform, facing the rest of us.

"I think she went off to chat with herself – geddit KAHAWHAW!" Natsu laughed at his own joke, which indicated to everyone else that it was very unfunny.

"Ah, having a chat with her Edolas counterpart. Very well – ahem!" the old geezer cleared his throat as he began to speak. "Erza has filled me in on a couple of events which have taken place under my so-called 'death'. It seems over the last six months there has been a number of admissions and resignations from our guild. And I see Darren Cruz and Yoshi Takimora have joined us on this year's S-Class examination."

"Oh well actually sir, we aren't participants of the exam, we just came to provide combat support," Cruz corrects the old man. I see what he was doing, deliberately addressing the Master with a 'sir' instead. Careful buddy or he might have to change his next sentence.

"I accept both Darren and Yoshi's guild membership and hope they can be here as real participants of next year's S-Class examination." Awesome, it looks like they're safe. "I understand Doranbolt is still staying for this presentation."

"Doranbolt?" Everyone else flicks their heads back towards Mest. "You mean he's-"

"Wait how did you know?" Mest makes them all gasp a little more when he reveals his true name.

"I've been in a coffin on this remote island for six months, you really thought your memory manipulation reached me too!" Makarov shows his cheeky smirk as everyone else feels pretty damn stupid now.

"See I was right all along wasn't I?" I couldn't help myself but point that out to everyone.

"Well Doranbolt, if you have no more business with our guild, why don't you head back to the Magical Council's fleet and tell them Makarov said 'kiss my eighty-five year-old arse!'"

"I ugh. Sorry but I-" Mest jumbles his words. "I think, I'd like to be a part of your guild."

"Wait so," Natsu pokes up his hand. "So that day at the park where we played catch and said you loved me was just a lie?"

"Afraid so Natsu," Mest bites his lip just as Natsu falls down on his knees and goes...

"WAAAAAGH!"

Yeah that.

About time Natsu got some Karmic justice.

Makarov steers back everyone's ears. "Okay, while we're on arses for a moment, Laxus."

"Huh?" Oh come on Laxus don't act all surprised, even your grandfather thinks you're one.

"For installing Doranbolt as a guild member not only without taking the proper background checks but in also taking advantage of the advisory role I left you, I shall once again remove your Fairy Tail membership."

"Hagh? What the hell Gramps, I just dug your sorry old kit up and this is how you repay me?"

"Oh and tell him to stop calling me Hunky since we're no longer blood related." I chime in.

"You shut up Hunky!" Laxus retorts as fast as lighting.

"Oh..."

"And now there's one more arse here which needs to be brought up. My stepson, can you come forward?"

Too overwhelmed to feel insulted by the old master's words, I step forward from the group. "Um yes Master."

"Erza and Mirajane have told me about your performance as Master of the guild. I would like to see how far your performance can improve-"

"Yes."

"When I reward you with-"

"YES!"

"An extra long examination to assess your written, oral and magical abilities by next Summer."

"Aww come on!"

"Hey what did you think I was going to make you master again? You aren't even a member of Fairy Tail right now kid."

"Oh."

"Hey Gramps is right, we kicked Benny-boy out that time he hit Mest – I mean Doranbolt," Natsu says, even though I technically kicked myself out of the guild.

"Oh do we really have to make Benny-boy a member again?" Gray whines. Shut up Gray of course we have to!

"Yes we do," my step-daddy sticks up for me. "The writers wouldn't let us have it any other way," Makarov takes advantage of this open environment to break a few walls. "So we're stuck with him in the long haul."

"Yay." Darren lets out a lone cheer down the back. Thanks anyway.

"Well I guess I should be grateful that you guys are accepting me back into your wonderful guild," I say with great humility as I face the group. "So I'll try my best to improve for you guys."

"Hehe," with my back turned, I hear Makarov making a perverted old man snicker from behind. "So, Mirajane, do you have the hot iron brand ready?"

"Hang on isn't it just supposed to be a cheap tattoo?" I stammer with beads of sweat pouring down my face.

"**Don't worry son...**" Makarov now looks more evil than Banzai did; so too Mirajane wielding that deadly poker. "**This way, you'll be a member of Fairy Tail – FOREVER.**"

"**Please stay still Benny~!**" And with Mirajane's evil chirp, Natsu, Gray and Elfman all tackled me and held me down as the friendly barmaid did her demon-work.

Do I smell bacon?

Oh wait...

"KKKYAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!"

/?/?/?/

"B-hoo-hoo-w" I'm blowing a few bubbles in the creek after submerging myself in the cooling bathtub of nature. "Damn Natsu had to poke it an extra eight times too, the jerk."

I hear some rustling over the embankment as I see two blonde twins emerge. "Oh hey Benny," the longer haired one named Lucy calls out. "So you're back in the guild?"

"Yeah, and if you need proof you know where to look," I grumble in a groan of a moan.

"Ashley has told me about your brave actions back home while we were taking the exam," the more acquainted Lucy of my world averts her gaze with an almost guilty look in her eyes. "It seems I was wrong to ever doubt you in front of the others," she says, almost looking as though she might shed a tear as she holds her arm for comfort. "If Lucy Ashley could see a heroic side of you, then I will try to from now on."

Strangely, the burning pain on my butt has gone away now.

"But don't get ideas from this, champ!" Ah it's alright we're back to reality now. She leans her back forward and points her hand like a loaded handgun. "I'm not as easygoing as Ashley. We're neighbours and friends and that's that."

"Yeah I know. But I'm glad we can still be good workmates and neighbours," I smile sincerely at Hearfillia as she loosens into a short smile as well.

"Well, I'd better see what everyone else is up to..." Lucy heads on back to camp, leaving just me and her Edolas twin behind.

She hasn't said anything for the whole time. In fact she looks rather troubled about something herself, with her fringe lowered over her eyes and her hands behind her back.

"Well I guess you'll have to go back to your world soon." I break the awkwardness as I bob my head out of the water. A few drops of water drip down off my chin, making tiny splashes as I wait for her reply. "Banzai told me that your friends should all be okay. He sounded genuine at the time. So I told you that they wouldn't die. So everything's all right now, see."

"It's not alright," she grits her teeth as her eyes remain hidden. "There's still something I have to do," she takes very slow steps down towards the creek. I start to get a little concerned of her odd behaviour and stand up in the waist deep water.

"What do you mean? We stopped Banzai and the bleeding Grimoire Hearts aren't gonna bother us anymore either. Why do you look so upset?"

I hear more rustling from both sides of the creek as I find Erza Knightwalker and Mystogan on one side and two of the Seven Kins, Ultear and Meredy on the other. And I don't think they're here to give my back a wash!

"What's going on? Why are the those two Seven Kins here?" I try to back away from Lucy only to trip and splash back into the water. The two Kins and two Edo-lovers close around me with each step towards the creek, sealing off my exit. "Hey Lucy! What the hell is going on here!?"

I hear a few soft sniffles come from the blonde as she tries to hide her tears. Her mouth twitches as she speaks a few broken words. "I'm sor-ry. But...I have to-"

She brings out her hands from behind her back, revealing a cruelly shaped blade carved out of a large bone. I freak out as soon as I see Lucy holding the large knife and thrash in the water trying to get away. But I feel two pairs of hands on each shoulder restraining me.

"Hey let go of me! What the hell are you gonna do to me with that thing?" I ask in my panic, even though the answer must be pretty obvious.

As much as I wish Ultear had said 'we're just gonna cut you a birthday cake' with that freaky bone knife she actually said, "Having you stop Banzai for us only took care of half the problem. Now we are taking care of that other half."

"Wait guys seriously this is not funny! I thought we were all friends now!" Just as Lucy winced and took one last lunge forward – her crafty tribal blade thrust back and ready to dig rather deep and rather fatally into my stomach.

I catch that traitor Mystogan, looking rather remorseful with his eyes closed. "Please don't take this personally but...we must stop the Fairy Boy's awakening."

_There's that Fairy Boy thing again! What the hell do they mean? I don't understand, do they think I'm gay or something? What the hell is it about a Fairy Boy that's gotten them so worked up they have to kill me?_

I'm restrained, trapped, betrayed. I have no options left to pluck out of my nails. I'm seriously gonna die – and not the cheap Disney way that Makarov had.

That thing looks like it can really kill me dead!

And did you know people die when they are killed!?

"LUCY PLEASE DON'T DO IT!" my wailing pleas must have had an impact on the birds at least as a whole flock of them fly away. As for Lucy Ashley, she continues moving her body forward, her knife...

...slipping out of her hand...

...as she wraps her arms around me and sobs.

"I just can't kill him. There has to be another way, I just can't kill an innocent person."

"What are you doing Lucy?" Knightwalker snaps into rage. "You said you would do it. Now hurry up and pick that blade up before we finish the task ourselves."

But she holds her arms around my waist tightly protection. Then in a quick move, she presses the handle of her energy whip onto Ultear's stomach and charges it – effectively acting as a taser. Before her younger Kin comrade can defend herself she punches her lower jaw, knocking her in the water.

"Hey!" Erza steps into the water and is now closing in on us fast but Lucy acts as my bodyguard and takes up a fighting stance. With her face as hard as stone and her determination set, she fully draws out her energy whip as it snakes just above the water.

"Don't come any closer Knightwalker. If this thing makes contact with the water you know what will happen."

But the evil(er) Erza just smirks as she grips her lance. "Heh, you're not the type who'd just throw their life away for a silly brat."

"And you're not the type who'd like to throw their life away either," Lucy came back at her with those words. "Either way, I'm not letting you past."

"Dammit," the riled up redhead bit her nails (hey that's a bad habit you know!) as she tried working out her options. "Mystogan! Set up a seal around Lucy."

"I'm working on it now," the two-faced bluenette said as he tapped his stave hard on the ground, reciting a few words as several magical circles began appearing over Lucy.

"Four Layered magic Circle: Cancellation Sphere."

"No!" But I push Lucy out of the way just as the seal falls upon myself instead.

"Benny!" Lucy cries as I find myself surrounded by a thin barrier.

"Hah! So he's a heroic idiot afterall?" Erza laughs as she comes closer to the barrier. Actually I was hoping we'd both avoid the barrier thingy, not just some sort of valiant self-sacrifice on my behalf or anything. "Well we have him now, just finish him off quickly Mysotgan."

"Five Layered Magical Circle-"

"NOO!"

"GAGH!" I try to reach Lucy as she bashes against the wall of the barrier, those terrifying circles are hanging above me, just like a guillotine waiting to fall.

"Sacred Song..."

I try to dig my nails through the wall, a seemingly hopeless and last-ditch attempt to get out of this death cage of sorts.

And surprisingly, I seem to find a tear in the bubble on my right side. Instincts take over as I scratch the inside wall, using both hands, I pull apart the magical membrane and literally dive out of the hole, only fractions of a second before a giant purple beam descends and cooks up whatever unfortunate sea microbes may have been left in that barrier.

I never thought I'd be able to say it, but it looks like I survived by the scrape of a fingernail there.

"Impossible! He shouldn't have been able to escape from such an advanced magical barrier," Mystogan seems a little shocked as does Erza at my strange luck. "Not even Banzai could avoid my spells!"

I know I shouldn't because we're in a sort of melee situation at the moment, but I take a quick look at my slightly out of the ordinary nails, they seem to be learning more tricks lately. I can't even comprehend just what exactly the true potential of these bits of keratin are.

Now that I recall, I did clean off half a man's (well tiger-dog thingy man) body with these things. I wish I could have remembered how I did that again.

These guys just won't give me a break. Now the four of them are ready to pounce on me. I don't think my claws can evenly dish something out to these guys now.

I think the only thing that could possibly save my sorry tail now is...

"_**RRRRROOOOOAAAAARRRR!"**_

The earth shakes violently as a tremendous noise floods the sky. Everyone stops and looks up as the trees are uprooted and shredded into mulch by the sheer aura of this creature. Easily towering over fifty feet (that's right, I was so awe-struck I was using freaking imperials again!) with its gaping jaw swallowing the sun's light and its wings stretching across the horizon, I didn't need to look up what this giant thing was.

I know it didn't take me long to adjust my beliefs for things like Magic and Goblins and Sparkling-Robot-Vampire-Ninjas. But I honestly never thought I'd see a real one of these things.

I guess that's why they have Dragon Slayer's huh?

But anyway, back to my voicebox: "HOLY F&^%ING SHIT IT'S A DRAGON!"

/?/?/?/

_I had never truly felt what being alive meant until that day..._

_A creature born from Fairy Tales now transcending all preconceptions of my reality._

/?/?/?/

"Wait, where are you all going?" I follow the mad bunch of people who had not five seconds ago tried to kill me are now prefixed on something else. "Shouldn't we be getting away from that thing?"

"We've truly been careless," the shade of evil named Ultear cursed under her breath as they continued charging towards the dragon. "All this time we had been distracted with him, we had allowed Acnologia to awaken."

"You mean that giant bugger up there is Acnologia!?" I shriek just as I peer up at its terrifying form – its body covered in black scales and bright blue markings lining its sides. For such a huge beast, its eyes seem just like tiny pinholes poked on its head. It begins swaying its head and thrashing its body as it bellows out another roar.

I notice a few explosions and sparks are coming off its body. Just as we reach the giant clearing it had made, we discover that just about everyone else on this island is slugging it out with this dragon. And yet both sides seem on equal footing.

/?/?/?/

_The sight of this battle – with fire, ice, wind, and lightning...All the elements you could think of released in sporadic bursts...It was a dazzling display of strength and determination...They knew that combined as one, they could not possibly fall – even to a beast as mighty as this._

/?/?/?/

"WHAT'RE YE DERN' BRATS DOIN'?" and showing that his hibernation had not affected his ticker, Makarov was now grappling with the behemoth as he grew to a giant of equal size himself. "GET OUTTA HERE WHILE YE STILL CAN!"

"NO DAMN WAY GRAMPS!" Natsu said the words just about everyone else fighting must have felt. "WE AIN'T LOSIN' YOU AGAIN! We'd rather go out with you! Fist's blazing n'everything!"

Just as the giant dwarf's foot dug a little deeper in the ground, he turned back and showed a smile behind that bushy moustache of his. "You kid's never learn do ya!"

"What should we do? Go help them or-" I notice Erza, Mystogan and the two Kins have already vanished and have already chosen the fight in their fight-or-flight response systems. Even Yoshi is slinging a few distorted notes at the beast as Cruz tries shooting some smelly slugs up its nostril. And just to show that no-good memory fondler is good for something, Mest seems to be putting in just as much effort as everyone else, giving the scaly giant a few good roundhouses wherever he appears around its body. Laxus finally does something good and fights for the right side; and even Happy and Charles are putting everyone else to shame as they soar around the beast, scratching the soft gaps in its armour (or scales in this context).

In fact, the only people left on this island who aren't fighting is me.

And a tough blonde who is showing more fear than I'd ever seen before.

Her gaze doesn't leave sight of the dragon as she tugs my shirt. "Hey, let's get out of here..."

"But shouldn't we go and help the-"

"No...We can't...This time, we cannot win." Her voice breaks as she tugs my shirt tighter. I don't think she's lost her stomach to this situation, in fact, she is absolutely right. Despite the efforts of the entire guild (well the strong half) and a few other allies, they're really not putting much of a dent in that big lug of scales and teeth. Not once has it even looked like it was going to fall over. Even the giant Tenrou Tree was easy to knock down than this thing.

Edo-Lucy's right...We really cannot win...

But we can't just run away either...

Even someone as brainless as Natsu must have known that the retreat option was gone as soon as this thing rose from the ground. Despite the sheer imbalance in strength, there really is only one option for us.

We've gotta fight!

"Benny wait!" I let my clothes tear a little more as I leave Lucy's grasp, running straight down the hill and heading straight into the battle of our lives. I just hope all my days doing crappy jobs and fighting creatures with little more than about 15HP has given me enough preparation for a day like this.

At least I would never have to whinge about the jobs I get from here on out...

I think I should retire and get a veterans pension just for giving this one a punch on the toe.

/?/?/?/

_That was the worst decision I could have made..._

_Those guys might have had a better chance if I wasn't there..._

/?/?/?/

"Benny what the hell are you doing down here?" Erza and Gray turn back with wide eyes just as they look ready to carve up roast dragon.

"Whadd'ya mean. I'm a wizard of Fairy Tail aren't I?" I try to offer a smile in this hopeless situation. "Running away wasn't a part of my job."

"You idiot!" Gray of all people scolds me like an angry mother would. "You aren't strong enough to fight this dragon. We need at least one of us to get back home alive."

"Huh?" I'm very confused. "What do you mean 'alive'? We aren't really gonna die."

"Shit!" Gray has no more time to coddle me as he leaps out of the way of the beast's hand before firing a few Ice Arrows at its leg.

"Oi get out of my way!" Gajeel barges over me as he drives his iron chainsaw down on the same leg. "What's he doing here? You don't get a prize for participation in this battle!"

Even the Dick seems to have some sense about him. I really must be causing everyone a problem just by being so utterly useless.

If only I could fight with these claws. Then I could be of some use to them.

"Benny..."

Sorry guys, but I'm gonna give this big ol' thing a try.

"Benny..."

I might not be able to break his skin, but at least I'll prove I can be just as crazy – or heroic – as all of you.

"BENNY!"

Because I am...A member of the craziest and most heroic guild of all: Fairy Tail.

"NOOO!"

_**SWOOOSH!**_

The mere flap of the Dragon's wings sends a powerful enough shockwave to knock everyone over. I'm now lying with my back leaning against a small rock; facing up at this god-like creature as it breaks free of the confines of earth and reaches for the heavens.

Its wings continue to flap, the thundering winds it generates uprooting columns of forest and flattening the cliffs and hills. And it only takes something as trivial as its tail whacking a boulder to cause an exponential reaction; with the boulder now flinging its way towards me.

One of my claws is snagged by the rock, I try to break it off but my hands are too sweaty to get a good hold of the damn nail. The boulder is plummeting down like a meteorite at breakneck speed. I can't move away from its path.

Adrenaline must have finally kicked in as I get my nail free. But by now it's already too late. The giant hunk of rock blocks my view of the world as it closes in on its final few metres of trajectory.

But then something else blocks my vision. Something far more special than a rock. Something with blonde hair and brown eyes. Something who likes to wear a black tanktop and has a strange liking for weak men. Something...someone...who fills my vision with one last tear filled smile as she wraps her arms around me and whispers something in my ear.

I never got to hear those words. The sound of the accursed boulder crashing to the ground ripped through my eardrums instead.

I never got to hear those words. Of all the possible things those words could have been will never be known by another soul.

I never even got to hear my screams and cries as I wrapped my arms around that silent body. All I could hear was the constant ringing of my ears as I lost all of my composure in one mere twist of fate. All I could think about was killing that monster now. I couldn't feel myself biting my bottom lip or the blood trickling down my mouth as I extended my claws as far as possible, my killing intent driving those nails to extend to lengths never even imaginable before.

Yet even as my claws seemed to eclipse the highest point of this island, they could never reach that monster. I shouted at the heavens until my throat was hoarse. The injustice of having somebody so close to you perish and the compounding injustice of not being able to avenge that person.

If there was one time I truly hated my weakness...

A few arms were pulling me away as I continued gazing with bulging eyes at that murderer in the sky. I must have shouted a few colourful words at him as I was pulled away. They only came to me as fuzzy blobs of sound though, but it didn't matter any less as I knew what I meant to say – what I meant to do, to that Dragon: Acnologia I believe his name was.

Acnologia...

I kept reciting that name even as I suddenly found myself on a ship. As we parted the island and the Dragon breathed down on those unfortunates still inhabiting the place...as I continued shouting and screaming...as my nails grew to the point where my fingers bled and my bones ached...as Mest, Yoshi and Cruz tried to hold me down and control me...as everyone else aboard dropped their jaws at the sight of the island being consumed by the dragon's roar...and as flashes of those last moments in Lucy Ashley's arms kept assaulting my brain – reminding me how I should have sacrificed my life instead.

I kept reciting that name...

Acnologia...

Acnologia...

Acnologia...

The name of the Dragon I would have to kill.

…

_Six months later..._

"_Well this council has heard the defendant Benny Makaren's testimonial of the events which had transpired on Tenrou Island – ahem, I mean the former Island...In light of the evidence the defendant and the other witnesses have provided what is this council's verdict?"_

_Ten heartless faces peer down at me from their high pedestals. Their expressions never wavered as I recalled those events leading up to six months ago. Their judgement is supposedly impartial and objective. As I rattle the chains of the cuffs around my hands I look back down at my clenched fists, holding the memories of all those lost souls on the Island. They hadn't confirmed their deaths but I didn't need to comfort myself with such fallacies. Maybe that's why they have brought me here to this trial...Any sentence they hand down to me though cannot amount to the sentence I've been putting myself through ever since that day..._

_One of them stands from his chair, looking down at me with tiny pupils in his large eyes. "The Council is unanimous with its decision...We find the defendant Benny Makarov Makaren..."_

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**_~To be continued next season...~_**

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><p><span>ARGH! Don'cha just love cliffies!? And just to leave you hanging in suspense even longer, the next season won't be out for another whole month as I'll be going to Japan in a few weeks and for a few weeks too. But at least I got to finish the second season off beforehand. Now I can take a break for a while and maybe try to focus on a few other stories before I go. But please be patient and stick around as there WILL be a third season of My Fairy. This crazy old tail (geddit?) is far from over just yet!<span>


	53. My Fairy: SEASON 3 PREVIEW

**To commemorate my 100th review, here's a small teaser of what's to come next season...  
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My Fairy Season III Preview.

Natsu calls out to his partner Gray as he offers him some cover fire. "WHERE'S THE VAN!"

_SCREECH!_

_BOOM!_

_SLAP!_

_SPLASH! _Then Erza burns a cigarette hole in the badly bruised-up crook. "I didn't ask if you wanted a freaking lawyer punk!"

…

_REEOR-REEOR!_

_CRASH!_

_SPLUNGE!_

Elfman roars as he tangles with a double-jointed Frenchman down a hill. "GARGH! As a Man, I'm placing you under arrest!"

…

_THUMP!_

_THWACK!_

_SLIDE!_

Lucy sighs as she throws a bundle of papers on old Chief Makarov's desk. "Here are those Missing Person reports you wanted sir."

"No, I wanted a spunkier constable to get me another coffee thank you very much."

"Sir, I should remind you that sexual harassment is not appropriate in today's work environment."

But the little old man reaches over and pinches the discomforted blonde on the bum. "And I should remind you to lose a few around the waist hot-stuff!"

…

_BANG! BANG!_

_SCREECH!_

"_NOOOOO!"_

"YOU'RE OUTTA LINE!"

"NO YOU'RE OUTTA LINE!"

"NO YOU'RE OUTTA LINE!"

"NO YOU'RE OUTTA LINE!"

"NO - wait, wait I got this one...

…

…

…

…

...YOU'RE A DICK!"

"NO YOU'RE A DICK!"

…

_**THIS SUMMER …**_

_**THE CAST OF FAIRY TAIL...**_

_**FIND LIFE ON THE BEAT...**_

_**WAS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT...**_

_**THAN BEATING PEOPLE UP...**_

Gajeel holds a cigarette between his teeth as he focuses on a spot on the floor. "Cheh, damn crazy guy in there thinks the old chief's his pops or somethin'. Reckons he can grow claws an' shit too."

Juvia writes down some more notes as she shakes her head. "Yeah that sounds messed up. So anyway did Gray-sama get that present I sent him?"

"You mean the hair you picked up out of the plug in your shower? Yeah he was pretty creeped out at that."

"Aww...That's sweet. I think I'll finally ask him out for a date tonight."

…

**MY FAIRY SEASON III: Coming Soon...**


	54. The Lost Nail: Part I

**Well it's been a while folks but I hope you enjoyed the start of My Fairy's Season 3. I've had a long break, going to Japan, coming back from Japan, getting through Christmas and other stuff. I've also started reading Fairy Tail: the Manga, looking back on all the great stuff in black and white comic form. I also have some episodes of the Anime to catch up on but I hope to have (and already have...) some great things planned for this latest season. **

**I also heard a rumour that the Fairy Tail Anime may be ending soon. If that's the case then this could very well be the final season as well. But it's all just speculation at this point right? So don't worry your little hearts just yet, sit back and enjoy what (I imagine most of you) are all waiting for...The first episode of My Fairy: Season 3!  
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**P.S: If you want to make the prologue to season 3 legitimately sad rather than just plain Narmy, listen to Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber for the first part...  
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**For a Fairy Tail OST version: Try Ancient Magic from OST 3 then maybe Past Story from OST 1.  
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**Okay go on and Enjoy now!  
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><p><em>Its wings continue to flap, the thundering winds it generates uprooting columns of forest and flattening the cliffs and hills. And it only takes something as trivial as its tail whacking a boulder to cause an exponential reaction; with the boulder now flinging its way towards me.<em>

_One of my claws is snagged by the rock, I try to break it off but my hands are too sweaty to get a good hold of the damn nail. The boulder is plummeting down like a meteorite at breakneck speed. I can't move away from its path._

_Adrenaline must have finally kicked in as I get my nail free. But by now it's already too late. The giant hunk of rock blocks my view of the world as it closes in on its final few metres of trajectory._

_But then something else blocks my vision. Something far more special than a rock. Something with blonde hair and brown eyes. Something who likes to wear a black tanktop and has a strange liking for weak men. Something...someone...who fills my vision with one last tear filled smile as she wraps her arms around me and whispers something in my ear._

_I never got to hear those words. The sound of the accursed boulder crashing to the ground ripped through my eardrums instead._

_I never got to hear those words. Of all the possible things those words could have been will never be known by another soul._

…

"_Doranbolt, we should be a safe distance from the dragon now. How is the boy?"_

"_Well he's-"_

"_Dammit, I can't control him."_

"_Benny please stop it, there's nothing we can do anymore."_

"_ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA! ACNGOLOGIAAAAAAA!"_

"_Yoshi, can you hold him yourself for just a few seconds while I work on this?"_

"_Okay."_

"_ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA!"_

"_Please Benny snap out of it! Please!"_

"_Darren what are you making!?"_

"_I hope this works, otherwise I might accidentally kill him."_

"_What!? We can't do that! Our guild needs Benny to-"_

"_Shut up Yoshi I know that! But if he keeps this up he'll either kill himself or send us all to the bottom of the sea."_

"_His claws...They feel so hot right now. What's happening to you Master?"_

"_Please hang on a little longer. Mest you help Yoshi too."_

"_Right."_

"_ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA!"_

"_Almost..."_

"_ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA!"_

"_Just a little more."_

"_**ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA! ACNOLOGIA!"**_

"_Right, both of you get out the way now."_

"_I HAVE TO KILL HIM! LET ME GO BACK AND KILL HIM!"_

"_Sorry Master, but I must do this."_

"_TURN THIS SHIP AROUND! I SWEAR I'LL KILL HIM DEAD!"_

"_Enjoy this new cocktail of mine. I call it-"_

"_GRAAAAAGGGGHHHH! ACNOLOGI-"_

_-poof-_

"_Urgh~!"_

"_Tranquil Moon Tranquility Bullet."_

"_Acno...lo...zzz..."_

_**16 December X784**_

_**That was the first time I had heard Yoshi cry.**_

_**That was the first time I had seen The Layman lose his cool.**_

_**And...**_

_**That was the first time I had become a monster...**_

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**~My Fairy~**

The Lost Nail: Part I

SIX YEARS, ELEVEN MONTHS AND FOURTEEN DAYS LATER:

MAGNOLIA, FIORE: 30 NOVEMBER X791:

BLUE PEGASUS GUILD

…

_Acnologia..._

_Acnologia..._

_Acnologia..._

"Acnologia..."

"Acnologia."

"Acnologia."

"Hey shut up with that name already!"

"Acnologia."

"Acnologia."

"Grr, Master, why don't you snap him outta it? Why's he even here anyway? He hasn't gone out for one damn job since he's been here! Master?"

"Oh leave the poor boy alone Barra. The poor boy needs time to recover from his trauma."

"He ain't a boy no more Master. He's nearly thirty ain't he? How long can ya be so bloody depressed for? I mean at some point you've gotta get over it, Benny ma'boy!"

Ugh.

What the hell do you know Barra? It will take more like seventy years before those memories will fade out through senility...Perhaps I will die with those memories buried alongside me.

I can't just get over it...And I don't want to get over it...

I don't want to forget about them.

Those brave souls of Fairy Tail who died in a hopeless effort to stop a mighty Dragon.

And my cowardice.

And my weakness.

I let her die too.

Lucy Ashley died trying to save a weak man.

I didn't deserve her protection.

I should have been killed with the others whilst letting her escape.

I should have felt the glory going out with a bang alongside those guys.

Natsu.

Erza.

Gray.

Makarov.

Gildarts.

Laxus.

Juvia.

Elfman,

Mirajane.

Lisanna.

Wendy.

Cana.

Evergreen, Freed and Bickslow.

Levy and Dick.

Edo-Erza and Mystogan.

Those flying cats.

And Lucy Heartfillia...

"Gngh! Well I'm sick of this guy just using our guild without board or any damn contribution!"

THWACK. I suppose I deserved Barra's punch to the cheek. As I fall of my stool and let my head smack on the hard floor, I stare at the blurry reflection of my face in the marble tiles. What a mess I've turned into these last seven or so years.

I'm only twenty-seven yet I've aged into a man twice as old. My hair has left the front lines and has receded a few trenches, barely visible near the top of my scalp. My facial hair has grown like a garden of vines, with wiry hairs coiling and strangling each other in something not quite a beard or a stubble but just a hairy sponge of sadness and neglect. My once unique blue irises are now a grey sludge orbiting my tiny pupils. I've lost count of all the bags underneath my eyes and the amount of grey hairs streaking off my eyebrows as well as the amount of hairs sprouting out of my ears and nostrils.

And my fingernails. The one part of my body I could be proud of is now a bunch of yellow, cracked overgrown claws. I've never extended them - not even once after that day. It seems they have abandoned ship too, alongside all my former allies. I've let them grow out of shape and allowed mould and dirt to cake around them like a mini coral reef.

Everytime I look at myself I think I'm looking at a walking corpse. I pretty much look on the verge of death – I may as well be judging by how downright crap I feel.

Recently, I'd taken up drinking again (well since the time I had that one drink several years ago). I thought if any sort of elixir could drown out my depression it would be that kind of poison. But all it seems to have done is make me feel even more down, bashing my brain cells and swelling up my belly. Whatever flesh and muscle I had on my arms and legs has been sucked down to my abdomen, making me look like one of those malnourished kids you see on the back of some of Shuda's Explosive Noodle promotional packets.

And I don't even enjoy eating anymore. All I seem to do here is roll peanuts from the peanut bowl between my fingers and drink. Ever since I got kicked out of the guild six and a half years ago - maybe more, maybe less, I've become this worthless pile of trash. Darren and Yoshi could only support me and put up with me for so long and they eventually had to go their separate ways too. I'm only here because the master of this guild (who despite his weird tastes is looking much sprucier than myself) has a good relationship with our Master (no – make it former master...again) and he wanted to do all he could to help the Master's adopted son.

I just seem to be causing trouble for everyone who takes me under their hospitality.

Now I guess this cross-dressing Bob fellow feels obliged to 'look after me' as well. I must be more pathetic than a growing baby. Can't do anything or go anywhere. No hope or prospect of any real future.

This is where I'll spend the rest of my years...And this is probably where I will die too.

Lying down on a bar floor, in a pool of my own-

"BENNY!" One of the Blue Pegasus wizards bursts into the bar, panting heavily as he holds the door open. "It's the Rune Knights of the Magic Council, they've finally pinpointed your location."

Oh those guys eh? It had been so long I'd nearly forgotten.

You see, your wonderful washed-up hero Benny Makaren...

...Is a wanted fugitive...

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><p><span>It's nearly seven years since the Tenrou Island Tragedy and Benny Makaren's not only found himself in a miserable state of depression, but also wound himself up in some sort of trouble with the Magic Council cops! What has he done to spark a manhunt against himself? And what can Benny possibly do to claw his way out of his melancholic misery? Find out in the next exciting chapter!<span>


	55. The Lost Nail: Part II

**Sorry I've had another break from updating just as I've started the Third Season. I'm tussling with myself over how to approach the Fairy Tail Anime/Manga in relation to this latest arc. I'm still not sure whether I'm approaching it the right way but I'll see how long I can go with my current strategy.  
><strong>

**Confused? So am I? Anyway I've got another chapter for now at least. Let's hope I can make updates more frequent in the future!  
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><p><em>It has been almost seven years after the Tenrou Island tragedy and our unfortunate hero of Fairy Tail Benny Makaren has wound himself up in none other than the Blue Pegasus guild. And it seems we haven't been missed too much of what he has been up to during his sojourn with this other guild - apart from all the peanuts he's been playing around with and not eating! Actually, this chapter might suggest otherwise as we look back on some of the immediate aftermath of the Tenrou trauma. Essentially some flashback filler but otherwise please enjoy the fifty-fifth chapter!<em>**  
><strong>

**~My Fairy~**

The Lost Nail: Part II (Down in the Docks)

SIX YEARS, ELEVEN MONTHS AND A FEW DAYS EARLIER:

_The Magic Council's fleet docks safely into Magnolia Harbour. Murmurs from the Rune Knights about the complete annihilation of Tenrou Island quickly spread and within days the newspapers are reporting the missing Fairy Tail Mages of the now obliterated Tenrou Island. _

_I still remember screaming that Dragon's name even as I was being carried off-board. Even though my throat was red and throbbing, my voice hoarse and very faint, and my claws withered and black from excessive use; I recall that feeling of complete anger and hopelessness at the same time. My body fighting to become stronger but trapped within its cage of weakness. My heart punching against my ribcage, willing myself to return to that Island but drained by a conscience still clouded in fear and trauma._

_I vividly remember Darren and Yoshi watching over me as a couple of Rune Knights placed a barrier around me to keep me under control. I remember those tears rolling down Yoshi's eyes; she might have said something like, 'This is not like Benny at all' or 'Will he ever get better?'. Maybe she didn't say those things at all. But I remember her expression, it was certainly not the expression of the Yoshi I knew that day either..._

_And Darren...He tried his best to comfort Yoshi, all the while focusing his eyes on my messed-up self. He didn't show many signs of emotion beyond a frown which seemed more out of disappointment than pity or sadness. If I could have read his mind, I bet he was thinking, 'I've lost my Master, now he is gone along with the others.'_

_Mest seemed to be showing the most visual signs of emotion from them all. He kept chanting about how it was his fault that such a catastrophe had occurred and that I was currently in this state. The tears would not stop rolling down his eyes as long as I continued croaking out that name._

_I remember the moon reflecting its empty light on the ocean that night, noticing the ripples in that white expanse, contemplating how fleeting such a mass can be – taking up the ocean and the sky in one breath – gone the next._

_My voicebox was utterly worn out by nightfall. But that name would never leave my mind at peace._

_/?/?/?/  
><em>

_I don't think the Kingdom of Fiore had a term for post-traumatic stress disorder. The Witch Doctors and Wizards would have just assumed I was insane or possessed by a demon or something. Returning to the guild I had lost so many comrades from was one of the harshest tasks I had burdened Darren, Yoshi and Mest with. I was too much of a wreck to convey the horrible news, but I was still aware enough of their immediate shock and devastation to soak up more of the black tar of guilt in my heart. _

_Macao had already become a Master of sorts while we were all on that Island. I was in no shape to consider the role again and so he remained official Master of Fairy Tail from then onward. I wish I could have helped the poor guy out at that point, but I had been reduced to scratching the wood off of the bar tables while everyone else was in and out trying desperately to scrounge some funds for the severely understrength and understaffed guild. _

_Throughout my idle nail grinding moments, I would see Darren return every week or so with a large bag of Jewel in his arsenal. I was always curious as to how he managed to bring home such huge bacon for us, but for a while, I could never be bothered to raise the issue in person. _

_At some point in the first few months of our less than fortunate return, the physical strain of handling extra jobs and the emotional strain of seeing such a downtrodden guild had reached the limit for Yoshi Takimora. She left one day without a word or hint of departure. _

_Pretty soon, others followed Yoshi's lead and abandoned what was already a terminally ill guild. _

_I remember Macao sitting beside me one day and contemplating whether to relocate the guild to a more affordable venue. I think by now I had realised what a stain I had become to this guild. Feeling that left butt cheek gave me a reminder for who I was and what my life's calling was supposed to be._

_It must have been by now that I realised those guys weren't coming back from the Island. And that if I was allowed to live that day, I was allowed to live for a valuable purpose._

_As much as the pain of losing so many comrades still chocked my heart, I started to construct a new resolve: that if I didn't help save this guild from bankruptcy and self-destruction, then I would be responsible for allowing yet another form of death to sweep over Fairy Tail. _

_The next time Darren came in those doors with his treasure...I went over and found out what kind of 'jobs' he had been going out on all this time..._

/?/?/?/

Inside the dark dockyards warehouse, a pig-snout nosed mobster sniffed through the bag like he was scrounging a feeding trough. "You're telling me this is genuine stuff now right?"

Darren nodded as I stood next to him. "Yes, that's 100% pure lacrima, freshly carved and manufactured this afternoon."

One of pig-nose's cronies comes over and whispers out of his pelican-shaped jaw. "Da guy's telling da truth boss, ya can't get no better dan' dis right here."

"So," Darren tapped his left foot as he remained stern with his offer. "Do you have the currency?"

The mob boss grabbed a bag, clanging with that silver of vice. "Half-a-mil' Jewel right in here ma man!"

I couldn't believe such amount of Jewel had even existed until then. Half a million Jewel would not have even been my entire year's salary! Yet Darren was about to make the biggest deal for us yet. Even after he had to cut the deal between a few more of his old lacrima dealing buddies, we'd still end up with a sum big enough to rise the guild out of its current debt and insolvency.

But then again. Was this the right way to claw back our guild's money? After all, we were engaging in the very kind of activity our guild would have went out to halt only a few months ago.

"What's the matter Benny?" I hear the Layman calling my name rather urgently. "You're not getting cold shoulders at this line of work are you?"

I gulp as I look down at my poorly fingernails. How crooked and broken they had become... "I just think there's gotta be better ways of getting our guild out of debt than this."

The Layman seemed a bit defensive from that remark. "Come on don't look down on this job so badly. Just remember I was doing this sort of thing for quite a while before I joined your guild."

"Yeah but-" I was still too afraid to speak up for myself. As I drowned further into a pit of degraded deeds, I had built a shell around my conscience (possibly from all the keratin leaving my once vibrant nails). I was becoming more like Shinji, even though I hated the guy. I guess that meant I was hating myself for what I was doing too.

"Well boys shall we finish this transaction or not?" The porky don rubbed his greasy fingers together, holding a thick brown cigar between two of them.

Darren seemed to ignore my doubts and returned his attention to the business at hand. "Sure thing Bondellini Gnochi. The other boys will appreciate your generous offer."

Darren held the bag of magical dust in his right hand whilst the don-delicatessen or whatever held the bag of dough in his own right hand. With this simple exchange of hands, we would keep our guild alive for another year.

As reprehensible a deed I had conducted myself with, at least I could help save something for once.

But just before the two empty left hands could be satiated, several loud explosions of light brightened the warehouse as a dozen shapes closed in one us. Shouting and wielding magical staves, the upholders of law and order in the magical ghetto's and ghoul swamps had swept out our operations.

"Crap!" I shuddered. "Is this a sting?"

"HAH! Ya called me naily-boy?"

Jumping down from one of the beams, a punkish looking blonde teenager walked over until he was just behind the small squadron of Rune Knights. Another teenager, more neat-looking and reserved, sighed at his bratty friend's showboating. "Give it a rest for once Sting."

"GWUAGH! We swear, we thought these young men were selling laundry detergent to us!" Gnochi and his three cronies tried slobbering their way out of trouble as they made a break for the warehouse exit.

The spiky blonde teenager rubbed his nose with a cheeky grin. "Che-hee. Shall I apprehend those guys for ya too?"

"That won't be necessary," the commander of the Rune Knights said with the lifting of his glasses. "Your guild has already done enough for us. We only came here to arrest one person..."

Before I could fully grasp what had just happened to us, two larger Rune Knights had already placed a hand each on my shoulders. "Benny Makarov Makaren, the Magical Council has ordered your immediate arrest for neglecting to perform your vital duties whilst Master of the Fairy Tail guild and the consequential loss of life in both Magnolia and Tenrou Island during that period."

* * *

><p><span>So that explains why Benny-boy was a naughty boy for seven years. But how did he escape the clutches of the Rune Knights and wind up in Ichiya's guild (of all guilds - seriously!)!? Let us find out this and hopefully much more in the next intriguing chapter!<span>


	56. The Lost Nail: Part III

**I hope I can get at least one or two new reviewers at some point in this third season. There's nothing that helps the fanfic writing mojo more than seeing a new face on the reviews page. Even if I just get an odd one or two now and then, telling me how I'm going with this story and maybe where they thnk I can improve or whatever. I know I have a few followers of this story - I strongly encourage one you guys to shout me out a review one time. Don't worry, I don't mind your honest and constructive critiques. Well I guess I can't ask for Moon so I should just be content eh? Now for the next chapter!  
><strong>

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><p><em>It has been almost seven years after the Tenrou Island tragedy and our unfortunate hero of Fairy Tail Benny Makaren has wound himself up in none other than the Blue Pegasus guild. But how do we nail down exactly what led him to being stuck in such a wierd <em>_(well weirder) __guild? Looks like we'll need another pre-timeskip flashback episode to find out. Enjoy the fifty-sixth chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

The Lost Nail: Part III (A Painful Sentence)

STILL ABOUT SIX OR SO YEARS AGO:

I'm surrounded by hordes of judgemental glares. The glares of the ten leaders of the Magic Council – their supposed impartial air of judgement probably clouded by their age of traditional values and hierarchy; the glares of some strange human-frog hybrids – not sure what they hold against me; and if those weren't enough to rattle my conscious, the glares of scores of Magnolian townsfolk, some still holding the scars of the terrible Magnolian invasion more than six months ago.

This must be the most publicised trial of the year. I thought there were still bigger fish to fry in the dark guilds. To be honest, it seems to be a bit much for just a small fry like me.

"We shall now commence with the trial of Benny Makarov Makaren." one of the head Magic Councillors declared with the tap of his finger, magically enhanced to imitate the sound of a gavel. Not sure why they couldn't just use a real one but they're the boss of the boss Wizards I guess...

"Benny Makarov Makaren." One of the councillor's to the right edge of the stands calls down to me with a wise old, but rather patronising undertone. "Your middle name intrigues me. Are you by any chance the son of the late Fairy Tail master Makarov Dreyer?"

I look up at those high stands where the watchful passers of judgement reside. Their eyes as empty as glass with no emotion. "What does this have to do with my trial?"

"Watch your tongue impudent brat and just answer the question." I guess I overestimated their composure as one of them on the left side lashes back at my cheek.

"Now Roland, there's no need to be harsh with the boy," An elderly female member of the panel spoke in a gentler tone. "We won't receive the answers we need through such methods."

"Grr." The councillor backed down, rubbing his eyepatch.

I answer then properly this time. "No, I am not related in any way to the former Master of Fairy Tail."

"And yet you inherited his guild after his passing?" A lanky shaped councillor spoke in a more condescending manner. "The Makarov I knew would never hand his guild over to some boy."

I nearly felt like retorting that I wasn't just 'some boy' but I bit my tongue and kept calm. "Makarov had raised me as his own son for most of my childhood."

"Interesting you raise that so called fact Benny-boy." The same condescending judge croaked back as he played with his glassed and ruffled some documents in his other hand. "We investigated the Fairy Tail guild's registration records from twenty up until one year ago and your name doesn't appear once on this list!" He slaps his papers with the back of his hand just to emphasise his point.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I nearly cop another verbal lashing with my rebuttal.

"It means that you are a fraud who has managed to become master of a legally established Mage guild and conspire to destroy not only that guild, but the town in which it protects."

"THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS!" Not my voice but a voice in the audience shouts out. I turn and find it belongs to none other than Mest Gryder – a man who I once believed to be the real mole of our guild. "You all have held nothing but contempt for the Fairy Tail guild and yet you act as if you care about its fate only now? If anyone is a fraud, it is all of you who sent me to infiltrate their guild in the first place!"

"Guards!" The head councillor orders for the protesting Mest to be taken away. He continues shouting his protests as the guards drag him outside. "You should be well aware of the terrorist attack that befell Magnolia on the 15th of November last year? Eyewitnesses that are amongst our audience today claim you were among the leader of the invasion force."

"But that wasn't me!" I defend myself, placing a hand on my heart. "That was Banzai Benendes, my Edolas counterpart!"

"Edolas counterpart?" The other judges whisper to themselves as the audience shares in the murmurs too. "How can you substantiate your defence?"

"Don't you guy's realise that there's a parallel universe called Edolas where there is an identical counterpart for each and every one of you!?" I pan my pointed index finger across the panel as they all pull their heads back in bemusement.

After a few silent seconds, several of the judges answer in laughter. "A parallel universe!? You're being accused of rampant property destruction and taking the lives of a hundred-and-fifty-eight citizens including the disappearance of seventeen Fairy Tail Wizards, and yet your entire defence is that a parallel 'evil twin' had done it instead!?"

"But I swear it's true!" I plead with them, nearly on the verge of tears as the accusations hit home. "I met several of these Edolas counterparts from their own Fairy Tail guild, they were being oppressed by Banzai Benendes in their own world and came here to fight alongside me."

I turn back and try to find reliable faces in the audience. "Ask anyone still in the Fairy Tail guild who did not go to the S-Class exam on Tenrou Island and they can verify my claim! Even one of your own employees – Mest Gryder, can back me up!"

"Oh you mean Doranbolt?" The once gentle woman on the panel talks down at me offering me the same treatment as the rest of them. "He will be dealt with for overstaying his time in your guild. I'm sure you've had plenty of time to work on your alibi with him by now..."

"Then what about the rest of the guild?" I refer back to them again. "How about Darren Cruz or Yoshi Takimora?" They've known and trusted me long enough to know what I'm saying is true."

"Mr. Layman Cruz." A miniature cat-eared man clasped his hands together at the mention of that name. "One of the notorious members of the lacrima drug cartel rings. Only a fraud such as yourself would allow such a crook to work in a legal guild."

"But he reformed and wanted to do good working for our guild! I was told many Fairy Tail members had joined up after previously working for Dark Guilds."

"And Yoshi Takimora." An afro-head councillor spoke. "Formally the betrothed of Vidaldus Taka and former member of both Death's Head Circus and the now disbanded Geriatrics' Dark Guilds. Is there any other stains of society you would like to call forth as witnesses?"

That was the last straw for me. "YOSHI'S NOT A STAIN!" I urged my claws to come out and teach that man a lesson but they grew a mere centimetre before the magic draining cuffs sapped more energy our of my hands. "You don't know her or Darren...You don't know any of the people who proudly work for Fairy Tail or those who disappeared on Tenrou Island. You don't know Lucy Ashley or anyone..." I shouldn't have said that last name as my legs nearly crumbled at the memory of her unwanted death.

It didn't matter how much I tried to reason with these guys. They never brought me here to have a trial. They brought me here as a public exhibition, to satisfy the rightfully angry citizens of this town who have been demanding answers for all these months.

Even if I end up acquitted here. I can't go back to guild anymore. These accusations will be harder to rub off than a tattoo. And besides, all I've been good for these last few months is wallowing around and making money selling drugs. That's not the kind of face we need in what was once such a prosperous guild.

I may as well accept whatever fate comes from this. With Yoshi and Darren's recent disappearance, I have nobody else to rely on anymore. I'm in worse a situation than before I even joined Fairy Tail – at least I was a ronin with a clean slate back then. Now I'm a ronin carrying the sins of that double tragedy.

The head judge taps his gavel to silence the audience one last time. "Well this council has heard the defendant Benny Makaren's testimonial of the events which had transpired in both Magnolia and on Tenrou Island – ahem, I mean the former Island...In light of the evidence the defendant and the other witnesses have provided what is this council's verdict?"

The ten heartless faces peer down at me from their high pedestals. Their expressions never wavered as I recalled those events leading up to six months ago. Their judgement is supposedly impartial and objective. As I rattle the chains of the cuffs around my hands I look back down at my clenched fists, holding the memories of all those lost souls on the Island. They – and I too – had carefully worded it as 'disappearance'; since they hadn't confirmed their deaths. But I didn't need to comfort myself with such fallacies. Maybe that's why they have brought me here to this trial: to put this case of missing souls to bed...Any sentence they hand down to me though cannot amount to the sentence I've been putting myself through ever since that day...

One of them stands from his chair, looking down at me with tiny pupils in his large eyes. "The Council is unanimous with its decision...We find the defendant Benny Makarov Makaren..."

SMASH.

Just as my punishment was about to be delivered, glass from the window rains down on the audience and councillors to my left as several blasts of white light fire into the walls and the now cleared seats. In a panic, the citizens flee to the back doors as the frogmen try to locate the ambushers.

"SIEZE THE SUSPECT BENNY MAKAREN!" One of the fleeing councillors wags a shaky finger at me as the frogmen start dodging from the air, injured but not killed.

For a moment, I almost thought I saw the glass and debris hover before it hit the ground or in some case knocked off their magical mopeds.

As the room crumbled around me, I was stuck with no way of escape. Were these ambushers trying to rescue me or seek revenge upon me too?

Two shapes landed in a blur in front of me, both landing with a different hand to soften the landing. Before I could admire their synchronised pose one of the shapes closed in, too fast to catch their movements, and punched me hard in the stomach. The blow was so fierce I coughed up all my saliva and the air in my lungs before I passed out.

I may have just been saved from prison, but now I might be heading for a place even worse...I wouldn't be able to find out until I awoke from this dark prison called unconsciousness...

* * *

><p><span>Benny-boy's gotten a lucky break-out-of-jail card for now, but is where these mysterious people taking him really that better than solitary confinement for an odd hundred or so years? Well we know he ends up in Blue Pegasus at some point but there's surely a few turbulent bumps to get through before we get there. So who are these guys and what do they want with Benny? (and why do they even care so much about him anyway!?)...Don't miss the next exciting chapter!<span>


	57. The Lost Nail: Part IV

__It has been almost seven years after the Tenrou Island tragedy and our unfortunate hero of Fairy Tail Benny Makaren has wound himself up in none other than the Blue Pegasus guild. In the last flashback episode, Benny was knocked out from a 'fierce' punch to the gut (probably wasn't even that hard, the softy). Where will Benny-boy find himself now? And will we ever escape this cycle of Flashback episodes!? Oh thank Mavis!...this is the last one...Anyway sit back and enjoy the fifty-seventh chapter!__**  
><strong>

**~My Fairy~**

The Lost Nail: Part IV (Pretty much the end of this catch-up)

_I'm laughing as I'm frolicking through a field of dandelions. I feel my vibrant claws as I brush them through the flowers. Tiny white petals are carried in the updraft swirling into a loveheart shape. _

_I see the back of a beautiful girl as I leap down the hill, laughing and smiling with sparkles in my eyes. She begins to turn just as I'm about to catch her with my arms. _

_But the moment I bring in my arms, the earth gives way at our feet and we begin to fall; falling into a giant pit of darkness as a tremendous roar casts over the horizon._

_I reach out my hand and extend my claws to catch this falling girl. She stretches her hand out to reach my claws, but before we can touch, she is pulled away. Giant talons hug her body instead as she is taken up to the reaches of heaven by the terrifying beast._

_Beyond the booming roar, I hear her scream out my name. All I can do is watch as my body is sinking to the depths of eternal darkness._

"_I hope you like pitchforks up the bum." An antagonising voice stands before me, standing with a white glow around his body, as we continue falling. He looks astoundingly similar to myself. "The first few times it hurts like a bitch, but after a while it's just like sitting on a table leg."_

"_NOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

/?/?/?/

"-OOOOO! Huh?" I wake up to find it was all just a really corny nightmare. Judging from my surroundings, I appear to be in some old cottage-syle house, possibly carved out a pumpkin or something.

I get being in Fairy Tail but have I jumped ship to another Tale already?

"How are you feeling? You looked as though you were having a bad dream." I hear a tender old voice. I look to my right and see an elderly woman sitting by my bedside. Her pink hair with an arrow hairpin isn't the weirdest fashion I've seen so she otherwise looks quite pretty for a woman her age.

I start with the cliché question. "Where am I?"

"You're in my house." The kind speaking old lady answers. "My name is Porlyusica. This house is a fair way outside the city but you shouldn't have any troubles getting back."

I look down at my sheets and clench my fists. "I can't go back to Magnolia. Those Magic Councillors and all the townsfolk are surely after my head by now..."

"I see," Porlyusica averted her gaze, I began to notice she had a melancholic aura around herself. "That might explain why those two humans who sent you here appeared to be in such a hurry when they dropped you off."

"'Those two humans'!?" I was too excited to worry about her use of 'human' for now. "Could you tell me who they were?"

But the wise looking old lady shook her head. "Since I tend to avoid humans, I rarely make the effort to learn of their names."

"_One of them punched me in the gut. I would have at least liked to thank that one._" But I sighed when I knew I would probably never know my mysterious saviours.

She closed her eyes, appearing to be concentrating on something for a moment. "A man and a woman left you here."

A man and a woman. Well that narrows it down from the combinations of two men, two women, two frogmen, an orc and a frogman, a frogman and a lizardman...

...

...and a flying cat and a two-headed nine-tail fox. "Could you tell me what they looked like?"

"Unfortunately, they concealed their faces under hoods. But the woman requested that I take care of you until a disgusting short fat bloke comes to pick you up."

"Oh gee, aren't I popular all of a sudden..." I sigh as I slump my shoulders.

Porlyusica gets up off her chair and walks over to her kitchen area to make something. I notice from this angle she wears a long red cape with sharp teeth lining the collar. She almost appears to be a wicked old witch from here. Better be careful in case she tries to turn me into a cat or even worse a flying cat!

"Those two humans, as far as I could gather, didn't sound like the type of people who would normally go out of their way to help anyone. That is why I was surprised they brought a boy with no apparent magical ability all the way here."

I twist out of my sheets so I can sit and hang my legs over the bed. "So why do you think they saved me then?"

"DAMMIT HOW SHOULD I KNOW!?" I nearly fell back when the tender old lady suddenly burst out like an angry old hag. "Honestly, I don't care who those dirty humans were or why they wanted to save you, I'm just doing my part here until you can leave."

She leaves her bench and walks over to some carnivorous looking plant. With the spray bottle of potion in her hand, she waters the plant as tall as herself before giving it a pat under his chin. "The last thing they told me was that they would meet with you again in about six years, five months, and eighteen days or thereabouts."

'Or thereabouts?' She continues. "It seemed as though they already had a lot of work to take care of. They said in the meantime to stay as hidden from public as possible and not cause too much of a ruckus."

Sounds more like something you'd have to tell Natsu. "Okay, so I just wait – WHAT HANG ON – six and a half years!? That's like...a real long time you know?"

The old witch or carnivorous plant raising hermit or whatever had a distinct sweat-drop trickle through the valley of her wrinkles. "When you've lived as long as I have boy, Six and half years is getting up and brushing your teeth."

"Oh sorry." I didn't realise how many centuries this woman could possibly be. I think I read in a health magazine once the average life expectancy in Magnolia is about 189 years old. "So I just have to stay out of sight for several years right?"

The rather offended looking woman simply nodded.

A rumbling sound came from outside. Looking out the cottage window, I noticed the trees being spread apart like mere blades of grass as a large pirate ship landed in front of the house.

"_MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEN!"_

I nearly thought a missile was careering its way towards us as a tiny pod shaped thing launched from the ship and planted itself in the ground.

"Looks like your ride is here..." Porlyusica groaned. As I stood around looking at what I thought was a whistling missile, Porlyusica grabbed her broom and started yelling again as she bashed it on the floor. "NOW GET OUTTA MY HOUSE, I DON'T WANT ANYMORE GUESTS COMING IN!"

"Okay-okay," I jump right of bed and head for the door. "Sorry for the trouble and thanks for taking care of me and such."

I turn the handle and open the door, but just as I begin to leave, I swear I must have heard the old lady whisper something to me. She might have been building up another angry outburst so I didn't wish to stay and ask her what she might have said.

Two short and stubby legs sprout out of the ground. They wriggle and squirm around a bit as they try to leap out of their roots.

Three figures leapt from the floating pirate ship as they stood around the leg plant. All three of them wear dapper suits as two of them grab a leg each and yank the odd plant out of the ground. Surprisingly enough, it turns out to be a human, uncannily matching the description Porlyusica gave me for him.

"Men!" The midget fat bloke clicks his fingers as they spark. His whole face is sparkling actually, his whole disgusting board-shaped face. "Ben. How do you like my parfume – Men?"

"Hey that's a good one boss," commented one of the three dapper gentlemen, who at least look closer to my age and are far more easy to the eye than their boss. One of them was short (but at least a reasonable 'short' for his age) with short blonde hair whilst the other two were taller, one having light skin and blonde hair and the other darker skin and black hair.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Benny Makaren." The taller blonde one offered me a bow as he introduced himself. "My name is Hibiki." He pointed rather exaggeratively at his two other pals as they both struck a pose. "This is Ren. And this is Eve."

Then he stepped back and allowed the fat dwarf to take over. "And I'm the cultivator of the world's best Parfume – _men..._The guardian of justice and parfume – _men..._I am Ichiya – _men_...And together we are the youthful, handsome and heroic men known as...

"The Trimens!"

All four of them held a pose for about three and a half minutes before I raised a claw. "Um...thanks for that but are you guys meant to be taking me somewhere?"

"That's correct Men!" Ichiya answered with a spray of his 'parfume'. "Our Master wishes to take you under his wing for a short amount of time – Men. You'll be staying at our wonderful and powerful guild: Blue Pegasus Men."

"Blue Pegasus Men?"

"NO! It's Blue Pegasus _Men._"

"So you're the guy everyone thinks destroyed nearly half of the town aren't you?" The dark skinned Ren inquired.

"If I had the ability to cast explosions or even raise a small army, then yeah, maybe it was me." I answer sulkily. "I can't even save a life, let alone take one away."

A lounge suddenly slides out of nowhere as Hibiki and Ren sit me down with their arms around my shoulder (I don't really like where this is going...). "You poor young man; wrongfully accused of an awful crime."

"And we were told you were one of the few who made it back from Tenrou Island." The younger boy Eve says as he rubs a reassuring hand on my knee (seriously where is this heading?) "I could not even begin to imagine how horrible it just have been, seeing all your friends disappear.

Well now that I think about it, most of them weren't really my friends anyway. "Yeah it really has bummed me out lately."

"Then never fear my friend young Ben Men." Ichiya suddenly does a ballerina twirl in front of me before he takes both my hands and stares into my eyes with some dangerously bright sparkle. "We don't believe those friends of yours are dead do we Men? We are still searching for them despite every other search party giving up Men."

Okay that's some great reassurance and I feel a lot better but please this is way too close and-

"WOULD YOU ALL GET OFF MY PROPERTY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Porlyusica looked as though she were about to breath some fire of her own as she started throwing pots and pans at us. We packed up the lounge and went onto the ship.

From the deck it looked pretty spectacular. Two pairs of wings as propellers and lots of blue paint around the deck. I guess this is the 'blue' in Blue Pegasus _Men_.

"You will remain a guest of our guild for the duration of time we were given Men." Ichiya explained as we set sail in the skies of Magnolia. "My only rule is that you don't touch my parfume, otherwise you are free to do whatever you want providing the Master approves of it."

"Don't worry, I won't be going anywhere near your parfume." I guarantee that...

/?/?/?/

When we finally reach the guild – a neat looking mansion out in the countryside adorned with love heart motifs, I'm greeted by another strange guy in drag. Well more like a bald overweight guy in striped pyjama shorts wearing lipstick and jewellery and angel wings on his back.

And I thought Ichiya was frikkin' nuts.

"I'm so glad you're coming to stay with me for a while Benny dear." He waves a hand and speaks in an effeminate tone. "I am Bob the Master of the Blue Pegasus guild. I hope you can make the most of your unfortunate situation while you're here."

So this is where I'll be staying for six years five months and eighteen days.

I think I'll start a countdown diary...

* * *

><p><span>So now we all know how Benny-boy wound himself up with the Blue Pegasus guild. So now we just need to work out where we left off. Oh that's right, he's been located by the Rune Knights who are surely pissed off at his six year high-tail to Bob's ranch out in the country. Well with all that, we should know why the've been after him this whole time. But with the Magic Council's grunts finally zeroing in, how will he claw up an escape plan now? Don't miss the next thrilling chapter!<span>


	58. Clawed in a Blue Bind

**I'm going to try a new pre-chapter character bio for some of the minor OCs that might pop up in this third season. Maybe they'll inspire other people to come up with clever characters for their own stories. So here's the first one anyway.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Name: Barra Wisconfield<br>**

**Age: 41  
><strong>

**Magic: Plasmeiser - a rare but weak type of Fire Magic.  
><strong>

**Likes: Western Movies, Brimmed Hats and Working.  
><strong>

**Dislikes: Slackers, Dark Guilds and Crooks.  
><strong>

**A Mage who looks and plays the part of a typical Cowboy. Fighting for justice in his own unique way, Barra joined up with the Blue Pegasus guild seven years ago, around the time of the Tenrou Island Arc. He uses a type of fire magic which creates a Blue Flame, stronger than the type Bora uses but nowhere near the strength of a Dragon Slayer like Natsu's flame. He has a short temper and will be quick to speak his mind, but otherwise has full respect for law-abiders and hard workers in the legal guilds. His motives or reason for joining the Blue Pegasus guild are still unknown.  
><strong>

_**"I ain't gonna have our guild's name tarnished by some loony moocher from a Dark Guild or whatever."**_

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it. Now enjoy the fifty eighth chapter!<br>**

**~My Fairy~**

Clawed in a Blue Bind

A message from the Rune Knights came blaring through the windows from a loudspeaker (or perhaps the the guy just had a magical ability to amplify his voice – I couldn't tell).

"#_THIS IS A PRELIMINARY WARNING TO THOSE OF THE BLUE PEGASUS GUILD! SURRENDER BENNY MAKAROV MAKAREN AT ONCE AND WE WILL NOT PRESS ANY CHARGES AGAINST YOU OR YOUR GUILD! COMPLY WITHIN THREE MINUTES OR WE WILL BE FORCED TO RAID YOUR GUILD HEADQUARTERS!#"_

Barra's jaw dropped as he looked at my wretched sinful self. "Nobody told me we've been harbouring a wanted fugitive this whole time! What are we gonna do? They said they'd raid our guild if we don't-"

"Calm down Barra," Bob said with the wave of his hand. "Our guild has a good relationship with the Magic Council, I'm sure they will listen to a little diplomacy first."

"Why'd we let some crook hide out in our guild all this time Master?' Barra continues shouting as he fans his arm to the side. "For what benefit of ours was it to keep this nobody stuck in our guild for six years? He probably killed a bunch of people for all we know."

"Now Barra-"

"NO!" Barra seemed displeased with his Master's more delicate approach. "I ain't gonna have our guild's name tarnished by some loony moocher from a Dark Guild or whatever." With his fanned out arm, he formed a swirling marble of blue energy, just below his palm. "I'll hand this guy over to the Rune cops myself!"

"Barra don't!" The other's in the guild tried to stop him but he swatted them away with a roundhouse kick and a few punches.

Meanwhile, I still lay on the floor like a useless sack of potatoes. I had been wallowing in this guild – this limbo - for so long I'd forgotten what I had originally been sent here for.

As Barra stepped over with the clunk of each boot, he dangled his energy ball over my head, illuminating my face in sea blue light. "Why dontcha come with me. Then I won't need to use my Plasmeiser."

I contemplated the idea of challenging this cowboy. But I had gotten so tired of dwelling in this guild with no real purpose – I suppose I was looking forward to to a bit of freedom before my inevitable incarceration.

"Okay, I'll hand myself in." And so I grabbed his hand as he helped me back up. Still holding that ball of energy just in case I tried to make a last runner, he escorted me out to the front door. Master Bob just seemed to watch on, not keen to fight one of his own Mages even if he was going against his wishes.

We were literally surrounded by them. Those blue caped cops of Magnolia had formed a circle around the entire mansion, with an additional semi-circle formation around the front. Their leader, a man wearing glasses, stepped forward as they readied a cart to put me in. "It's time to face your judgement, Benny Makaren. You have nowhere else to go now."

Barra gave me a little nudge with his elbow as we descended each stair and stepped down the path, saying goodbye to the guild which I had technically formed the most attachment too despite my whole doing absolutely no jobs or anything for them.

Come to think of it. I never got branded with a Blue Pegasus tattoo...So this whole time I've been...

"MEEEEEEEEEN!"

-POOF-

"ARGH! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS!?"

In the sudden confusion of a pink cloud of smoke. Three shapes descended and started beating the living crap out of these Rune Knights. A fist flew out of the pink cloud and knocked out Barra quite effortlessly whilst another hand – the soft hand of a female – grabbed hold of mine and yanked me inside the cloud.

"WAGH!" I quacked as I was swept inside the melee. I could hear a few staffs rattling and a few blasts flying off to nowhere in particular. A few 'oofs' and 'acks' passed by my ears as well as the entire squadron of knights were taken out by only a trio of tough-nuts.

In the confusion, I couldn't even be sure if I was being apprehended by one of the Rune Knights or one of the ambushers.

Hang on...Doesn't this all feel a little familiar?

"OOF!" I oofed myself this time as I was thrown onto a wooden floor. Catching my fall with my palms, I slowly raised my head as I looked up – well not very far up actually – at Ichiya, who was now standing before me.

"It seems my parfume has once again captivated our clientele, _Men..._" With his two of his three Trimens behind him, he shouted out to the third one. "Hibiki, start up the Christina MEEEN!"

"Yes Boss!" I heard the Trimen call back as he sent this ship flying away from trouble.

"Wow. Thanks for saving me once again." I went into a cross-legged seating position as I gave the odd yet charitable group of Men, my gratitude. "Your three Trimens certainly made quick work of those Rune Knights, Mr. Ichiya."

"Men?" Ichiya lifted a confused eyebrow. "I think there's a misunderstanding – M_en._ It wasn't us who saved you – Men."

"What?" I blink a few times as I lean back. "But how did I end up on this ship?"

I leaned back a bit more, sliding my hand back until I reached some sort of object. Twisting around I discovered it was somebody's boots and quickly slid my hand away before they spoke in a cold, sharp yet vaguely familiar voice.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting for so long. Mr. Makaren."

I would have stayed staring at those brilliant tights if she hadn't spoken, but my eyes were slowly drawn up along her cape and impressive bosom before reaching her unpretentious, yet mesmerising glare.

Only a witch or an evil sorcerer could possess such entrancing yet deadly features. And when I recognised the woman of the Seven Kins, as well as the blue haired and pink haired accomplices of Tenrou Island, my body reacted with a rather involuntary yelp.

"Ultear!...Meredy!...Mystogan! What are you three doing alive?"

The femme fatale Time Weilder flipped her hand out of her cape, flexing her fingers as she spoke down to me with her same no-nonsense tone. "That is not important right now. What you need to know Benny Makaren is we are the ones who saved you Six years, five months and sixteen and a half days ago."

"Oh that's right! So you're one actually one and a half days early for pick up time!"

"Grnch! Quit messing around!" She snapped briefly before offering a hand and lifting me to my feet. "Anyway, as I was saying, we are the ones who rescued you all those years ago..."

She lets go of my hand as her two accomplices stand by her side with equally straight expressions. "We rescued you Benny Makaren, because we need to use you for something..."

* * *

><p><span>Benny finally meets his long time date arrangers after a six-and-a-half years without even recieving one measely phone call (how slack eh!?). But hey, weren't these the guys who were trying to kill Benny-boy on Tenrou Island all those years ago!? And how could they have survived the mighty Dragon Acnologia's island-shattering roar? What's in store for Benny-boy now? Don't miss the next intriguing chapter!<span>


	59. A New Purpose

**Oh well no OC guide for this episode. But I'll do a little one whenever appropriate. Rest assurred, I don't plan on bombarding this story with anymore permanent OCs (frankly there's already an insane asylum worth of canon characters to handle as it is!). Well this chapter is taking a different path than I originally planned but anyway, hope you enjoy.**

* * *

><p><em><em>It has been almost seven years after the Tenrou Island tragedy and our unfortunate hero of Fairy Tail Benny Makaren has wound himself up in none other than the Blue Pegasus guild. After making a lucky break from the Rune Knights, Benny finds himself face-to-face with the three (or two, two-and-a-half technically?) Mages who saved him from what was surely going to be a long time in the sin-bin. But what do these three familiar faces really intend to do with this vulnerable weakling? Lets find out as we enjoy the fifty-ninth chapter!<em>_

**~My Fairy~**

A New Purpose

I sense some suspicious vibes coming off these three veterans of the Island. Whatever could they possibly employ my – ahem – skills for?

I raised my hand, "Um, I have a few questions."

But Ultear's one-hand-on-her-hip pose hinted that question time was off limits for now. "Do not be mistaken, we're not your friends Benny Makaren and if the situation arises again, I may have to kill you..."

Ahh...Thanks for the comforting words.

"But some new problems have surfaced lately which puts my priorities out of order. That is why we're going to 'observe' you for a while rather than destroy you."

Hmm...I wonder if I can still pop down and hang out with the Rune Knights instead?

"But first-" The very serious woman produced something from her cape, something rather delicious (not that! No not THAT either!). Anyway she pulled it out and said with the straightest face, "Eat this sandwich."

Now I may have been in a near comatose trance for six and half years, but I still had enough wits about me to know when some random chick offers you a sandwich...with sourdough buns and red onion drizzling with ranch sauce...I mean to know that when a stranger offers you a free lunch that looks too good to be true you-

"HELL YEAH I'VE BEEN HANKERING FOR A DECENT SANDWICH FOR SEVEN YEARS!"

Sorry guys...I was very hungry...

After inhaling the treat and burping out the air I inhaled alongside it, I wiped my mouth and then did the thinking part you normally do before you act. "So why did you give me a sandwich to eat? Oh crap! I hope it wasn't poisonous!"

The three of them whispered loudly amongst themselves for a few minutes, taking a breather to look down at me before returning to their whispering. Needless to say this was making me a little gassy – oh and nervous too yeah.

"Guys! What did you put in that sandwich? Am I gonna die now? Somebody give it to me straight!" Without getting through to them, I turned back to those boys of Blue. "Ichiya? Ren? What's going on?"

"Men." Great answer Ichiya.

"Tch. It's not like I want to help you all of a sudden." Don't give me the Tsundere treatment now!

"Subject is visibly stressed but otherwise no change in magical physiology." WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THREE WRITING DOWN!?

"Thank you, you've provided us with some useful data for now." Doctor Femme Fatale gave me a smile for once as she put her clip and notepad back into her cape of hammers. "Since you co-operated peacefully, you can ask us those questions now.

Thank Mavis, here I go.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THAT SANDWICH? WHAT'DYA THINK I'M SOME SORTA GUINEA PIG FOR YOUR WHACKY SCHEMES? WHY DID YA SAVE ME IF YOU STILL WANNA KILL ME? CAN I HAVE ANOTHER SANDWICH, I'M STARVING? I THOUGHT ONLY TWO OF YOU SAVED ME - WHERE WAS THE THIRD ONE? WHY IS MYSTOGAN GIVING ME THE COLD SHOULDER? WHERE ARE WE GOING, I NEED TO PEE? Oh and what exactly do you need to use me for?"

A few seconds flew by as a soft breeze tickled the hairs of my shin. Ichiya coughed out another 'Men' as Ultear slid out her left foot, preparing for a long spiel I guess.

"Processed Lacrima spread. Yes we do. Because we are pragmatists. No. Meredy was guarding out the front. Because he's not Mystogan, he's Jellal. You can hold on for a little longer we're about to arrive. And I'm about to explain that to you..."

A few more seconds flew by as the breeze came back around my legs. Sparkles were coming from Ren and Eve's hair as I crossed my arms and processed everything.

"Wait, what was the fourth answer again?" I managed to make all three of the stoics drop to the floor with that.

"Ugh. Nevermind." I think Ultear needs some Raving Rave Master Sherbert Pills (_**now 30% less likely to give you Cancer!**_) to lighten her mood. "Six years ago, the three of us formed an Independent Guild in order to destroy all the Dark Guilds of Fiore and make amends for our," the rather cold looking woman averted her gaze for a moment, "less than virtuous deeds of the past."

"So wait. If this guy isn't Mystogan who the hell is he?" I rudely butt in on her speech.

"My name is Jellal Fernandes." The bluenette finally speaks up. "I understand you've met my Edolas counterpart."

"Oh, so that means only Ultear and Meredy made it off the Island alive." I frown inside as I replay the tragedy once again.

"Are you done interrupting?" Ultear's eyebrows were twitching. "We only have three members so far, so we have been busy fighting Dark Guilds this entire time. And with the Grand Magic Games approaching, Dark Guild activity is sure to rise during such a major event."

"Oh so you want me to join your little indie guild I presume?" I say filing my disgustingly rotten nails.

"No, you see, after eating that Lacrima-laced sandwich, you have proven to us that you are far too weak and useless to be a member of our important guild." Oh what a sensitive way to put it. "You metabolise magical energy so fast that it cannot be absorbed in your body – thus you're an utterly useless mage if you ever qualified for one."

"Yeah, I was pretty disappointed at those results too." Jellal had to add. I was willing to forgive those dark deeds he committed in the arc before I came on the show but now...

Then the pinkhead had to hammer another nail on my self-esteem. "It's a wonder such a person can sustain his own energy with such wild metabolism. Is he even human?"

"GAGH! I get it! I can't fight to save my own life. Now then why do you still want to use me?"

Ultear closed her eyes and let out a small chuckle. "There is a group of Mages who have assembled in the outskirts of Magnolia over the last few years. Look, this screen is a visual portrayal of their silhouettes..."

Hibiki flicked a hand away from the steering wheel and brought up an image of several shapes of varying sizes with purple mist in the background.

"Ooh they look pretty shady," I comment. "Especially the tall one!"

Ultear wiped away the screen and continued. "We aren't sure of their names or intentions so we need somebody to keep a close eye on their activity while we search out for other confirmed dark Guilds."

"But if you're so suspicious of them why don't you just rat 'em out and fight 'em?"

"To be honest, we have been trying to locate them for the last few years, but each time we find a location they move to another hideout. However we believe they might be looking for you."

"Oh I get it. So I'm the bait eh?"

The three of them glared dotted pupils at me simultaneously. "More or less, yes."

I scoffed at that answer and upturned my nose. "And what if I don't wanna do your lousy baiting job?"

"Then we'll surrender you to the Magic Council and you can face your punishment with them."

"Yikes! Alright I guess I have no other choice." I glance down at my hideous nails of courage and clench my fists. "I'll help you guys. I owe you for saving me six years ago anyway."

There was a distinct outline of Meredy's missing body when I looked up at them. Before I could work out where she had zipped off too.

CLIP.

"YAAAGH!"

"Got it Ultear-sama!" She waved around one of my pork crackling-like claws as though it were a trophy.

"Well done Meredy, now we can analyse the specimen." Ultear petted her pink haired assistant as though she were her pet or something.

"Hey, if you're gonna donate my body to science, at least give me some sort of compensation."

"Okay here's another sandwich." Ultear threw me another serve of bread and filling as I leapt up like a dolphin and munched down the second helping.

"Were nearly here." Hibiki called out as we descended the clouds.

We were heading towards a small farming cottage on the outskirts of Magnolia. It looked pretty run down so I figured this must have been the location of some crummy Dark Guild perhaps. They must have been so dodgy and corrupt, they even had a shoddy knock-off Fairy Tail symbol draping down the front.

Hibiki sang out another announcement. "Okay, here we are at the good old Fairy Tail guild headquarters."

I pointed down at the dodgy looking mill with a slackened jaw. "Uhh...Hang on, there seems to be a mix-up or something here."

"Off you go Benny-boy" And with one swift boot to my throne, Ultear kicked me overboard and made me land face first in the soft soil of a veggie garden. Oh damn now even she's using that nickname...

Hang on they can't just up and leave me here! "WAIT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON! WHAT AM I SUPPOSSED TO DO!"

"Just act like you normally do!" the kind booter shouted down as they rocketed back up in the clouds. "_We'll keep an eye on things elsewhere..._"

"WAAAAIIIIT!" I screamed out at them but they had already disappeared above the clouds.

"MEN! Men! _Men...Men...Me..._"

Brushing the soil off my clothes, I turn and face the eerie building that's not even up to half of the latest building safety standards. This cannot possibly be the guild I worked for several years ago.

/?/?/?/

_Meanwhile back aboard the Chirstina, Jellal returned to Ultear's side after glancing over the deck. "Don't you think it was a bit cruel of us not to tell him?"_

_Ultear held a wicked smile as she studied the twisted old claw of Benny Makaren. "Fufu, not really. It'll be a nice surprise for him...**won't it?**"_

* * *

><p><span>From that cut-away it already seems these so called 'Independents' haven't been entirely truthful with their new guinea pig (I mean recruit). Just what kind of horrid secret(s) are they hiding? And where did they just dump poor Benny-boy in the middle of anyway? What awaits Benny-boy behind those decaying old doors? Don't miss the next suspenseful chapter!<span>_  
><em>


	60. An Old Home

_It has been almost seven years after the Tenrou Island tragedy and our unfortunate hero of Fairy Tail Benny Makaren has wound himself up in none other than the Blue Pegasus guild. Currently, his on his first 'mission' of sorts as a slave - ahem - assisstant for Ultear's new Independent Guild. His mission: to go inside a creepy old mill which just happens to have the Fairy Tail banner on it. Will he scrape through his first job as a freelancer? Read on and find out as you enjoy the sixtieth chapter!_**  
><strong>

**~My Fairy~**

...An Old Home 

Some friends those guys were.

Well I mean even if they did try and kill me just short of seven years ago, they're still slack bastards for leaving me here all alone in the semi-wilderness in the middle of the day.

Well maybe it could have been worse than that.

I faced the creepy old mill like the one we had in Summer camp (they always seemed to make me collect the witches hats in there more than the other kids for some reason). As that soft suspenseful breeze whipped around my ankles yet again, the building seemed to stretch and distort as I visualised a swirling cloud of doom above it, tickling the windmill with veins of lightning.

"Eek." I eeked but breathed a sigh of relief when I remembered it was all just my psychotic imagination.

I mean it can't be that scary. Look it has the Fairy Tail banner on it! Maybe it _is_ just the old guild. I remember before I left that the guild was facing a 'fiscal fairy' of its own. But could it have become so degraded and pitiful after just seven years?

Oh no! That could be true afterall!

What a sad sight to see what this guild I came to call home has become. Supported by weak stilts, it appears to have aged into a sick old man who spends his days circling the cafeteria in the old person's home. How could I have let such a horrible fate ravage this guild!?

I fall to my knees and raise my fists in the air, holding that defeatist pose, before I bash my fists to the ground and wail out a loud "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

My single tears water the soil beneath my eyes as I grab chunks of dirt in my hands. Soon my single tears become mere grains of sand in a beach of rain – or something along the lines of that metaphor.

Anyway the heavy rain was bucketing down on me, mocking me with its heavy downpour. It almost felt like it had chosen this exact spot to rain down on me just to take revenge out on my negligence and sins for the last several years.

I had let this guild decay and wither into disrepair.

I had let myself become tempted by the rewards of vice.

I had let all those great Mages – the pillars of this guild – be wiped off the face of the earth by that Dragon.

I had let them all perish because of my weakness

"_You have proven to us that you are far too weak and useless to be a member of our important guild...thus you're an utterly useless mage if you ever qualified for one."_

Even Ultear can see what a bother I have become for just about everyone. I bet those Blue Pegasus guys could have done better off without me taking up the bar like a thrown about piece of furnuture. I bet that old hermit Porlyusica would have spent her time better healing Mages who can actually fight the bad guys. I probably wouldn't have to keep repeating this cycle of guilt if I had just faced my sentence with the Magical Council.

Natsu.

Lucy.

Erza.

Gray.

Wendy.

Flying Cats.

Everyone.

I'm sorry I let you all down – for the ultimate price.

Behind those guild doors is probably an empty shell of a once proud guild. Behind those doors is probably upturned tables and broken glass from all the squatters who've taken residence ever since the guild's inevitable collapse. I bet the only company I will have to greet me in their will be all the cockroaches and rodents who've formed their own kind of guild after the previous tenant's departure.

The rain feels so heavy on my back right now. Pelting its vengeance down upon my soul. The heavens continue mocking me as the downpour concentrates its full fury on my entire self.

Still, this is the far more leniant a punishment than I truly deserve. Perhaps Ultear and her coulourful-haired helpers were only holding onto me for this long so they could show me what true despair feels like. That must have been the only 'use' they had for me.

The rain and hail chills my bones as I try to lift my sorry heap of nothingness out of the muddy sinkhole. But the earth seems to anchor me to the ground as my legs and hands sink towards a muddy hell.

Battered from above, dragged from below.

This is my punishment.

...

...

...

"Oi Juvia, I think he's had enough right about now."

Suddenly the rain had stopped as though on command. That name, that voice, so ever nostalgic.

"Ooh! But Juvia wants to punish the trespasser."

It can only be...

"Oi kid! Who the hell are you?"

I never thought I'd be so relieved to hear that dickhead's voice again...

I turned and to my disbelief I found what at first must have been two ghosts. Though her blue raincoat had somewhat modified into a shorter dress; though his hair had grown slightly bristlier and longer since then, both of them looked exactly like they had way back seven years ago. Like frozen relics of a bygone era, Juvia and Gajeel were now standing before my very shocked eyes.

"Juvia? Gajeel? Am I really looking at you two right now? Or am I looking at some third universe's counterparts? Or could you be shape-shifting mages playing a really nasty prank on me? No it has to be you guys! Please tell me that it is you!"

"Hagh!? Oi! Alright kid get off me!" Gajeel kicked me off his leg after I was sobbing hysterically on him. "What kind of lunatic asylum did you crawl out of?"

"Wait! If you two are here!" I slowly creak my head towards the derelict guild. "Does that mean-"

"Oi come back here!" But before Gajeel could swipe a hold of me with his iron arm I went dashing straight for those doors that would probably crumble if I touched them. With all my remaining hope bundled in one last burst of energy, I vaulted for those doors, flinging them open without a care of whatever consequences may arise from such recklessness.

It was all or nothing. Before I completely give up and head to that asylum, I'll at least give it one more shot.

I flung the doors open.

My heart had stopped.

My legs lost all their strength and failed to support me.

It couldn't be real.

What kind of sick joke were these guys playing?

Speaking through a mouthful of chicken. "Oi! That you Benny-boy?"

"Whoah someone get a pedicure kit out stat."

Slamming his fists and venting flames of anger. "Shut up Gray! Stop trying to be witty all of a sudden!"

"YOU SHUT UP FIRE-BOY! I'll KICK YOUR ARSE!"

_Natsu and Gray!_

"You pair knock it off! But seriously is that really Benny?"

_Lucy!_

"What happened to this Man. He looks worse than a dead Man!"

_Elfman!_

"Elfman! Sorry Benny, would you like me to get you something?"

_Mirajane!_

"Let me help sis'"

_Lisanna!_

"Huck-huck! Hey Hunky made it off that Island afterall – you sneaky sonofabitch!"

_Laxus!_

"Hehe. What an interesting observation Laxus-sama!"

"Babies kamon!"

"Hmph, what a wretched doormat!"

_Freed, Bickslow and Evergreen!_

"Quiet down! I can't read properly with all this noise!"

"Yeah shut up already. I can't drink properly with all this noise!"

_Levy and Cana!_

"You all shut up!"

"You shut up Natsu!"

"No you shut up dick!"

"You're a dick!"

"No you're a dick!"

"No you're a dick!"

"No you're a dick. And so is Gajeel!"

"WHAJYA SAY!?"

Fists and glasses were flying everywhere as the old guild went back into one of their old brawling clouds. A rouge glass smashed into the wall just missing my head. But when the flakes of glass and cold beer trickled down my shoulder, I realised just how real this vision before me had become.

This was no feat of magic.

This was no dream.

This was reality.

Here they were, as if they had never disappeared on that island.

"Oh no Benny! You're bleeding. Let me look at it for you."

And when that helpful little healer who saved me on that very first day in Magnolia came to my side, with three flying cats. I knew that I was back in my old home.

"**WOULD YOU ALL SHUT THE ^&)# UP!**"

SMASH. BREAK. FRACTURE.

And when the terrifying Titania emerged from the brawl cloud, brushing her hands after another mediation session. I knew that my old friends had made it off that Island.

"Haha! Thanks for sorting out the naughty brats for us again Erza!" And when I glanced over to Gildarts; next to him, sitting on the bar in his usual spot, even the little old man had made it out of that Dragon's roar.

The strength returned in my legs as I rose back to my feet. "Everyone...you're all...you all...you guys...*sniff*...everyone here is...*sniff*...all...*sniff*..."

And at that moment, I melted in just about everyone's arms as I drowned them not in alcohol – but tears...The manly tears of a hopelessly unmanly man waiting in limbo for seven goddamn years!

"UWAAAAGGHH! YOU BASTARDS ARE ALL ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!"

* * *

><p><span>Why it's a Chirstmas Miracle! Only one month late but nonetheless something akin to that. Why yes indeed it seems Benny-boy has reunited himself with some famous faces of the past. But how did these brillaint and heroic mages make it out of Acnologia's wrath intact? And will they even want Benny-boy and his disgusting nails back in the guild? Find out this and much, much more in the next exciting chapter!<span>


	61. A Seven Year Reality Check

_The year is X791, seven years after the incedent on Tenrou Island. Benny Makaren has now reunited with his long lost comrades and is in the midst of seven years worth of catching up. Grab a few drinks Benny-boy, it's gonna take a while...Enjoy the sixty-first chapter**  
><strong>_

**~My Fairy~**

A Seven Year Reality Check

My face managed to be scorched, frozen and beaten until it looked like a bunch of grapes. "GET OFF US ALREADY!"

"Owphy" I mumbled in some sort of new language.

Natsu shouted me over a question. "Hey wait a sec, how did you manage to get off the Island before us?"

"Wlph, I gth takph awth by sthm gths on a shthp." I explained behind my scores of lumps, burns and frostbites.

"Hang on I can't understand him." Gray complained – even though he's about 1/20th responsible for making me speak Zulu or something. "Oi Wendy, patch him up."

/?/?/?/

ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER:

"As you guys were fighting Acnologia, I was taken onto this ship and escaped the epicentre of its roar." I finally explained in some proper English.

"Ugh." Natsu cringed all of a sudden for no reason. "Look how much you've aged in seven years Benny-boy. Christ I mean I'd understand a bit of a change but- kaw!"

"Yeah eh?" Gray crossed his bare arms. "Someone's gone and put the old steamroller on Benny-boy's face."

"Well, I've been through a bit of a rough time y'know." I try to explain.

"Even I look quite youthful and handsome compared to this prune." Even Gajeel's taking the piss out of me now.

"Hang on! Do you guys realise how devastated I was that I thought you'd died!?" I stand up and try getting serious. "How the hell did you guys make it out alive?"

Erza stands in as a more serious source and clears her throat. "I shall explain that story but first." She raised an arm into the air before stabbing her finger towards me. "Wendy, give this poor man a makeover stat!"

/?/?/?/

ANOTHER 20 MINUTES LATER:

"Well Wendy, your exfoliating and anti-wrinkle magic sure made a difference."

"Oh thanks but it was nothing really." Wendy went all red in the cheeks. "I just suck all the bad and ugly air out and pumped your face with some healthy, beautiful air instead.

"Wow, it all makes so much sense!" I beam with a sparkle. I know look about six years and eleven months younger and about 33.45% more of a douchebag than before. "So yeah anyway about how you guys aren't dead n'all – oh and Mirjane can you get me a cappuccino with caramel sauce shaped into a love heart with chocolate sprinkles on top thanks."

"Gee, I thought seven years'd harden Benny-boy up a little y'know?" Natsu whacked a hand on my shoulder as I flinched up. "Why dont'cha have a beer to celebrate being alive for godssake?"

"Yeah but, now that you're all back, I don't feel depressed enough to abuse my liver anymore." I smiled with a weak laugh. All the guys (and Cana!) were just towering over me menacingly.

/?/?/?/

YET ANOTHER 20 MINUTES LATER:

"YAHOO! WHY DINYOU BASSTERDZ SEND ME A LEDDER OR SUMMIN'!?" I said in my drunkenness.

"Holy crap! Didn't we only give him like one midi?" Gray and Natsu raised their eyebrows.

"That wasn't even alcoholic beer I gave him!" Mirajane gasped as she held her hand to her mouth in disbelief.

"An'another thin' why dj'all look so young comin' back!?" I think I'm shouting at a pillar know. "Ack, who do I care, y'rr all dead to me anyway MWAHAHAHA!"

"Whoah Erza's firing up..." And Max's observation was rightly so as purple auras flicked off her body.

"**That...boy...is...stealing...my...SCHTICK!"**

THWACK. SLASH. SPLURT.

"WEN-DY!"

/?/?/?/

*SIGH* A FEW MORE HOURS LATER:

"Well, getting you all drunk and happy was a bad idea." Gray noted. "Especially since Erza nearly killed you."

"I saw a few devils and OVAs from the mid to late X680s for a while there." I mumbled to myself. "Okay well I think we should get back to topic..."

Natsu whined. "It's a bit late, can we leave it till tomorrow?"

"No we cannot!" I raise my voice and be assertive for the first time today. "I need to know how you guys made it back unharmed. What have you been up to these last seven years." I notice Lucy hasn't had her lines this episode and is standing by the wall. "Lucy could you fill me in?"

Lucy pushed off the wall with her butt and walked over to the bar where most of the cool guys at least were. "Well we aren't really sure what went one during those seven years. In fact we were kinda in a long coma or something."

"More like suspended animation Benny-boy." The old man answered with absolutely no indication of a pun intended before he blew some smoke in my face (since when did he take up smoking!?). "Our Fairy Godmother protected us from Acnologia using one of Fairy Tail's three legendary spells - Fairy Sphere."

"Fairy _Godmother_..." I groaned. "Right, next you'll tell me cats can fly."

"Would you stop being so speciesist!" Charles whined as Wendy kept her claws far away from me.

"Not until you guys pay taxes like everyone else hah!" I had a good laugh with that little jibe.

"But it's really quite true Mr. Makaren." Mirajane said as she handed me a purely alcohol ridden glass of water. "We were all saved by the power of our bonds which awakened Mavis' power."

"So the power of friendship saved you lot?" I grin as a take a swig of my water. "Almost sounds like something out of a Shounen Anime."

Nobody bothered to check the walls this time. "Well putting that aside, you should be happy to see us back again." Erza scoffed.

"Yeah I am happy that you're all back." Then I grumbled and remembered. "Well, perhaps some of you should have stayed behind."

And just like bringing in the trash, Laxus came barging over wrapping his arm around my neck. "He-Hey! How's me lil' old man been holding up these last seven years? Had a root yet?"

"Watch it step-half-nephew." I pushed the smelly armpit away from me. "Just remember, since you guys haven't aged for seven years, that makes me your senior now. You should show me some respect!"

The dough head lightning bolt man scratched his chin. "Hmm, I could show you respect...but then again, I could kick your butt anyday of the week with my hands and feet tied so I'll give it pass thanks ol' Hunky!"

"Geargh..." I grumbled. Nothing's changed even in seven years. Well accept for a face at the bar I haven't fully acquainted myself with yet. "So you're Gildarts right? How come I never saw you 'round the guild before."

The man's torso is covered in bandages and I think he might even have a wooden leg but he otherwise looks quite approachable with his scruffy smile. "Oh well y'know I've just been caught up with long distance work – slaying Dragons here and there and whatnot."

"Wow! You've slain dragons!" I say impressed at my new idol (**remember he saved my life in episode 44**).

"You mean nearly ended up as their chew toys right Gildarts." Makarov corrected the scarred warrior with a slap on the back.

"You must be even stronger than Erza then!" I beam, risking another trip to the infirmary when Erza's ears prick up again.

"Ahaha, well I don't like comparing myself to the fairer sex." Gildarts tried horrible at acting all humble as he nearly feel off his chair in the stunt. "But if we had a go in the ring yeah I'd probably win."

"Cool, if I ever get picked on by the other kids around here I'll get you to beat 'em up for me!"

"Oi!" Natsu yanked my collar and pressed his nose up to mine. "Stop hogging Gildarts! He's mine and mine alone!"

"Eep! Alright I won't dob you into him then." I shrunk in defeat. "Speaking of, it looks like you've got a little fanboy of your own."

Natsu gave me a few blinks before he spoke. "Oh you mean this?" and hauled up a little kid with short black hair and a shoddy cosplay of Natsu's attire. "Whadd'ya reckon of Benny-boy 'ere, Romeo?"

The little brat (well he wasn't that small since he looked like he could stand to my shoulders), stared at me with a curious childlike fascination. "Oh let's keep him! I always wanted a guinea pig for my fart fireballs."

"Hey that kid's got quite a mou-"

"Fire Cupcake!"

"ARGH!"

I just hoped my sacrifice in order to provide the first fart joke of the season would not be in vain...

/?/?/?/

SOME MORE HOURS LATER – POSSIBLY THE NEXT DAY BY NOW WHO'S COUNTING ANYWAY?

"Ah so that's why you guys are in such a hole of guild." I exclaim after hearing a long explanation from the guys who didn't go to Tenrou Island and aged like every normal person in the show. "But that's okay now because everyone made it back alive and okay so we can go out and pay off all that debt and restore the guild's reputation!"

It seems those highly optimistic and inspiring words struck an uneasy chord with Lucy who had been slouching around ever since I came back. With her hand tightening around her glass I went over and checked what could have been playing on her mind since everyone's joyous return.

Whilst Natsu, Gray and everyone else continued drowning themselves in celebrations of reunion and friendship, I went and consulted with the gloomy blonde. "I guess being away for seven years has come as quite a shock for you eh?"

But the solemn celestial mage shook her head and frowned. "It has...But that's not what's bothering me."

Two silhouettes suddenly filled the doorway as I awaited to hear Lucy's next words. As she clenched her glass with both hands, she braced herself to deliver what was surely to be less than wonderful news.

"You see Benny, the truth is..."

"Benny Makaren. Can we speak to you for a moment outside?" When I turn towards the doorway and find Mystogan and Erza Knightwalker, it had finally struck me. I can't believe throughout all this celebration I was too dense to realise it.

"I see..." I didn't need to hear it from them or Lucy. I feigned a smile as I lowered my head. "Not everyone made it back from that Island afterall..."

* * *

><p><span>Despite all the miracles granted to everyone in the Fairy Tail guild, it seems not every soul can return from the other side. What will Benny-boy do know on hearing this news? What could Mystogan and Knightwalker be after with him? Join us in the next dramatic chapter as Benny-boy catches up on all the joy...and heartache...of seven lost years!<span>


	62. Lost and Found

**This is a milestone chapter for me. From this chapter onwards, My Fairy will surpass the existing record held by my other OC-meta-fanfic, Requiem of the Eternal Night, and officially be my longest story by wordcount! Not only that, but I also expect by the end of this chapter it will break the total reviews record held by that same story as well. This has definitely turned out to be - if not my most successful story - certianly the most fun to write! And I hope to be writing plenty more from here on out. So please continue enjoying reading this story as I enjoy writing more and more My Fairy for you all!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Benny Makaren in the year X791: Older, bolder and not so wiser or stronger for that matter either. With Benny-boy's rather experimental return to the guild, all seems grand and joyous with the return of Tenrou Island's lost crew. But with the arrival of two Edolas envoys, the brief celebrations seem to fade already for Benny-boy. What do these pair intend to do with him now? Find out all this and much more in a special double-length, hi-def, hi-impact, special edition, record breaking chapter!<em>

**~My Fairy~**

Lost and Found

Natsu looked towards the two guests at our door. "Oh hey, haven't those guys returned to Edolas yet?"

Whilst everyone else seemed nonchalant about the presence of these two, it seemed me and Lucy were the only ones fully aware of the implications of this visit. Whilst Lucy kept her head down and tried to ignore them, I would have to face them and face the brutal truth.

Knightwalker wasn't going to be patient any longer judging by those deadly eyes. "Benny Makaren, a moment please." I knew there were poison daggers embedded beneath that 'please', but I had no other choice but to oblige. I needed to face their wrath.

"Okay, coming right out." I said with as normal a tone as you can muster when you're about to walk the plank of devastation.

"Oi Benny-boy," I turned back hoping Natsu might have some supportive words for me. "Can ya shut the door on the way out, that draught is putting out my flame if you know what I mean?"

I paused mid-step and sighed with a smile. "No problem, Natsu."

I thought these two might have recently converted themselves to Ultear's independent guild judging from their caped attire. They stood almost parallel next to each other underneath a lone tree outside the guild's veggie garden. "It's about your world's Lucy isn't it?"

"Regrettably so." Erza was surprisingly upfront with me. "When we were all released from Fairy Sphere's suspended state, Lucy Ashley's body was never recovered." I was even more surprised to find the stalwart of Edolas choke on her words for a moment as though she were about to show some emotions of grief. "That damn upstart, trying to save you of all people." She muttered, biting her bottom lip.

"Erza..." Mystogan retrained the red-headed ball of fury with her name. "Lucy Ashley has been assumed dead since the indecent of Seven Years ago." He relayed that news without one deviation in his tone. But whilst undeviating - it wasn't a completely monotonous delivery. More like he had balance and control with his own emotions; rather the tone was delicate without being submissive in any way.

Whatever tone or register it was in though didn't really matter. Now I didn't have to keep up these false hopes and charades. Now I could get on with my punishment.

"Do you still need to kill me?" I said plainly. Even if I really didn't want to die, there's nothing I or anyone could do to stop them from carrying out their justice.

The two of them shared nods and whispers for a moment before facing me again. "We will soon be returning to our homeworld where we will hold a public funeral for Ms. Ashley."

Then something completely unexpected from the man who had not long ago (well maybe not for him) tried to kill me; he held out his right hand as if offering me something. "We would just like to extend an invitation to you for Lucy's funeral."

I pulled back in my mind. I would be getting a once in a lifetime opportunity to see a parallel universe, possibly even more out of this world than this one. But this opportunity would be mandated from the death of an innocent, kind-hearted girl.

"Whilst we held our suspicions of you, Ms. Ashley kept defending your name until her very last breath." Mysotgan eulogised. "Our world owes you a debt of gratitude for sealing away the tyrant Banzai Benendes. Your odd power proved useful in the end."

Erza came in. "As much as I wish to tear your head off your neck right now, I am doing my best to consider her wishes instead. We'd appreciate your attendance."

I'd love to go. I'd love to pay respects to the eccentric blonde who was crazy enough to have looked after me, helped me in trouble, protected me...maybe even...

...I'd love to say my final goodbye to the girl who saved my life and sacrificed hers. In a selfish way, I may have even warmed to the idea of a possible hero's welcome from the Edolas masses for liberating themselves from...well myself...

But I'm no hero.

Heroes don't let the girl die to save their own sorry arse.

Heroes are supposed to save and protect others.

I'd love to see her again – even just one last time. I'd love to see her homeland, her family and friends and pay my respects to them.

But I don't deserve that privilege.

The last thing the Natsu, Gray, Elfman, Levy, Cana and all the other's of Fairy Tail in that world need is to be confronted with the coward who let their best friend die.

So I lifted my head and answered.

"No."

"I see." And without any sign of offence or surprise of his own, Mystogan turned with Erza and began to depart. "We must go home now. You probably won't ever see us again."

And just as though they looked like a mere mirage dissolving in the bushes, they both called out a unified. "So long, Fairy Boy."

Well, I suppose it beats Benny-boy for once...

I think...I'm just gonna...go for a walk for now...

/?/?/?/

SOME TIME AND WANDERING LATER:

I thought I'd walk back to my home in the city. But by the time I reached three quarters of the hike down the Magnolian outskirts, it just dawned upon me that I surely have been evicted from that room by now. After landing in poverty for the second time in my sojourn here and then going on the run for a further six years, I guess I've either racked up a load of debt or been packed out by some new tenant.

Oh well...I may as well take a peek outside the door. Just to see how the new owners have been looking after the place.

They'll probably be able to afford a decent lounge and bed for her, get some cleaners for the floor and wipe under all her folds and crevices. Why am I giving my old apartment a female personification all of a sudden? Who knows? Must be some sentimental thing...

Maybe it's because my apartment was a lot like Lucy Ashley. Someone who was always there for me but I neglected and took for granted. And when I left dried noodle and biscuit crumbs underneath the table and lounge, that was like how I left obliviousness and deceit on poor Lucy (or something like that analogy)

It was a long walk, but I finally made it back to where everything all began for me. Where Lucy carried me back to after I nearly got scavenged by alley rats.

"Well, let's go check it out."

I guess my wander took longer than expected. The sun was already departing me along my river walk and the moonlight was against my back by the time I opened the foyer door.

The blue light shining up the stairs brings me back to my last birthday and the melancholic outcome of that day. Tonight it shines the same blue hue but for a different reason altogether.

The stairs creak with each step I take, like strained screams in the unknown.

I reach my old apartment door – my only apartment door. My only proper home that I independently lived in.

The door was shut. There are probably people inside and it'd be rude and uncalled for me to intrude but-

I latch my left hand around the door handle.

But I cannot open it.

It's not locked.

I cannot open it.

Because as soon as I grip that handle, her precious smile flashes across my vision.

I suddenly fall to the ground, all the strength knocked out of me. My jaw drops and my eyes bulge in shock. This powerful sensation coming over me.

Then I suck in air fast like a baby coming out of the womb. I gasp, let out a wail and cry out her name.

"LUCYYYYYYY!"

I can't get off the floor. My body's been completely taken over by emotions I've accumulated in mover seven years. I wail and cry, wail and cry and sob and everything, soaking my knees and the carpet around me in seven years worth of anguish. Seven years worth of sadness and grief has finally caught up to me and kicked my arse alright.

"LUCYYYYY!" I cry out again as I huff more sobs out. My palms fall to each side and lay open, catching rays of that sad blue moonlight. I rest my head against the door and let the tears trickle down the grains of wood instead, sniffing and huffing silently as those short but wonderful memories kept replaying in my mind.

What else do I have to live for now that I've lost the only person who truly cared about me? If I had never encountered her, I'd never have to realise the true pain of being alone.

"LUUCCCCYYYY!"

"DADDYYYYY!"

"LUCYYYYYY!"

"DADDYYYY!"

"Lucy?"

With my epic cries disrupted, I went over to the room to my left and discovered the door slightly ajar. Inside was none other than another Lucy, down to her knees and clutching a damp piece of paper. I heard her whimper again. "Daddy..."

"'_Daddy?'_" I parrot in a whisper loud enough it caught the tear-soaked blonde's attention.

"Benny?" When she turned around and found company she quickly wiped away the worst of her grief with the back of her wrists. "W-what are you doing here?"

Still on the ground, I stuttered to find an answer. "Lucy...I..."

_She was crying out for her Daddy. Does that mean she too..._

I really am selfish. The one who should truly be grieving right now is Lucy – this one right here! I'm in no right to steal her from respecting her own true loss.

Lucy wiped the last few tears from the corner of her eyes and smiles softly. "I'm sorry about what happened to Lucy Ashley."

But I shook my head and cleared my throat. "Not at all. Let her friends and family in Edolas remember her. You have your own family to grieve for don't you?"

The blonde put a hand to her mouth a little shocked. "You heard me didn't you?"

I answered with a curt nod. "I'm sorry to hear about your father's loss. At least he must have passed on leaving behind a daughter that adored and cherished him dearly."

But my comforting words didn't seem to have the desired effect as Lucy averted her gave, holding a crooked smile. "If only. I broke all ties with my father before you even came to this town." Lucy sniffed as another downpour seemed to be heading her way. "I've missed out on so much in seven years, now my father's gone, I feel so alone."

As I noticed her shivering, I put my hands on her shoulders – probably not going to warm her up but at least grab her attention when I say, "but you're not alone Lucy. You have all your friends in Fairy Tail.

Sparkles flicker in her eyes as she hears my revelation. They flicker like tiny fireflies emerging from a long spell in a dark swamp. She seems to loosen her shoulders and relax with a smile. "Yeah, I've never been alone this whole time. I've always had someone to laugh or cry with, whether it's Natsu, Erza, Wendy or even...you..."

As Lucy slung her arms around my back and gave me a warm hug, I made an oath to the girl who gave me a second chance for a reason I've finally realised.

_Don't worry Lucy Ashley. I won't let your sacrifice be in vain. I'll get stronger and more courageous so I can protect our Lucy...As my half-step sister, I won't let her suffer the same tragic fate you suffered. _

_When the time comes...I will be the one who gives up my life to save you...Lucy Heartfillia..._

"Well, we should probably get out of the hallway now eh?" I say gently as Lucy lets her hands return to her side.

"Yeah we should." Lucy concurs with a sigh before straightening her gaze again. "But seriously what are you doing here?"

"Hmm?" I nearly fall back as I refer to my unlocked door. "I thought I'd check out my old abode."

"Don't you know? Someone else lives there now."

Whilst I was a little devastated at that, I wasn't all too surprised. Lucy continued. "Yeah the Landlady told me she rented your house out to somebody else about four or five years ago after you had stopped paying rent for nearly twelve months."

"But how come you've still got a residency here?" I virtually bark back a little peeved at the Landlady's impatience (I mean it would have only been a seven year backlog of rent love I'm sure I could pay that back before I turn 150) "If anyone's behind in the rent it'd be-"

I stop myself when I notice Lucy's frown return. "Oh? Never mind then."

"Still, I guess I'm a pretty lucky girl. Who else's daughter would get seven years worth of rent paid by their father after disowning him?"

"Yeah, your Dad certainly cared a lot about you till the very end." I sigh. "I wish I knew what it felt like to have parents supporting me like that."

"Oh I forgot all about that!" Lucy said with a small gasp. "I'm really sorry. I guess I am a selfish, spoiled child afterall."

Her admission nearly made me laugh but I held it down to a small chuckle. "Nah, you're a pretty capable chick on your own – remember when you beat down that guy from the Geriatrics' guild? What's his name, Borris or something? And you're definitely not being selfish for shedding grief over your father." Feeling a little satisfied myself with those uplifting words, I lifted myself off the floor and helped Lucy up too. "Well, I guess I better not keep you from your father any longer."

"Thanks." Lucy wiped one last stray tear from her eye. "You're a great friend too."

"Yeah." I blush with a little humility as I head back down the stairs to the cold ravages of night. "Let's go on another job tomorrow – just like our old team with you, Wendy and the flying cat."

"Mnn!" Lucy nodded enthusiastically to that suggestion. "See ya tomorrow then!"

And with that parting, I felt a lot warmer inside now. A bit more at ease knowing I wasn't the only one suffering inside.

And now that I'm outside, the cold breeze brings me back to reality. "Oh shit that's right..."

I find some garbage bags nestled to the side of the entrance and spend what little is left of this night barely sleeping in the unforgiving elements of the moonlight.

/?/?/?/

I had a nightmare where I had discovered huge clumps of dirt had collected underneath my fingernails and they had caked so hard that, no matter how hard I tried, they wouldn't come off. Maybe it's a sign that I have been neglecting myself all this time as well as those around me.

I had a wake up alarm in the form of a boot to the back. My sleep must have been pretty violent as I felt the concrete of the the apartment stairs as my mattress rather than the adjacent garbage bags.

"*Yawn* Ow...Who did that?"

"Sorry but, I tried walking over you but you moved just as I lifted my leg."

I rolled over and discovered a new face standing by the apartment doorway. He looked like the typical salaryman or businessman type. Very smart and successful looking in his blue suit. And here I was holding him up like a no-good bum.

"Sorry mate, I would have slept in my apartment but I just found out I was already kicked out five or six years ago."

The businessman, adjusts his glasses, I notice he actually looks a little younger than me (despite Wendy's anti-ageing makeover last episode). "Well I moved in upstairs about five years ago, I guess I might have come as a replacement for your tenancy." He adds with a smile before he offers me a hand. "I'm Mike, but most people call me Mikky. I work for an alchemist firm in town which specialises in selling cosmetic potions. If you need something to get you back on your feet, I could offer you a cadetship in our upcoming manicure line."

I shake his hand with my grubby and in desperate need of a manicure nails. "I'm Benny, some people call me Benny-boy. I appreciate your offer but I already have a great job, working for an awesome company...well there not so much a company but rather a-"

"Morning Benny!" Lucy's beaming smile greets me in the morning. "Guess it's time for work."

"Morning Ben-san." Wendy seems to have taken a detour in the hope to wake us early today. With Charles hugged in front of her waist, it seems almost like my very first day on the job again (with the only difference being me out on the streets!)

Oh well. It'll be fun to work our way back up the ladder of life again. I jump off the stairs and give my blue haired teammate a scratchy hi-five "O'right! Let's go!" Just as I went over and caught up with Wendy, I turned back and waved as a kept on running backwards. "Oh yeah, see ya Mikky, have fun selling cosmetics or whatnot."

"Wait up you pair!" Lucy cries out and makes her way past the confused businessman as we begin to hop (or fly) along down the road.

I may get a crummy job today but I'll damn well do it with a smile. After all, I get to work with the best damn company in town: the Fairy Tail wizard's guild!

/?/?/?/

MEANWHILE:

"_I'm Benny, some people call me Benny-boy. I appreciate your offer but I already have a great job, working for an awesome company...well there not so much a company but rather a-"_

"_Morning Benny! Guess it's time for work."_

"_Morning Ben-san." _

"_O'right! Let's go!"_

_As Benny and his odd band of followers trailed off down the road, the young cosmetics salesman Mike lifted his glasses with a cunning smile. _

"Looks like I finally found you...big brother..."

* * *

><p><span>And with that shocking aside we leave behind what is the unofficial extent of the "Lost Nail X791 Arc" and move on to...Wait for it, an original, super-awesome final arc (Yay! Haha! Trololo-)! With Benny-boy's new resolve and a mysterious new character, what could Benny-boy possibly get his claws jammed into for this next arc? Find out in the next exciting chapter!<span>


	63. Burning Keratin: Part I

**Hey Sashy Boorey! It certainly has been while since I updated. And due to circumstances in Reallifehalia I have made a change of plans with this story and decided that this current season will most defintely be My Fairy's concluding season. But don't fret! If we go with the standard 26ep model we've done so far, there's still loads of action left to fill in this final season. But I'm definetely hoping to wrap this story up and try and make sense of all these ridiculous thing's Benny-boy's gotten himself into before I go overseas in September. Strap yourselves in the rolercoaster ride that will be the shocking final sequence of events that shall transpire in this madness we call My Fairy!  
><strong>

**Also, there will be flames, mostly from Natsu, but lots of flames...Grr...**

* * *

><p><strong>~My Fairy~<strong>

Burning Keratin: Part I

Hell yeah!

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"This is a sinch eh, Lucy, Wendy?"

"Sure is Benny!" Lucy said as she descended with a wink in her eye.

"That's right, Ben-san." Wendy nodded with determination also as air whirled around her arms.

"Man, I can't believe I've been missing a job like this!" I flex my arm and grimace, putting all my energy into this next combo.

Staple.

Staple.

Staple.

Staple. Staple. Staple. Staple.

That's the sound a staple makes when you staple it to a wall...I guess...

"GAAARRR! ONLY 536 MORE POSTERS TO GO!"

"Ahehe..." Wendy seemed to laugh uncomfortably at my rather 'revitalised' work ethic.

Lucy looked pretty cautious too. "You might be just a, teency bit overenthusiastic about this job Benny."

"Are you kidding?" I throw back an energetic smile whilst I stab eight consecutive staples into the wall with my nails. "I've finally found a job where I my power has some practical usefulness! And also...I'd actually missed this casual mundane outside work since being with those Pegasus guys."

"Well, just don't get too carried away or you might hurt me or Wendy."

"Yeah-yeah...Anyway where's Charles?" I zip my head around the corner of the building and then find that flying cat, er, flying above me. "Hey, Charlie hand me down some more stables mate."

"I hope one of them hits you in the eye!" And with those ambitious words the aerial staple carrier we know as Charles threw down another handful of the steel articles. Some of them did manage to pince themselves on my cheek or forehead but my retinas would be retained for another episode at least. "Alright next round of wall stapling, HAGH!"

In rapid succession not seen by even the most dedicated office employee hoping to get a raise by his boss, I stapled those posters to the wall. This was our first job in several years, but for Lucy and Wendy, this would have just felt like any other everyday errand.

That was why I was putting in my best effort, getting those claws out and working again. But after about an intense but enduring five minutes into the job, my nails had started to crack – quite literally under the pressure, jarring themselves into the wall and sending splinters all the way over as far as Lucy.

"Kyaah!" Lucy cried. "Hey see what I told you! That could have cut open my chest!"

No but it certainly cut something.

I guess torn tanktops are in this season as I notice a few new regions around Lucy's mountains I had not yet discovered.

"Gah!" Lucy covered up her upper-anterior torso balcony as much as those thin arms could physically do with such a challenging bust size to conquer. Meanwhile I was doing all I could to prevent a flood of red ocean drowning this peaceful street.

_Agh...Crap! Hang on, Lucy's like my half-step sister isn't she? This is wrong on one eight of a half-scale I think. This is probably endorsing something something controversial, maybe, perhaps. Even though she's Lucy Ashley's Earthland clone, I mustn't-_

Thankfully, I managed to put an image of Ichiya wrapped in a pink bathtowel in my head and my bloody sinuses were all but abated.

Now with my mind on a more constructive track, I picked up one of the thousands of posters we had already put up on the Sonar-Plasmonic recording studio building. They had offered us 90 000 jewel and free tickets to this concert if we put up all these posters on their building and around the town.

"'_Let's Idoling?' Super-magical Idol group performing at the Magnolian heptagonal theatre. Don't miss out on early-bird front row tickets and free lacrima glow sticks.' _Geez they must get a lot of freaks here too for pop groups like this."

I thought I recognised one of the cute Asian girls in the poster, but my attention was taken away when I heard Wendy call out to me. "Ben-san, we've done the entire building, are you coming with us?"

And with a sunny nod I went and caught up with my old team. "Yep, coming!"

/?/?/?/

"Whew...An honest day's work done..." I said wiping my brow. My fingernails had pretty much taken an early mark after we left the building job, but I made sure to survive until the job had been completed. Lucy and Wendy looked pretty happy to be back doing their usual odd jobs for odd jewel or two. I, on the other hand, was just happy to get out and make my worthy contribution for the everyday Magnolian folks (no seriously! Okay, well maybe the money part was good too, and I kinda need to find a new roof for my head).

"Today was really fun wasn't it Ben-san?" Wendy said with her usual cheerful colour. I smiled and nodded with agreement as our team (plus cat) made our way back to the guild, a little richer in both monetary and emotional senses.

/?/?/?/

When we got back to the guild, Natsu, Gray and a few other disgruntled Mages were waiting for us.

"'Bout time you came back Benny-boy." Gray didn't appear to be offering me a very homely welcoming as he leant against the doorway with his arms crossed.

"Yeah, I guess we're a little late," I scratch my head in humility. "What's everyone waiting out here for?"

Natsu kicked his buttocks off the wall and walked over to me, slapping a hand on my shoulder as he went past. "Some guys came here looking for you, they wouldn't leave until they got to see you. And..."

When I passed through the column of Mages and peered inside the doorway I noticed our already trashy guild in a state of trashiness and ruin beyond what I had once conceived as possible. Tables had been split in two or thrown around, scattered alongside broken chairs and glasses. And as a tantamount of her resilience, Mirajane still manned the bar with a smile, even though all the bottles were smashed and the bar itself was painted charcoal.

"Who the hell did this?" I thought aloud, shocked by the carnage.

"Actually most of it was Natsu's doing." Wakaba admitted as I overheard Natsu's flaming curses. "But the intruders egged him on."

_'Intruders'? 'Natsu'? 'After me'? 'Eggs'? Omlettes...Cake..._

Wait I mean...

"Where did those guys who...er...made Natsu do this end up going?"

"_**We never left!**_"

I was swept back inside the guild by a swift blast of air. As the rest of the mages were knocked down like a bunch of skittles, I sat up off the wooden floor, clutching a sore elbow as I glanced at the two new figures standing outside the guild.

One of them was rather round in his figure (no take it back he was literally shaped like a circle.) with a pinstripe suit wrapped around his body. He also had a long moustache which coiled around on his left side but stretched out longer on his other side and had button sized eyes.

Next to him was a feisty looking kid – probably about the same age as Wendy (well minus the timeskip, let's say Romeo's age) with orange hair that rose in a set of spikes that curved towards the centre, almost like an upturned ribcage. He wore a shoddy copy of Natsu's (and I guess inadvertently Romeo's) vest only it was a dull green version with torn ends and purple jeans instead of Natsu's usual baggy pants. His eyes were the most Shonen-ey I had ever encountered, dinner-plate sized and slanted at a fierce angle.

After I had finished describing them, I decided to actually find out who or what these pair of oddballs were. "So what do you two want with me then?"

The ribcage-do kid crossed his arms in front of him in an 'X' and offered a cheeky grin. "Hehe, we just wanted to catch up with an old friend..."

And when I noticed to my shock a set of sharp claws emerging from the boys fingers, he chuckled at my reaction.

"We just wanna catch up...Mr. h4438."

* * *

><p><span>As Benny-boy settles back into everyday working life, some bullies - who aren't even characters from the Anime - show up and try to start something. And what's this odd barcode or something that they seem to be adressing Benny-boy with? How will this showdown go down, especially since Natsu's already seemingly had his headstart...Don't miss the next exciting chapter!<span>


	64. Burning Keratin: Part II

_Seven years after the Tenrou tragedy, Benny-boy is back working for the now not so glorious Fairy Tail shack out of town. But it seems this place has become popular for a pair of uninvited guests, who've come for Benny-boy of all people (must be really popular lately). What's more is that one of them appears to brandish some extendible claws bearing quite a lot of resemblance to Benny-boy's hopeless party-trick of an ability. But can this kid cut more than just a stick of butter with those things? Let's find out in the sixty-fourth chapter!_

**~My Fairy~**

Burning Keratin: Part II

"So how's thing's been on your end, h4438?" the spiky haired brat clearly doesn't know my proper name...

...Well I suppose 'Benny' is about as proper as you're gonna get in this world but that's not the point dammit!

I clear my throat. "I'm sorry but I think you might have confused me with somebody else, or maybe with a toy or something..."

"Cheh," the clawed brat snickers. "Ya think we'd ever forget a face like yours h4438? We've all got vivid memories of you."

"*Yawn*... Can you guys hurry up and sort this out." Natsu whined, "we've got proper arcs to develop y'know?"

"You were just fighting them not even more than three minutes ago ya idiot!" Gray pointed out Natsu's flawed wall removal.

"Oh yeah? Then how about I fight you instead?" Natsu decided fisticuffs would be the only way to solve such a quandary and the two of them went over a few metres down the path to sort their own thing out.

Anyway with them out of the way...

"So then where or when have we met before?" I said whilst scratching my head (don't worry I haven't sharpened the claws yet!) I'm sure I'd remember faces like you pair."

"Hehe, looks like he's had a lil' amnesia, Talas." The kid cocked his head back towards his plump friend, whose own contrasting behaviour made him just as creepy as this kid. "Perhaps I need to 'spark' his memory a little."

And if his attempt at humour wasn't bad enough, the smell of burning suddenly came off the orange-haired kid's hands. With the drawing of claws, something else far more shocking emerged from the boy.

Flames...

His claws went from smouldering to a mini-inferno in mere seconds. If it wasn't for Erza's quick intervention I might have been this kid's roast dinner tonight!

"Crap! Kid's that age shouldn't play with fire!" I said as patted out a small flame in my hair.

"'Claws of Fire'" a cheeky snicker grew across the kids face as he enjoyed the sight of his own burning fingernails. "Vacnul's my name. And this is my power."

"Fire eh?" I sighed. "We've already got a fire-user...Couldn't you think of anything new?"

"My Claws of Fire are way better than that dumbarses power." the snotty little punk boasted, fortunately for him out of earshot of the terrifying Natsu himself – who was still having his own completely pointless side battle with Gray.

Meanwhile, there seemed to be an awful lot of Mages out here doing nothing. Feel free to help out guys...

"Dammit, why can't I move?" I heard Wakaba complain as he remained in a shaky pose.

"Yeah, what the hell's going on?" Macao cursed as well as they looked towards the only possible suspect.

But the dandy fat man in a suit was just standing there with his hands clasped in front of him. If he had a strange ability with his claws like this kid, he didn't appear to be using them.

"Nevermind those guys, pay attention h4438!" The kid sneered as he swiped with his fiery claws. I managed to dodge that one with just a few burn holes on my shirt. This kid was really starting to piss me off, but I had to admit that there wasn't very much I could do about it.

My only solace was that Erza still seemed to be able to move (never mind Natsu and Gray. They were never going to save my sorry arse anyway). She was up in the air wearing her Black Wing Armour.

"It seems your friend's magic ability doesn't affect me up here." Erza noted as she raised her sword. "I'll take care of you both now."

"Hoh?" The pipsqueak chirped as he rolled his eyes up at the Titania. "Whoever said Talas' claws couldn't reach you too?"

"Huh-?" But just before Erza could prepare herself, something shot up from the ground beneath her. Two thin white pillars curved up and pierced through the soles of Erza's feet, latching on to her and immobilising her in mid-air.

"Normally Talas doesn't like to reveal his power, but I kinda like telling people about it before we kill 'em."

I thought I'd use this chance to take out Vacnul while he's talking. But even this child wasn't naive enough to let his guard down for a moment; and so he held out his flaming palm, forming a fiery cage between us.

"Gngh! Ungh!" Erza struggled as she tried to move her sword and cut herself free. But she couldn't even budge an inch anymore as the boy continued explaining Talas' power.

"As you've probably already worked out, Talas' claws can completely paralyse whoever they come in contact with. You can't even use your precious magic when you can't move!"

As Erza and the other Mages cursed in frustration, Vulnac chuckled in an almost playful laughter. "HAHA! We're a pretty nasty pair actually. Talas keeps our prey trapped while I toast 'em to death! I love it when the idiots struggle pathetically in their despair. Stupid-"

PUNCH.

Vulnac's sadistic rant was interrupted by a connecting fist to his jaw, sending him tumbling several metres along the ground.

"Ugh, who the hell did that?" He cursed.

I stood tall and proud with my fists cracking knowing that it...wasn't me but actually Natsu that hit the stupid twerp. Still, I was just happy to see the kid get his comeuppance.

"Killing people ain't cool brat!" Natsu said, literally venting steam from his nostrils as he cracked his flaming knuckles. "Hearing those words just got me all fired up again."

As if he wasn't already, but Natsu's obvious moving almost seemed to make this carrot top wet his pants. "B-but, Talas should've-"

We all turned our attention to the ball shaped man, who had been sent rolling down the path by Gray's own cold hard fist. With his short legs off the ground, I could finally see the source of his power. Extending off of his sole-less shoes were a formidable set of toenails, whose roots seemed to penetrate the ground and sprout underneath the soles of his sapling victims.

"What!? He-"

"Good thing my plan of pretending to fight Gray and make you think we weren't getting involved plan worked perfectly." Natsu smirked with a twinkle in his grin. I know his just trying to cover his own arse but who cares, I'm saved!

"Now Erza!"

Now free from Talas' paralysis, Erza swooped down and hacked off Talas' web of claws, releasing everyone else from his control.

"**Now...**" Natsu slowly advance as the little kid trembled beneath Natsu's feet, "**What were you saying about your Claws of Fire being better than my dumbarse power?"**

For all the big words Vulnac had learnt, he seemed to learn a valuable lesson not to screw with the truly awesome flames of Natsu and found himself packing, crying like a little girl as he dragged his oddball accomplice with him.

"We'll be back! Don't forget us h4438!" I heard his word trail off as he retreated into the distance.

"Gee, that kid almost makes me _want _to be called Benny-boy again..."

"Ahh don't worry about him Benny-boy." Natsu happily obliged my favour, throwing his arm around my shoulder. "I won't let that upstart take away my position as the number one fire-conjurer in Magnolia."

"Ben-san are you alright?" Finally someone who has some legitimate concern about my welfare, the kindhearted Wendy rushes over with Lucy and Charles not far behind.

"Yeah. At least that weird guy didn't freeze me too." I sighed with relief.

"Isn't it strange how they both had strange magic abilities involving their claws." Lucy rubbed her chin. "I can see why they're like you I guess."

"What are you saying Lucy," Gray chipped in snidely. "Benny-boy doesn't have any powers like those piece of garbage. Isn't that right Benny-boy?"

"Hmm." I hummed with annoyance as Gray started ruffling my hair.

"Oi!" then an angry voice which even made Natsu shrivel up came from inside the guild. "Why is it that when I wake up from my midday nap, the entire guild is always turned upside down!?"

That was Makarov. Remember he came back to life at the end of last season.

As the rest of the guild began trawling inside waiting for a good caning by their miniature boss, I remained outside, gazing down at the comical trail of dust that those pair of enemies left behind.

"_Ya think we'd ever forget a face like yours...? We've all got vivid memories of you..."_

I really don't have much memory of my past. Apart from those excerpts I saw with Banzai, everything about my childhood and adolescence seems almost completely non-existent.

"_There is a group of Mages who have assembled in the outskirts of Magnolia over the last few years...we have been trying to locate them for the last few years...we believe they might be looking for you."_

Well Ultear, looks like I'm being a good piece of bait for you and your organisation's strange goals.

In the meantime though, there's a certain idol concert I must attend...

* * *

><p><span>Although Benny's friends have staved off this nuisance for now, can they face more enemies of this calibre in the near future? And who are they and what is their ultimate goal? Well, we can worry about those more serious questions later as it looks like Benny-boy's going to an idol conert in the next chapter. What has suddenly sparked his interest in the genre? Don't miss the next Sparkling chapter!<span>


	65. Idoling Away

**Apologies for yet another long gap between updates. I know one person who's probably been waiting a lifetime for this chapter, sorry mate but there was a certain story of my brother's I had to read first for inspiration for this chapter. Actually for the rest of you who don't know what story I'm talking about, I shouldn't really plug stories written by similar flesh and blood but it's Bleached Metal 3: Ascension, so maybe check out that and a few more of my bro's stories whule you're waiting another three years for my updates. Hopefully I can pump out some more frequent updates from now on. In the meantime thanks for waiting patiently and enjoy the latest chapter!**

* * *

><p><em>Seven years after the Tenrou tragedy, Benny-boy is back working for the now not so glorious Fairy Tail shack out of town. After a few weirdos who also share Benny's strange feature of growing claws (only theirs can actually be useful in combat) arrive and shake up things for the guild, Benny-boy's now tracking down a few of his old friends (teammates count as friends right?) to help back him up next time the mean claw thugs arrive on his doorstep - mainly because no one else in the Fairy Tail guild gives a toss about Benny-boy's woes right now. Anyway will these old comrades of Benny-boy's take up the clawed cause once again? Let's find out in the sixty-fifth chapter!<em>_  
><em>

**~My Fairy~**

Idoling Away

How did it come to this?

Sandwiched in a queue of sweaty, overweight and mostly unemployed Magnolians, I sighed as I looked down at the ticket in my hand, my little reminder as for my purpose at tonight's mission.

_~Admission for one at Let's Idoling?' Super-magical Idol group performing one night only at the Magnolian heptagonal theatre. Don't miss out on your chance for a T-shirt signed by group's newest front-runner...Also make sure to subscribe to Idoling Weekly for your free take-home lacrima glow stick.~_

"Geez, what kind of idiot falls for these schemes?" I grumbled to myself as I suddenly heard the commotion coming from a separate queue of panting fans lined up for their happi coats and lacrima glow sticks. I guess lacrima glow sticks are like your regular kind but glow from lacrima rather than neon or something, I think it's all just another gimmick.

Speaking of happy, a certain aerial based feline lifeform was sucking on a fishbone near my foot.

"How long till we get inside? I'm hungry?" Happy mewed between sucking his fishbone.

"Geez you've just finished that one and your still thinking about food? I mean I know my mind revolves around calories too but at least I give myself 30 minute intervals between snacks!"

"Did you think we were even listening to your rant just now?" Another annoying cat chipped in.

"No but maybe the other's in line might like to eavesdrop on our- look just shut up Charles and wait like a good kitty."

Thankfully, Pantherlily was here to calm my nerves and remind me that not all Exceeds are annoying self-entitled animals.

And why were Happy, Charles and Pantherlily here with me you might be asking yourself?

No real reason except to give them some more airtime I guess...

But anyway, I mustn't lose focus on my mission here. There's a reasonable explanation for why I've joined ranks with the idol worshippers, who apparently exist even in the world of Magic too – go figure eh?

Anyway about three hours later when we finally made it inside the cauldron of salivating young men, a few girls and three cats, the lights dimmed for a few intense minutes, giving time for the idolators (yeah it's a word!) to charge up their magic wands of fandom and ignite the theatre in a sea of multi-coloured candles.

Then once the quota of worshipper's lights had been reached, the stage was brought back to life with a troupe of frilly dressed, and very cute, young women. It's hard to determine what nationality people in Fiore are but there were some blondes and brunettes and a bluenette or two in the idol group, but hopping around on the stage in an especially kawaii custom made outfit was their distinctly Japanese leader.

I had found our Yoshi, one of my two former teammates.

And it seems the last seven years hadn't yet caught up to her either, despite not being frozen in time like the Tenrou Island gang. Her hair seemed a bit longer and the bright stadium lights revealed she was wearing some more make-up around the eyes and lips but apart from that, time had treated her pretty well – unlike me (yeah I'm talking to you time, SCREW YOU!)

I wasn't even really listening to her singing or the other performer's music, I was lost in her and her militia of popstar's swaying, hypnotic moves which – when combined with the almost synchronised waving of the crowd's lacrima glowsticks – was putting quite a spell on me.

Maybe I should go and buy a few hundred copies of their album, and a few merchandise to boot.

Does this count as Subliminal Magic?

Before I could answer my question I felt something bit my right shin.

"ARGH MAVIS! What the hell did you do that for?" I snapped at Charles.

"You idiot! You were fawning over those idols so much you were about to drool on my head!" It seems Charles may have saved me – and my wallet. But still, bad kitty! Don't bite me!

/?/?/?/

After a pretty spectacle of a performance (the music was a little too cheery but what do you expect at an idol concert eh?) I snuck myself and the cats backstage to try and catch up with the old team member – turned songstress.

But our covert operation was foiled as soon as we reached a door blocked by...

...A tiny brown kitten with a pick ribbon and bell around his neck.

"Aw...how cute." I crouched down and cooed at the cute little thing. "I bet you're Yoshi's bodyguard aren't ya little fella? How about you move out of the way and I'll treat you to some fish and a saucer of milk later hmm?"

"If he's getting fish I want some too!" Happy said in his jealousy.

"Oh come on! I'm not seriously gonna give the cat anything. Look he's just a normal cat so he probably doesn't even understand human talk – see?" I knelt down and scratched underneath the kitten's chin. _"~You're just a cute little gullible kitty an'cha? An'cha yes you awe~!"_

The next moment, I found my hand caught inside this "cute little kitty's" gigantic jaw.

"YOWCH! DAMN KITTY BAD KITTY LEMME GO!" I flung my hand about wildly as I began tasting the irony of this bastard cat just like he was tasting my sweet flesh right now. "Pantherlily, transform and cut this monster's head off wil'ya!"

"Okay." Pantherlily transformed into his awesome Kugo Ginjo mode and pointed his blade at the cat's alligator-like jaw. "Let go of him now or else."

The deceptive cat suddenly slackened all of it's body weight as it hung limply off of my hand, before his body started bulging and transforming as well. It soon took on a muscular form similar to Pantherlily except it still had tiny bead-like eyes and a ferocious set of canines (or _felines_, because it's a cat geddit oh screw it!) making it look quite crepy as it turned it's thirst for blood towards the black panther now.

"Now Pantherlily, use your ultimate attack on the beast, GO PANTHERLILY!"

"This isn't Pokemon for cryin' out loud!" Charles reminded me as the two giant cats pounced on each other, tumbling into a pile of speakers and wires and making a lot of noise.

"What on earth's going on out here?" Then just as we were about to make our way for the door, the person inside had already done half the job for us and opened it to see all the commotion.

For a moment, she looked at me like I was just some other crazy fanboy, but after taking several more cautious scans, she finally recognised who that Wendy enhanced 27-year old face belonged to.

"Uso? Is that really you, Benny Makaren?"

"Hai. Sorry for the intrusion Yoshi, but I really could use your help right about now."

* * *

><p><span>Benny-boy finally meets up with one of his former teammates. But will Yoshi really be interested in taking up a job that not only pays less salary than her current idol venture, but is also a lot more dangerous, and involves hanging around smelly, drunken, brawling men - and Cana - for most of the time? Hmm, Benny-boy's gonna have to whip up some good excuses to get her back in the Mage's game. Don't miss the next fua-fua chapter! <span>


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